Friday 31 December 2010


What is there to know? Do you need a teacher?

Teacher is somebody who knows the way more than the student and is passing on the knowledge of the way.

Student is the seeker of knowledge.

And there are those who point to the thinking for yourself. Pointers to the moon, not teachers about the moon. You don't want to learn about the truth, you want to see it for yourself. Only then you are free from conditioning. Only when you rip the veil of illusion.

Think: what does an ant know about life? How about a caterpillar, how much he know about a butterfly?
How much more does a unawake human know about life?

How can you say, you know how life  works, when all you see is through the eyes of tiny separate human limited by his own imagination?

There is no knowledge on how to wake up. There are teachings, beliefs, illusions, dreams about the knowledge. Plenty of that!

You only need to look. For yourself, by yourself. That only takes a few minutes of focused intent to see. Seeing happens when knowing drops.

Look around, who is here to teach? And to teach what?

Knowing is not the same as seeing. I see that there is nothing to know and nobody knows anything, they only think they do. And usualy the teachers are convinced that they hold this knowledge and you need it to wake up. Its a lie, because, there is nothing to know! Thinking about no self is not the same as looking at it. Knowing about awareness is not the same as being aware.

How to stop seeking? How to become free of urge to know what other people have to say, so you don't have to think?

There are two ways:

First: (Ha ha) Best tool is hypnosis.  Get yourself hypnotised by some idea and you have stopped your own thinking. All view is installed and there is no chance that you will ever question it, it's working on its own self protection.  Any idea against the view is automatically denied. The model is the one! The path is the one! The teaching is what you need! - all this is hypnosis. Following without questioning is not going to take you home. It will only thicken the fog of illusion. But you will stop seeking as you will believe, you have arrived.

Second: working trough the fog of illusion untill you see and then the seeking drops. Clear seeing begins.

When you are feeling stuck, it's a sign that you are holding on. Letting go is easy, when you know what is it that you are holding on. But how can you see if you have been hypnotised? Hm.

Start from allowing that it is possible, that you have been hypnotised either by idea or a person. Look at this phenomena  and start thinking for yourself. There is nothing out there that you need to know to wake up. Nothing. There is no knowledge. You only need a clear intention and courage to look. That's all.

And yet, how to wake up?

Don't look for the answer outside, rather find a teacher in you, and it's all you need. As long as you are looking for an outside teaching you are avoiding to look for the answer yourself.

So look for the teacher inside. Turn around.

Follow the signs in outside, the ones that are pointing to burning beliefs and thinking for yourself. These are the ones that are pointing to the way home. the rest are foggy teachings about fog by fogged up "teachers".

When you get lost in idea, examine the glue. What beliefs is it made of? What ideas are you protecting? What is it that you do not want to give up? The emotional charge is the glue. Resistance to letting go brings strong feelings up. The more you are infected with idea, the more tension is in the mind and in the body. Observe that. Look for the clues. Search and destroy!

You can do that by writing. Write it all out, until you can see trough the fog with clear thinking. Pen is a sword that cuts through illusion. If you have a pure intent to rip the weil, it's your tool. Use it!

Trust the teaching of the inner teacher! Let it guide you through the fog into awakening.

And this is not my teaching, but only pointing to turn around, to look inside. I have nothing else to tell but follow your inside teacher and outside signs.

Signs that are pointing home:

There is no path.
There is no knowledge required.
There is no self.
Look, think, see.
Write. Write more. Write to me if it helps.
Time is now.

Wake up.


Monday 27 December 2010


Let's turn inside.

There is nothing to know, nothing to do in order to wake up. Searching for next bit of knowledge is pointless. Same like holding on to a model that is promising to set you free.

Isn't that just crazy, that everyone is looking for something, but very few are looking in the right place- inside. Even though everyone heard many times that this is the exact place to look. Of course, inside is difficult to look as it's like a labirynth of the mind.

All world is gone crazy. People prefer to sleep and dream about waking up rather than wake up from separation. Most are prepared to give power to models, systems, frames, work, just anything, so they don't have to think.

Thinking is difficult. Yes, when, you are living in the illusion of self, because the unawakened seeing it's the "self" that thinks, not mind processing thoughts so the more one glues self to a model, the less there is chance or desire to think. "Why think, when this fits perfect for me, I like the view and I accept it."

Illusion of self is reinforced trough attachment to an idea and identity created is stabilised around the model.

How to turn around and look inwards?

Watch the mind: it is always searching for questions and answers. Never ending string "what's next". Mind asks a question and is looking for an answer.

One question that can set the turning up is: "what is going on? Right now?", but rather than trying to answer, just look: awareness is.. all aware.. Within it sensations are.. happening.. now.. Feeling that?..< This is what is going on.

The rest is in imagination. Whatever the images mind is creating as answers to questions all are just in imagination. Whatever view is forming in the mind is real only in imagination. Be it saving the planet, manifesting, killing lie or whatever.

So in a story there is this imaginary person, who imagines her own life and everything in it. In reality there is life happening and mind interprets it through the lenses of ideas.

Like this:
The master lens is "self"  lens. "The separate entity that lives in the head and feeds on energy".  Or so it feels. But there is no entity, just imagination playing tricks. Maya, as it's called.

Imagine you are hypnotised. How would you know if you weren't? You wouldn't. Everything would seem normal. Like in a dream, rarely it happens that one wakes up in a dream.

So living a life as a separate self, as you, that owns it- is also just like a dream. You do not question that, because it does not seem odd, it's taken for granted, like in a state of hypnosis.

The whole world lives in a hypnotised state except for those who got out. And it's "self" that seems to be there when there is nothing. And that "self" is very convincing. It feels natural and undetachable, until it's examined.

Inspect the landscape of the mind: is there any idea that you feel attached to?- that is the glue that holds the illusion. The idea that holds attention is something that "self" is identified with. It feels like strong opinion, position. This is the trap- release the glue, by looking inside and seeing that this is happening- the holding on to an idea. Before it's too late.

Once the idea takes the dominant position in the stream of thoughts, the tension starts building. In the mind and in the body. Unless you see this happening at the start- you are in for a ride. The ride ends up in death or disillusionment, which is waking up. By consciously examining attachments to ideas one can resolve the mess before it culminates to explosion. See, you do not need knowledge, only intent to resolve what still needs to be resolved and clean up inside.

So now look inside, find that frame of mind that the imaginary self is holding on and examine it. Whatever precious model of reality there is- it's not reality. It's making you miss reality. Take that out. Discard, like snake sheds the skin. It's one less illusion clouding thinking, one less fogy lens.

Clarity speaks when mind is clear. No more questions. No more trying to fight what is or control, no more beliefs, just being.

Life is happening, being is happening, imagination is happening and being free from bonding to ideas is a peaceful place to be. Then mind can play with ideas and be free from attachments. It can explore life trough different lenses and be flexible, fluid. It can see from different points of view without becoming trapped by them.

That is freedom. When there is no self to hold on, there is no point that needs to be defended. One can relax into being and enjoy the ride.  :)

So look inside. You know, it's the only step to freedom.


