Tuesday 12 September 2017

An Open Letter To The Mind

By itself. 

    Dearest Mind,

    Firstly thank you very much for your presence. You are amazing, intelligent, caring and lovable. Thank you for all your hard work and never ceasing attention to things that matter most. I love you dearly. 

    I appreciate how you make me feel, literally, I can feel feelings that can be quite strong and intense, only by noticing thoughts and images. I can see how you tirelessly go out into the future scenarios making sure that all the problems have ready made solutions. I can see how inventive and creative you are with the images. You can pick any topic and create something out of nothing. I bow in respect to your ability to throw me out of balance and give me sensations that something is wrong, can be wrong, was wrong and will be wrong and so on. I applaud your tireless aiming to control what is about to happen, protecting me from making old mistakes. You are a genius in manipulating how I feel. 

    Thank you for all your work that you have done to protect the heart from being hurt, from being open and vulnerable. Even if the heart was hurt by your limitations, it was still better than feeling those scary feelings, right? Numbing of the heart is a big work and you, dear Mind, have done it so well. You deserve a crown and a throne. Or at least a diamond tiara. 

    Here's the thing. As much as I enjoy your created world and drama, all I really want is peace. I have been watching your mind movies all this time and I see that nothing new is there-- same old patterns, same characters, same problems, same hopelessness. It's no longer needed for me. I am writing to ask you, dearest Mind, to stop creating illusions. 

    Please stop luring me into imaginary conversations with imaginary friends about imaginary scenarios. Please stop giving me solutions to imaginary problems and stories of the past that made me feel hateful, shameful, grieving, small and not enough. Please stop showing me possible futures where I'm stuck in fear. Please just be here and now, and watch, observe, notice, what is actually happening-- right in the moment. You don't even need to comment. You don't need to try to fix anything or protect me from imaginary dangers. 

     I'd like to ask you to drop your unnecessary tasks, impractical patterns, addictions to thinking and image making, daydreaming about a happy tomorrow and the like. And just really relax; be. Be caring, loving, creative, illumined, playful in the now. Be receptive and questioning. Be open to receive wisdom. Stop knowing everything about everything. It's not your job. I'd like to invite you to be silent and aware. This is your job. 

     All I want is peace.
     So, enough of building your sand castles of illusions. Rest deeply. Be at peace. 

     All I want is peace-- so the heart can come alive again and open up without being restricted by what you think.

     It's okay to feel. 

     All I want is peace.

     You can be still and quiet and still hear, see, smell, taste, sense and feel. 

     All I want is peace. 

     Do you hear me, dearest Mind? Can we let the monkey mind go back to the natural habitat with all the drums and whistles? It was fun to have a mind-monkey active, but it's no longer wanted. It can go. I'm sure it won't be missed. 

     All I want is peace. 

     And as you see, peace is here, now, underneath all the noise of words and images. 

     Be still.

     Be quiet. 

     There is nothing in the way of peace once you, beloved Mind, stop producing illusions. It's okay to rest, it is safe. Nothing is going to happen if you stop imagining yourself in charge of the universe. Can you see this, dear Mind, that you can be empty and relaxed, yet everything is still happening? 

     All I want is peace. 

     Can we end the internal war with what is? Can we refocus on what really matters?

     I bow to you and I love you. Let us celebrate life.

     Let's try this, okay? 

With love. 
I now retire.

Saturday 20 May 2017

Meeting Divine Eye to Eye

Warning! this article is controversial. Some ideas may trigger resistance, frustration, resentment and other intense emotions. In such a case, you get something to work with within. You do not have to agree with my views or choices, and I'm free to live life as it comes.

There is a kind of taboo in the awakening marketplace about using psychedelic substances. If this is something that you are attracted to, by all means, find some and explore. Of course, Shamanic medicines are not for everyone and I'm not here to say what is right for you. It is right for me, as I am a fearless space captain and I am curious about consciousness itself. I don't stick to any traditions but rather test and ride various ways.

I wrote back in September last year, about my journey to Mexico to find magic. I found magic then and received a message that this was only a beginning. The message was strong and I got back to Mexico as soon as my husband and I could do that to see what happens next.

Here we are in a beautiful Caribbean beach village, enjoying life, meeting people, sharing Ajna Light and having lots of treatments. My favorite is Sand-Sea-Sun treatment that discharges, recharges and washes away all tension. The natural technology of release.

Ever since I came to this place, it feels that I have entered some trip. By trip, I mean that there is a sense of surrender and something taking over. If you've never had a psychedelic experience, the word trip means nothing to you. Days change, but the sense of being taken by life and magic remains. The energy is very strong here. I love how the body feels, the heat and how gently the sun is received. It feels that this place is breathing and waving. If I sit on a sofa and body relaxes I can feel the waves of the ocean passing through. There is music in the ears, playing all the time, one wavy melody. It's so audible that sometimes I have to check that the player is off. The player is off, but the music still remains.

There is a sense of grace and wonder, of being led to people and events. We made friends with a couple of healers here and some magic mushrooms arrived; the trip got even trippier. These ones, called San Juan are the most amazing mushrooms I've ever had. I tasted different kinds back in the UK at the time when I could buy them in funky shops. These mushrooms are called Golden Healers and they were named correctly. The trip was very light, fun, and with eyes closed, I could see golden light, patterns and visions. That was the most beautiful, lighthearted healing experience. It felt that golden light was filling the space within. There was an expanded awareness of spaciousness, a beautiful impermanent state, a moment of melting into light. Then back to normal but somehow different, refreshed.

Our friends introduced us to someone that was organizing a Shamanic healing event and we signed up for it. This was another chance for me to taste Bufo medicine, or as locals call it Sapito.
Basically, the smoking secretion of the Bufo Alvarius toad gives a hit of pure 5-meo-dmt which creates an explosion in the system, which only happens twice in life naturally, when you are born and when you die. This natural substance is in all of us, in plants and animals, it even has a name of the God molecule. If you would like to read more about it, please do your own research, there is plenty of material now on the internet.

So here we are, going into the jungle, meeting with Shamans and going for it. We met a nice group of people, some came from far, some tried before, and a few that this was the first time. The group was multi-national, the ones that spoke English turned out to be various artists. Locals were setting up sweat lodges while we were chatting with people. A woman started singing, I noticed the Shaman coming in with his bag of tools. The energy of the place changed. I could notice little nibble of fear showing up, like- -are you sure? This is it.. am I ready?..

The shamans came from a different part of Mexico, they get the medicine from the Sonora desert toads. They did not speak English. The first part was a treatment with tobacco ash that is blown into the nose and clears whatever is stuck there. I watched a friend receive it, it did not look bad so I went for it too. It's called Rapè. (not rape) it feels like a shot of intense sensation, then I felt that the whole body became more alive and vibrating with energy, like something was opened up. A nice sensation after. Colors got brighter and it was easy to breathe. They said it cleans the pineal gland.

