Thursday 18 July 2013

Deep Looking

Are you at peace right now? 

If so, nice. If not, then let me introduce you a very simple way to peace. I called this technique Deep Looking. It is a blend of different kinds of releasing techniques and is mainly based on Pamela Wilson's work and Sedona method.

It is very simple to use, but before I get to the details, I'd like you to notice how mind labels everything. Where focus goes, thinking follows. If you look to the left and notice what is there right now, watch what happens with thoughts- they label and describe the seen, naming shapes, colors, naming objects, those labels may trigger a memory, so little a story may come up. Words flow when focus touches what is there. (When you see it clearly, you can describe what is seen.)

Bring focus to how you feel right now. Describe it in a few words for yourself.
Notice, words that label feelings arise when attention goes to the feelings. Just have a little play and observe how it all works.

There is one thing to end seeking, it's quite another to end resisting what is.

It's like there are layers to awakening, one more subtle than other. Seeing that no one is here doing, thinking, living a life of separate entity does not automatically end all the resistance. It's not one hit and that's it: resistance-no-longer-arises-deal. All those little thoughts, beliefs, shoulds, emotional wounds, fears, habits, stories, the whole personality of the character did not form in a day, so it does not usually collapse in a day either. If you look back at your life, there is a story. Some stories are sticky, some are vague, some trigger deep emotional pain. The pain that paralyzes and keeps one stuck in the same patterns. If you could release all this sad stuff, what would be left is pure joy of being and peace.

When resistance ends, surrendering happens, it's actually the same movement, labeled from different ends. Every little resistance released is surrendering in action. Letting go, falling off old "parts of you", stuff that no longer serves and is no longer needed.

The first step is saying: Yes, so be it.

So be it. Let all the stuff that no longer serves get de-constructed, un-created, released, dissolved, melted away, gone. Who needs those fearful patterns, right? So be it. Whatever happens in the process of releasing is OK.

If fear comes up it's only here to show you that you are entering unexplored areas, it signals that something that feels protected does not want to be seen. Let that be OK as well.

The second step- Welcoming.

This is very important and it may feel silly or even funny, but welcoming everything that comes up is The Key. Kindness, openness, gentleness, compassion, softness, honesty, love are the door openers. When pushing stops, allowing begins. It's not a weakness, but most powerful, underrated tool on the mission of clearing stuckness. But what good is the tool if it's not being used.

Thank you is the magic word.

Thanking whatever shows up turns the feeling about it around. Resistance turns into acceptance. It's the alchemy of feeling. This is the main principle of Deep Looking- welcoming, thanking, giving space for the feeling to enfold you and to pass. You can bow in honor, hug and kiss the feeling, mind and the heart. The response is one of opening, feeling of appreciation, compassion, love. You may try this now, before reading further.

Thank the heart and the mind, literally, for being such a beautiful, gorgeous heart and mind. Give them both a warm hug and a smile. Tell them that you love them SO MUCH. Bow in honor and in appreciation. Say, thank you.

That's it. If there is resistance to that, it's fine. Thank the resistance for doing such a great job of protecting whatever needs to be protected. Give a hug to resistance. Even if it sounds a bit crazy. Accepting resistance is a step closer to releasing it. After all, resistance is a friend.

Listening deeply to what the mind and the heart have to say.

When we listen to how mind and heart responds, we can take the next step. That is asking another question that rises up from the previous answer. Whatever shows up in the answer is showing the way to go deeper.

The deep Looking process is a conversation with whatever structure comes up to talk. When the focus is turned inside, notice, there is a voice talking, it's labels everything. Using this function of mind, we can have a chat with mind, heart, body, see what they want, what is in the way of having it now, what is there that needs to be protected. Talking to the mind may sound weird, but it's not any weirder than talking to other imaginary characters in the head, like your partner or parent. It's imagined role play, a game, don't take it too seriously. It does not mean that there is this entity called Mind or Heart that live inside the entity called Body. It only means that if you ask a question of the structure directly you get a direct answer. Simple.

So ask the mind if it's at peace. Literally. - Mind, are you at peace?
Wait for the answer.

It's either yes or no. If yes, thank the mind for the answer and ask the heart the same question.
Wait for the answer and if it comes as yes then thank the heart too and enjoy the rest of the day :)

If NO comes up, ask the mind/heart what does it want the most.
You may write the answers down, as it helps to keep focus.
After each answer give thanks and honor the heart and the mind, or whatever you are talking to at that moment.
Next question would be- What is in the way of feeling relaxed now?

