Wednesday, 28 September 2016

A Journey To Find Magic Part1

I have been on a journey and now I am back, with lots to tell. It's early morning and I'm having a lovely cup of coffee, starting to weave the story about where I've been. It takes me a whole day to write and I will be sharing the story over next three days. 


It all starts a couple of years ago when I got a Facebook friend request from Barnaby. He says hi, I say hi, we talk a little. He has read Jed McKenna like I did, so I point out that Jed missed the main pointer which is looking DIRECTLY at the absence of a separate self. Ten minutes in our conversation Barnaby looks, he starts to feel into sensations that arise, feels like drowning, I hold space for him, assuring that it's all ok. Something changes, he sees.. As easy as that. He was ripe and ready, there was nothing in the way of seeing, so with a little touch, Barnaby has recognised the nature of illusion of I.

Since then we kept chatting on Facebook about this and that, we had some common interests like bringing awakening to more people. Barnaby had the vision to organise a retreat, where he would invite all key people that helped him on his journey. His vision came true and here I was flying to Mexico... The retreat is called Awakening Radiance, it was held in Xcalac, on the edge of nowhere.

Barnaby had gathered a group of amazing people. Guy Harriman came with Ajna light. I never heard of it before the retreat. Diana and Juan came with a whole bag of tools and medicines, they were our shamans, even though they did not like to use that word. I came with my tools working with the mind- Direct Pointing and Deep Looking. Among participants, there was Kathie and Paul that brought a 'Magic Mat' and Quantum Touch healing. People came to the retreat from faraway places like Australia, Canada, U.K., Thailand, USA. This was a gathering of beautiful people that had a lot to share and learn from each other. I came with my husband and our friend. In respect of privacy, I won’t be mentioning names and I will keep this story all about my own experience. And even if it told you the whole story, you would not believe me.

What happened at the retreat over 7 days is hard to put in words, everyone had very strong and deep experiences, there was a huge transformation going on individually and within the group. I was repeating word 'wow' and was blown away by what I witnessed more times in that week than in an entire year or two! The energy that the group shared was bringing us closer to each other and to nature.

Part 2. NATURE

The connection to nature for me was one of the most profound gifts. All my life I felt that somehow there is this gap, that needs to be closed- I am part of nature, I am nature itself, but somehow life seemed a little distance away. Once I saw that separate self was an illusion, the assumed person was no longer there, it was clear that THIS is life living itself. At this retreat, I got to connect deeper and melt into that knowing. I had some profound realisations and was shown how life is breath, literally. 

We breathe in and out all day and night and mostly unconscious. When I bring attention to the Breath, when I inhale and exhale consciously the Breath tastes so sweet, so yummy, so alive. There is such power in breathing mindfully. I rediscovered breath, I clearly feel that life is breathing this body, that life is in every cell of this organism and that Breath is the essence of life. Life is breath, in and out, in and out.. It's right here, the sense of being, aliveness is found in breathing. Sound so simple, but somehow when the mind takes over when stories become the centre of attention the connection to the breath is lost. Then one thing to do is step into to breathing. It's always here. Opening the chest, lifting the head up, and simply taking a few rhythmic conscious breaths brings me back to the presence. This is how energies get transmuted, breath clears all tensions, breath heals, the mind calms down and loses interest in stories, as this moment here is much more interesting than some imaginary stuff.
It was miraculous to connect to nature. 

We had a beautiful space on a private beach, with no civilisation around, just us and nature. When three of us ( me, husband and friend) arrived at the place a storm was gathering, the wind was blowing hard and it seemed that in a minute there will be a storm, but it passed us. The wind was strong for the beginning of the retreat, which was nice, as we had a breeze from the sea and it was cooling during the hot tropical day. It also kept insects away. At the end, when the group worked through the intense energies, the wind subsided and there was calm. So calm, that no leaves were moving, so still that the sea became like a mirror that reflected sky... So beautiful how nature reflected our collective state.

We were blessed by the cosmic show of sunrises and sunsets, the moon rises, and moon sets. It was a week of the full moon and when it was coming up, the whole sky was lit by this giant cool lamp. We enjoyed sitting in the moonlight moon-bathing, chatting to people or just sitting in silence absorbed in a moment. We got up early every morning to catch the first rays of the sun. We saw rainbows and clear skies, millions of stars, we saw rainstorms and lightning. The show was spectacular. Unforgettable. The whole sky was there showing us the beauty of Life.