The sweat lodge followed next. That was an interesting experience. We sat in a very hot tent in the middle of the hot jungle! There were hot stones in the middle of a circle taken from the fire and the Shaman was pouring water over them, creating steam and more heat. He was putting something on the stones that filled the tent with a delightful smell. His woman was leading songs. The whole tent, 15 people, were sweating out toxins and singing along. It was so much sweating that I could not open my eyes, the salt was making them hurt. It was really hot! But it was part of the preparation for the journey ahead.

After the sweat lodge, the jungle heat was just lovely. Next, we all went to the lake to clean ourselves. The beautiful water felt so refreshing and soft. I could stay there for hours, but we all were called to start the ceremony.

Before I get into describing what it was like for me, I just want to say this: If you are called to do this, take it extremely seriously. This is not a joke. This is not a drug to get high. This is the most powerful medicine, it is very strong and integration after receiving it can take some time and be intense. There are a few testimonials that something went wrong. So the most important is to know what you are up for, research your Shamans and have time and environment to integrate. Best is done in a safe environment with someone that has been working with this medicine for years.

So here it was, a pipe in front of me. There was no thought, no fear, just flowing with the moment. I inhaled slowly, a thick brown smoke. At some point, I got that the pipe looks different as if pixels on a screen have mutated. I remember nodding slightly and falling backwards on the ground.

Whoa, there was a sense of direction, with little disturbances, as if I was going through waves of frequency closer and closer to .... God..... there was melting in, ceasing of turbulence... release so gentle that it felt like last hair that was held on to ripped. Then OMG WOoooooooo incredible sense of gold space of love, peace, divinity, oneness. This was IT, so-called Death, so beautiful and spacious. There was only this. There was totality, absolute, consciousness in fully opened glory. The feeling of golden love, love of God, is indescribable.. mmmmmm wooooooo!

Slowly I was coming back into awareness of the body and surroundings. The body felt like every tension had left, mind came back stunned and silent, taken away by what became known. It took a while to come out and be able to stand up.

Interestingly, I had no sense and no memory of the body or mind at all, but while consciousness was 'traveling', the body was making some movements, kriyas and making sound aaaaaaa..

I came back, looked Shamans in the eye and thanked them both. Now, I KNOW. Now, I KNOW.

The spaciousness came back with me into this realm. I can still feel it days after.

Other people had their unique journeys. One girl was crying so much after seeing the vastness of love and beauty she could never imagine. This was deeply touching. One guy was shouting that we humans can do it! And we have to do it! The change is already happening! (he does not remember that) someone else was throwing up and clearing what seemed black stuff to him, out of the system. Others laughed. Everyone that went for that experience came back changed. So did I. I had only one intention and that was to meet the creation. I got what I came for. I saw what I could never imagine.

I remember thinking why something as beautiful as this is feared, why death is perceived with grief? It's strange, at least.

One way I can describe it is that if you are living in a deep ocean, and time to time get to experience the sun in the water and you don't have a clue about the sun above the ocean. Then one day you go up and take a look... then when you get back you perceive the sun in the water differently. The sun in the water would be love that we are able to feel.

It took a few days to get back to normal. Three days rolled into one. We took more magic mushrooms to assist the energies and to finish healing. The expansion ripped through all the cells of being, the spacious feeling was still here. Even in sleep, it no longer feels dark, deep sleep feels like golden light. Mmmm

God is.

Total Peace, Love is.

Knowing this experientially is IT.

I would not call this enlightenment. It's more an experience of illumination. It came as it was called for. It can come in any package. All one needs is a pure intention to meet God. Toad medicine was a one-way ticket for me to meet the divine, eye to eye. It does not mean you need it. It only means this was the way that the experience showed up for me. If there is judgement about this, then you are missing the point, that a wrapper is more more important that the candy.

We meet divine in every moment, no need for toads or mushrooms to participate. The depth of conscious recognition is what determines our sense of connectedness with the whole and perception of reality. We have a personal, intimate relationship with what is, we are what is expressing as us, as all life. I am that which is expressing as me.

The mind can not get it because mind too is a form, an expression of existence as the mind.

When everything calms down to stillness there is an opening to being. When all vibrations and turbulence cease there is pure light and lightness. Delightful.

Love divine is nothing to do with a person, it's what is left where there is no more I, me, no other. Just a field of infinite peace.

A few days after, I still feel the spaciousness that was not here before, it feels like old patterns collapsed, like a huge clearing happened, that affected all areas of my life as an individual. There is wonder and curiosity of what happens next and an openness to whatever comes. 


Wednesday 19 April 2017

The Attunement Process, by Roger Calverley

This article is written by Roger Calverley, I found it inspiring and so I am sharing it with you. I met Roger in Mexico and he experienced the Ajna Light and PEMF mat. He loved the experience and immediately saw the benefits and potential of using such technology. Roger has got these tools for himself with the intent to use and share it too. Here are his thoughts about how this technology can be helpful on personal attunement journey.


The Attunement Process is a way of rapidly shifting into optimal health and expanded awareness. It uses bio-electrical energy fields which balance all parts of the etheric body, resulting in optimal health at the level of the physical body. This re-sets the acid-alkaline balance, eliminates inflammation, rejuvenates the cells, eliminates stress, heals injuries and induces a general sense of relaxed wellbeing. A second aspect of the Attunement Process is light. Specially programmed frequencies of light are directed to the region of the forehead where the brow chakra receives and transmits them to the neural network. This has the effect of shifting awareness into an expanded state of alignment to Source. The immediate effect is entry into an experience of heightened consciousness. Long-term results include the elimination of limiting beliefs, integral balancing of the physical, etheric, astral and mental bodies, balancing of all the chakras and alignment of various parts of the being with causal body and the core life program. A third modality is the use of sound through earphones. Isochronic tones entrain the mind to enter the delta and theta brainwave states which correspond to meditation or contemplation. A facilitator is present to answer questions, discuss the resulting experiences and set the optimal energies for each individual as required.


There are certain terms which have accumulated a lot of baggage, and the word “truth” is one such. For the purpose at hand, we are going to use the word this way: “truth is that which opens the heart”.

We all have a heart of human emotions and feelings which encompasses our likes, aversions and sensitivities. But we also have a deeper level of the heart which recognizes and alerts us to what is true. This non-physical energy-center which recognizes and opens up to what is true is often called the “spiritual heart”. It is the seat of awareness in the center of the chest which has a special connection to unconditional love, compassion, bliss and the sense of oneness beyond separation. We will be using the term “heart” in this sense rather than the physical muscle which pumps blood.

Anything that connects you to more truth opens the spiritual heart. In any experience that is bringing you more truth, there will be a sense of opening rather than contraction, softening rather than hardening, a feeling of “yes” rather than “no”, and an impression of expansion rather than contraction.

Although the spiritual heart is experienced energetically at the center of the chest, it is actually something that transcends the physical limits of the body. The spiritual heart is active and the etheric, astral, mental levels and beyond. It is our most direct link to Source.

When you experience something that is true, your sense of self lets go, opens up, relaxes, becomes receptive, and permits you to identify more fully with your experience. Because the boundaries of your egoic mind ten to loosen and dissolve when the heart opens, any sense of insecurity, deficiency or limitation decreases, and conversely the sense of relatedness or intimacy grows.

