Monday 29 November 2010

Master, Master, I want to be the Chosen One!

New age movement is the biggest trap that one can get himself into.  The ideas that you are The One that you are the general manager of the universe are very attractive. The seeker is very likely to accept this without questioning.  Why to question, it sounds good, it must be true, so I just go with it.

I've been there myself. That was the deepest nonsense that I have ever immersed myself into. It sounded like that: "I am the ultimate power of the universe". LOL

This is the opposite to reality, there is no separate self in reality, there is no power in thoughts about self, it's just an illusion, accepted for granted.  In reality there is life happening in the space of now. Undisturbed by what thoughts are about it.

Why is it that people do not question anything? This is a biggest mystery.  Somewhere somehow we choose to accept ideas without proof. Sometime ago we must have sacrificed the truth for illusion. Somehow we think that the concepts are not pointers, but are it.

I look at this new age movement and see that there is no place for truth there, it's a collection of beliefs, based on beliefs, and then more beliefs. Who cares about truth when you can just play with opinions, making yourself look clever. You can even take a role of a leader, nobody questions if you are awake as long as the words you repeat are the same that egos want to hear. Plus if you say: I love you, you get many I-love-yous back. That feeds everyones ego, everyone is happy :)

The bigger the lie, the more followers. People like to hear what supports their sense of self. They do not like challenge their model of reality. Accepting lies is like drinking poison, but please don't take it away, everyone drinks it. Like smoking. I used to smoke and I used to say, I like it, because it's cool, it tastes like shit, it hurts my lungs and it's no good for me, but with smokers around I'm not gonna quit, I would feel left out. Even if it's poisonous, I would say, that enjoyed it.

The lies are poison to the mind and they do more damage than tobacco. They kill your desire to dig for truth. Once you accept a popular belief, that belief starts making home in the torrent of thoughts and poisons your sense of reality.

Why do we like tv, movies? Games? - it's a perfect way to escape reality! Reality is bad, it's just much better to loose mind in some meaningless tv show about crap, so just for some time we don't need to see that horrible reality.

But the best way to escape what is real is by immersing fully into the unreal. People create themselves a comfortable illusion, where they become The One, the masters of universe, creators of all life, they get to repeat that for themselves day in day out, closing the doors to any questioning.  "I am everything, I need nothing"... Wow.

The craziest thing I heard recently is that all that is is happening is happening in YOU.
What??? In you? What are you? The universe?

What is you? There is no you in reality, but only in thinking.  There are thoughts about you, in thinking, it's just a collection of thoughts. I virus, I call it. It's the little tiny virus that infected intelligence with a single thought of self and that thought of self is assumed as universe itself. Oh my.

The thought is just that, a thought, it has no power in reality, it does not change what is. It does not create what is. It's just a reflection in the mind. It can affect what's real same way like the reflection of the moon in a lake.  It's just a reflection.  It's there, one can see the reflection, but if you assume that the reflection is the moon, you are blind to what is. Mind is like a lake and thoughts are reflections of reality.

Reality can not be disturbed by a thought, reality just is. And that's it.

So how come these thoughts about self become the most powerful force in the universe creating all that is?

Again, it's an unquestioned assumption, because if nobody around questions it, it must be true. The gurus say that: you are god! Wow, that's impressive, I want to be god! Yesss.... I want to be in control, I take the job of managing universe.  I am The One! My life does not really work, but hey, I'm so powerful that I hide my power from myself so I can play a human game and take pain. I don't like pain, really...

If you just scratch the surface of this lie, you see, all of it will fall.

You are not god, you are not. You are a monkey lost in a head. (slap)

Question everything.

You can only find freedom if you think for yourself. Stop feeding you guru, which is hungry for your attention, stop feeding the lies that poison you, just think for yourself.

Is it true?- let this be your new mantra, your new affirmation, your new guide in the maze of lies.

Is it true?

The self that you think is running your life and the universe is only a collection of thoughts about self. there is no self anywhere. Look.

Is it true?

There is no you.

Is it true?

Thursday 25 November 2010


I had a dream last night that I was sitting in a circle of friends and I said:
"And we all gonna die!"
We all laughed out loud....LOL

What is freedom?

For many years I was searching for personal freedom. I was reading books, following models, trying to believe my way into freedom.

The only thing that I did not see was that I was already free. I could not see that because I was looking to the opposite direction to where the freedom can be found.

Freedom is not believing that I am god and that I am creating this world. Freedom is deep knowing beyond doubt that there is no me as a separate self.

Freedom is flowing within life, not resisting what is.  Freedom is absence of nagging voice in a head judging what is. It's the absence of painful drama,  absence of guilt, feeling of not enough.

Freedom is clarity, love, peace, end of conflict in a head, living trough inspired action. It's freedom when you can express anger, without feeling that it's wrong. Freedom is seeing that you do not own anything nor anyone, that life just happens, that life is not yours, that you are not separate from life. Freedom is surrender, letting life decide what you want to do. Freedom from feeling of being rushed.

It's absence of fear of death, of nothingness.

It's indescribable freedom. And yet it's real. I'm living it.

Most visible change that I can share with you is that I stopped fighting. No more arguments with my husband, work mates, family. There is no self in the thinking that needs to be protected and defended. There is a deep understanding and love towards others.  There is freedom from  wanting to change what is.

You may ask here: hold on, aren't you trying to change what is by transmitting this message of no self?