Monday 20 December 2010


It all feels weird, like a dream, like constant déjà-vu, like I'm on a verge to remember something, don't even know if it's from life or dream. This is disillusionment. Letting go of frames of mind, "right" thinking, all is melting and walls that were there are falling down.

Strange place to be. And nice at the same time.  Smooth and weird.

I want to share this video with you.

And this too.

It feels like I've done this before...

I'll write more than this phase is finished as at the moment I know nothing and enjoying it.

But before I go I say one more time- stop playing childish games and look for yourself, look for answers inside, do not fall into distractions, focus on the truth- there is no self that moves anything, it all moves with the flow.  


Friday 17 December 2010

New beginnings.

It's amazing how everything works out and how events are tied together. Synchronicity is working on many levels.

There is no you as separate self.

There is flow. There is present moment ever-changing movement. Or so it feels. One can zoom in and see stillness or zoom out and observe patterns. It's like currents in the ocean of time.

Time does not exist in reality, but in 3dD world of characters and stories time is the ether in which everything ocurs. Events follow events and one can feel the endings and beginnings, just the same way as one sees the waves of the ocean. Spring, summer, autumn, winter. Can you feel the flow? In the story we are on a planet which is spinning around the sun, sun is a part of galaxy and moves around another star. The planets move in their orbits. Everything works in harmony. It's just the law of nature.

Just at the beginning in april ( Easter) I have finished to read Jed McKenna's trilogy and turned my eyes inwards. It was the first step which was followed by ripping to nothingness all kinds of belief, days of pain and autolysis. Then a whole thing slowed down and the last blow of illusion of self happened. That was in September.

My choice was to follow the path of least resistance and I used clearing techniques wherever I felt inspired to. The focus was on truth. I never read another book, never turned for answers to somebody else.

I joined the ruthless and it has definitely been something else.  Madness maddened, but working. The system is sound. I recommend to dive in and finish the lie, then help others, as this is perfect way to cut the bullshit out. So I became a part of a group. I saw inspiration flowing, timing was perfect. I started to write this blog which effortlessly fell into place.

I feel the ending of the chapter as I'm no longer with Ruthless bandwagon. Flow spat marked eternal out of ruthless, stripping all that is in a way to freedom to express without watch and command. I was following of inspiration, but something there broke loose. I see that awakening happening as a process of flow and words like genocide nor blitzkrieg inspire me.

So here I am thinking for myself, rather than going with the ruthless band. I'm sure the ruthless way is good for those who need it, but it is not the only way to wake up. The Brutal Beginnings is not a book for everyone. I've seen people wake up in a clean and focused way, no insults and no swearing.

Anyway, I went for yoga class and heart meditation happened as well as release of stagnant energy from the spine and shoulders. The keywords that day were love, loyalty and heart. The ruthless fell off. The only loyalty is to the inspiration from the heart.

So here I am, alone again, as always. Sweet freedom and independence, exploring new space.

I celebrate today the end of chapter. The next week is holding many endings. And then a new phase starts :)

Thank you guys from Ruthless, it was fun. Love to everybody. I know that freedom is not about being nice, but I choose to be nice and I can not help it. <3


Tuesday 14 December 2010

The Lie

I invite you to search for the lies. The  discomfort while facing the lie is a sign that there is resistance in the system.

Good thing is you don't need to look far away. It's all right here. Just look inside.

I own my life - lie
There is no you, just life. Life force animates the body and moves thoughts. It's not your life.

The body is mine - lie
The body is. Just like trees, stars, animals, all just is. You do not control body. All is happening by itself. All systems are working without any need of you to control anything.

The mind is mine - lie
The mind is. It was before your body and after. Thought, ideas are in the mind, brain is a receiver.

Emotions are mine - lie.
Emotions arise and go. Feelings follow, it's beyond your control, it's not something that self can direct. Test it.

Beliefs are mine. It's what I am - big lie.
Beliefs are programs that are installed into the system without conscious observation by the method of repetition. Another way of programming is through hypnosis. Like Richard Bach said: suggestion accepted is hypnotism. SUGGESTION! All beliefs are running in a head creating mess and pain. You do not choose beliefs. The system is bombarded with information and new beliefs stick to old beliefs. Beliefs fly in to the system like flies to the light.  The strongest beliefs are those of culture and religion as everyone around is in.

So the mind is not yours, beliefs in it are not yours, so  here we come to the biggest lie, that everyone is in:

I am me. Me that controls everything in my life.- huge lie!
There is no self that has any control in life. Life is not something that can be controlled by monkeys, fish or human. Life is flowing where it's going and no human has any control over it. There are just the characters that life is playing with. And in the story these characters believe in self.

I have free will- another big lie.
There is nothing that you do because you will it. Let's try an experiment here. Raise your left arm now. Is it up? Ok, put it down. Did you do it? Was it the instruction to the mind that was given by the words that were read made the arm rise up?  Or if the arm stayed where it was, was it the resistance of the mind to the instruction? That is not the choice, it's programming which said to go with instruction or resist it. It's not free will, there is nothing here that yourself can do. It's like an itch. There is an itch and it's followed by scratch. The itch in the thoughts informs the scratch to happen. Can you do anything about it? There is no you, right, all is happening by itself. Free will is just another lie.

Life is a game I chose to play and when I have enough I will wake up and that is going to be the end- sweet lie.
Life is not your game, the body is a creation same as sims character in a computer game. Personality is just a characteristics of the puppet. It is not up to you when it's enough to play and when it's time to wake up. All just happens as the story develops. And when one wakes up and sees that there is no self, the game is not ending, but the mess in a head is getting cleaned up. So here we all are waking up, this is the story.

I can do something to wake up - lie.
You can not do anything. You only exist in the thoughts which are flowing through the space time. The quality of thoughts depends on level of consciousness. The receiver brain tunes in different channels of thought. The waking up happens, all you can do is go with it. It's not something that can be controlled. The part is being played out. All by itself.

I am creating all around me including other people. - awful lie.
Life is expressing itself and this expression does include your body and other bodies, monkeys, animals, trees, nature. As well as the mind which contains thoughts. One of them thoughts is that it is you creating your environment. Are you sure that when your body dies all this that you see is going to collapse into nothingness? It's just sooo childish! Grow up!

I am the power of god- lie lie lie.
Can you click your fingers and make stuff appear? Can you create anything from thin air? Can you win a lottery? Can you stop wars? Can you do anything?  These are just thought "I am the power of god". It's all severe brainwash, thoughts appearing in a head because your system is infected with thoughts of pride and specialness. Sick.

I am very special - lie.
Everything is alive with same life force. Nothing special, but twisted mind makes it appear so. Look at that need to be above somebody else and look, there is no you. No self. Zero. How special is zero?

Life is complicated. -lie
Life is simple. Lie is complicated.

There is no truth- lie
There is truth- seek it out. All you need is intention. Purify intention. Follow the itch. Go trough demolition of the lie. There is an end to lies. The core of lie is I.
L - I - E. <this is ironic.