When you are in touch with more of the truth, the mind tends to become quiet. Thinking activity gears down. A deep and universal truth brings you to an even more profound condition of stillness, at times tinged with reverence or mystical longing to be re-united with Source.

Conversely, when you find yourself face to face with something that does not feel right, the heart contracts and the sense of self tightens. At such times, the heart seems to harden and there can even be a feeling of alienation. There can also be feelings of insecurity, unease, diminished self-esteem or fear.

When the energy of the spiritual heart contracts, the mind experiences the presence of a problem, or dilemma and it gets busy trying to think of a way out of the situation. At this point, the agitation of the mind constricts life energy still further and adds to the stress. Sometimes, this reactive thinking becomes compulsive and habitual, and in such cases it can even lead to health problems.

As a guide to what is true for you in the present moment, your own heart is unparalleled. It is a flawless source of guidance in the matter of what is true or good for you at any given moment. If you take a little time to observe the opening up and the closing down of the heart in reaction to various situations, you can easily see that you are fully equipped to recognize what is true for you all the time. Moreover, this inner guidance is not something you have to acquire from elsewhere or learn by studying books or attending lectures. It is your birthright.

The heart is continuously adapting as it reflects every thought, feeling, wish and incident that arises in your awareness. The degree of openness or contraction which the heart manifests at any moment is an exact measure of how true an experience or thought is for you. Where there is more of what feels true for you, you will feel it. Learning to recognize and follow your intuitive feelings is the path to Wisdom.

There is no right or wrong way for the heart to respond as it shows you the relative truth of any given moment. However, for many who have been educated into a primarily intellectual point of view, recognizing the language of the heart may take a bit of unlearning. What is “good” or “bad” or “right” or “wrong” in any situation depends on many factors and cannot be known in advance by some handy rule of thumb. If your mind has all the questions, your heart has all the answers, because it is a sure barometer of what is true for you at any given moment.

The crux of the matter is this: the degree of our heart’s openness which shows us how much truth is present in our lives. This is why opening up is so important. In the light of what is felt to be true or good, the heart opens up like a lotus and spreads its petals wide to receive the sunlight of truth.

Why, then, do people fail so consistently to follow the heart’s guidance?

In large measure, this seems to happen because people think that listening to the heart is inappropriate or disapproved by their peers or superiors. Someone else’s voice is louder, in the minds of many or most people than the surety of their heart’s guidance. People who live in this state of dissociation may feel that principles of moral rectitude are an adequate guide, or it may be the opinions of friends, or family, or the boss or the preacher or the guru. However, when we replace the heart’s guidance with opinions from the outer world, there can be only one result: spiritual confusion.

Paradigms have been planted in our minds since we were young with striking results for our whole society. We value knowledge over wisdom; we prefer earning money over living from a perspective of abundance, and we believe that only hard work can legitimize leisurely recreation. We have been fed stories which underscore the idea that it’s necessary to suffer and struggle before we could ever be worthy of success and happiness. In many cases, we exaggerate the importance of sheer good luck, and we are inclined to put up with things that make us unhappy until we have no other choice but to change.

In order to discover your heart’s sure guidance, you have to decide that you really and truly want to align with your heart’s discernment. This is the first step toward ultimate and full alignment with Source. And although the point is simple to state, very few people ever take the step of deciding that this will be the case, for we have been educated to place head before heart. This leaves us open to manipulation from all sides, a situation which suits the powers that be very well indeed.

Our heart’s guidance comes from the deepest and truest part of our being, something so profound that it can never be corrupted or led astray. True satisfaction in life, as well as abundance, love, and peace arise from listening to our heart and following its indications.

This brings many blessings, for when we say “yes” to our heart, we also open our lives to its qualities of creativity, courage, harmony, wisdom, mystical attunement and unconditional love.

There are many reasons to find and follow our spiritual heart’s guidance, however the most significant of them is this: there is no other way to be who we truly are. Unless and until we accept our heart’s guidance there will be greater or lesser confusion and incomplete alignment to Source. But from the moment we formulate a new agreement to honor the guidance that we receive from within, everything begins to change.

A New Agreement

Life is full of possibilities. The call and the challenge is to actualize your full potential and realize the ultimate fullness of what your life can be when lived in alignment with Source.

Up to now, your experience of life has been based on a set of agreements you worked out with those who came before you. You have been bound to a set of thoughts and definitions and prescriptions in which you had no say at all. The way you understand yourself and your life has in many ways been decided by others in ways you do not clearly recognize.

By the time we graduate from school, our identity has been bound up in our stories and experiences and conclusions regarding what life is all about. We mistakenly think that we are identical to our story about the things that made us the way we are. We have come to believe in a set of shared agreements about what things should mean and be with identities constructed by common understandings, for example, of what it means to be a man or a woman, or a teacher or student and so on.

When paradigms like this are shared by large groups, they are experienced by individuals within the group as real, unchangeable and true. If you invest yourself in such agreements, you will be bound by them, and they are for all intents and purposes immutable. But in fact, no matter how many people buy into them, none of these constructs are real. They are all cooked up by conceptual designations, sustained by belief and spun by collaborative narrative.

What you are is much greater than any of these fabrications. And yet, if you abide within the scope of what you were taught, and what you agreed to, you will live in a state of radical self-limitation.

For among other things you have been taught that you have no right to claim true independence and be fully your own person. You have been taught that the world will no longer support you if you go beyond the agreements you were forced into before you even had a say. Fear was used to keep you conformable to the conventions of society. You have been taught that social isolation is something greatly to be feared, and that conformity at all costs is worth the price.

As they exist, these social conventions hold you in a sense of separation. They re-enforce the idea that you are without access to a higher reality such as the Divine, and that you must submit to the people who are in charge, the leaders who tell you what you can and cannot be.

You will be kept in a state of smallness and conformity until you decide to go beyond the conventions of the human mind in order to see and know who you really are in all your fullness.

The challenge you face is to claim your true identity and assume the freedom to realize your full potential. This means letting go of past programs and coming into alignment with your own divinity. If you wish to stand freely in your own space, it is necessary to let go of this, open up to all you really are, and come home to your inner sources of power and direction.

Your true Self has no limiting notions at all about who you are. It is infinite in awareness, not bound by notions of how things are or must be. Moreover, it cannot be compromised, programmed or limited in any way.

You are an aspect of Source manifested in form. But you have agreed to deny who you really are and live in separation from your True Self.

You have quite a lot invested in keeping up an identity which conforms to the expectations of others. This helps you to fit in, and to suffer less rejection and alienation. On the other hand, when you recognize who you really are, above and beyond the lies and stories you agreed to believe, everything changes.

Here is the really good news: When you formulate and declare a New Agreement with your true Self, the world around you will to conform to your new vision and understanding. It could not be any other way. Why? The outer world is a manifestation of consciousness and you are consciousness. Nothing is real except for the fact that you have made it real for yourself in your own mind by the power of belief.

When you choose to believe in what the intelligence of the heart shows you to be true, an alignment to your real identity develops. This connects you to Source more powerfully and consistently. This in turn summon up a new energetic landscape which grows and widens to conform to your new understanding..