To this I say, I'm not trying to change what is, there is only flowing with the inspiration. Thoughts are coming and the impulse to write this here now is making these words to appear in front of your eyes.  I'm not resisting this energy, I'm going with this call. This is not my call, it's a call that is happening. It's life blowing the trumpet, pointing to resolution, pointing to freedom.

It is life, that is in the body that moves the body. Life is the life of life. :)

Freedom is here now, as it always been. Only you can not find your way into freedom by following, by believing what other people say.

Freedom is found when all following ends and thinking for oneself begins.

It's the lies that live in your system unquestioned that distort the view. It's  the illusion that you are special makes you look at others from above, it's the I virus that is creating a feeling of separation from all that is. One can only find freedom by recognising lies not by building the fortress to protect them.

So don't just believe what is said, test it for yourself.

Birds are free, fish are free, human is free, only he has been lied to so much by so many, that he lost his ability to see.

No one can teach you to see.

No one can teach you how to be free.

You can look at the pointers and make your own mind up, which road signs to follow. It's usually those that make you think for yourself. It's those that "self" feels resistance to, not the ones that send you to sweet and fuzzy place and make you forget about freedom until the pain creeps in again.

Freedom is sweeter than the sweetest lie.

Just open your eyes and see.

You are already free.


"Do not think you will necessarily be aware of your own enlightenment."


Tuesday 23 November 2010

My Story

Today seems to be a perfect day to share the story as it is 8 years exactly to my wake up call.
Here it goes.....

I was born in Lithuania 36 years ago.

As a child I was very bright and curious. At the age of 4 I could count to 100, when other kids were learning to count till 10.

As childhood goes, it was a happy one. So let's skip it here and move on to school years.

I always felt different, I had to be ahead of everything, best at everything. I had to test myself at various subjects and got lots of trophies for achievements in mathematics, literature, reading poetry, I liked drawing, dancing, playing piano, you name it. School was pretty boring to me, it was too easy.

I chose to study psychology at university. Just wanted to know, why people behave like they behave, what drives a human, why there is so much pain. I got disappointed with university and got into depression on my first year as I saw that it was pointless to memorise theories of other people and I did not see any use from them how to interpret life.

At this time I started to feel, that there is something odd going on. I was scared of myself! I felt that lots of times I would do something completely opposite to what I wanted to do, like something inside was choosing what to say and it wasn't me. Words would just come out and I would think, WTF...  So I started to experiment.  Any time I wanted to decide something I would drop a coin and do the opposite to what it was saying. Life was fun, I did not need to decide anything, just let the coin to decide.  I lived without worries, not thinking about the past or the future, staying in the now.

At the same time I was studying brain. That was the most fascinating subject.  How does it work, where are the centres for different functions, how does mind work, memory, perception, interpretation, intuition...
I was obsessed with mind.

I met my husband after 3rd year at university, I was 21. We are still together :)

A year later we came to England. It wasn't easy and it wasn't fun. The beginning is always tough.

My husband was tattooist when I met him. Who knew then that I will follow his steps. My first reaction was "no thanks, tattoos are not for me". Still laughing  now.

So 8 years ago I was just starting to tattoo, we both lived far away from family, both working through life, trying to make sense.

And then some magic happened. We were given some magic mushrooms by a friend. All day was special. I have written a letter to my parents saying thank you for everything and releasing them from blame for my unhappiness.

That night was magical. I saw that there is a different reality, unity, peace, feeling at home, no thoughts, I felt the energy running through everything, I saw that nothing is the way it seems, I felt that I could fly... And when I went to lay down in to the darkness I experienced death. It was so real. I knew, I'm not coming back, it was a bit scary, but exciting at the same time. There was this moment when I went into nothingness and a single tear run down my face.

There was no me.

And then I was back again. How strange.

Everything changed. I experienced something that I did not know, it existed. Connectedness and oneness, freedom from thinking. So I set up on a journey to find home.

First step was anger. Lots and lots of anger. I was feeling betrayed by people because nobody ever told me about this.  I was restlessly searching Internet in a quest to find out what's real. Sleepless nights, arguments, pain. It all calmed down when I saw, that nobody could tell me anything because there was no way to understand this, it had to be experienced.

So this was my wake up call. Experience of awakening, that was the starting point to search for freedom.
I started enquiry. WTF is going on. I started digging. First dig was ancient civilisations. I red this book "everything you know is wrong" which opened my eyes to different interpretation of evolution. I understood that there is nothing set in stone, it is just a matter of what books you read. I saw that with reading different books I accepted different points of view as my own. Then a next book would would give a different opinion and again, I would take it for granted, till next opinion.

I came across Mayan calendar. This was fascinating, as it was started 3114 BC and it pictured life from a perspective of synchronic order of time.

I dove into the studies of time and consciousness.

My thinking was, if it's true, if everyday day has a different energy which comes back in cycles, I would be able to see it. So it began. I got a notebook where I started to write how I felt on a day, what questions were arising, what was the general mood and then check that with the calendar.

The first day of notes fell on the first day of Mayan new year, July 26th.

Ok, I thought, interesting. So I went deeper studying patterns, synchronic events, people's signatures, Mayan mathematics, cosmic history. Very interesting. It's like a weaving of patterns, where I found myself as a part of the whole, always changing, never the same. Everyday was bringing me closer to realisation that it is history that is unfolding. We are just playing parts, designed by evolution itself. Fractal time. Synchronic order.

I saw synchronicity everywhere.  It is how I see the world.  It just is. Like a program that runs us. I always felt a sense of mission.