Self is a lie that is hiding in a daylight. It's not dark, look, see for yourself. Until you see. You have no other responsibility but wake up. We, awake, are waiting for you so you can join and help to wake the rest. This is part of the play, where everyone wakes up, no matter how deep you are asleep. So the story goes.

Kill the lie that blocks the way to freedom. Rise up!

Follow the itch. It's taking you home. 

So how to kill the lie? Your sword is truth, the intention is fuel. Stay alert and conscious. Ask questions: is it true? Is this true? Is it true that there is no me? WTF is going on? Really. Don't look for the answers, but look for the truth. Focus on the truth, the lie can not stand that. Be that curious kid again.

This is a killer for the lie. Try.

One more thing. You are either in a comfortable zone which is boring, because you are asleep, or having all kinds of intense experiences and rush, like never before, because you are waking up. Until it happens, and after. Cleaning up maybe as intense. It's either before, during or after, nothing else matters. Just keep the sword of truth close and write more.

Trust me not, test it!


Check what StepVhen says about lie.


Sunday 12 December 2010

Why Care?

I look at the statistic numbers on my blog and I see that people read what I write. If all that is written was rubbish, you would not be reading more than one page and you would be moving on to different blogs and other info.
I know my words strike the cord in you, I know that, because I get your emails and I see few of you at ruthless arena.

What I want to know is if you care enough about your freedom. As well as if you care enough about freedom of others.

I care. I stand here holding the signs:

Wake up!
Think for yourself!
Stop following and look for yourself!
Question everything!
Do not stop!
There is no true Self!
There is no separation!
All you need is turning your face to the truth!

What else can I do to make you see? It’s your freedom! I looked, I questioned, I saw, I got out from illusion that there is a separate self that is in charge of my life. I saw that all is just life flowing. It’s obvious. It changed my life, I feel free inside, there is no painful spot to which emotions stick. There is no glue that holds the pain. All is gone with simple realisation of truth. Life is, self isn’t.

Seeing that I feel inspired to share this with you and I feel that I have to hammer this message onto this blog and into your heads so that you who are reading could free yourselves from the lie.

And that is your responsibility- free yourself. Stop believing, find the truth. It will be intense but don’t stop, go through.

Once you get free, the way you see the world changes. First thing I saw was how everyone is infected with I Virus, I saw that this stupid childish belief that we are all separate selves is affecting our lives not in a good way. It destroys the planet, it keeps everyone asleep. I saw how people are wrapped up in illusions and make themselves comfortable believing that they are god. I saw how these gods are helpless children that think that life is a playground created by them so they can play.

Life just is.

It’s time to grow up. It’s time to rip the illusions wide open and then help the others.
When you see that there are not other selves, but only life and yet the others are living in pain and confusion, do not just walk away. Help them to free themselves from selves.  If you are not going to help, who will? Do you think that one day as by magic people are going to see the truth by themselves? Think again. There is something you can do to help. Put the sign posts everywhere you can, so those who come across your sign will see the way forward.

Life is a journey, not a destination, of course. Freedom is not a destination; it brings a different flavour to the journey. Flavour that lets you live from inspiration rather that fear. And that is a big deal, a big change, one worth fighting for. If not this, then what?

I care because I can not not to care. It’s why I’m here, it’s why you are here. You are here because life has brought you here. So listen up!

We are all in this together. One life. One breath. One. but unless you are awake, you can not see that. I want you to see. Tell me that this is not enough reason to care.

Look around, see who needs your help to wake up. Start from yourself and move forward, pass the flame, burn the lie, it’s not going to happen by itself.

Chose to care! I have.


Friday 10 December 2010


We live in the age of information. There is so much distraction going on that it's easy to slip away and get lost. I find that it takes an effort to focus.  
So I thought to write about it and address this for myself as well as all who reads this. 

Focus is a laser like point of awareness in the present moment. Thoughts are flowing like a river, without focus applied they can go wild and start running in circles. To break out of distractions time and time again we need to focus. 

There is a big gap between those who are free and those who are still living in lie of self. It's is difficult to explain in words so that asleep could get it. Sometimes shouting helps, other times just a gentle pointing : look. All depends on who is looking and how much one wants to see. 


The age of ignorance is ending, it's time to seriously consider that all you believe are lies. All of it! 

I find that people are immersed in lies, some made themselves comfortable in it, others are in total depression and pain. It's too extremes- comfort and pain. But it is both living in lies. 

It's like we each live in a box. We haven't chosen that box, but got used to it. It's time to dynamite the box, set it on fire, get yourself free. Nobody can do that for you. You have to see the walls, they are the lies that you chose to accept without questioning. You have been living in a box for as long as you remember and got used to the way it feels. It's not freedom, it's shit. 

Well, it's time to question, with passion and till the end. If you have been following some teaching that says stop, relax, there is nothing to find out, nothing is real and so on, then if you stop, you just change the label on your box. By accepting somebody else's invite to stop, you get warped up in more lies. So you stop and rest, but the box is not gonna evaporate because you stop, you just gonna see even less now. Sinking deeper into the illusion.

There is something to find out and you need to push through the wall until you come to realisation by yourself, only then you get to the truth, not by accepting this as belief.

Yes, there is nothing to find out and there is no one to find out, but until you clearly see that, do not stop and do not listen to anyone who just talks to what the ego want's to hear. 

Focus. Focus. focus.

There is no separate self, look for the self everywhere, look until it's absolutely clear, only then you get to taste sweet freedom.

It is not about self denial, it's about searching for it everywhere until you know. Attack it from different angles. Go on a mission to search and destroy the lies. You know you are not your body, you are not the mind, self can not be found, because it is only a trap in thinking. "I think" is just another thought, look it's true! Can you see? 

Think: I think.. Who is thinking? Is there a thinker? Does thought need a thinker? Or is it just a common belief? Unquestioned and accepted for truth. 


What does it take to shake your box, so that you get what I'm pointing you to. Turn your face to freedom, liberate your thinking from obsession with self, clear your life from misery and apathy. 

And if you are free, don't stop, shake the other boxed humans. There is plenty of time to go deeper and explore the wonder of being alive, but let's do it together, let's not leave anyone behind, because if you are here awake enjoying freedom while the people closest to you are living a lie, what good is that freedom? This is still ignorance, shake it off. 

The planet needs your help to cure the cancer of "self", it's keeping people asleep and used and the planet abused.  The only exit is through the wall. Brake the wall of ignorance. Raise up, burn and pass the fire. Until all world is free.

If you see that others are not real, then help them all. Why not? 

So as soon as you feel a distraction, remember to focus. We are all in this together. Be the change you want to see. Focus. 

I am. So one more time I shout



Monday 6 December 2010


What do you see here? The arrow? Or where it's pointing to?

Words are pointers. They never are what they are pointing to. Like finger that points to the moon.

If I point at something to my cat, he does not see what I want to show, unless there is a movement there. Movement attracts attention. So we are like those cats, that only see words, but not where they point to as we take language literally.