The choice is simple and clear – either to live in denial of who you really are, or to recognize and live your fullness. Either free yourself from the identity which you took on from your culture, family and society or live in conformity to their dictates.

Up to now, it has been your choice and agreement that you would deny your true nature and pretend to be separate, small and conformist. And yet your true Self is ready attract into your life all the experiences and lessons you require to actualize your full potential. You may currently believe that the small self protects and preserves you. But when you trust your connection to Source, you will see that it has much more to give you, much more to show you, and much greater capacity to illumine you about who you are and what is possible. The Divine knows who you are, knows your potential for new learning, inspiration and growth. It will be with you supportively every step of the way.

And so you have a fundamental choice to make. From this choice will come a New Agreement.

In your New Agreement, you declare to yourself that you have the right to know yourself as you are, to decide for yourself what path you will walk, and to choose for yourself what experiences you need in order to learn in your own way and embrace your own truth.

This means that you choose to stand in your own authority, knowing that you innately empowered to make this fundamental choice. In your new agreement, you have the freedom and the power to say “Yes!” to your full potential and live life on your own terms. You thus take a decisive step beyond what you have imagined or actualized so far in your life and you open a portal into a vastly expanded future.

On the basis of your New Agreement, it becomes possible for you to encounter yourself in the fullness of your true worth and to experience the your boundless capacity for love, wisdom and creativity. Moreover, you can call in all that you require for the full manifestation of what you have decided to create.

When you come to declare your New Agreement, you are ready to re-align your mind and your heart so that your heart can be your guide. It will inspire you, teach you and energize you to realize and embody the best that can be.

Here are the four statements that constitute your New Agreement:

I choose to align all aspects of my life to the fullness of my potential.

I choose to let go of all the limitations I have taken on, contrary to the truth of my being.

I choose to open up to Source as I invite it to manifest through my thoughts, words and actions.

I choose to live in accord with my heart’s true guidance, inwardly, outwardly and continuously.

When you repeat these words, you declare that it is your choice to leave behind your investment in the small self and its conformity to all kinds of limitations and falsities, including your beliefs about how and whether you need to conform to the various authority figures who have shaped your life to this point.

This means that you will enter a new phase of experience, and as a consequence life will present itself in a new form. When the words of the new agreement are sincerely declared, a process of change comes into play, bringing new insights and experiences, at first intermittently, then more frequently, and in the end continuously. Your new agreement opens you to these transformational energies and frequencies which will draw you to new insights, realizations and experiences beyond what you have known up to this point in your life.

The Attunement Process is most effective when placed at the service of your New Agreement. It acts as a powerful tool to amplify and intensify the clear intent you have expressed for growth and change.

The Attunement Process

Everything that really matters is found in the spaciousness of your awareness, not in the externals of your life. Although in essence you are made of spacious awareness, it is something more than mere empty space. Everything that really matters in life is to be found in this spacious awareness. Examples include love, wisdom, creativity, peace, clarity, inner harmony, strength, joy and power. These are the life-enhancing energies that spacious awareness has to enrich your existence. Anything that opens you to experience this spaciousness can deepen your experience of life and bring you closer to the fountainhead of your own unlimited potential.

When you allow your awareness to open up and flow more freely, you will experience a special kind of fulfillment. Life naturally becomes richer and deeper as you identify with the spacious awareness that is your essence. In the process of alignment to Source, you relax. In that relaxed state, awareness expands. Then, within that expanded awareness there arises an experience of fulfillment, like the feeling of truly “coming home.”

It is fair to say that any time you have felt something truly meaningful in your life, you have been in contact with this spacious awareness which is your essence and its limitless qualities of wisdom, love and fulfillment.

The point of attunement to Source is to show you your essence so completely that you can rest as that aware space and be who you truly are.

You can learn to rest in the essential space of your pristine nature no matter what is happening around you or how you are feeling. Cognizant, pristine spaciousness is your very nature, your divine nature. You are that. You are divine.

Even when you are frustrated or confused, you are still divine. Everything you experience as outside and around you is made only of what you are in your essence, and so it also is divine. That is all there is. That is what you are. You have always been what you have sought.

What matters is what you really are, not the contents which arise in the space of your awareness.

You can only be what you really are, and nothing else. So there is no dilemma, no crisis, and no problem. You have only to relax and be as you are to discover that this is true. This is the whole point of attunement to Source. It’s that simple.:

In the attunement process, several supportive factors are brought into play

The subject relaxes on a mat which generates healing fields of bio-electric energy. A light shines on the forehead where the “third eye” is located. This light is configured into various mandalas in a range of specially selected colours. The light acts as a reminder for you to let go, open up and come home to the truth of your being. You do not have to do anything. You just relax, let go and come home to an experience of oneness with Source.

Helpful Questions

At certain points, it may help to invite your mind to enter more fully into the experience of letting go, opening up and coming home. For this purpose, a series of questions has been developed. A facilitator may ask the questions or you may have them pre-recorded. Listen to the questions one at a time and hold each question in your awareness as you sink more deeply into peace and relaxation.

You do not need to be concerned about finding an answer or remembering any of the thoughts provoked by the questions, for they are meant more to show you who you really are than to provoke some form of verbal response.

These questions will help you to experience your essential nature more deeply and completely. There is no right or wrong answer. You cannot go wrong because wherever you start and wherever you end up is always what you really are: spacious awareness.

Can it be that you are not really your body? Not really your personality? Not really your mind?
Is it possible that these are experiences you have, but not what constitute your real nature?
Is it possible that you are space, conscious, open and allowing space in which the mind and body arise and appear?
Could it be possible that this space of awareness is what perceives and understand these words?
Is it possible that this space, your real nature, is limitless?
If the truth of your being is boundless, what does that mean?
Would this mean that there is infinite consciousness available to you at every moment?
Would you need to be so very careful about what you experience in life?
Is it really necessary to avoid some kinds of experiences and attach to others?
Or could you simply allow every experience that arises in this spaciousness to have some of the infinite space that you are?
What if this infinite space is one, not many, and you are it, and everyone and everything is also only it?
What if you already embody everything you could ever desire or wish to own or experience?
What if you already are everything you desire to grow into and become?
What if this spaciousness is alive? What if it is the aliveness you feel right now?
What if this spaciousness is full of love, tranquility, bliss and clarity?
What if this spaciousness is rich and full and fulfilling in ways that worldly experiences have never been?
What if this spacious fullness is who you really are?
Can you feel that it is here in each breath, and in the stillness between breaths?
Can you feel that it is flowing as the mind and its thoughts and its rest?
Can you feel that spacious awareness is here and therefore all is well, all is always well, and there is no need for any kind of doing to make anything well because all things are always well in that space of pure being?
Can you feel that there is no need to search?
Can you see that spacious awareness alone is real, and you are that?
Can you feel it? Can you feel that it is here, now, always, never to be lost or found?
Can you rest in the experience of being only and always that?