But first I had to help myself in order to help others. So I thought that by improving myself, I can achieve peace and experience less pain and then I could show others how to do it.

I read Osho, Richard Bach, James Redfield, I got into yoga, mudras, crystals, meditation, holosync, binaural beats, gealing music, detox and the rest. I really thought that if I do this or that it will make my life better.

It never did. It was the same- some good days, some bad days, laughter and tears. Joy and pain. Awareness and darkness. No matter what I did, this pattern never changed, till now.

At some point I got into Robert Scheinfeld's model and I was going deep into creating more and more illusion about who I am and what reality is. 9 months of following this only made me to realise that there is no such thing as getting somewhere by following somebody else.

Amazingly Robert recommended Jed McKenna. I thought, yeah, another know it all guru, that is gonna save my life.

I read Jed's trilogy in 13 days. This was another death that I experienced while being alive. It completely destroyed all that I knew was true. All beliefs went to nothingness. I was born again. That was the last book that I've read, there was no desire for more info. I knew that the only way out was through.

I started feel depressed again. Crying a lot which seemed for no reason. Inside parts of me were falling of.

I lost hope, faith, meaning, purpose, all I saw around was bullshit. Nothing made sense anymore. I saw humanity in a deep shit and I saw that nobody is aware of that. Just living painfully lives, not trying to get any clarity.

My existence became meaningless.

I called for death, I knew intellectually that self is not real, only I could not see it yet.

That was painful time. Stripping layers hurts. Seeing how everybody is trying to hide the void so nobody would notice it was painful. I felt alone. Hated myself. Hated the lies and did not see the truth.

At some point things started to change, that's when we booked a holiday, I relaxed, I new that I can not change what is, that the only true choice I have is either to go with the flow or against it.

I chose the path of least resistance and was following the signs. Pain lifted. Yes! This is it, I thought, dropping resistance is something that realy works. Releasing started.

Holiday was great, spa, healing thermal waters, nothing to do, but be, enjoying whatever is. There was a huge flood then and it felt like a lot if shit was just being washed of.

The day the holiday was over I found Ruthless Truth forum. It was amazing: these people wanted truth! I felt like this was a right place for me. I signed on as 315 (electric eagle) and my fight begun. It was just a last push I needed, the realisation of the lie of self. What Jed started, Ciaran finished. "There is no you, look." These were fierce days of fighting in the arena back then. Anger and hate was the fuel to set the lies ablaze.

The lie of I exposed.  Pufff

It never occurred to me to face the truth directly. I knew that after stripping all that is false down, it's only what is true remains. I went painful way, cutting trough bit by bit. I realise the value of facing the truth directly and once it's seen taking the path of least resistance, allowing the bullshit to fall.

So yeah, I'm out. No more ups and downs, no more owning anything, no more personal pain. It's indescribable freedom.

I live with my beautiful husband and a cutest cat, I love what I do and I take every day as it comes :) smile is back.

The flow is all there is and I'm not separate. There is no me. Just life. There never was a separate self.

The character is still here, playing out the human history show. There is no actor that moans about the role. There is no witness. There is no judge in a head which decides who is right and who is wrong. All just flows.
Mind does not belong to me, neither does brain. I see brain as an areal, receiver and transmitor, all functioning  as expression of higher order of life through synchronicity and time.

Consciousness, awareness are not mine to own, neither I see that I am awareness. It just is. Seeing is. Life just is.

It's such a relief to know that I am not in charge, that I can just be, just let life take me where it flows.
Home is here, right now. Where it has alway been.

Let life guide you and once you reach the gateless gate, step forward. There is no you. Embrace freedom.

The only thing that separates you from oneness is you. Remove yourself and oneness is all there is.

I'm here to tell you: Time is now. The wave of awakening is like tsunami, there is no way escaping what is.
So go with the flow. Until there is just flow.

......... The end. .........

related posts:
New beginnings

Sunday 21 November 2010

Joy Is Free





Incredible feeling of no separation all day today. Simple profound shift - all is the same - the veil is gone. Now I understand what people are saying "ALL is ONE". I am not sure they understand it, but I do right now. All is ONE - Divine manifestation is going, and includes everything - NO exception! You are, reading this line is not separate from the Divine, you are the Divine manifesting. The separation is only in your head. Remove it and see it for yourself!

Today I went on a bike ride. I am just a recreational biker who rides and look around. So mostly I've done rides from home to the market or in a park. I rode today 22 miles on a North Country Trail, and this is was incredible and delicious! Complete relaxation, love with everything around, seeing everything for the first time - no mental separation - everything is the same - a constant movement of The Existence. Feeling of so much satisfaction, completeness and gratitude overpowered me for a moment when I was sitting by the stream. I texted to my son "I am done. I am done with my search. Everything else will be just enjoyment of unfolding, whatever will come my way". He is 18, and as much as he can remember - I was searching. Hard-core practices, tons of books, constantly purifying the mind. Years after years he asked why I am doing this or that. He is so happy for me now! And how I am happy - I can't even describe - just pure appreciation for every little detail in my entire life - everything brought me to this realization for this simplest truth that hidden not. Just look. Deeply look.

May I hug everybody on this forum. Personal. Each of you, guys!
Ciaran, Unison and 315 - you played a monumental role in my Awakening. Deep, deep appreciation!

Anyone else want's to share?
email me ;)

Saturday 20 November 2010

It's Obvious

It's obvious.