There is no separate self at all in reality, none as in zero. 

Some look at this and say, yeah, no self, it's not the truth, there is deeper truth, and truth is only a concept, and this way to point is wrong, cause that confuses people, it's dangerous. And no one is enlightened and this and that.

This is looking at the arrow.

The pointer is simply saying that if you take it seriously and look deep that you do not exist as a separate self, sooner or later it will become clear.

Words are pointing to the door, you have to walk trough it.

So before you judge, what is right and what is wrong and what is my truth, look beyond and focus on where this is leading you. Don't stop, go further.

Focus on I do not exist.

This is just a pointer too.

Words have no power on their own, but when used with precision and clear intention, they point to next pointer. So we all are guides to each other :)

What is word 'me' pointing to? If you take a finger and touch that me, where does the finger land?

Friday 3 December 2010


All talk is empty until you look.

You can talk about freedom, enlightenment, awareness, consciousness, god and all that is just talk. Blah blah blah.

Cause when you look, you see, that there is no one here. Just life, unfolding, flowing in a moment, divine manifesting. Then you see that there never was a separate self that was running your special separate life. It's just one life, one reality, one.

I went inside, I looked, I was scared, but then it clicked, it's true! There never was me! What a relief.

Then nothing changed and yet everything changed inside.  It's the biggest shift that I experienced so far. The shift that cleared my vision, thinking, feeling. It's unshakable truth. There is no self.

Some people ask, do I feel the absence of self. The answer is no. There is no feeling of absence of self, but there is a constant feeling of freedom, wholeness,  and I look at life in awe.

I know that there is no me and there is no you and all there is is life.

So from here I see:

There are characters, with their likes and dislikes, not just human characters, animals have personality too. So these humans are here on earth, not separate from environment.

Some of them humans are looking for something. That something is the exit from suffering.  Only they don't see that they are free already. Because there are other humans who tell them how it should feel, how it should look, what the experience is gonna be like. They have formulas to share and "models that work". Everyone is trying to help each other.  This is nice. Working together.

But thinking about how it's gonna be like is a distraction from looking. Collecting knowledge on what is Enlightenment, following somebody else's model is as well just a distraction from looking.

Resting in awareness is not gonna help either as long as there is somebody there tired that needs to rest. It will help to relax, yes.

You can rest all you like, smile all you like and send love to others, but that is not gonna be much use if you want to wake up. Take the direct and sure way to end suffering for good by simply looking for yourself. No one can do this for you.  You have to stop nodding your head and accept what others are saying and start thinking for yourself by yourself. Even if you like what others are saying, look for the proof. Don't just be a parrot, cause there is a chance you will stay one.

There are so many teachers around that sound genuine, but they haven't looked themselves. What can they teach you? Some words to repeat. But all words are empty until you look.

Why not to look? Is it fear that your precious self is nothing but illusion? Fight that fear with courage, trust in life and look, there is no self. What is? - everything.

Life is here, now, look. Go into the nature, observe with curiosity, what moves animals, what makes trees grow, what orchestrates all this movement? Life, yes, it's the life force!
Look at the body your character is in, what moves the body? You? Really?
Look again then.

There is no you. And all that is happening does not need a manager.

We have a friend who died. Does anything change when somebody dies? Does life stop or carries on like nothing happened? It will carry on when you will die too, like nothing happened. The body will go to feed the worms, or fish (who knows), but it will not be the end. Your death is not gonna stop life happening.
You know why? Because there is no you! It's only an illusion in the thinking that makes it appear so.

Don't take this as a new belief, test it! There is nothing more powerful than looking for yourself. Don't be afraid to loose yourself to life.

And look again.
And again
Until you see!

There is no you.

Awareness is, consciousness is. Life alive is. No you.  Zero.  0

And once you see that you are not the character, then life takes over and merging begins. This is not gonna help with suffering, this will end suffering.

It takes time and passion to purify the experience. But it's not up to you anymore. You can rest forever. Nothing to do, no affirmations, no work, no trying to change what is.

This is what seekers are looking for.
And once again, unless you look, all words are empty.


Wednesday 1 December 2010

The Greatest Show on Earth!

It's right here, right now, this very moment!

This beautiful planet is so full of life and beauty is everywhere you look, the colours, wind, sky....

We are here, on this planet.  Right now. Spinning around sun, making another round.

When I look from above I see one planet, one life, one Earth.

When I look from below I see a human character typing words as thoughts arise in the space of silence. I see one life moving, changing, constantly evolving and I smile. Big Smile :)))

It's great to be part of this show. To feel, to breathe, to think... It's great to experience experience and just be.

The "self" that was the dominant thought is no more. It's like taking off thick glasses and seeing what is with laser clear eyes. Seeing has nothing to do with eyes, we see with mind. Senses collect information and seeing- interpreting information is happening.

Reading is happening on the receiving side of this message and seeing is happening right now. There is transmitting and receiving of the message happening. As I receive and transmit- on your side receiving and integrating in to your programming is happening.

The message is:

You are the hero of the greatest show on Earth!

The name of the show is

.......(your name) is waking up!


Just a hint:
There is no teaching how to wake up, but one can follow signs.

The sign that the character Ilona is holding in the space of this page is

Look, just look, there is no separation! It's all life! Happening....



So yes, I am not my character. Neither are you. The character is ego, it's like a suit that can be put on when one goes to communicate with other characters.

Most characters in the greatest show on earth are roles of being bound by ego. You can look inside and try to find the place that hurts. Think about something horrible, personal, scary, memory, fear. Something that brings out that feeling inside, you know what I'm talking about: that which is there, so the pain has a sticking point. If you find it hold it right there: what is it and why is it here????


This feeling is the symptom of a lie running in the system, self image that is distorting your sense of oneness. If you knew, that life is possible without this feeling, would you prefer to put the end to this? Freedom from self is freedom. Then life goes on as it was, only feeling of oneness is always present, no feelings of separation arise. All flows effortlessly without struggle and attachment. It's that simple!

Have fun! Wake up!

And then wake your neighbour up!


Oh, what a feeling...
Dancing on the ceiling!


Monday 29 November 2010

Master, Master, I want to be the Chosen One!

New age movement is the biggest trap that one can get himself into.  The ideas that you are The One that you are the general manager of the universe are very attractive. The seeker is very likely to accept this without questioning.  Why to question, it sounds good, it must be true, so I just go with it.

I've been there myself. That was the deepest nonsense that I have ever immersed myself into. It sounded like that: "I am the ultimate power of the universe". LOL

This is the opposite to reality, there is no separate self in reality, there is no power in thoughts about self, it's just an illusion, accepted for granted.  In reality there is life happening in the space of now. Undisturbed by what thoughts are about it.

Why is it that people do not question anything? This is a biggest mystery.  Somewhere somehow we choose to accept ideas without proof. Sometime ago we must have sacrificed the truth for illusion. Somehow we think that the concepts are not pointers, but are it.

