Brett was very energetic and we exchanged over 150 emails. This is what happened in the beginning and towards the end. Brett had a lot of expectations and once they dropped, the seeking dropped too.
Ilona
Hi Brett,
Here we can start. What is it that you are expecting from this conversation?
Please answer as fully as possible.
Brett
Jun 10
Hi Ilona,
"I" am expecting to work with you giving you "my"110% in everything that you ask me.
"I" am expecting to recognize freedom, awakening, liberation without any doubt at all. Even when" I"had the awakening with Fred I doubted it but I did recognize how things were one and nothing is permanent.
"I" want to have clear seeing of the truth, and "I" want to know 110% that the "self" doesn't exist, "I" still have some doubt about that, even though "I" know the self doesn't exist, it's still a knowing not a definite.
"I" want freedom more then anything else, "i" will do anything it takes.
Thank youSo much
...............
"I" want too see past the illusion of separation.
Ilona
Jun 11
<"I" am expecting to work with you giving you "my"110% in everything that you ask me.
<"I" am expecting to recognize freedom, awakening, liberation without any doubt at all. Even when" I"had the awakening with Fred I doubted it but I did recognize how things were one and nothing is permanent.
Sounds like you are talking about a state. Realisation is not a state. No state is permanent, but pattern recognised, can not be unrecognised. It's just like Santa story, once it's clear that Santa is imagined, not real, it can never be believed again. Nothing to do with any state.
"I" want to have clear seeing of the truth, and "I" want to know 110% that the "self" doesn't exist, "I" still have some doubt about that, even though "I" know the self doesn't exist, it's still a knowing not a definite.
What do you expect that should be different? Really look here. What is behind the doubt?
"I" want freedom more then anything else, "i" will do anything it takes.
What kind of freedom are you after? Freedom from suffering, from fear? From negative emotions? From what?
You don't need to use quotes when you write I. I can say I, no problem. It's clear that I is just a word without which communication would be difficult. So feel free to use it in a normal manner.
Look deeper at your expectations. This, what you wrote is just a scratch of surface. Bring them all up.
What do you expect awakening is?
What do you think it will do for you?
What do you want it to be like?
What are you waiting to happen?
Full honesty is the key here.
This is the most important step, so take time with it.
Here is an article for you.
<"I" am expecting to work with you giving you "my"110% in everything that you ask me.
<"I" am expecting to recognize freedom, awakening, liberation without any doubt at all. Even when" I"had the awakening with Fred I doubted it but I did recognize how things were one and nothing is permanent.
Sounds like you are talking about a state. Realisation is not a state. No state is permanent, but pattern recognised, can not be unrecognised. It's just like Santa story, once it's clear that Santa is imagined, not real, it can never be believed again. Nothing to do with any state.
"I" want to have clear seeing of the truth, and "I" want to know 110% that the "self" doesn't exist, "I" still have some doubt about that, even though "I" know the self doesn't exist, it's still a knowing not a definite.
What do you expect that should be different? Really look here. What is behind the doubt?
"I" want freedom more then anything else, "i" will do anything it takes.
What kind of freedom are you after? Freedom from suffering, from fear? From negative emotions? From what?
You don't need to use quotes when you write I. I can say I, no problem. It's clear that I is just a word without which communication would be difficult. So feel free to use it in a normal manner.
Look deeper at your expectations. This, what you wrote is just a scratch of surface. Bring them all up.
What do you expect awakening is?
What do you think it will do for you?
What do you want it to be like?
What are you waiting to happen?
Full honesty is the key here.
This is the most important step, so take time with it.
Here is an article for you.
http://markedeternal.blogspot.co.uk/2013/02/expectations.html?m=1
No rush, answer when ready.
Sending love.
Brett
Jun 11
Here is the answer to the first question:
"I" expect more bells and whistles, even though "I" know that's not normally the case. "I" am expecting to feel a certain way all the time, "I" know that that's not the case as well. "I" am starting to see awakening is different then what I expect it to be. "I" do want to let awakening unfold as it does, with "me" not controlling it.
Does this make sense?
There is fear behind the doubt. There is fear that "I" can't do this (the awakening). "I" don't have what it takes to (awaken). "I" make awakening like its special, but "I" know intellectually I am already awake. "I" am feeling that this doubt comes from "my" childhood (being picked on, having few friends, and so on). When I looked behind the doubt "I" saw myself as a child and all I listed above, I am looking deeper now and lets see what comes up. Behind the doubt comes a fear of letting "myself" and "others" down. It's quite interesting what's coming up, fear of "my" father. I look behind the fear and I feel and see love and peace (very beautiful).