The truth is not hidden. It's obvious.  It's right here, in front of your eyes. There is no separate self that is running your life. It's all just life unfolding, beautiful creation, alive and ever present Life.

What is taking you so long to see it? Why are you resisting the idea that life is all there is? Why are you defending your "self"? Why do you think that the bubble of illusion that you have created for yourself is all there is? What is stopping you from questioning reality? What is holding you back? -It's fear.

I know one thing for sure, truth will set you free. No songs, no books, no videos about how beautiful your ego is gonna set you free.  A simple recognition of truth is most powerful force that will free you from limitations and suffering.

How to look?
First, set the intention to look. You can only see if you look. And once you call for truth to come forward and free you from illusion of you, it will happen. Just be in the moment and go with the flow.

Look at nature: all is in constant movement, all is alive, breathing, growing, evolving. Now see yourself as a child of nature.  Why are you different? Is it because you are wearing clothes, making money for living, thinking?

You are not different and you are not separate being outside of all there is. You are here, alive, breathing, moving...

Nature is a force that drives everything in life.  Life force animates animals, plants, sun and planets, human is not an exception. All is one.

How come humans feel separate, above the rest, outside of nature? What happened to humans? Why they are so lost, why are they so destructive, full of pain? Why do they live on a planet, look around and see nothing?

It's in the mind. We assume that it is us that drive the mind and the body. But thinking is not something we can control. Thoughts come and go, there is no way we can stop thinking. It's like a river, flowing. So if we are not in charge of thinking, why do we think that we are in charge of moving? Is it because everyone you know keeps the same belief? Yes. Is because everyone you know believes that there is our very special separate self that runs our life. Yes, it's because it's easier to accept somebody else's beliefs than think for yourself.

We have mind. But mind has us in prison. We have to reclaim our mind so we can use it as a tool, for thinking. The mind that runs on belief only creates tension and conflict. Free of self mind is clear. Is it clarity that you seek?

Put your mind to work, question, seek answers; do not just accept any one belief. Do not read this and next minute forget it all. Prove me wrong! Challenge me.

Life just is. Look at the nature.  It's obvious.

When I look into the eyes of my cat, I see life looking back. He is a loving beautiful creation, and so full of life, so aware, so ready.

When I look into the eyes of a human, I see life too, only there is not so much wakefulness there, I see them lost in thought, always thinking, judging, measuring, comparing, competing, fighting what is.  Of course I see people in joy too, but it's not about that. :)

Imagine a day free of confusion in the mind. Everything is just flowing, mind is at peace, and war with what is is over. Peace, relaxation, joy, connectedness, oneness, flow.  It's real. It's here right now.  It's always been this way. Only you are not able to see it, because of lie that lives in your system. The lie that you are a separate self that is running your life.

It's only life. It's always been just life. And that is not nothing, that is everything, all that is. The years are passing by; it's time to look with intention to see. Call for clarity. Call for truth. Life is waiting for you to make your last step. Just look.

It's obvious.

There is no separate self that runs your special separate life.

Test it. Until you know.

Monday 15 November 2010

It's easy!

Good news people, if you look, if you set intention to see, you will.
It's easy!



Elena :
Standing at the Gateless Gate. How to cross?!

Lada :
Sounds like a GREAT PLACE TO BE!!! Close your eyes , hold your nose and step forward!! :))

There is no gate, there is no you to cross.

Did you kill Buddha yet ?

What buddha?
Jesus and the rest.

‎@Lada. I wish I can find that nose to close and that step to make. @Ilona. I hear you. How to actually HEAR what you said????

You need to look at the fact, that there is no you as a separate self that runs your life. Once you see that there never was- that's it.

I see that - clearly. There is no me as me. I see that there is an intention that is trying to resolve itself. I don't know what is it, but it's not me either. Not me small, and not me big. But why I feel the seeker flavor? I still feel as some energetic shift needed for something to die completely. What you think?

Shift is very subtle. When you look back later you can not know when it happened. It's all just steps. Write what you see.

That's great what you said about shift. it's great.

The seeker flavor is suffocating me.

write what you see - what you meant?

 How to LOOK?! Point me, Ilona. it's has to be just LOOK, how to kill all the baggage that comes with this LOOK?? This baggage is a seeker shit.

When you were born, you opened your eyes and what did you see?
Was there you?
Life was never given to you.
It's always been just this present moment.

Write what you see through the eyes if a baby.

When I try, I want to cry

I see everything, but I don't see me. you right. but I oscillate from the LOOK to the "look"

It's too fleeting

Once seen it can not be unseen. It's all happening, just go with the flow.
Notice that there is no thinker. Thoughts just happen, breathing just happen.
There is no witness.
Flow of Life is all there is.

I will keep LOOKING. I got what you point me into. Thanks, Ilona. No witness - ahh... Friking Witness annoys me.

Will go to the shower, and try there...thanks again!

Ilona, I tried and tried, and failed, and failed, and got so tired, I forgot what I was doing, just so much intensity, but trying to remember at the moment what the intensity about, and there was blank. Then the next moment I would remember Oh I am trying to LOOK and see without me seeing. Then would be a lot of intensity again, and some kind of amnesia again.

Elena: So I gave up and went to watch a movie 13 floor with my son. He asked me to make some food for him, I went to the kitchen, started to cut the bread and the sausage, and for a moment there was no me - WAS CUTTING HAPPENING, then ARRANGING SAUSAGE ON THE BREAD HAPPENING, then I appeared, and all lost it's some kind of silent beauty.