I look at this new age movement and see that there is no place for truth there, it's a collection of beliefs, based on beliefs, and then more beliefs. Who cares about truth when you can just play with opinions, making yourself look clever. You can even take a role of a leader, nobody questions if you are awake as long as the words you repeat are the same that egos want to hear. Plus if you say: I love you, you get many I-love-yous back. That feeds everyones ego, everyone is happy :)

The bigger the lie, the more followers. People like to hear what supports their sense of self. They do not like challenge their model of reality. Accepting lies is like drinking poison, but please don't take it away, everyone drinks it. Like smoking. I used to smoke and I used to say, I like it, because it's cool, it tastes like shit, it hurts my lungs and it's no good for me, but with smokers around I'm not gonna quit, I would feel left out. Even if it's poisonous, I would say, that enjoyed it.

The lies are poison to the mind and they do more damage than tobacco. They kill your desire to dig for truth. Once you accept a popular belief, that belief starts making home in the torrent of thoughts and poisons your sense of reality.

Why do we like tv, movies? Games? - it's a perfect way to escape reality! Reality is bad, it's just much better to loose mind in some meaningless tv show about crap, so just for some time we don't need to see that horrible reality.

But the best way to escape what is real is by immersing fully into the unreal. People create themselves a comfortable illusion, where they become The One, the masters of universe, creators of all life, they get to repeat that for themselves day in day out, closing the doors to any questioning.  "I am everything, I need nothing"... Wow.

The craziest thing I heard recently is that all that is is happening is happening in YOU.
What??? In you? What are you? The universe?

What is you? There is no you in reality, but only in thinking.  There are thoughts about you, in thinking, it's just a collection of thoughts. I virus, I call it. It's the little tiny virus that infected intelligence with a single thought of self and that thought of self is assumed as universe itself. Oh my.

The thought is just that, a thought, it has no power in reality, it does not change what is. It does not create what is. It's just a reflection in the mind. It can affect what's real same way like the reflection of the moon in a lake.  It's just a reflection.  It's there, one can see the reflection, but if you assume that the reflection is the moon, you are blind to what is. Mind is like a lake and thoughts are reflections of reality.

Reality can not be disturbed by a thought, reality just is. And that's it.

So how come these thoughts about self become the most powerful force in the universe creating all that is?

Again, it's an unquestioned assumption, because if nobody around questions it, it must be true. The gurus say that: you are god! Wow, that's impressive, I want to be god! Yesss.... I want to be in control, I take the job of managing universe.  I am The One! My life does not really work, but hey, I'm so powerful that I hide my power from myself so I can play a human game and take pain. I don't like pain, really...

If you just scratch the surface of this lie, you see, all of it will fall.

You are not god, you are not. You are a monkey lost in a head. (slap)

Question everything.

You can only find freedom if you think for yourself. Stop feeding you guru, which is hungry for your attention, stop feeding the lies that poison you, just think for yourself.

Is it true?- let this be your new mantra, your new affirmation, your new guide in the maze of lies.

Is it true?

The self that you think is running your life and the universe is only a collection of thoughts about self. there is no self anywhere. Look.

Is it true?

There is no you.

Is it true?

Thursday 25 November 2010


I had a dream last night that I was sitting in a circle of friends and I said:
"And we all gonna die!"
We all laughed out loud....LOL

What is freedom?

For many years I was searching for personal freedom. I was reading books, following models, trying to believe my way into freedom.

The only thing that I did not see was that I was already free. I could not see that because I was looking to the opposite direction to where the freedom can be found.

Freedom is not believing that I am god and that I am creating this world. Freedom is deep knowing beyond doubt that there is no me as a separate self.

Freedom is flowing within life, not resisting what is.  Freedom is absence of nagging voice in a head judging what is. It's the absence of painful drama,  absence of guilt, feeling of not enough.

Freedom is clarity, love, peace, end of conflict in a head, living trough inspired action. It's freedom when you can express anger, without feeling that it's wrong. Freedom is seeing that you do not own anything nor anyone, that life just happens, that life is not yours, that you are not separate from life. Freedom is surrender, letting life decide what you want to do. Freedom from feeling of being rushed.

It's absence of fear of death, of nothingness.

It's indescribable freedom. And yet it's real. I'm living it.

Most visible change that I can share with you is that I stopped fighting. No more arguments with my husband, work mates, family. There is no self in the thinking that needs to be protected and defended. There is a deep understanding and love towards others.  There is freedom from  wanting to change what is.

You may ask here: hold on, aren't you trying to change what is by transmitting this message of no self?

To this I say, I'm not trying to change what is, there is only flowing with the inspiration. Thoughts are coming and the impulse to write this here now is making these words to appear in front of your eyes.  I'm not resisting this energy, I'm going with this call. This is not my call, it's a call that is happening. It's life blowing the trumpet, pointing to resolution, pointing to freedom.

It is life, that is in the body that moves the body. Life is the life of life. :)

Freedom is here now, as it always been. Only you can not find your way into freedom by following, by believing what other people say.

Freedom is found when all following ends and thinking for oneself begins.

It's the lies that live in your system unquestioned that distort the view. It's  the illusion that you are special makes you look at others from above, it's the I virus that is creating a feeling of separation from all that is. One can only find freedom by recognising lies not by building the fortress to protect them.

So don't just believe what is said, test it for yourself.

Birds are free, fish are free, human is free, only he has been lied to so much by so many, that he lost his ability to see.

No one can teach you to see.

No one can teach you how to be free.

You can look at the pointers and make your own mind up, which road signs to follow. It's usually those that make you think for yourself. It's those that "self" feels resistance to, not the ones that send you to sweet and fuzzy place and make you forget about freedom until the pain creeps in again.

Freedom is sweeter than the sweetest lie.

Just open your eyes and see.

You are already free.


"Do not think you will necessarily be aware of your own enlightenment."


Tuesday 23 November 2010

My Story

Today seems to be a perfect day to share the story as it is 8 years exactly to my wake up call.
Here it goes.....

I was born in Lithuania 36 years ago.

As a child I was very bright and curious. At the age of 4 I could count to 100, when other kids were learning to count till 10.

As childhood goes, it was a happy one. So let's skip it here and move on to school years.

I always felt different, I had to be ahead of everything, best at everything. I had to test myself at various subjects and got lots of trophies for achievements in mathematics, literature, reading poetry, I liked drawing, dancing, playing piano, you name it. School was pretty boring to me, it was too easy.

I chose to study psychology at university. Just wanted to know, why people behave like they behave, what drives a human, why there is so much pain. I got disappointed with university and got into depression on my first year as I saw that it was pointless to memorise theories of other people and I did not see any use from them how to interpret life.

At this time I started to feel, that there is something odd going on. I was scared of myself! I felt that lots of times I would do something completely opposite to what I wanted to do, like something inside was choosing what to say and it wasn't me. Words would just come out and I would think, WTF...  So I started to experiment.  Any time I wanted to decide something I would drop a coin and do the opposite to what it was saying. Life was fun, I did not need to decide anything, just let the coin to decide.  I lived without worries, not thinking about the past or the future, staying in the now.

