Saturday 16 January 2016

Going Home

I had another wonderful Deep Looking session with Susanne. The conversation took an hour and a half, it only seems quick if you read it fast. Sometimes it takes a while for the answer to show up. If you like to get the most of this post, you can read it slowly and watch what answers come for you...

I: Hi Susanne, I'll be here in one hour.
S: Ok, Ilona, I am here now.

I: Great, me too.
When ready, take 3 deep breaths and relax into chair.
Then ask your mind, if it's at peace.

S: No, mind is very nervous because it wants to do everything perfect.

I: Thank the mind and ask it if it wants to relax

S: Crying already.....

And yes, mind wants very much to relax.

I: Lovely. Tell the mind you love it SO MUCH.
Ask it if it is ready to relax.

S: Yes it is ready but doesn't know, how?

I: That's ok,
Ask it if it's ready to relax now.

S: Yes but a lot of pressure is already falling apart and it is confused.

I: Of course... Let that be ok for a minute.
Close eyes and simply feel all that arises, fully, openly, allowing the sensations to be as they are.

S: it's getting better, calmer.

I: That's nice. Ask the mind, what it wants the most.

S: It wants to be free of fear, fear of life, it says now!!!????

I: Lovely, thank the mind.
Ask it what this fear is protecting.

S: It's still protecting the little, very shy girl.....

I: Right, can we talk to the little girl? Can you ask her to come closer?
Is she here?

S: No, she is sitting in the darkness I can only see her foot.

I: Say hi to the little one.

S: No she doesn't. She is sitting on a chair and is looking into the darkness. Her whole body is soo tense and she doesn't let go of the chair!?!

I: Mmm, tell the girl, that you are here for her and that you love her very much and want the best for her. How does she respond?

S: She looks into our direction but looks on the floor. The body became kind of into sunlight but she is not able to look to us because it is too bright.

I: Ask the little one, what is she afraid of.

S: To get hurt by other people's behaviour. She doesn't trust anybody and doesn't know what to do. Mind was her single friend.

I: Give that girl a hug and tell her how precious and beautiful she is.
Ask her if she trusts you.

S: Not really, half half.

I: Tell her that you are sorry, that you hurt her and made her not trust you.
Ask her what you need to do for her to gain her trust.

S: She says that I should be here, now. Not ever rushing to the next moment, taking stuff more serious than love. I shall listen to my heart and following, coming home.

I: Beautiful. Can you do that for her?

S: Yes.

I: Give the girl a hug and ask her if she wants to come out to the light.

S: She seems to get blurred again and wants to disappear. She gets scared leaving her habitual position.

I: Tell her that it's safe.
Ask if she wants to be friends with you and explore with you.

S: She doesn't believe me and is even more scared.

I: Ask her what is she scared of.

S: Scared to live, she wants to disappear.

I: Ask her what is scary about living.

S: She seems to be fully identified with fear, she looks fully dark and almost dissolved!?!

I: Ask the girl if she still needs to be here or her job is done.

S: She seems to be relaxed and at peace in the moment even she doesn't want to talk to me. Just before she said that she only would talk to the mind, her single friend.

I: Nice. Let's talk to the mind now. Ask it if it still feels pressure.

S: Mind is pretty well in the moment. Kind of speechless in a positive way.

I: Good stuff. Let's talk to the heart. Ask the heart if it's at peace.

S: No, it isn't, feels a little sad.

I: Ask the heart what it wants the most.

S: Heart wants to see the world.

I: Thank the heart and ask it what is in the way of seeing the world.

S: The delusion of the mind because it thinks to know better. It's quite scary what the mind does sometimes.....

I: Interesting. Ask the heart, does mind know better than the heart.

S: No, it doesn't but heart is wiser and let’s do it. Heart feels actually very strong but is pretty patient with mind. There is a knowing that mind will stop once.

I: Nice. Thank the heart.
Ask the mind, if it knows that heart is its home.

S: Mmmh, it knows but kind of ignored out of arrogance.

I: I see. Ask the mind if it's at home.

S: No, mind isn't at home and believes it will have to loose something if coming home. Wants to distract by rushing around, pretending to be busy with more important things like reading ABOUT something than coming home. It says that's early enough to come home at the end of life.

I: Ask the mind, what can be lost if it goes home.

S: It's importance. Mind is scared not to be needed anymore.