I think I am really up to something here! I am not sure what and to what degree, but I touched something I never touched before. I did have several times in my life this self dissolution happening when I was just a Presence, Awareness - wh...atever it is. And I think my mistake was that at this kind of mystical states moments I would identify with this bigger me - Presence, Awareness, Consciousness. But today was nothing to identify with, it was just cutting happening. everything else was there - I was NOT. wow. But said all that it does not last. Does it? Or I need to train it? what should i do now? And is it it or something else again? I appreciate much you help!

Richann: cannot find what you are looking for (lack consciousness)...having the intention to understand is/was all that's needed, now relax, trust, be, follow whatever impulse you have access impulse followed is no matter what form...self love, allow...period...the next WILL unfold perfectly...remember? you've been here before at many different facets...just trust again...all that is is pure love...let it embrace you right where you are.

Thanks, Richann, I appreciate you appearing here, in my Gateless Gate:)). I am going to sleep. Much intensity today.
Hi Elena.
This is IT!
No doer, just doing :)

Now just relax, let whatever is be ok.
...The feeling of self does not disappear once the truth is seen, but it starts dropping away together with all beliefs attached to it. With time the seeing deepens. Writing really helps to clarify thoughts. Just go with the flow :) there is nothing but flow.
Have a fantastic day! 
interesting thread. at some point, we find that we have to relinquish our sense of selves and become the divine manifesting through us.

Divine manifesting. Not through us. Just divine manifesting ;)

Just divine manifesting - that's right.

Some ideas, from not so much enlightened reader:
According to Jed you have to kill Buddha before crossing The gate.
If you arrived there with a question that anyone but you can answer , your Buddha is still alive and you cannot cross.

Elena :
a Questions can arrive because the self comes back, but there is a knowledge that not answers are necessary. It's all just flow, questions, answers - they don't matter. Truth was seeing. Thats what matter. For one who saw it. All above is just regular flow of life.

Elena :
Nobody here is enlightened, Yossi. The Truth just reveals itself, and the self falls off. Thats all. Then the self comes back, and there is a field to explore...for me.

Elena :
 ‎...for me, who is exist NOT.

YES!! YES!!! YES!!! How EXCITING!!!!! :)))

Wow, Lada! I love your excitement you brought to this thread! Like a shower after long day! Thank yoU!

This was my intention half a year ago and i'm living IT today:

"Purify intention.
What else can I burn right now to clean up false opinions and crap?
My intention is to WAKE UP and see all that is with real eyes! Illusions delusions, all knowing of stuff go away, I want to see and be the pure flow of Life, I want universe to take me where she wants me to go, all for the best.

I feel energized today, sun is shining and I want to burn, kill my ego by it's own hands, think my way out of the zombying. Be less, not more, shrink to disappearing.

I hate being blind. I hate worrying about money and stuff, I hate thinking that I haven't done enough, haven't achieved enough. I hate my fear of letting go.

This is such an interesting turn- going in rather than looking out for answers. I feel that shift has happened but I'm not there yet to live it fully. I find myself looking out and remembering that only direction is in.

I hate feeling at peace when I understand that there is so much shit that I still have to clear out. Get out!!! Burn the bridges. Burn all that attracts me! No more teachers, no more books, no more do this and that and you will transform your life.  Only way to go is through death, death of me."


What the caterpillar calls the end of the world the master calls a butterfly.
Richard Bach

What is your intention?

Is it to Wake Up? Or are you trying to fix something?

Saturday 13 November 2010

Can You See?

 Do you like X Factor?
I do, but I only watch the beginning, the auditions. It's most fun to see how people go to sing, convinced that they are great, but in reality, they can't sing and they are not great. From a whole crowd maybe two or free people have got talent, the rest believe that they got talent. Can you see? People believe that they are talented because their friends and family support that belief. They even make it to the talent show expecting to blow minds with their ability.

Ridiculous, isn't it. We all laugh when we hear their songs, it's funny how one can be so blind and stupid. Ha ha ha.

We had this once at the tattoo shop where I work. We put an add in a tattoo magazine that we are looking for an apprentice. One of conditions was that the person should be able to draw. We had about 40 people over 2 months coming, emailing, sending their drawings by post, only one of all could draw. The rest had an idea that they are brilliant design artists, talented and amazing. Some of these "designers" brought drawings that were at a level if 5 year old drawing. Seriously, we had to tell them off. Some of them fought back, like in X Factor: I'm a designer, you don't understand art, my friends say I'm really good, how can you not see.... Again, ridiculous.

I do a lot of cover up work, it's fun for me to transform some faded horrible thing into something beautiful. It's a challenge and I like it. I get to see a lot of really bad tattoos done by idiots who think that they can draw. The most ironic one I can say was this guy, who had a Chinese symbol tattoo done at one of the worst shop in town. The symbol was out of shape, patchy, scared, horrible looking. I said, what does that mean? He goes: "awareness"

So going deeper here the biggest problem I see is that people can not see!

Look, if you believe, that you can, it does not mean that you can! It just mean that you have been trapped in your own belief.

How is this delusion happening? It happens for two reasons:
1: people can not see.
2: even if they can, they support the lie because they do not want to hurt the person's feelings.  Dishonesty with self and others.

Let's say your friend gets a tattoo and you see it's really rubbish, do you say directly- look, friend, you should sort your tattoo out, cause it's crap. Most people just look and say: yeah, nice.... So the person with bad tattoo starts believing that it's really good! Wow!