At the same time I was studying brain. That was the most fascinating subject.  How does it work, where are the centres for different functions, how does mind work, memory, perception, interpretation, intuition...
I was obsessed with mind.

I met my husband after 3rd year at university, I was 21. We are still together :)

A year later we came to England. It wasn't easy and it wasn't fun. The beginning is always tough.

My husband was tattooist when I met him. Who knew then that I will follow his steps. My first reaction was "no thanks, tattoos are not for me". Still laughing  now.

So 8 years ago I was just starting to tattoo, we both lived far away from family, both working through life, trying to make sense.

And then some magic happened. We were given some magic mushrooms by a friend. All day was special. I have written a letter to my parents saying thank you for everything and releasing them from blame for my unhappiness.

That night was magical. I saw that there is a different reality, unity, peace, feeling at home, no thoughts, I felt the energy running through everything, I saw that nothing is the way it seems, I felt that I could fly... And when I went to lay down in to the darkness I experienced death. It was so real. I knew, I'm not coming back, it was a bit scary, but exciting at the same time. There was this moment when I went into nothingness and a single tear run down my face.

There was no me.

And then I was back again. How strange.

Everything changed. I experienced something that I did not know, it existed. Connectedness and oneness, freedom from thinking. So I set up on a journey to find home.

First step was anger. Lots and lots of anger. I was feeling betrayed by people because nobody ever told me about this.  I was restlessly searching Internet in a quest to find out what's real. Sleepless nights, arguments, pain. It all calmed down when I saw, that nobody could tell me anything because there was no way to understand this, it had to be experienced.

So this was my wake up call. Experience of awakening, that was the starting point to search for freedom.
I started enquiry. WTF is going on. I started digging. First dig was ancient civilisations. I red this book "everything you know is wrong" which opened my eyes to different interpretation of evolution. I understood that there is nothing set in stone, it is just a matter of what books you read. I saw that with reading different books I accepted different points of view as my own. Then a next book would would give a different opinion and again, I would take it for granted, till next opinion.

I came across Mayan calendar. This was fascinating, as it was started 3114 BC and it pictured life from a perspective of synchronic order of time.

I dove into the studies of time and consciousness.

My thinking was, if it's true, if everyday day has a different energy which comes back in cycles, I would be able to see it. So it began. I got a notebook where I started to write how I felt on a day, what questions were arising, what was the general mood and then check that with the calendar.

The first day of notes fell on the first day of Mayan new year, July 26th.

Ok, I thought, interesting. So I went deeper studying patterns, synchronic events, people's signatures, Mayan mathematics, cosmic history. Very interesting. It's like a weaving of patterns, where I found myself as a part of the whole, always changing, never the same. Everyday was bringing me closer to realisation that it is history that is unfolding. We are just playing parts, designed by evolution itself. Fractal time. Synchronic order.

I saw synchronicity everywhere.  It is how I see the world.  It just is. Like a program that runs us. I always felt a sense of mission.

But first I had to help myself in order to help others. So I thought that by improving myself, I can achieve peace and experience less pain and then I could show others how to do it.

I read Osho, Richard Bach, James Redfield, I got into yoga, mudras, crystals, meditation, holosync, binaural beats, gealing music, detox and the rest. I really thought that if I do this or that it will make my life better.

It never did. It was the same- some good days, some bad days, laughter and tears. Joy and pain. Awareness and darkness. No matter what I did, this pattern never changed, till now.

At some point I got into Robert Scheinfeld's model and I was going deep into creating more and more illusion about who I am and what reality is. 9 months of following this only made me to realise that there is no such thing as getting somewhere by following somebody else.

Amazingly Robert recommended Jed McKenna. I thought, yeah, another know it all guru, that is gonna save my life.

I read Jed's trilogy in 13 days. This was another death that I experienced while being alive. It completely destroyed all that I knew was true. All beliefs went to nothingness. I was born again. That was the last book that I've read, there was no desire for more info. I knew that the only way out was through.

I started feel depressed again. Crying a lot which seemed for no reason. Inside parts of me were falling of.

I lost hope, faith, meaning, purpose, all I saw around was bullshit. Nothing made sense anymore. I saw humanity in a deep shit and I saw that nobody is aware of that. Just living painfully lives, not trying to get any clarity.

My existence became meaningless.

I called for death, I knew intellectually that self is not real, only I could not see it yet.

That was painful time. Stripping layers hurts. Seeing how everybody is trying to hide the void so nobody would notice it was painful. I felt alone. Hated myself. Hated the lies and did not see the truth.

At some point things started to change, that's when we booked a holiday, I relaxed, I new that I can not change what is, that the only true choice I have is either to go with the flow or against it.

I chose the path of least resistance and was following the signs. Pain lifted. Yes! This is it, I thought, dropping resistance is something that realy works. Releasing started.

Holiday was great, spa, healing thermal waters, nothing to do, but be, enjoying whatever is. There was a huge flood then and it felt like a lot if shit was just being washed of.

The day the holiday was over I found Ruthless Truth forum. It was amazing: these people wanted truth! I felt like this was a right place for me. I signed on as 315 (electric eagle) and my fight begun. It was just a last push I needed, the realisation of the lie of self. What Jed started, Ciaran finished. "There is no you, look." These were fierce days of fighting in the arena back then. Anger and hate was the fuel to set the lies ablaze.

The lie of I exposed.  Pufff

It never occurred to me to face the truth directly. I knew that after stripping all that is false down, it's only what is true remains. I went painful way, cutting trough bit by bit. I realise the value of facing the truth directly and once it's seen taking the path of least resistance, allowing the bullshit to fall.

So yeah, I'm out. No more ups and downs, no more owning anything, no more personal pain. It's indescribable freedom.

I live with my beautiful husband and a cutest cat, I love what I do and I take every day as it comes :) smile is back.

The flow is all there is and I'm not separate. There is no me. Just life. There never was a separate self.

The character is still here, playing out the human history show. There is no actor that moans about the role. There is no witness. There is no judge in a head which decides who is right and who is wrong. All just flows.
Mind does not belong to me, neither does brain. I see brain as an areal, receiver and transmitor, all functioning  as expression of higher order of life through synchronicity and time.

Consciousness, awareness are not mine to own, neither I see that I am awareness. It just is. Seeing is. Life just is.

It's such a relief to know that I am not in charge, that I can just be, just let life take me where it flows.
Home is here, right now. Where it has alway been.

Let life guide you and once you reach the gateless gate, step forward. There is no you. Embrace freedom.

The only thing that separates you from oneness is you. Remove yourself and oneness is all there is.

I'm here to tell you: Time is now. The wave of awakening is like tsunami, there is no way escaping what is.
So go with the flow. Until there is just flow.

......... The end. .........

related posts:
New beginnings

Sunday 21 November 2010

Joy Is Free





Incredible feeling of no separation all day today. Simple profound shift - all is the same - the veil is gone. Now I understand what people are saying "ALL is ONE". I am not sure they understand it, but I do right now. All is ONE - Divine manifestation is going, and includes everything - NO exception! You are, reading this line is not separate from the Divine, you are the Divine manifesting. The separation is only in your head. Remove it and see it for yourself!