"I" just got it that doubt is a label and labels aren't real they are just labels. "I" see the a body made of post its on each post it is a label and as each label (post it) is peeled there is nothing behind it and that's because labels are just that nothing.
…………………
No rush, answer when ready.
Sending love.
Brett
Jun 11
Here is the answer to the first question:
"I" expect more bells and whistles, even though "I" know that's not normally the case. "I" am expecting to feel a certain way all the time, "I" know that that's not the case as well. "I" am starting to see awakening is different then what I expect it to be. "I" do want to let awakening unfold as it does, with "me" not controlling it.
Does this make sense?
There is fear behind the doubt. There is fear that "I" can't do this (the awakening). "I" don't have what it takes to (awaken). "I" make awakening like its special, but "I" know intellectually I am already awake. "I" am feeling that this doubt comes from "my" childhood (being picked on, having few friends, and so on). When I looked behind the doubt "I" saw myself as a child and all I listed above, I am looking deeper now and lets see what comes up. Behind the doubt comes a fear of letting "myself" and "others" down. It's quite interesting what's coming up, fear of "my" father. I look behind the fear and I feel and see love and peace (very beautiful).
"I" just got it that doubt is a label and labels aren't real they are just labels. "I" see the a body made of post its on each post it is a label and as each label (post it) is peeled there is nothing behind it and that's because labels are just that nothing.
…………………
I am after freedom from attachments and aversions ( but that doesn't come from me), I am after freedom from suffering ( from the world, allowing others to make me suffer "I know no one can make me suffer", suffering because others are suffering), pain (physical, mental, emotional), freedom from fear ( fear has led my life for years, always allowing fear to control me( I know fear is just thoughts, labels and a story), freedom from the illusion of separation, I really want freedom to help others be free, I want to be the peace, love, happiness.
I am at work now and I will answer the other questions when I get home and I want to really take my time with the answers and focus.
Is it ok if I also ramble on with my thoughts about the other questions you asked.
It's pretty funny because I rambled on and on then I lost all that I typed.
Ilona
Jun 11
Why would there be bells and whistles? It's just a drop of belief, not a shiny new insight. Some people have an experience, some not, it's half and half, and that does not mean anything. If you are looking for something to happen, you are missing out on seeing what already is.
> "I" am expecting to feel a certain way all the time,
Hahaa, like a mummy or something? No it does not make you a zombie, not there is such thing as happy forever after. This is not a fairy tale. It's life. And in life all things happen. There is nothing permanent.
> "I" know that that's not the case as well.
Good.
> "I" am starting to see awakening is different then what I expect it to be.
Exactly. That is why it is best to leave ALL expectations and take a fresh look.
> "I" do want to let awakening unfold as it does, with "me" not controlling it.
There is no "me" controlling it, don't worry about that.
Ilona
There is fear behind the doubt. There is fear that "I" can't do this(the awakening). "I" don't have what it takes to (awaken). "I" make awakening like its special, but "I" know intellectually I am already awake.No, I am already awake assumes that there is I that is awake, there is no I. Just being awake. Just being.
"I" am feeling that this doubt comes from "my" childhood (being picked on, having few friends, and so on). When I looked behind the doubt "I" saw myself as a child and all I listed above, I am looking deeper now and lets see what comes up. Behind the doubt comes a fear of letting "myself" and "others" down. It's quite interesting what's coming up, fear of "my" father. I look behind the fear and I feel and see love and peace (very beautiful).
Beautiful. Yes, this is great looking.
"I" just got it that doubt is a label and labels aren't real they are just labels. "I" see the a body made of post its on each post it is a label and as each label (post it) is peeled there is nothing behind it and that's because labels are just that nothing.
Yes! That's it. Labels are not objects or subjects. Just labels.
.................
Ilona
Thank you for open honesty. It's really beautiful that you have an intention to help others be free.
Suffering is mental, it's thoughts about suffering, there is no emotional pain or mental pain, pain is a contraction felt in the body. And it does not mean there should be suffering attached to that. You may find my latest article useful when looking for yourself, what is suffering. http://markedeternal.blogspot.co.uk/2013/06/where-is-sufferer.html
Write to me what you notice in your experience about mechanism of suffering.
Also, with seeing no self, suffering does not automatically vanish. Suffering is here because of conditioning and unresolved emotional wounds. So there is no magic wand to make all go away in one hit. But there is opening freedom TO experience. To feel pain, anger, fear, joy, love, without judgement, that it"s good or bad.
It's not what you expect, once again.
<I am at work now and I will answer the other questions when I get home and I want to really take my time with the answers and focus.