It happened that this girl came in with most horrible large peace on her back showing heaven and hell which looked that a kid drew it and tattooed it. She was proud of it! I had to pierce the bubble of lie and in the end she thanked me for saying truth, since nobody before did. The tattoo was beyond repair, there was nothing that I could do with it. It was that bad.

So nodding heads and saying, yeah nice, just adds on to the grand delusion.
That's how our world runs. Dishonesty, support of illusion is everywhere. Every time you lie, the belief is strengthened. So next time you hear "yeah nice", just check for yourself if it really is so.

It is true, that nobody tough us to think. It is true, that nobody tough us to see. It's up to you to actually question your beliefs. And none of them are true.

You have been lied to your whole life. Is it possible that you accepted the lie, because it made you feel better? Is it true that you lied to others to make them feel better?

Here we go, that is how blind are leading the blind into more blindness. Is it possible that you believe that there is a you who runs your separate life only because everyone else supports this lie? Is it possible that you believe that you are the ultimate power of universe because you like this lie and people around you support this for each other? I am amazing creator of all that is- it's a lie.

It would be so cool, if you could see!

Let's try a little experiment here right now.

Imagine, that you do not exist. Imagine that world without you is still here, people, animals, nature, all here and there is nobody in charge of running life. It all flows by itself, humans, like ants, know what to do when to do because life force is moving them. Stars, galaxies, all real. Imagine that all life is, but you isn't.
Can you do that?

Cool, now imagine, that it's true.
See how everything starts making sense? Life just is.

Now go back to what you believe that is true. Is it true? Is it?

Can you imagine life without self?

If you are here, reading this, coming to these enlightened blogs, ruthless arena it's because you know that you can not see. Is it clarity that you seek?

There is no you to see, but only seeing.

It's life, flowing.

No you.


Can you see?

Wednesday 10 November 2010

This is a call to arms!

OK, so you saw the light or if you didn't at least you know where the door is.  You can walk your circles and when you have enough, it will still be there.

But if you did become one with all that is,  if I virus is gone, that is fantastic news! You can live you life free of mind games, free of loops of judgment and fear. The deeper you go with it, the more is revealed. This is a whole new world. The real one!

You need to focus though. Get pen and paper and do the math. Head is not the best place for thinking. Writing makes it clear. So do some writing, see what thoughts are visiting and let it all sink in.

Now once you are out of your mind and see life as it is, what do you see? Are you still an amazing creator? Is murder, rape, child abuse, animal cruelty real? Is planet being abused by humans who think they own it? Do you think that your family, friends, people on the street are real as their pain too?

We are all part of our environment. Nothing is separate, life is interconnectedness. Which is good news! The more people get awake from their own imaginary worlds the less destruction to the planet. Then the planet can heal. I want the planet to heal. I care. Do you?

So don't bliss out just yet, there is work to be done. Don't rush with shaking people out of sleep either, they not gonna like it. Zombies bite back. You know.

What you do is you look at a lie and look so deep, that you start seeing the bottom, then hit it. Just look it in the eye and tell the truth, make the lie expose itself and then it goes pufffff....

You are the antivirus now. You have the spark within, keep it burning, pass it on.

Imagine now you are an adult and all these kids are believing in Santa. You look and think: "Nice, why to spoil the dream? It's magic." Does believing in Santa makes a better kid? No. It just fuels imagination and a lot of crap gets attached to the idea of Santa being real. If you expose the lie of Santa, Santa does not die, it's the lie that dissolves.

Same with the lie of self. It's just a lie. Once lie dissolves, nothing changes except that you get clear view on what is going on. So look around and pick your fight with the lie.
It's fun and you are doing something to help the world that we all live in.

Don't be a bystander enjoying freedom by yourself. There is a war going on.
Get your weapons sharpened and learn the martial art of slaying.

I'm looking at the lie right now:
"We came here to play a game of being a human on earth."

We came to play? Yes, but not a game,  a role. It's not our game to play, it's not a game, it's evolution. We are the evolving human. That is our part we play. The asleep are playing games in their minds and they think it's all there is.

You have to focus now.
You are the hero.
It's your show, your time to fulfill the role in the plan of evolution. Be the change. Keep fire burning.

Destroy the lie!

And if you still believe that you exist, then destroy the lie within. Go and stare at the truth.

There is no you, there never was.
Grow up.

O yeah, if you like a bit of heavy metal check out In Flames and Dark Tranquility, you will know what i mean....

Monday 8 November 2010

The Final Question

It has been enought written and enough read.

I invite you to watch this:

Then look at The List

Then think.

And answer this one question:

I don't exists, is it true?

Is it Yes or is it No?

If it's not a yes, then it's a no. No means that sooner or later you will have to say Yes, but at the moment there is resistance there. Resistance equals pain. Enough pain, choose Life. Life is all there is. It is iVirus in A head that makes all look distorted.

If you can see it, you can heal and the planet can heal.

Your choice!

I can only show you the door, you have to walk through it!

Once It is seen, email me how you see the world, do you exist and what is going on in detail.
I'm looking to hear from you. I'll post the best expresions.
You can leave a comment right here (I've heard that this does not always work)

Your turn!
DO YOU EXIST?????????

Sunday 7 November 2010

Who owns the Truth?

Tim: I sometimes wonder if we all should start another site on FB for discussing different spiritual matters and keep this page just fot phase 2 busting loose work?