Today I went on a bike ride. I am just a recreational biker who rides and look around. So mostly I've done rides from home to the market or in a park. I rode today 22 miles on a North Country Trail, and this is was incredible and delicious! Complete relaxation, love with everything around, seeing everything for the first time - no mental separation - everything is the same - a constant movement of The Existence. Feeling of so much satisfaction, completeness and gratitude overpowered me for a moment when I was sitting by the stream. I texted to my son "I am done. I am done with my search. Everything else will be just enjoyment of unfolding, whatever will come my way". He is 18, and as much as he can remember - I was searching. Hard-core practices, tons of books, constantly purifying the mind. Years after years he asked why I am doing this or that. He is so happy for me now! And how I am happy - I can't even describe - just pure appreciation for every little detail in my entire life - everything brought me to this realization for this simplest truth that hidden not. Just look. Deeply look.

May I hug everybody on this forum. Personal. Each of you, guys!
Ciaran, Unison and 315 - you played a monumental role in my Awakening. Deep, deep appreciation!

Anyone else want's to share?
email me ;)

Saturday 20 November 2010

It's Obvious

It's obvious.

The truth is not hidden. It's obvious.  It's right here, in front of your eyes. There is no separate self that is running your life. It's all just life unfolding, beautiful creation, alive and ever present Life.

What is taking you so long to see it? Why are you resisting the idea that life is all there is? Why are you defending your "self"? Why do you think that the bubble of illusion that you have created for yourself is all there is? What is stopping you from questioning reality? What is holding you back? -It's fear.

I know one thing for sure, truth will set you free. No songs, no books, no videos about how beautiful your ego is gonna set you free.  A simple recognition of truth is most powerful force that will free you from limitations and suffering.

How to look?
First, set the intention to look. You can only see if you look. And once you call for truth to come forward and free you from illusion of you, it will happen. Just be in the moment and go with the flow.

Look at nature: all is in constant movement, all is alive, breathing, growing, evolving. Now see yourself as a child of nature.  Why are you different? Is it because you are wearing clothes, making money for living, thinking?

You are not different and you are not separate being outside of all there is. You are here, alive, breathing, moving...

Nature is a force that drives everything in life.  Life force animates animals, plants, sun and planets, human is not an exception. All is one.

How come humans feel separate, above the rest, outside of nature? What happened to humans? Why they are so lost, why are they so destructive, full of pain? Why do they live on a planet, look around and see nothing?

It's in the mind. We assume that it is us that drive the mind and the body. But thinking is not something we can control. Thoughts come and go, there is no way we can stop thinking. It's like a river, flowing. So if we are not in charge of thinking, why do we think that we are in charge of moving? Is it because everyone you know keeps the same belief? Yes. Is because everyone you know believes that there is our very special separate self that runs our life. Yes, it's because it's easier to accept somebody else's beliefs than think for yourself.

We have mind. But mind has us in prison. We have to reclaim our mind so we can use it as a tool, for thinking. The mind that runs on belief only creates tension and conflict. Free of self mind is clear. Is it clarity that you seek?

Put your mind to work, question, seek answers; do not just accept any one belief. Do not read this and next minute forget it all. Prove me wrong! Challenge me.

Life just is. Look at the nature.  It's obvious.

When I look into the eyes of my cat, I see life looking back. He is a loving beautiful creation, and so full of life, so aware, so ready.

When I look into the eyes of a human, I see life too, only there is not so much wakefulness there, I see them lost in thought, always thinking, judging, measuring, comparing, competing, fighting what is.  Of course I see people in joy too, but it's not about that. :)

Imagine a day free of confusion in the mind. Everything is just flowing, mind is at peace, and war with what is is over. Peace, relaxation, joy, connectedness, oneness, flow.  It's real. It's here right now.  It's always been this way. Only you are not able to see it, because of lie that lives in your system. The lie that you are a separate self that is running your life.

It's only life. It's always been just life. And that is not nothing, that is everything, all that is. The years are passing by; it's time to look with intention to see. Call for clarity. Call for truth. Life is waiting for you to make your last step. Just look.

It's obvious.

There is no separate self that runs your special separate life.

Test it. Until you know.

Monday 15 November 2010

It's easy!

Good news people, if you look, if you set intention to see, you will.
It's easy!



Elena :
Standing at the Gateless Gate. How to cross?!

Lada :
Sounds like a GREAT PLACE TO BE!!! Close your eyes , hold your nose and step forward!! :))

There is no gate, there is no you to cross.

Did you kill Buddha yet ?

What buddha?
Jesus and the rest.

‎@Lada. I wish I can find that nose to close and that step to make. @Ilona. I hear you. How to actually HEAR what you said????

You need to look at the fact, that there is no you as a separate self that runs your life. Once you see that there never was- that's it.

I see that - clearly. There is no me as me. I see that there is an intention that is trying to resolve itself. I don't know what is it, but it's not me either. Not me small, and not me big. But why I feel the seeker flavor? I still feel as some energetic shift needed for something to die completely. What you think?

Shift is very subtle. When you look back later you can not know when it happened. It's all just steps. Write what you see.

That's great what you said about shift. it's great.

The seeker flavor is suffocating me.

write what you see - what you meant?

 How to LOOK?! Point me, Ilona. it's has to be just LOOK, how to kill all the baggage that comes with this LOOK?? This baggage is a seeker shit.

When you were born, you opened your eyes and what did you see?
Was there you?
Life was never given to you.
It's always been just this present moment.

Write what you see through the eyes if a baby.

When I try, I want to cry

I see everything, but I don't see me. you right. but I oscillate from the LOOK to the "look"

It's too fleeting

Once seen it can not be unseen. It's all happening, just go with the flow.
Notice that there is no thinker. Thoughts just happen, breathing just happen.
There is no witness.
Flow of Life is all there is.

I will keep LOOKING. I got what you point me into. Thanks, Ilona. No witness - ahh... Friking Witness annoys me.

Will go to the shower, and try there...thanks again!

Ilona, I tried and tried, and failed, and failed, and got so tired, I forgot what I was doing, just so much intensity, but trying to remember at the moment what the intensity about, and there was blank. Then the next moment I would remember Oh I am trying to LOOK and see without me seeing. Then would be a lot of intensity again, and some kind of amnesia again.

Elena: So I gave up and went to watch a movie 13 floor with my son. He asked me to make some food for him, I went to the kitchen, started to cut the bread and the sausage, and for a moment there was no me - WAS CUTTING HAPPENING, then ARRANGING SAUSAGE ON THE BREAD HAPPENING, then I appeared, and all lost it's some kind of silent beauty.