Is it ok if I also ramble on with my thoughts about the other questions you asked.
It's pretty funny because I rambled on and on then I lost all that I typed.
Lets do like this. I ask you questions, you work on them whole day and at the end send me a report. This way mind will get focused and won't be rambling. What I like you to write is only that which feels honestly true to you.
Sending love.
Brett
Here is the answers to the questions about the expectations of Awakening:
awakening is seeing the world in a different point of view. Seeing the world truthfully, with no filter. Awakening is only a shift of consciousness. Awakening is no-thing "special". The mind, labels and stories makes awakening "special". Awakening is having less of a push or pull from the world. Seeing the world differently. I just noticed that I want awakening to be something "special", to make myself "special".
When you asked what I think Awakening will do for me, I just noticed that everyone of the answers that come up are labels and are not true. I feel that awakening won't do much for me. All the thoughts, beliefs, stories and labels f hat i thought awakening would do for me came from other peoples beliefs that I had taken on.
I want awakening to make my life perfect (Which I know it won't do). I want awakening to be a HUGH event in my life (Which i know isn't true either). I want everyone to know that i am awakened (but that's not the truth either). Part of me wants people to know that i am awakened so that they will come for me for advice, and respect my opinions (quite interesting what I just said) hmmm.
I really want it to be something that isn't so big and I want it to be something more gradual and ease into it. I want awakening to be something that happens and i don't want to force it "like i use to try to do"
I wish I was going into the awakening with no preconceived notions, I feel that the preconceived notions aren't helpful.
Let's rephrase the question, ok? What WAS I waiting to happen? I was expecting for me to be special, people to look up to me, for me to be a guru ( though I love the word GURU= G U R U. In so many spiritual traditions they make awakening such a big deal, when I am aware now that its no big deal at all, and I am becoming more aware that no-thing really has to happen except for a slight change in SEEING. I was waiting for me to want to learn from me, i am noticing that this awakening that i use to believe in was centered around the me, the selfish me. The ego was the thing that was saying something has to happen .Something is happening now, I don't know what, but something is happening, something is changing. I am also feeling emotional now ( a wave of emotions is coming up, but then I am feeling them leave, all different feelings are coming up, though i feel this is good, like a release of something).
Now i am waiting for nothing to happen, because no-thing has to happen, i am all i need to be, nothing more, nothing less. I made this grand story up of what awakening is, but it's not that, its so much more simpler and more beautiful.
Being Loving Brett
……………………….
Hey IIona....
I just want to thank you for everything you are doing for me and taking your precious time to helping me.
I read the article on suffering and I love it and i totally relate to it (especially saying "yes" to all suffering. I learned that technique ad I enjoy doing it and it is helpful, thank you fo reminding me of the technique.)
Here is the answer to the question:
" What do i notice in my experience about the mechanism of mind?"
First thing I notice is that suffering only occurs when I have thoughts and The suffering occurs when i want things to happen a certain way or when things don't happen a certain way (the way i want them to happen). Suffering is felt physically as well as mentally and emotionally. Suffering is made by me. When i don't have expectations I don't suffer, my expectations come from many sources such as family, friends, society, teachers, and so on. Most of my expectations aren't my own expectations, but ones I adopted from others. When I suffer there are stories, labels and thoughts involved. Suffering seems to be very deep, but is't really deep. I just realized that suffering only happens when I believe a thought, story or feeling.
With no expectations suffering couldn't occur.
I do have less expectations then I use to have, What is being seen now the words accepting more, allowing more, which is something i have worked on for a while and definitely have seen progress.
Thank you again
Lots Of Love and Gratitude
………………………….
I am feeling a shift (something going on)
I am getting a feeling or message that there is no reason to rush in life. Take my time and see everything as it is. Take my time and enjoy the little things and allow myself to enjoy the little and big things. This is a very important and powerful message for me
……………………………….
Ilona
Great. No rush. All is happening at the right time - now.
Brett
I just got what suffering is, it's not just thoughts, stories and labels, it's the beliefs of thoughts, stories, labels. This just came to me while laying down.
Ilona
Yes, good one. Now take a look, what is it that makes beliefs stick? What is the glue that holds it all together?
Brett
I am only doing what you are telling me to do now, I am not doing any other " spiritual practice", is that the way you want it?
Ilona
Yep. No books, no videos, no second hand descriptions. Look for yourself for answers to questions.
………………………………....................................................................
A few weeks later
………………………………....................................................................
Brett
Hey Ilona....
I hope you had a nice 4th of July.yesterday i was very emotional and sad, I feel better today.
I noticed that since i stopped doing the sedona method, life is happier, less stressful, less have to's, Life is nicer.