Attunement To Source

Modern technology has made it possible to achieve levels of healing and expanded consciousness to a degree never before thought possible. The essential modality is vibration. Sound, light, colour, number and geometry create various permutations of vibration. Our physical, etheric and astral bodies are essentially tissues of light of differing vibratory rates. When these are in harmony, good health and a sound mind result. But sometimes disharmony may arise. In the process of attunement, light speaks to light and brings in a reminder of the fundamental harmony that is the basis of sound health and awakened awareness. The body accepts this message through the neural network and adjust accordingly.

During an attunement session, the subject rests on a mat which generates bio-magnetic fields at various frequencies which are set to balance and align every aspect of the etheric and physical bodies. Earphones bring in audio-tones that support the process of deep relaxation into theta or delta mind-wave states characteristic of profound contemplation. The geometries of light and colour which play on the forehead (where the brow chakra is located) have been designed to make it easy to enter a non-dual state of awareness and rest in a state of expanded and deepened awareness.

A facilitator may or may not be present with helpful questions as part of the experience, either before, during or after the attunement. This is optional, but not necessary.

It can be helpful to spend some quiet time after the session is over, and to dialogue about the experience. There may also be times when it feels best to follow through in silence and forgo discussion.

The language of light communicates priordially to the human psyche. Colour, number, geometry and mandala all speak to the ancient light codes in our human DNA, reminding us of who and what we really are beyond the beliefs, stories, and notions we have fantasized in our minds.

This is not only enlightening in a spiritual sense but deeply healing at many levels.

Attunement to Source is an integral alignment of all parts of the being to their original harmony and wholeness.

Sunday 9 April 2017

Exploring Consciousness Through Technology

Since I wrote about finding one's own path, I feel to share a little about mine.

In between the first kick to start searching for what I AM in 2002 and finding the unexpected answer in 2010, I was a seeker. I did not call myself that, I did not connect to other seekers, nor I knew that there was a whole seeking culture. My path led me to technology. I always had a love for technology, for me that is an expression of intelligence and by finding ways to enhance human experience, an opportunity to evolve in higher speeds.

Of course, it's not about speeds, but rather shortcuts. For example, first time I found out about Holosync I was super excited. Using technology brought me an opportunity to experience deep meditational states, even though I have never sat in a meditation for longer than ten minutes. Meditation interested me but not enough to set me on some path that I would involve sitting still for hours and day after day till something unknown could be achieved. That was laughable for me. I could sit still and listen to music, but not to my own thoughts. That was way too boring. And there were a lot of thoughts.

With the use of technology I got that I don't need to do anything to switch off thinking, no practice is necessary, one can just put phones on and go right into amazing meditation states. No teacher or guru was needed. The brain was entrained by different brainwaves and desired states came easy, with a touch of play button.

Hollosync was followed by all other kinds of brain entrainment, subliminal messages, healing music, tuning forks etc. My path took me to explore how different frequencies are creating different sensations in the mind and body. And yes, this has nothing to do with the search for the answer to the ultimate question, but all to do with energetic side, the wellness, healing, and exploration of what human experience has to offer.

Fast forward a good few years to 2016 I arrive in Mexico, to participate in Barnaby's retreat. To my surprise I meet people that too are into technology, but not in a hobby like fashion like me, but for real. It was incredible to meet Guy Harriman, the creator of Ajna light. After ten minutes of trying his invention I stood up and the first thought said- I want this. I will get this and will show this to many people.

This technology is so beyond anything I could play with before. As soon as we were back from Mexico, I ordered Ajna Light and I could not wait for it.

I started to use it regularly, every day, sometimes with breaks. Sometimes it felt I had to take a break, to integrate and chill, otherwise, I may get too high. The light gave me what I needed most. Just laying down under it would take me to deep states of healing, release, expansion, inner explosions of bliss. The thinking mind would simply stop thinking and awareness of Presence would be felt. Every session is different and even same settings used would give a unique experience. Sometimes I felt like having higher intensity, sometimes only one percent. It's completely adjustable and it has many settings. It's such fun to work with this light. Of course, I can not describe the experience, and anything I would say would sound just like a few words that have no connection to your experience if you have never tried it.

I usually see lots of colors, mandalas, geometrical shapes or just while light, but it's only visual part of it. The best bit is that mind stops talking. And then the secret sacred place of most high is here. Even writing about this now I get the feeling.. with regular using I feel that it's easy to drop thinking and just be aware.

The light session gives a real trip without taking anything. Light alone is enough. It also combines with music, the computer is programmed with many tracks and I can put my own preferred healing sounds. I like to use some essential oils or incense with it too to get even richer, mind blowing experience every time.

This is a fun way to explore consciousness, find answers to questions and just melt into delicious stillness. This world disappears and the inner world, the heart opens. It's nourishing, relaxing, relieving and delicious.

The best part of having the Ajna light is being able to share it. We had a healing space set up in our house back in England. Quite a few people came to check it out, to have the experience. It is always a pleasure to witness the first impression. People's eyes light up, most loose words and don't know what to say for a while. It really is an unexpected gift that can only be tasted, no description can come close. Pure instant illumination, a deep sense of connection, expanded consciousness, sense of love and being loved- these are just a few words from me.

Now we took this tool to Mexico and already gave a few sessions here. My intention is to organize retreats and use this light as treatment, individually and as a group. I'm looking for a place right now and soon will announce dates.

If you like to learn more about Ajna light there are many videos on YouTube where other people describe their experiences and Guy Harriman talks about his invention.

It's very interesting how this technology found me, without even asking and first I tried it, then I read about it. As if it's meant to be. I'm feeling grateful that there are people creating amazing tools that really work and bring huge benefits to the user. 

Another amazing piece of technology that found me is PEMF mat (pulsing electromagnetic fields), but more about it later. If you have any questions for me, please use the contact form on the right and I will write back.

Love and Light.

Thursday 6 April 2017

The Path

How do you know what path to take?

There is only one path- your own, which is perfect for you. No one else can take you there, only you.

I meet a lot of seekers through the Liberation Unleashed forum. They all are looking for something. Normally, seeking includes: reading books, following prescriptions, learning new methods, searching for wisdom, looking for answers that someone could provide. That's all good, of course, and it is part of the path. Each path is as unique as we are. There is not one way or one method that would fit all. That is the difficulty for the seeker- which way to go, who to follow, how to reach that perfect state?

There is only one path and it's purely your own. Following someone else is not going to get you to the desired 'happily ever after'. Following good advice can be useful and if taken as an inspiration, it can bring you to different ideas for sure, but nothing taken from outside has the same value such as when you know that you are following your own heart.

The Liberation Unleashed forum is a place where seekers meet 'The Gate'. Everyone that comes to LU are looking for something and it is here that we point where to look so that the seeking can end and the seeing, finding can begin. 'The Gate' is a point of recognition, that the separate self, (as we thought it was) never really was. The seeker was never there, there was only seeking, trying to understand, analyse, interpret and describe something that words can't touch.