When the answer comes welcome that feeling, let it be here for a minute and just allow it to be as it is. Then you may ask the feeling what does it want the most, and see what comes up after that...

When the answer comes that feeling, mind, heart wants to relax, you ask:

Are you ready to relax?
Are you ready to relax now?

If both answers are yes, then just close your eyes and feel. Feel fully, without putting labels on what is felt. Just letting the raw sensations enfold you, play out and pass. Take your time with this one and when it feels that all has passed, bring in some more, and feel it out and then some more. And even more. Keep at it- welcoming, bringing up, feeling out, keep at the process as long as it feels right. You may imagine that there is an open door in the area of the feeling and see how the feeling is moving through that door. Alternatively, just feel. In the end, it may feel like exhaustion, tiredness. It's ok. This work requires a bit of concentration.

When feelings like fear, resistance come up, talk to them and ask, what are they protecting. When you get an answer ask the mind to LOOK if it still needs to protect that, or protection is no longer needed. If it's no longer needed you may ask if the feeling wants to leave. If it says yes, then feel it out as described above. If the answer is no, then ask what this feeling wants to tell you. Listen. Whatever the answer is, thank the feeling for the answer and focus on that which comes up in the answer. It all may sound bit complicated, but when you are there, in conversation, the questions and answers just play out by themselves. 

The only thing to keep an eye on is the focus.

The tricky thing is, that if you are coming close to some strongly protected area, mind jumps at defense and either builds a wall or creates a distraction, or even both. The wall can be a sudden boredom, laziness to carry on, sleepiness, dismissal, blankness.

Distraction can come in many forms. Suddenly you may feel that you got something else to do or focus goes to something completely unrelated, something that appears to be much more interesting. It's the trick that mind plays when something feels threatened. If you notice that this happened, bring the focus back gently. Tell the mind that this is safe and you are here only to help it to get what it wants the most. Keep looking, keep welcoming and focus on what else is there that wants to speak up.

Often some scenes from childhood come up. A little kid, you, that may be feeling unloved, abandoned, and wants to be heard. Something may have happened, that the hurt is still there, something unresolved that still needs attention, processing, and acceptance. Give a hug to that child and tell her, how precious she is and how beautiful and that you love her very much. Ask the child what she wants the most and assure that she is safe and loved, stay with her till she feels lighter. 

It's a mystery how this works, but it sure does. The Deep Looking process allows you to go right to the root of stuck energy, lets you examine the beliefs and feelings around it and release happens. A deep release, that clears the space around the issue. It fills space with love and appreciation instead of tightness and unease.

When mind and heart are content and at peace, you may ask the mind, if it knows that the heart is it's home. Ask if it's already at home and if no, ask if it wants to join with the heart. Make sure both sides agree and then just close your eyes for a bit and feel the heart, feel the energy moving and simply be with it. As long as it feels right. It feels as it feels, descriptions fail at this point, no need to name the feeling either.

After this release, the opening continues. There may be some more left to release so it will keep unfolding through next few days. This is an energetic shift, a change how you relate to what is, how you feel most of the time, a new default frequency.

If you use this by yourself, it may take patience and some time. Each time you use it, there is a little release, in a few days, weeks, there will be a noticeable difference. But if you use this technique with a partner, somebody that helps you hold the focus, the release can be really big and sudden. The whole point of a partner is to keep you at it, all the way through.

I have used this technique for about a six years now, at the beginning on myself, then with friends and people that I never met. It is amazing to see how mind mechanisms work from inside. Mind protects the heart and in this noble task it has got confused and suffering was created. Instead of looking for the root cause and releasing it, the mind creates more and more security structures to protect the heart from suffering and that only creates more suffering. In the end, the heart may feel so small, wounded and helpless. And all it wants is to love. It can love freely, but the mind keeps it "safe" from the possible hurt. Sometimes, just in case, without examining if that protection works for the good or for more tension.

The heart is at peace when it's expanded, limitless, condition-less when it loves what it loves and enjoys the feeling of it.

It is not so easy to drop suffering. But if you listen to what your mind and heart want, if you start to communicate with those two, eventually the knot will loosen and the tightness will melt away. Instead, there will be openness and acceptance. Peace with what is.