I am not seeing that the shift happened yet.
Your Question:
Can you give some examples of seeing in your normal everyday situations.
My Answer:
Life in general is less stressful, easier. Long Story short I am still friendly with my ex-wife and we saw each other and she got on my nerves (LOL), I am taking life less seriously, life doesn't seem as real, i am taking life less personally.
Your Question:Has anything changed?
My Answer:Nothing has really changed, it seems like life is easier and less personal.
Your Question: What has stayed the same?
My Answer:
everything is the same, things seem easier, less stressful.
Your Question:
How do you see your friends and family now?
My Answer:
The relationship with most people are better then ever, my relationship with my mother and ex-wife seem the same. I want to have a better relationship with my mother and ex-wife.
Your Question:
Has relationship changed?
My Answer:
Overall I notice things around me being more positive, people around me being happier, people around me being friendlier.
Thank You Again
Lots of Love
Ilona
Jul 7
> I noticed that since i stopped doing the sedona method, life is happier, less stressful, less have to's, Life is nicer.
> I am not seeing that the shift happened yet.
Interestingly in one sentence you say, that there was something that changed in another's that nothing changed. Hehe, which one is it?
The shift by the way, can be very subtle. No dramatic fireworks does not mean it did not happen.
It never is what one expects.
Brett
Jul 7
There has definitely been a change, but I can't point to the change, I don't know when the change occurred.
Tell me what you recommend I do, there has been a shift if some sought.
Thank you
…………………………
Do you feel that I went past the gateless gate?
………………………..
Hi Ilona
I don't see the oneness of all things that is why I don't think that I went through the gateless gate, but I trust your opinion. What do you recommend I do ?
………………………………..
In the Mind I expect oneness when I drop the illusion of separation to be a certain way or feeling.
Ilona
Jul 8
what is separate from what?
Brett
nothing is separate from anything, everything is intertwined together.
I still have a thought that something has to happen for the illusion of separation to drop, but i do notice that it is loosening up. I guess i am wanting a big thing to happen, when the illusion of separation to happen, i guess i want life to be different, but in a way life is different. It's more calm, peaceful and loving. I know all i said to you in the paragraph is not true, its just beliefs.
I am noticing the reason why " I think", i didn't go through the gateless gate, is because of the expectations i had.
So what do i do now?
Thank you again for putting up with me....
Ilona
Jul 8
> nothing is separate from anything, everything is intertwined together.
Yes and no. Yes, everything is.. No to intertwining. It just IS.
> I still have a thought that something has to happen for the illusion of separation to drop, but i do notice that it is loosening up.
Well if nothing is separate, it's not that it suddenly becomes one, it always been one, so what is there to happen? It's not even one. It just IS.
> I am noticing the reason why " I think", i didn't go through the gateless gate, is because of the expectations i had.
Hahaha, is there a gate?
Is there anything to do?
Much love.
Brett
Nothing has to happen because everything just is (which I am feeling fear now). In back of the fear is just peace, live and friendliness.
There is not a gate, that is why it's called the gateless gate.
There is nothing to do.
Ilona
:))
How does it feel to see this?
Brett
It feels great
What do you recommend I do to be aware of this more and more?
Ilona
Yes, rest in that more and more..
How is your day going?
Brett
My day is going great
How is your day?
What do you recommend I rest in?
Ilona
Rest in resting :)
My day is nice too, 3rd day of summer is here, lovely.
Much love.
Brett
Nothing has to happen because everything just is (which I am feeling fear now). In back of the fear is just peace, live and friendliness.
There is not a gate, that is why it's called the gateless gate.
There is nothing to do.
Ilona
:))
How does it feel to see this?
Brett
It feels great
What do you recommend I do to be aware of this more and more?
Ilona
Yes, rest in that more and more..
How is your day going?
Brett
My day is going great
How is your day?
What do you recommend I rest in?
Ilona
Rest in resting :)
My day is nice too, 3rd day of summer is here, lovely.
Can you say you are through with this inquiry? Any questions left?
Brett
Yes I can say I am through with the inquiry, thank you so very much. I feel like there is no reason to inquire anymore, I don't see the purpose anymore.
What are my next steps?
Being loving Brett
…………………………
Can you recommend any books to read? Any topics to read about? Any processes or techniques to do?
Can you recommend anything for me to do that will make me go deeper into freedom?
....................................I see that inquiry wasn't even needed.
Ilona
There are a few great books- Adyashanti - the end of your world
Greg Goode - direct path
Alan watts videos, Shinzhen Young, Rupert Spira, etc etc.