Ilona: Tim, sounds like you dislike challenge.

Johanna : I have been writing EXACTLY about Roberts book and quoting it line after line hahah

Tim : ‎@Ilona-No I just think there are a lot of new people just getting into the busting loose work which at the beginning can be a little confusing and all this off track talk defeats the purpose of this page. If people are into energy,LOA and whatever your going on about they can find other pages dedicated to them such as your interesting blog.

Tim : ‎@Johanna-I was not including you in my post, what you have been posting has been what I think is the true purpose of this page.

Ilona: It is amazing how people choose to believe anything just as long they do not need to do their own thinking. But well, nobody taught us to think. Memorising is not the same as thinking.

I really know where you are, because I've been there. 9 months. Lots of drilling, smiling and taking pain. It's all wrong. Stop owning pain, stop thinking that it is you that creates it and it's no longer yours. It's just pain. Detached, impersonal pain. Comes and goes, flows by.

Read this till the end. it's extreme, it's real, amazing I would say:

Tim : I think its amazing that you feel you Know the Truth and almost seem to be browbeating people into your way of thinking. I do however truly respect your beliefs and I know you are coming from a place of love.

Ilona: Tim. Cut the Chase. Help people to bust loose, not to learn method. You may save them years. This is what Is happening right now. I saw the truth, I am no more a separate being, doomed to suffering, trying to get out, bust loose, escape what is. I came here to bring the light. because BL was the last stop before the real change started. The change that killed the lie, this is big.

You are very close people, very close, because to accept Roberts model takes a lot of courage and a lot of dedication to the cause. You are here looking for the exit, or are you just happy to grind?

I was looking for exist and I found it.

It's the no self thing.
Investigate, engage, check it out and tell me what you think.
Tim, you too.

Ilona: Ps, Tim, I'm done with beliefs.

Read McKenna? No belief is true? That was what set me off .  Thanks to Robert, he recommended Jed. :)

Tim : Yes I have read two of his books and recommend them to others. I too have traded my beliefs for what I have come to know as my Truth.

Ilona: Your truth is:

Tim: Mine to keep and of no importance to this page

Ilona: So there is truth and then there is your truth. Is that what you are saying? Smells like belief.

Of course you can believe what you want. (blue pill)

Red pill:

No belief is true. There is one truth, that which can not be simpler.

Ok. Keep your truth. Defend it if needed.

(There is no such thing as your truth.)

Tim: My Truth is Truth and I let others have their Truth

Ilona: Cool, you win!

I have my truth.
But there is slight problem here, I don't exist.                                                       

Mary: Ilona, if you don't exist who was it that just said, "Cool, you win!"LOL

Nory:   going back to perhaps "discussing different spiritual matters on another page…" well… that might be hard to do, as "IT" is so interconnected. this reminds of what a Tibetan Buddhist lama was saying about the interdependence of things (but, ...sorry, i admit i don't recall much about it ;) ). of course, we are "discussing" this in "relative truth," in "the game." i'm thinking that "absolute truth" (truth with a capital T), is where "ONEness with everything" is all there is, and cannot be described in words… ooops! went "off topic"! i do feel that want to focus on just our Phase 2 adventures on this page sometimes…

Byron : Discuss what you FEEL motivated to with a capital F

Leanne: Tim & Nory, YES PLEASE! Phase 2 discussions on Robert's Phase 2 page! I keep wanting to tell I-LONE-A to f*#k off!!

Johanna : HEY GUYS!Its a real long term truth that everyone has their truth, spiritual stuff has similarities all over the writings, the new age kind of stuff says we are Creators all the time, Rob has one theory, we all have the right to pick up books, read and think. There is no one book that has it all, and there is always the reader.-

Ilona: You all have been seriously brainwashed. Seriously. You, who are thinking that "my truth" is better than "your truth" or that there are different truths at all.

It's either truth or lie. Choosing lie is not gonna make you happy, but confused!

Good luck in your games, people. I'm not here to pull you out of sleep, just bringing message for those who are ready to wake up.


This discussion happened on Robert Scheinfeld page. He is an expert of Truth with capital T.

There is no truth with capital t and separate truth with lower case t.

It's either truth or belief. Labelling set of beliefs "Truth" with capital t does not make your beliefs true. It's like closing your own cage from inside and swallowing the keys.

No one owns truth. You can not buy it or sell it. Because the truth is -you don't exist. All there is is just life, flowing.

In a short chapter "who am I"  Robert says:
"We are spiritual beings having human experience."
"who you really are is what I call an "infinite being"".

The truth, he says: We are infinite power of the Universe, the power of Pure Consciousness, power of Infinite Intelligence, the true power of god.

It's is nice to hear these things, isn't it?

Now that is a serious dose of I Virus!

I did inject my system with it, I was no different. I wanted to believe it and I did accept that as my truth.

Life became a game to me. I was claiming power while creating everything including my own suffering.  That game was called "busting loose". It promised me that if I use the tools, one day I will be free from suffering. ( no more cloud cover, pure sunshine )

After reading Jed McKenna I busted loose from playing games. I did not want to keep playing somebody else's game with somebody else's rules and somebody else's "truth".  It became pointless. Affirming the "truth" that I am an ultimate power of the universe made no sense anymore. I actually left the Facebook group convinced that busting loose is a cult.
Everybody there were repeating Roberts words like parrots, like robots: I am amazing creator, I created you/ me and everything else. I am so amazing!