I: I see. Tell the mind, that it will always be needed and useful.
Being at home only means being relaxed and at ease.
Ask it if it prefers being important to being at ease.

S: Mind likes to be at ease but wants to keep control as well.

I: Ask it what it is in control of?

S: It is still convinced to be in control of the unfolding of daily life adventures even if experienced every day differently. It doesn't want to give up planning life. Can't be relaxed about the process.

I: Ask it to look, what it is in control of exactly.

S: In truth it wants to protect it's own weakness and plays out as important and strong.

I: Mmmmm... Ask it if it still wants to do that.

S: It says that it is fighting against life and made the experience very often to loose. Mind feels disconnected, lost and alone. Suddenly wants to come home because it is so terrible tired.

I: Wow, good! Asking if it's ready to go home.

S: Yes, because heart is so incredible strong and wise. Mind is happy to give up. Who would have expected that???

I: Ha!
Ok thank the mind for doing so much work and give it a kiss.
Ask it if it's ready to go home now.

S: Yes it is very happy to go home and trust the heart. Big relief here.

I: Awesome!

Close eyes, put a hand on right side of chest, opposite the heart, feel fully whatever shows up. Take your time
Just feel, without naming.

S: I feel almost at peace but the little one appears as black spot!?

I: Interesting.. Ask the little one, what she wants.

S: She wants to be cuddled and I get a little bit dizzy right know. As if she would slowly slowly agree to wake up from a very deep sleep!?!???

I: Beautiful! Give her a cuddle!
Smile and kiss. Hold arms around your body as if you hug her.

S: She says that she feels totally forgotten!!!

I: Omg!
Say sorry to her and tell that you'll never forget about her any more.
Ask her what she wants from you.

S: She wants to hold hand with me.

I: Hold hands with her.
Tell her that you love her soooo much and that she is beautiful, precious and gorgeous.

S: Crying again....I can't believe that she only wants to hold hands with me and seems to be totally fine. How cute is that?????

I: Totally cute!
Ask her if she is happy.

S: She is so happy only through this....

I: Beautiful!
Ask the heart now if it's at peace.

S: Heart gives me a big smile. How wonderful.....

I: Lovely! Ask the mind if it's at peace.

S: Oh yeah, it is very happy and at peace.

I: Beautiful :)
I'd suggest now to lay down, close eyes and feel the peace and love for a bit.

S: Oh, yes, I feel having down a marathon. Can we please stop for today?
Soo much gratitude.

I: Yes, we are finished.
You are most welcome!

S: Can't find enough words for this work with you, Ilona. So much love.

I: Love received! And much love to you!

S: Thanks xoxoxo, Susanne

I: Xoxoxo

We can speak later!

Rest now!


S: What a perfect timing it was. I could immediately go to bed after the session, had a deep rest and feel "the marathon" today in a very good way. Talk to you later after settling a bit more. With love, Susanne


I: Hi Susanne. Hope you are well! How are you feeling today?

S: Thanks for asking, Ilona. I am feeling more peaceful in the sense that I trust myself more. What I mean by "myself" is my authority, my heart, what feels true for me. Less confusion because I am now more and more able to stand up for myself.

By the way two days before my husband died out of the blue I said to him, which came out of the blue as well, that I now know why I moved to Australia (not to marry him 3 month earlier): "Life supports me that I can stand up for myself"........

Thank you for your brilliant support. I would like to do this with other people more than guiding. Do you have any suggestions for me? With love, Susanne


I: That's great to hear that you trust yourself more! Beautiful. What you can do is keep talking to the heart and mind and the little one, you can listen to what they have to say and give them love. This self-love is so nourishing and peaceful.

I'm sorry to hear that your husband passed away..

Much love

S: Thank you, Ilona. Yes, my husband's death 3,5 years ago was the starting point to put all my spiritual knowledge into practice what I still love to do.

Thank you for the tip to stay in contact with the mind, the heart and the little one. I actually did it today automatically. Sending love, Susanne

If you like to post our session feel free to do so.


I: Thank you very much! I may do that, post it on the blog in a couple of days. These sessions seem to help other people too, to go through some kind of opening. Which is lovely!

Hope you are well!

Much love.