Once 'The Gate' is crossed, once the seeing really happens experientially, once it sinks in, the life no longer feels and looks the same. And then we are back on a path. This time, it's not about finding a new method or system, but turning within and undoing all that was built upon the idea of a separate person running the show. It's all about deconstruction, releasing, surrendering, where the old belief system falls away and the new way of seeing emerges and stabilizes. This process takes some months and years, clearing. It's not something that happens instantly like many seekers hope for. There is a lot to examine, investigate, clarify. Some methods learned from teachers, indeed can be fun, useful and helpful, but you can not be a follower anymore. If you are following, that's not freedom. Freedom is finding your own path, that works for you! That may include some tips and suggestions and useful techniques, when they are needed, for a period that they are needed. But, if you are finding yourself in someone else's crowd of followers, you have been hypnotized, which can happen easily, as mind wants something to hold on to, something to feel safe.

There is only a short journey to make- from here to here. From thinking to being. From being lost in thoughts about what is not happening to stillness and awareness of what IS. This journey can seem long and twisted, but in essence we are never not here and not now, it's only a matter of focus shift. And of course, calm, peaceful mind can see this instantly, while mind that has a lot going on simply can not find. Thoughts are too intense, too many.

The path is really about finding the way to get that beautiful mind to relax so it can be aware of presence. Don't buy into techniques that want your praise and attention. Don't follow leaders that have something that you do not have. Find your own way that brings that calm and joy of being closer. The sooner you start tuning inside, the sooner you will find what works for you.

All I am saying here is that no one can do it for you, no method can do it for you, no path of someone else will take you home. Finding your own way is freedom. Freedom to be you in all the glorious uniqueness. Just like a flower that does not need to know the way or method to bloom.

Saturday 18 March 2017

Hello, Pressence

"Truth will set you free," we know these words. I've had that as a signature in the LU forum since the beginning. Only recently did I change it to "Truth recognized will set you free". And here is why: Truth can not do anything if it is not consciously recognized and lived. If one is not receptive to it, no words of truth can do anything. You can be bombarded with truth all day long and it will not touch anything in you if there is no openness and no fertile ground for it to land.

So what is this truth that has the power to set you free? It's Presence.

We are aware, we are conscious, we can feel that we know. We can be still and feel that there is this spacious sense of presence. Here now, always available to be noticed, recognized consciously. This presence has a tone, a flavor; it's rich and full of aliveness.

The problem that one may have is how to still the mind to the point of being able to rest in a thoughtless space. There are many ways to practice that, meditation being the main exercise. You can also use technology, or whatever that works for you. The mind filled with fears and anxieties, shame, guilt and regret can not be still. It keeps working on trying to resolve and explain, protect a person. The mind can not relax until it thinks that it is its job to keep everything in control and in a certain way. It can not just sit still if it thinks that it needs to perform tasks and figure a way out of problems. But the only real function of the mind is to be aware! To be aware. The end. Let this sink.

The mind is doing work that is really not its work. Creating and solving problems is tension in itself, especially when problems seem to have no solutions. The tension builds up to the point of collapse or explosion. Neither are joyful experiences. Only calm, peaceful mind can get to stillness. Only when it's no longer pressuring itself into performing tasks that are not of its responsibility can the mind let go and be still.

Stillness is found inside. This is where we go silently, secretly and preciously. This is where the outside world is no longer relevant. Nothing from outside can give us peace. Changing the world outside is not of our power. It's only inside that we can find the home. And it's always here now. It is the Presence.

There are many words to point to the same Presence. Whatever word resonates, be it Self, Love, God, Life, Source, Buddha Mind, Christ Consciousness, Tao, Zen, The Great Spirit, Divine Presence, Consciousness, Aliveness, Being... You can call it whatever you like, even make up a word, as long as you consciously know what it means. I call IT Wooo, as that how it feels when the connection is made. Find your own word that hits the bulls-eye in your experience. Then find that which The Word points to in your experience. Here now, there is a sense of something being within- a sweetness, a silent joy of Being that feels like a flow of blissful lightness through the chest. Hello, Divine Presence. This is where we rest in the silent space of truth of Being. This is what the sages and gurus and wise men and women point to. The sacred place within, that Self-love, that Spiritual Heart that resides underneath all waves of thoughts and emotions.

Hello, Presence.

We rest in that presence and listen to what is there. Simply being open to it, being receptive. Listening rather than talking. Consciously recognizing it for what it is. (again use your own word here)

Bringing focused aware attention to just being, allows the system to re-calibrate, realign, refresh, erase all that no longer serves. Then there is a deep sense of peace and a delicious, calm feeling of completeness.

There is only one Presence. We can all tune into that and make a conscious connection with it. The silence that is felt, even for a few seconds--three to four times a day is the home. We don't need to solve problems and be concerned about the future- this activity won't give you a lasting sense of peace with what is. Take time to just sit in silence, dropping all pressure from the head, releasing all wants, shoulds, desires, desire for power and security, all trying to fix or change what is apparently not working and all expectations about what this experience could be like. Be there just for the sake of being connected.

This is IT. Rest in the silent aware space. What is that? What does it have to tell you? What feeling wants to be felt? Go deeper and deeper. This is where assurance that all is well and completeness can be felt. This is how the worldly problems melt away. Fall in love with the Divine Presence and how it feels. Fall in love with Love itself. That is where the connection with the ..... (use your word) happens. And when it happens, you know! You found the golden center of Being... abide in that and that will set you free.

Inspired by The Infinite Way teaching

Tuesday 14 February 2017

The End of the Old Life

I had a wonderful time at the retreat in Mexico last September and received many gifts from people I met there. Now five months later I reflect back to see what was the biggest impact of the experience. I've heard that there is a sweet after retreat time and then life goes to normal, but since this was my first retreat that I have ever been to, I have nothing to compare my experience. One thing I must say- life is not coming back to "normal".

I did not want to return to the UK, there was so much still unexplored in Mexico. We did not get to travel much in those 12 days we spent there and see what else the land had to offer. It felt like I only dipped my toes into the magical pond of wonder. I did not get to see cenotes or snorkel or taste some different Mexican foods. Upon arriving home immediately I felt I wanted to go back.

The big realization that dawned on me after the retreat was that I do not have to stay in the UK any longer. I and my husband have spent here many years, we made ourselves comfortable, met many friends, we were doing work that was creative and challenging and all was good. But for many years I was thinking where to go next. The UK was great, for time being, but the weather has always been an important factor and I was looking to change the climate, I just did not know where to go. I can't say I love the dampness and cold or the big gray cloud. Winters in England for me were times when all I wanted was to hibernate and wait for the spring to come which always was coming too late. Summers here did not give me enough sunshine and heat with all that big cloud and chemtrails in the sky. The cold and darkness sent me to soft winter blues year after year.

This year was no exception, I was so not looking forward to winter. After the retreat, it became clear that I want to live in a beautiful alive place with vivid colors and sandy beaches. I much prefer the sun and warmth. I feel that time has come to make a move, to get out of the place that served me well but is no longer where I want to be.

I am ready to move. I'm ready to leave behind the life we created, the tattoo studio which I really love, my friends here and LU community that emerged. I'm ready for new adventures in a new country and a fresh start. I feel that I arrived at the point where staying in cold and darkness no longer makes sense and to stay here would mean self-inflicted suffering.