I think I am really up to something here! I am not sure what and to what degree, but I touched something I never touched before. I did have several times in my life this self dissolution happening when I was just a Presence, Awareness - wh...atever it is. And I think my mistake was that at this kind of mystical states moments I would identify with this bigger me - Presence, Awareness, Consciousness. But today was nothing to identify with, it was just cutting happening. everything else was there - I was NOT. wow. But said all that it does not last. Does it? Or I need to train it? what should i do now? And is it it or something else again? I appreciate much you help!

Richann: cannot find what you are looking for (lack consciousness)...having the intention to understand is/was all that's needed, now relax, trust, be, follow whatever impulse you have access impulse followed is no matter what form...self love, allow...period...the next WILL unfold perfectly...remember? you've been here before at many different facets...just trust again...all that is is pure love...let it embrace you right where you are.

Thanks, Richann, I appreciate you appearing here, in my Gateless Gate:)). I am going to sleep. Much intensity today.
Hi Elena.
This is IT!
No doer, just doing :)

Now just relax, let whatever is be ok.
...The feeling of self does not disappear once the truth is seen, but it starts dropping away together with all beliefs attached to it. With time the seeing deepens. Writing really helps to clarify thoughts. Just go with the flow :) there is nothing but flow.
Have a fantastic day! 
interesting thread. at some point, we find that we have to relinquish our sense of selves and become the divine manifesting through us.

Divine manifesting. Not through us. Just divine manifesting ;)

Just divine manifesting - that's right.

Some ideas, from not so much enlightened reader:
According to Jed you have to kill Buddha before crossing The gate.
If you arrived there with a question that anyone but you can answer , your Buddha is still alive and you cannot cross.

Elena :
a Questions can arrive because the self comes back, but there is a knowledge that not answers are necessary. It's all just flow, questions, answers - they don't matter. Truth was seeing. Thats what matter. For one who saw it. All above is just regular flow of life.

Elena :
Nobody here is enlightened, Yossi. The Truth just reveals itself, and the self falls off. Thats all. Then the self comes back, and there is a field to explore...for me.

Elena :
 ‎...for me, who is exist NOT.

YES!! YES!!! YES!!! How EXCITING!!!!! :)))

Wow, Lada! I love your excitement you brought to this thread! Like a shower after long day! Thank yoU!

This was my intention half a year ago and i'm living IT today:

"Purify intention.
What else can I burn right now to clean up false opinions and crap?
My intention is to WAKE UP and see all that is with real eyes! Illusions delusions, all knowing of stuff go away, I want to see and be the pure flow of Life, I want universe to take me where she wants me to go, all for the best.

I feel energized today, sun is shining and I want to burn, kill my ego by it's own hands, think my way out of the zombying. Be less, not more, shrink to disappearing.

I hate being blind. I hate worrying about money and stuff, I hate thinking that I haven't done enough, haven't achieved enough. I hate my fear of letting go.

This is such an interesting turn- going in rather than looking out for answers. I feel that shift has happened but I'm not there yet to live it fully. I find myself looking out and remembering that only direction is in.

I hate feeling at peace when I understand that there is so much shit that I still have to clear out. Get out!!! Burn the bridges. Burn all that attracts me! No more teachers, no more books, no more do this and that and you will transform your life.  Only way to go is through death, death of me."


What the caterpillar calls the end of the world the master calls a butterfly.
Richard Bach

What is your intention?

Is it to Wake Up? Or are you trying to fix something?

Saturday 13 November 2010

Can You See?

 Do you like X Factor?
I do, but I only watch the beginning, the auditions. It's most fun to see how people go to sing, convinced that they are great, but in reality, they can't sing and they are not great. From a whole crowd maybe two or free people have got talent, the rest believe that they got talent. Can you see? People believe that they are talented because their friends and family support that belief. They even make it to the talent show expecting to blow minds with their ability.

Ridiculous, isn't it. We all laugh when we hear their songs, it's funny how one can be so blind and stupid. Ha ha ha.

We had this once at the tattoo shop where I work. We put an add in a tattoo magazine that we are looking for an apprentice. One of conditions was that the person should be able to draw. We had about 40 people over 2 months coming, emailing, sending their drawings by post, only one of all could draw. The rest had an idea that they are brilliant design artists, talented and amazing. Some of these "designers" brought drawings that were at a level if 5 year old drawing. Seriously, we had to tell them off. Some of them fought back, like in X Factor: I'm a designer, you don't understand art, my friends say I'm really good, how can you not see.... Again, ridiculous.

I do a lot of cover up work, it's fun for me to transform some faded horrible thing into something beautiful. It's a challenge and I like it. I get to see a lot of really bad tattoos done by idiots who think that they can draw. The most ironic one I can say was this guy, who had a Chinese symbol tattoo done at one of the worst shop in town. The symbol was out of shape, patchy, scared, horrible looking. I said, what does that mean? He goes: "awareness"

So going deeper here the biggest problem I see is that people can not see!

Look, if you believe, that you can, it does not mean that you can! It just mean that you have been trapped in your own belief.

How is this delusion happening? It happens for two reasons:
1: people can not see.
2: even if they can, they support the lie because they do not want to hurt the person's feelings.  Dishonesty with self and others.

Let's say your friend gets a tattoo and you see it's really rubbish, do you say directly- look, friend, you should sort your tattoo out, cause it's crap. Most people just look and say: yeah, nice.... So the person with bad tattoo starts believing that it's really good! Wow!

It happened that this girl came in with most horrible large peace on her back showing heaven and hell which looked that a kid drew it and tattooed it. She was proud of it! I had to pierce the bubble of lie and in the end she thanked me for saying truth, since nobody before did. The tattoo was beyond repair, there was nothing that I could do with it. It was that bad.

So nodding heads and saying, yeah nice, just adds on to the grand delusion.
That's how our world runs. Dishonesty, support of illusion is everywhere. Every time you lie, the belief is strengthened. So next time you hear "yeah nice", just check for yourself if it really is so.

It is true, that nobody tough us to think. It is true, that nobody tough us to see. It's up to you to actually question your beliefs. And none of them are true.

You have been lied to your whole life. Is it possible that you accepted the lie, because it made you feel better? Is it true that you lied to others to make them feel better?

Here we go, that is how blind are leading the blind into more blindness. Is it possible that you believe that there is a you who runs your separate life only because everyone else supports this lie? Is it possible that you believe that you are the ultimate power of universe because you like this lie and people around you support this for each other? I am amazing creator of all that is- it's a lie.

It would be so cool, if you could see!

Let's try a little experiment here right now.

Imagine, that you do not exist. Imagine that world without you is still here, people, animals, nature, all here and there is nobody in charge of running life. It all flows by itself, humans, like ants, know what to do when to do because life force is moving them. Stars, galaxies, all real. Imagine that all life is, but you isn't.
Can you do that?

Cool, now imagine, that it's true.
See how everything starts making sense? Life just is.

Now go back to what you believe that is true. Is it true? Is it?

Can you imagine life without self?

If you are here, reading this, coming to these enlightened blogs, ruthless arena it's because you know that you can not see. Is it clarity that you seek?

There is no you to see, but only seeing.

It's life, flowing.

No you.


Can you see?