But what is there to do to deepen? It's more like falling process-- old stuff starts falling off, all beliefs that were dependent on belief in I starts falling, trust the guide within.
You say that inquiry wasn't even needed. Hehe, what was it that was driving it?
Much love.
Brett
The driving force was the belief I had to do something to be "free". Now I know I no-thing has to be done.
I was thinking that maybe Byron Katie's or Scott Kilobys stuff maybe good, your opinion.
Ilona
hehe, then what is that drives you to read more and ask what i recommend?
Brett
I like to do things, I hate being bored. To me the best things to do is to grow a d help others.
Ilona
sweet. maybe we can wrap this up and you can start helping others to see through illusion. :)
Brett
Ok
How do we wrap this up? ( I know another question...lol)
As a kid I questioned everything.....
Ilona
Jul 10
We ask final questions and check with other guides if they have any questions.
Once all clear, we invite new haters to aftercare group and when ready one can join guide groups
And start guiding.
1) Is there a separate entity 'self', 'me' 'I', at all, anywhere, in any way, shape or form? Was there ever?
2) Explain in detail what the illusion of separate self is, when it starts and how it works from your own experience. Describe it fully as you see it now.
3) How does it feel to see this? What is the difference from before you started this dialogue? Please report from the past few days.
4) What was the last bit that pushed you over, made you look?
5) Do you decide, intend, choose, control events in Life? Do you make anything happen? Give examples from your experience.
6) Anything to add?
Please answer in full, when ready.
Much love.
Brett
Jul 10
I will answer these questions the day after tomorrow, I am seeing Amma tomorrow.
Brett
Jul 11
I was talking to a friend and she said something that is so true, since working with you the search has ended, it's beautiful
Thank you
I will answer the questions tomorrow
Ilona
I am so delighted to hear that, Brett!
Huge smile :)))))
Brett
Hey Ilona
How are you? Things are going very well here. Here is the answers to the questions.
1) Answer: There is no separate entity and there never was a separate entity, That was the illusion of the separate self.
2) Answer: The illusion of the separate self is (thinking, believing) that everything is separate from me, but the truth is everything there is no separate entity me. The illusion of the separate self starts when we are born and the way the world (people, family, teachers, etc.) talks to us and the way they communicate with us, forms the separation.
We are all one, nothing is separate we are connected at the deepest level. I am no longer seeking, i am allowing, accepting all that is.
3) Answer: It feels great to see this, Knowing that everything is working exactly as it should be. Feeling the love and connectivity to everything is beyond words.
The first major difference is that I no longer am seeking, I am accepting, allowing and loving all that I experience. Life is more loving, less attachments, less aversions, I notice that the mind is quieter, less judgements and Life just being perfect. Thoughts come and go, stickiness to thoughts.
4) Answer: I was getting sick of the seeking and I wanted it to be over, then yesterday I was talking to my friend and she said it all "it seems like you dropped the seeker", and she was so right, then when I started looking I noticed that I no longer am seeking and seeking is no longer needed. What a relief....
I noticed that when my guide said to drop all other methods of searching that's what did it. I was so attached to methods, techniques of searching, but they are not needed and the dropping of those techniques and processes is what brought me to go past the illusion of separation.
5) Answer: Events is life happen, I don't choose, intent, decide or control events in my life. I don't make anything happen. Things are happening whether I choose to be involved in them or not.
I noticed that i was no longer seeking and that just happened. I didn't do anything to notice it and I didn't do anything to drop the seeking, it just dropped. "Things" in life are happening no matter if I am involved or not, My involvement doesn't affect king anything happen or not.
Thank You So Much
Ilona
Jul 14
Hi Brett,
I got your answers and I'm very happy for you! Yey!
Sorry did not answer earlier, I was very busy last couple of days and just now have time to answer all.
Can I put bits of our conversation on my blog? This way I can get other guides to ask questions if they have any. Otter and Elena have been asking about you.
How is everything? Anything interesting to share?
Lots of love.
Brett
Hey Ilona
Everything is great, I am feeling more space each and everyday and i feel great. Please put whatever you want from our conversations on your blog.
Life seems less attached and everything is flowing beautifully. The most beautiful thing is that the seeker had dropped.
Say "Hi" to Elena and Otter.
Please ask any other questions you or other guides have.
Thank you again.
Ilona
Jul 15
Haha, that seeker was just a little misunderstanding. :) I'm so delighted for you.
Will get the blog post ready and up in the next couple of days.
Here is a gift for you.
http://liberationunleashed.com/PDF/Awakened.pdf
:)
Love!
Brett
Lol
So true
Thank you for the gift
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