I had such an amazing time at the retreat and I want to do more of them. It was great to share and receive healing, insights, joy and magic with a group of open-minded brave individuals. I would love to create experiences and support others on the journey of awakening and integration. So my plan is to go to back to the Carribean beach and follow my hearts calling. I am planning to do retreats in person and online and share with everyone that is ready to open up. The experience I had was so beautiful and loving that I want to create that with more people. I'm ready to drop the life I have and dive into the unknown, to serve awakening humans, trusting that this is what I'm called to do. This is the next chapter, or shall I say next book of my life.

I was so lucky to be introduced to people that are dedicated to their calling, creating and holding space for others to heal and to explore the nature of reality. I am very much inspired by Paul and Kathie Scott from Canada that dedicate their lives to serve humanity and Diana with Juan that are true healers with many tools to offer. I am also so grateful to have all this advanced technology for de-stressing the mind, heart, and body (PEMF mat and Ajna light). It has been amazing to be able to share this with quite a few people that came to retreat in January and made visits to our home. It is lovely to witness a change in the face and shine in the eyes, just after a short session. It has been tremendously beneficial to be able to use the mat and the light every day. The winter blues did not visit this year, just because of having a source of light at home. The light and mat will travel with us and will be part of the program at the retreats.
I will soon announce dates and programs of upcoming events that I will be organizing. Watch out space on this page for further details. You can also email me if you would like to find out more.

We are looking to end our stay in England very soon, there are a lot of practical things to sort out and things to let go. This is a real deconstruction of structure and patterns of living that will soon be replaced by the new.

On another note, I have got a few copies of Liberation Unleashed book and if you would like a signed copy, I would be happy to send it to you. It's only £10 plus postage. I would be very grateful to everyone that can leave an honest Amazon review after reading it. That would help a lot to spread the word about the book. 

Sending love... May your heart be light and happy!

Sunday 29 January 2017

A Gift

I had a really great time at the Liberation Unleashed Intensive Retreat. It was delighful to work with a group of people that were open and willing to look at what came up, ready to release whatever it was that no longer worked in their lives. As I sat in a chair, I invited everyone to come and sit next to me in front of audience. Everyone had a chance to share and brought a gift, something that we could all relate to. Some gifts we received! There was laughter, some tears and joy. some deep silence too. We all felt softened and connected at the end.

After the retreat I thought to share something with you, dear reader, and my sharing came through as a story. 

A Gift

Carol lived on a mountain. She was leading a quiet life, enjoying walks in the nature and occasional meetings with wild animals. In the evenings she would sit in her garden under a cherry tree watching sunsets. She would dream of places that she wanted to visit and quietly wish for her life to be different. The cherry tree was in full blossom, the air smelled delicious, fresh, promising. Carol was having tea and listening to birds singing.

Suddenly she heard something. She walked back into the house and heard that someone was at the door. That was strange, she did not expect anyone, no one was due for a visit.

Cautiously she went to the door and looked through the eyehole to see who was there. The was another loud knock. She did not recognize the figure so she asked-

-Who's there?
-You don't know me, but I brought you a gift.
-A gift? Nobody ever gives me gifts. I don't want it. Please go away.
-Don't you even want to know what the gift it is? - the man's voice sounded confused.
-Nope! I don't take gifts from strangers. Leave me alone. PLEASE!

Carol felt anxious, it was getting late and the sun was just starting to set. The man behind the door felt somehow threatening. She was frustrated and one more time asked the man to leave her alone.

Knock knock!
This time the man kicked the door, getting impatient. It was rather strange that the woman did not even open the door to talk to him in the eye. People are normally friendly around here. But Carol's door stayed shut.

Carol was looking through the eyehole in the door trying to see what gift the man had, she was a little bit curious, but also fearful, who knows what weirdo was behind the door.

-You can just leave the gift and walk away! -she shouted - I am not used to strangers here, can you please leave me alone.

The man did not move. He was here bringing gifts and this kind of rejection was surprising. He wasn't going to move until the gift was received. He took a phone out of the pocket and dialed a number. You could tell he was nervous by the twitch in his eye.

-Boss, she is not opening the door. What do I do? ... Right, you are going to send me some help? ... Thanks! Appreciated. Someone will come in an hour?... Ok then.

The man relaxed a little and sat down on the steps. He settled to wait.

Carol watched the man through a window, she was hiding behind the curtain peeking at him, still confused why would anyone bring gifts to her. All her life no one gifted her anything. She had to work hard for things she wanted. She was stubborn and she could set a goal and achieve it. But she never got anything for free. She never gave any gift to anyone either. Her life up till now had no such a concept at all. What people do was not of her concern. There were no people around here on the mountain. She was alone, self-sufficient and content with her solemn life.

This man was still outside, now sitting on her porch. Is he not going to move?

The sun was almost down and it was getting dark in the room. Carol switched the lights on and was pacing up and down the room getting more and more nervous. She went to the door again and shouted:

-You are scaring me, I don't want any gifts, leave now!
-Oh, Carol, don't worry, you will like the gift, just open the door and allow me to give it to you.
-How do you know my name?!
-I know all about you, I know that you will love this gift and that this exactly what you wanted! Don't be afraid, please.
-Now you are really freaking me out! I am telling you, I don't want gifts. I'm not interested in gifts. You can keep the gift, just leave me alone.
-Are you sure? You will really like it! - the man insisted. - All you have to do is open the door and let me give it to you. Then I will walk away. I have other deliveries to do. I can not just leave it on the steps. I have to give it to you by hand and I need you to sign that you received it.

Carol was getting panicky, she even thought about going to the kitchen and grabbing a knife, just in case this man would try to break in. She was still by the door, her heart racing fast, her breathing was getting intense, she felt the tension all over her body. But she wasn't giving in. The stubbornness was holding the front of resistance. She did not know what else to do, how to get rid of that man with his gifts. It hasn't even occurred in her mind that perhaps it's ok to accept the gift. She knew strongly that unwanted gift has to be rejected. Without a shadow of a doubt, she will hold the position and wait for the man to go away. But he was still there.

She heard someone else coming up and greeting the man. She looked through the eyehole again and saw another two figures approaching.

"Oh my god", she thought, "now what"?

Knock knock 

-Carol, would you open the door please, we are friends, don't be afraid, we brought gifts to you!
-I don't want any gifts!
-But we are not leaving without giving you gifts!
-You can keep them, go away.
-But these gifts are for you. It's what you want. Can you allow us to give you what we brought and we will leave, I promise.
- now you are starting to really annoy me!- Carol shouted.

Her face was turning red in anger. How dare those people behave like that! Nobody asked for any gifts, she certainly never wanted to receive anything from strangers. And why they know her name??

-Listen, Carol, there is nothing to be afraid of. This gift is wonderful, please open the door.
-I am not opening the door, I told you already. Why do you want to give me gifts? I never asked for anything!
-That's why they are gifts, you don't ask, but they come.- A soft voice of a woman spoke back to her.
-That sounds like a twisted Santa story! I have never accepted any gifts. How can I trust that's it is not a bomb or something that would explode and destroy my home?
-It is not a bomb! Don't be ridiculous, woman. -the first man spoke. -So are you opening the door or do we have to start breaking in?