S: Thank you Ilona, yes I am well. I had this kind of session with a friend of mine yesterday which was pretty good. What I really love about this dialogue is the intuitive kind of communication. Much love to you.
I: That is great to hear! Once you experienced this kind of dialogue, you know it and you can hold space for a friend. It's kindness that works the magic. Welcoming everything, giving hugs, kisses and smiles to what comes for a visit is like a balm on an old wound. It's like watering and nourishing that which was dried out. Giving love to parts that forgot how it feels. Just sitting with a feeling for a minute allowing it to be ok is a turning in. LOOKING inside. Noticing what is going on without trying to run away. It really is interesting... You know the phrase look inside, well, this is it. 

Deep Looking a very intuitive flow, sometimes the answers and questions that come up are surprising. Sometimes it gets really weird, but keep going, it's all part of it. It works best with a friend and it works for both. If release does not happen then it's more talking needed. Using this, one can go into very deep peace with what is. 

Enjoy :)

Thursday 7 January 2016

Deep Looking with Christiane

My friend Christiane has been saying that she was using the Deep Looking process by herself and it was very clarifying for her. We agreed to have a session and look together at some patterns. After the session I asked her if I could share it on this blog and not only she kindly agreed, she also sent me a letter describing how she practised it by herself. Here is her letter and the session below. 

I find it very interesting to notice, how mind is trying to be good, to be useful, but the way it does it, creates tension. Deep looking process allows an access the core of blockage/unease and by observing and re-evaluating what is happening, the pattern releases. It is simple, but from what I have seen, very effective.

A letter from Christiane

Deep Looking - I came across these words in the end of July 2015 when doing a background research about the forum on Liberation Unleashed.

Reading through many pages on Ilona's blog to find out whether this "Direct looking" was worth a try, I had also crossread the description about how to do the Deep Looking for yourself. It didn't speak to me. Little did I know then that deep looking would turn out to be my second leg in walking the path, peeling off the layers of self.

After crossing the gate and then going further, I encountered a grueling hindrance: Fear. Usually not being fearful at all, I was completely taken by surprise. Nearly at each step to peeling off the next layer it was there, sometimes I was flooded with fear for days. It was probably due to the "neckbreaking speed" I had, as my guide called it.

Still, after 40 years of seeking, there was so much urgency to know the truth no matter what that the process just kept rolling on.

Fear had thrown me into strong resistance once again and I was close to dropping the ball, which at the same time I did not want to do at all. That was the moment when I remembered the article about Deep Looking. I went back to it and tried it myself.

These notes are written directly after the session.

"I had discovered that it again scared me stiff to let go of the next layer of selfing and I had developed quite a resistance to the guiding I receive. So I went in to talk to my heart.

I found a little girl. OMG, she was hiding in a corner on the floor, very afraid. I picked her up in my arms and held her tightly, stroking gently. She buried her head in my shoulders and didn't talk. I took her with me to the mind. Mind was in despair, saying it knew this was going on but didn't have the power the prevent it, since I insisted on asking all these questions.

I sat down with them and started talking to the child. My first serious talk about Santa. I asked her whether she remembered how she found out that there wasn't any Santa. She did and reminded me that it was the younger sister who had found out and told her. I asked her whether anything had happened to Santa, whether somebody had killed him. She said, of course not. Santa had never been there.

So I explained to her that this is the case with the I as well. Nobody will be killed or die. Everything will be fine, and most likely even better. She got it, stood up and started bouncing around. Mind was very relieved that the girl felt alright again. -

I am moved to tears. Mind is so loving and tries to avoid any hurt to the heart. How come I never saw this and fought a needless war against my mind? I am so at peace with this wonderful mind."

After this Deep Looking session the fear and resistance to the Direct Looking in the next step were completely gone and I could smoothly move forward.

At another time working with Deep Looking gave me a very important insight that helped in two ways. My partner had had a life-threatening complication after heart surgery and I had to face the fact that she might be dying. At the same time I was looking into why all this selfing happens in the first place and seeing that selfing tries to create the illusion of something permanent, as nothing permanent can be found anywhere - and that fact is ever so hard to accept. Perfect synchronicity!

I did this session on my own. The difficult issue led to a lot of distracting thoughts, I even fell asleep in the middle of it. Still in the end there was acceptance of everything passing, even of my partner's possible passing.

"As usually I turned to the heart first. There I found the little girl, not crying as I would have expected, but sitting there with arms crossed, very determined and stubborn.
I hugged her and asked, what's going on? In a firm and a bit angry voice she stated that she doesn't want everything to pass. She wants them to stay the same, always! She wouldn't accept that everything went away. I thanked her and told her I would be back as I needed to think about this.