It was sickening. To see this from the side is like watching drunk people while sober. Only these people were drunk on somebody else's truth.


I went back now, with new eyes. I found same people playing the same game with addition of some new players. The game goes on. And they enjoy it. They have their truth. Now they live in a bubble of their own magnificence. They also get an Expanded Self.

Some of them bought the truth from Robert for $1000, that's how much the home system costs.

What they really bought is a game, where they are most powerful being in the universe, creating all what is.


That, my friends, is a serious delusion.

What is Your Truth?

Related posts:
Blues of busting loose....

Thursday 4 November 2010

Are you done?

I find that there are more and more people who accept intellectually the "no self" idea. It seems a cool idea. But how many people are brave enough to challenge that? Have you?

Thinking that you get it is just another thought. Concepts are creations of the mind. It's great for the ego to feel clever. But to get to the truth you don't need to be clever. You just need to be honest. So unless it's seen, no-you is just another concept.

How do you know that you are done?

First you actually need to do some work, which is stare at the truth. Spend some time seriously considering the fact that you do not exist. Write what you see, get some clarity, look at the world through the lens of no self. Look at the world trough the eyes of new born child.

What animates a baby? What is moving body, reacting, expressing moods and needs? It's the same life force that animates bird, cat, lion, monkey.....

At some point when toddler starts talking he says the words me, mine, I.
Does that mean that the life force becomes his? Does he then become a separate entity? Entity that moves and animates body?

It's still the same life force. Then and now. Ever present.

When do we start owning life? When does it become "my life"? The truth is, it's one life, no fish owns it, no human.

The problem of separation is in the mind. Mind says: there is a problem of separation. This is just a thought, but it keeps running in the loop, reinforcing itself. Human gets lost in thought.

The moment humans started owning their own separate life, that was the moment, when all responsibility, all pain became theirs. If you are seeking to fix the problem somehow- it's clear  sign that you are in the loop!

Remove self from owning life, it's only life left, problems cease to exist. One by one fall down. Like the house of cards.

Can you see?


I work as tattoo artist. Do you think it's me doing tattoos? It's not, it's life expressing itself.

I speak to people, I get idea what they want, we talk about it, discuss details, make an appointment. Till the day of appointment I don't event think about that, let it rest. By the day of it happening the seed is grown in subconscious.

On the day first thing I do is sketch, I do not think what it's going to be, nor how I'm  gonna do it. Few lines decides the direction. It takes me little time to draw, because is not my idea and it does not need me taking care of it. The flow goes where it goes.

Imagine living your life like that, with ease, with confidence, free of conflict in the head. Thoughts are flowing, reaction, decision is happening and feeling of inspiration makes the move.

You are the flow + confusion in the mind.

So when you see that there never was you, you are done.

Monday 1 November 2010

The Red Pill

  "The matrix has you."

Here is the chance to end this. To end the loop of self beating, being afraid, being confused, looking for answers endlessly.  To end misery, to end that which stays in a way of true freedom, to end the lies. To leave the past and get a fresh start. This is real.

All you need to do is take the Red Pill, so to speak. To face the truth:   

There is no you.
Focus on Truth, turn away from questioning, you can question after.

Now all you need to do is look.

Bring the truth to awareness. Stay with it, focus. See how everything fits.

Spend your day focusing on these four words: I does not exist.

Mind thinks by itself, there is no thinker.
"There is a Thinker" is just another thought.

"I" is just another thought.

There is nobody needed to do the thinking.

If you want to wake up seriously, take it seriously. Stay with it.

There is no magic in recognising the truth. Truth is simple. Life just is. It's not your life. There is no "I" owning life. It can not be. It's all in the mind. I is in the mind. Mind just is.  It's not yours. There is no you.

So here you have a choice:
Take it seriously or walk away.

Freedom or misery.
Courage or cowardice.
Honesty or lies.


I took the Red Pill.

The way I figured was, sooner or later I will have to face the Truth. Why not now. It helped me seeing that there are others who went through this "gateless gate".

I stared at the Truth.

I was afraid that it may be another delusion.

But then it clicked. It's so obvious now.

The shift is very subtle. There were no flashing colours in my eyes, nothing changed, walls did not move and I did not fly away like Neo. I'm not the One. There is no "Me".

It's been a month, what's changed?
Not once mind got itself looped into judgmental thinking, not one thought of "poor me" disturbed the peace. 
Pain? There was pain, but it did not cling to "me". It was just pain, not "my pain". I feel more alive than ever, at peace with what is. Everyday the feeling deepens. It's just amazing.  Life is amazing.

I know that there is a lot of darkness in this world on our planet.  I see the pain and desperation, this has not gone away. Seeing reality with clarity does not make the horrors disappear. Only I see as well that the more people wake up, liberate themselves from illusion of self, and then help others, the better our wold will be.

So ask now, is it worth it?

And if so, get to work!

Freedom is close. Closer than you think. It's your right.
On the right side you see the Enlightened Blogs. You may want to read what these poeple say. Each one of them saw the truth of no self. Each one of them have got their own words to speak about it, but the truth is one:
There is no You.

Self-Realization or Enlightenment is nothing more than the deepest possible understanding that there is no individual doer of any action - neither you nor anyone else. Also you are not the thinker of any thoughts, nor the experiencer of any experiences - they happen. When IT happens, no bright lights are likely to flash in your head! ~Giles C.

(Thanks to Stephany for posting this quote)