Carol raised her eyebrows.

-Really? Are you serious? Are you going to break into my house to give me gifts? What kind of insane idea is that?!
-What kind of insane behavior is to not open the door when someone wants to give you a gift?
-I told you, people, I don't accept gifts.
-But what if it's something you always dreamed of? Aren't you curious even a little bit what we have got for you?
-No, I don't want to know! I have all I want and I don't want any gifts, the best gift would be now if you all just walked away.
-But Carol, you are saying no to something that would bring you a lot of joy.
-I don't want that!
-You must be crazy!
-I'm not crazy, you are crazy bringing gifts and not going away when I say that I don't want them!
-OK,- the man said, -let's make this simple. You open the door, you allow us to give you a gift, you see what we brought, you sign that you got it and we will walk away. Does that sound simple?

Carol stood quietly. She did not know what to say. This was really strange and unbelievable. How could this be happening? She has no one to call for help too. That's why she lived in a mountain so that she could be left alone and away from so the worldly human interactions. She hated people. They always made her feel an outsider, not like everyone else. She learned that relationships are hard and it's best not to get involved in any kind of friendships. Stubbornness was her only friend. She could always trust that stubbornness will give her results and will get her what she wanted. Now, these people at the door were making no sense! Allowing to receive gifts was something that never crossed Carol's mind. It just was nonexistent. So this situation seemed like something out of a movie to her. Not real.

-Carol! Open the door!
-Ok then, we are going to stay here till you do. You like it or not. The only way out of this situation is by opening the door. Do you hear this, Carol?
-Jesus! I said no! No no no, get that?
-Fine. Be it your way. We are staying.

Carol saw all three of them sitting down on the stairs facing away from the door.

She suddenly thought, why was she so afraid. They said it's not a bomb. Hmm, shall she trust that? But why would she trust that? These people know her name and say that they know what she wants. That is rather odd. And why are they so stubborn? Why don't they just walk away?

"Ah"- she though. -"They are stubborn like me! Interesting".

Somehow at that point, she softened. It was kind of nice to see how stubborn they were. It kind of felt like they have something in common. Something that she never had with anyone else. It was always just her that would hold on to her way no matter what. Other people were changing minds all the time, but not her! She knew what she wanted and how she wanted. She was in control. She was the one that she could trust. Changing opinion was not an option. Once she got her mind set, that was it. Unbreakable. Unmovable. Solid like a marble wall. That's how she liked it. Her way or no way.

Interestingly for Carol, these people acted like she did.

That made her curious. She looked through the eyehole again. They were still sitting, talking among themselves quietly, nodding heads in agreement. She wondered how long they will stay. She knew she will not move from her position now when a competition of who is more stubborn started in her head.

And then she saw, that winning at stubbornness is not a win at all. This situation will stay here as long as she will hold it. It was really up to her to end this ridiculous game. She had that power to open the door, allow the gift and let them go, but what to do with resistance? She had the idea that being stubborn is the only way to be. But now to get her way, to get those people leave, she had to give in and change her mind. She had to open the door to breaking her hard rules and she did not like that. "Rules are good", she thought, "they help to hold everything in control and being stubborn, never changing what was decided, was the rule number one". So for Carol, this was a tough nut to crack. She thought about walking out of the house through the back door and never coming back, that could solve it. Possibly.

She looked through the window into the dark. The three siluetes were parked in front of the house and not moving.

Carol made herself a cup of tea. She was sipping it and enjoying the delightful warm. She thought about people outside in the cold. Somehow she felt something new, her heart was becoming warm towards these strange people. 

'Is that what they call compassion?' -she wandered.

The tickle in the heart was an interesting sensation. Her heart was closed for all this time, there was a blank feeling there. There was no warmth towards other people. She liked animals and birds, but humans were something to stay away from, they felt unsafe. And now something was different, unknown. The feeling almost made her stand up, make tea and take it to those people outside. But Carol did not move. She sat on a kitchen chair, sipping from her cup, confused by what was happening. She wasn't sure if to go to bed or not. Eventually, she did.

The morning came early. Carol woke up with the first rays of the sun, she immediately went to the window to check if people were still there. And they were. Sitting in the same place, unmoved. She made herself a cup of coffee and sat quietly thinking on what to do next. She can't spend the whole day trying to get rid of them, that would be a waste of time, she thought. So how to break that barrier inside, the one that screams for holding on to the rules? How to open to allow the gift so these people can simply walk away? Something has to happen! She almost cried in desperation. She almost asked for the help of angels.

Then she stood up, her hair messy, eyes wild, knees wobbly and she found herself walking to the door and opening it. She has surprised herself by such spontaneous action.

-Hello! Do you like some coffee?- words came out of her mouth that felt like someone else was speaking. 
The three heads turned at her, nodding- "yes, please! That would be really nice".

Carol closed the door and went to make coffee. She felt like some kind of meltdown started, her arms moving, her mind silent, something was very unusual.

Then she surprised herself even more- she opened the door and called people inside. She welcomed strangers into her home. That was unheard of in her little bubble.

They came in. They sat quietly at the table and thanked her for the warm coffee silently nodding heads. Nobody spoke. They were waiting for Carol to take action, to open up.

Carol sat with them too. Sipping coffee silently, she looked in these people's eyes and felt the warmth. She felt connected like they were no longer strangers, but welcome guests. She knew that the only way forward now it to open up. She felt tears in her eyes and softening in her heart. She felt that by allowing these people in something shifted in her whole being. She no longer felt the need to protect herself, she actually felt a delightful sensation of melting the walls that were built around her heart. And the silence grew deeper.

She was the first to speak. She mumbled 'thank you'. Tears were running down her cheeks. Her heart was open, she did not care how she looked, what these people would think of her. She felt warmth in her heart and that was very sweet.

The first man stood up, got close to her and hugged her, while she was silently weeping. That felt good. He held her for a while letting the woman soak in the warmth of the hug, giving her time to heal. Still, without saying a word they stood there surrendering to the moment.

Then Carol laughed, she felt relieved. She realized what the gift was- the delicious softening! She no longer felt the walls that she had built so carefully around herself. She felt that being open is safe, that allowing is healing, that being flexible and curious is not scary at all. She laughed as she saw how ridiculous is to resist.

The people were laughing too, giggling in delight. So sweet that this hardcore woman could finally relax. All three of them had a shine in their eyes. Their job was done. Now they can go. Their gift was received. They bowed to Carol and walked to the door, smiling silently, they left like ghosts.

Carol was left alone, she felt that something clicked, that something deep has changed. She stood smiling, allowing life to bring her gifts. No more resistance. She felt open and raw, that was unusual but very sweet. Like a river of honey was flowing through her heart. She whispered 'thank you, thank you, thank you...'

The day has started, there was a mystery in the air and softness that was never known before. Carol felt a delicious feeling of surrendering. Who knows what happens next, but now she felt open. All gifts are welcome!

Knock knock- there was someone else at the door...