The mind said, sorry, it couldn't do anything about this. This was the way things are.

For some hours I pondered about it. And then an idea came up how to talk to the little girl.

I went back to the little girl and asked her what she would choose, given two options: Everything is permanent OR everything is impermanent. No other options available.

The girl considered this. She said she really wanted everything to be permanent. But then, the very bad things would also be permanent and that would not be good either. Going back and forth she finally decided that neither choice was good, but the better one was letting things be impermanent. In the end she was quite alright with it. And I was alright with it as well."

What amazes me again and again is how the insights from the Deep Looking are immediately integrated into the whole being. For me this is close to a miracle. When resolved in Deep Looking, the fear is gone for good. When problems are resolved in Deep Looking, they are resolved for good as well. The Direct Looking takes me step by step through the selfing layers, the Deep Looking removes the hindrances on the path. They are my two legs in walking the path of awakening.

Christiane Michelberger

Last Saturday

I: Morning
I'm here. Let me know when you are ready

C: Good morning. I am ready

I: Sweet! Let's start
Take 3 deep breaths and relax

C: ok

I: Then ask the mind, if it's at peace. Wait for the answer and bring it to me.

C: Mind says: Are you kidding? I was up all night raising the dams (like for floods). I don't know what you are up to today.

I: Thank the mind.
Ask it what it wants the most.

C: Peace

I: Lovely. Ask it what is in the way of peace.

C: All These inquiries I am doing.

I: Ok, ask it what it is looking for.

C: It wants to settle in something that is stable (sadness coming up)

I: Give the mind a hug and a kiss. Tell it you love it so much.
Ask it what should be stable.

C: Mind wants to stand on firm grounds. It feels like being in the midst of mudslides happening all the time.

I: Thank the mind and ask it if it is in control of what is happening.

C: No, it says it's not but still tries to make sure that nothing bad happens to heart.
It's at the end of its wits.

I: Ask it if trying to control helps.

C: No, it doesn’t' help but gives the Feeling that something is done about it.
Mind says: I can't just let it all happen!

I: Ask it why.

C: Mind thinks the Little Girl in the heart Freaks out. Actually that's not true, I see it quite cheerful.

I: Let's ask the heart if it needs the mind to control what is happening.

C: ok
The heart says, no, mind is just Messing everything up. (this is not the Little Girl)

I: Great. Thank the heart and ask the mind if it wants to continue messing up.

C: Ehem, mind is quite indignated and insists on that it is NOT Messing things up.

I: ask the mind to look at what it is really in control of.

C: Oh...
Mind is just realising that by building all These dams and filters and whatever, so what happens doesn't have so much Impact, it in fact makes it worse by distorting things, making them look more threatening than they actually are.

I: Right.. Thank the mind for doing such a great job and ask it if it wants to continue doing that.

C: Mind says no, as the result is the opposite of what it actually wants. And it is sad that it doesn't work out what it is doing.

I: Give it a nice warm hug
Ask it if it wants to relax.

C: Mind feels very bad, like no longer needed. And yes, It would like to relax.

I: Lovely. Ask it if it's ready to relax.

C: No, it's not. It has to get over that bad Feeling first.

I: That's ok. Let's just focus on sensations that are present and feel them for a bit. Let it all be ok
C: ok

I: Tell the mind that you love it very much.
Tell it that it is safe to relax.

C: Mind doesn't believe me. It feels it has not done its work properly and can't be loved

I: Ask it what is in the way of accepting love.

C: Tears are coming up. You have to be good first - then you can be loved

I: Ah.... Is that true? Ask it

C: That's what it learnt. It can't tell whether it is true or not.

I: Ask it to look

C: *smile. Mind asks whether looking is something it can do properly

I: Ask it to look for itself, if being good is a condition for being loved.

C: Mind says, it's stupid to connect both as the one doesn't have anything to do with the other.

I: Exactly.
Tell the mind, that you love it no matter what.

C: *crying

I: Hugs....
Tell the mind, that you appreciate it and want it to be happy.

C: Mind says it thought it is going to be thrown away.

I: Tell it no, it's not going to be thrown away, only released from pointless, not useful tasks.
Ask it if it would like to be relaxed and useful.

C: Yes, very much so!

I: Ask it if it's ready to release all the tasks that do not serve.