You can communicate with the body too. I find that body does not speak, it may have no voice. Instead, you can ask yes and no questions and watch what reaction appears- opening sensations, expansion- yes, closing, tightness, contraction- no. Very simple. Deep Looking works with physical symptoms too. Behind the physical symptoms is the mind, resisting something, doing its job of protection.

Protection is good and needed when it makes sense.

A lot of times, when you look inside and ask the question- what is here that needs to be protected right now?- the answer that comes may be a surprise. You may see that mind creates and protects images. What is the worst that can happen to an image?

Images do not need to be protected, as there is nothing that can harm images in any way, but a protection mechanism would still be starting up. So you can simply ask, is it true, does this still need to be protected. If the answer is yes, then find out, what is really feeling in danger. Keep looking deeper and look behind the fear. What is there?

When you see that nothing is there that needs to be protected, when you really see that, the structure collapses. It becomes obvious, that this protection is only guarding an idea, not something that is there, real. Nothing can be harmed in any way, it's nothing. Emptiness.

I had many sessions with many people and only in very few cases, the big release did not happen, which means that more patience was needed to unlock the old rusty locks. Many sessions ended up with people getting light and blissful or falling asleep, sometimes I did fall asleep too, as it does take a lot of concentration to go all the way through. But what I noticed is that when my client releases, release happens here too, it is quite interesting to be part of this process as deepening of peace happens on both sides of the conversation.

Anyway, the theory is one thing, reading or listening to someone else's process is another and it's not the same as diving right in and experiencing this simple method for yourself. You can do it anywhere anytime. In the middle of a busy day or while meditating. Just asking and acknowledging how the mind and heart feel right now creates a direct intimate connection.
Directness, immediacy, intimacy is right here, in asking a direct question.

It may feel strange to talk to heart and mind in the beginning, especially if you see that mind and heart are just labels. But give it a try, explore this and see for yourself. It may get you into deeper peace and there is nothing at all to fear or to loose using this method. If it is not working for you, never mind.

If you find this useful, share this with a friend, pass this on, try it with someone.

If you like to book a one on one Skype session with me follow this link.

Please join Deep Looking group on Facebook

Here is a recording of a live Deep Looking session. 



  1. 2 most beautiful words to describe accepting things as they are -
    Receiving and Gratitude.

    “The greatest learning of the ages lies in accepting life exactly as it comes to us.”
    ― Anthony de Mello, The Prayer Of The Frog

    “Waking up this morning, I smile. Twenty-four brand new hours are before me. I vow to live fully in each moment and to look at all beings with eyes of compassion.”
    ― Thich Nhat Hanh

  2. Great post and a very powerful technique. Thanks for sharing.

  3. This is so awesome. One of the reasons I was "big into it" immediately after having just read the article is because it is very close to something that I have practiced for seven years now: a practice of free inner observation which is taught by name "Integrative Presence".

    Anyway, these questions are different than what I have used to guide me in my inner space, and these can really hit the spot and take you to meet with your uninvestigated core beliefs.
    Or sometimes perhaps not to a direct meeting: This whole thing is also about shadow work, which is not always about meeting straight up with shadow and dealing with it – but about becoming aware (conscious) of your relationship with your shadows. That's when your relationship starts to transform from resisting to allowing, which leads into welcoming the shadow itself.

    Very inspiring, simple and effective. Thank you Ilona.

  4. You can also ask:
    "Breathing, are you at peace?"
    I came up with that because I like to observe my breath when I do inner observations, as it gives me direct feedback about my state of being - wheteher there is some resisting hiding, which manifests as physical tensions and controlling (holding, restricting) breathing.

    And so, next I came up with asking: "Resisting, are you at peace?"
    Whoaaaaaaaa! :-D

  5. ...and of course not forgetting "Body, are you at peace?" either. :-)

  6. Hi Ilona
    Just wanted to thank you for sharing this technique. It is of great help for dealing with strong emotions/reactions/fears etc and it works amazingly.
    Thank you again!

  7. A well written post after recently using the LU site and seeing that the separate self is non-existant I just know there is more to be released....not resting on my laurels even though there is no separate 'me' :-) Yes I agree there are layers of awakening. I have also found the Sedona Method useful and Hale's 5th way of welcoming as you mention helpful.
    This is an important post for people to read after seeing through the separate self glad you linked to it from your other site Ilona. It has been a help! Plus thanks so much for setting up LU....what a resource :-)

  8. How do I know if it Heart response nor Mind ? I heard thoughts "Yes" and "No". How to discern that this thoughts are from Heart ?