C: Mind would like to know whether there are any useful Tasks. Like it used to be so good in remembering all kinds of Details, and now they just seem to be forgotten though the most important things come up when needed.

I: Tell it that there are useful and practical as well as creative tasks.

Tell it that it no longer needs to work hard to be good, it is loved as it is.

C: Mind likes to work, really enjoys it but not as hard as it did. It would like to have an example for what is left. I gave: practicing viola and figuring out how to play the music the easiest way. Understanding the amazing things I am reading right now. Really play around with whatever it likes. There has been so much pressure on it.

I: Ask it if it would like to let go of pressure.

C: Yes, it would like to. It doesn't trust me as I have been overloading it.

I: Ask it if it's ready to let go of pressure.

C: Mind says it doesn't know whether it works. "I am a hard working mind. That's ME. Still it is too much for me".

I: Ask it if it likes pressure.

C: Oh, in a way yes it does very much. It shows how much it can handle
But then suddenly there comes the point when it gets too much. And then it doesn't like it any longer

I: Ask the mind, what it prefers, pressure or peace.

C: Peace. It does associate peace also with dullness or boredom which it doesn't like

I: Peace is not boredom, it's being able to work without conflict.
It's an absence of creating and solving problems-- That is not useful.

C: Mind laughs. It is really good in creating Problems that then have to be solved.

I: Yes.. And if that's what it wants to do, then it's fine.
It can create and solve problems if it wants to.

C: No. It thinks it is pretty ridiculous. It went through how it would be if my Partner died and what Problems would have to be solved so many times that finally it stopped by itself. It does feel confident in solving Problems as they are arising.

I: Beautiful
So ask it if it's ready to relax.

C: YES. On realising that it can very well solve any arising problem pretty well, a big fat YES

I: Great. Ask it if it's ready to relax now.

C: Yes, it is

I: Nice. Close your eyes and just feel whatever comes up. Let all be ok. Just feel. Take your time.


C: Very peaceful. Sometimes a sad Feeling comes up shortly and the mind gets startled. But then it sees that it is not a problem to be solved and relaxes again. Hm. It now knows what a problem is and what is not. And feels really good about being trusted to solve Problems as they arise without 10 Dress rehearsals.

I: Beautiful!
Ask it now if it knows that the heart is its home.

C: Actually it thought it is the other way round.

I: Hehe
Ask it if it's at home

C: Yes it is. And it understands now what heart was saying about Messing up. Mind tried to solve Feelings as if they were a problem to be solved. Now it knows that doesn't belong to the category "Problems". And that "solving Feelings" was the Messing up.

I: Gorgeous!

C: Thank you, Ilona. I so much appreciate your help.

I: You are very welcome!
Sending hugs

C: Thank you. Sending you hugs too.
It feels like a real heavy weight is gone

I: That's great!
I'd recommend to lay down for a bit and just feel whatever wants to be felt.

C: I will do that. Thank you again, Ilona
Bye for now. There is so much love welling up right now, beautiful.


C: Dear Ilona, I don't know what happened yesterday. Since then I am in the most beautiful space. It is like a radiant vibrant nothingness, very peaceful and alive. I expected it to pass rather soon but it is still there this morning. Thank you again for your wonderful guidance.

I: Something happened. It's an opening. It's like a new default. I'm delighted to hear that you are in a beautiful space.

C: New Default - I love that expression. That is how it actually feels like.

I: Wonderful.


I: hi, Christiane, how are you?

C: Oh, that's sweet, thank you for asking. I am still in this beautiful space, the mudslide is gone and it feels like solid grounds though everything is very fluid at the same time. There is a lovely joy inside most of the time. Most of the time thoughts are very quiet. I have to get used to that silence, lol. I have no idea where I am and it doesn't really matter. My Partner asked me why I am so happy and I didn't have an answer :-)=

I: wow, lovely. It’s amazing how much space all the unnecessary noise takes, isn't it?

C: Yes, it is! Sometimes I am just sitting around doing nothing. It's wonderful. On the other side I could fully return to what I am doing with translating, taking care of Office stuff and things like that. I was pretty paralyzed before. A miracle happened.

I: I feel your joy

C: I am very, very grateful, Ilona.

I: You are most welcome. I am delighted to assist.
Big thanks to you for being open to share this. 

There is more on Deep Looking on this page. There is a Facebook group as well, if you would like to read more sessions, just ask me there to be added. If you would like to book a session, email me and we can agree on time.