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We had gorgeous Caribbean ocean too, with fishes and crabs and sea flees that liked to nibble on us.. The beach was looking sad, there was a lot of debris thrown out after a storm that happened a few weeks ago. It was hard to see how much plastic and rubbish was thrown out on the shore. It was hurtful to know that we, humans, are so disrespectful of nature that we throw garbage in waters. The beach so far away from civilisation was affected hugely by ignorance and carelessness of our brothers and sisters that have no idea what they are doing to Mother Nature. This has to change.

We also had animals that came to the retreat, a couple of dogs, lizards, some saw a tarantula, some a scorpion, lots of crabs, birds, dragonflies and colourful butterflies. I made friends with a fish! This was quite an interesting experience as this little fish liked to swim with me, it was very curious and playful, it followed me back to the shore and stayed with me for about an hour. It was incredible and very touching in a personal way. The fish was very comfortable around this woman's body and did not want to leave. It was almost magical. This little grey fish with blue dots and yellow thins will stay in my memory as a friend.

As I connected to sun, moon, stars, Earth, wind, rain, I started to see chi energy. Diana was leading chi hung classes in the mornings, which I never have done before. At the beginning, it felt like quite a complicated exercise, hard to follow. It had elements of yoga, which were a little familiar as I used to go to yoga classes. A few days later I got it! I got how the energy moves, how my hands receive and send, how the centre under the belly button is the generator of whole energy we have and I got how to charge myself. This was the first taste of chi, not imagined, but real. Not something I read about, or have seen in movies, but true in my own experience.


Every day we had meditation time and some days we had silence.

We had a very powerful meditation created by Paul and Kathie. It was specific breath work, including music and chanting that got me to experience energy movement like never before. I have done a few group meditations, I have used various methods, but THIS was something else! I have never felt connections to lower and higher energy centres, besides the 7 chakras and when they got activated through breath, amazing sensations started to happen, I could feel the torus, all around the body, swirling up and down, there was so much light inside the closed eyes, there were sensations of body melting away into this swirling dance of energy. Unspeakable. Single most powerful meditation of any kind that I experienced. This technology that Paul and Kathie created was nothing like I've tried before. I'm looking forward to being able to download it and trying it again at home.

The first day was a day of preparation for the medicine. Diana and Juan were taking participants one by one into the sea to give all Janzu water treatment. There were too many of us to be served in one day. I watched them working with people in astonishment- something very unique was going on there. I did not know anything about it and was super curious to try. My turn came on the third day.
First I received quantum touch healing from Paul and Kathie. It felt like a couple of Angels were working on me. I am not a believer in angels and I don't use this word ever, but meeting this couple was like meeting beings that were not from Earth. When I looked into the eyes of Paul and Kathie, there was only love, connection, serenity and full acceptance. The healing touch that was used on me realigned, balanced and harmonised the body. I only read about Quantum Touch on the Internet, and even subscribed to some newsletter thinking that this was something interesting. Seeing Paul in action and noticing an instant change in my husband as Paul was demonstrating how it works, was mind blowing. Experiencing that for myself left no doubt that this stuff is powerful.

Right after quantum touch healing Diana took me into the ocean. She asked the spirit of water to cooperate, we have done some exercises and then it started. She gave me earplugs and a nose clip, so I would not need to be distracted by water getting into the nose and ears. Then she instructed me that she will give a warning sign when she will pull me under so I can get a breath in and hold it in.

She asked me to relax completely and to let go of any trying to control, then she started to gently pull me around, directing the flow, getting the body to relax completely. It was incredible, I completely surrendered to the motion, there was not a dash of resistance, my body was completely free to move as Diana was skilfully in charge. I was like a rag doll, being played with. She pulled me under the water, twisted and rotated my body, which felt light and boneless. This indeed reminded me of being free flowing in the womb of the mother. There was a sense of deep connection to water, to the flow that was so playful and joyful, a complete surrender to the magic and a sense of being reborn. Hehe, I felt like a mermaid, with my hair floating freely and the body free of any tension, with eyes open, swimming like I was a water creature. Diana later told me how she enjoyed the session with me as it was really powerful, how fully I surrendered. There was no fight, but complete trust, there was no driver present, only the flow.

When the session was over, Diana gently pulled me to the shore, I laid on the sand resting, processing what just happened, enjoying the moment, which felt like being born again. When I stood up to walk I looked at my feet and that felt weird to have them. My knees were wonky and it felt like I have to use legs for the first time. Strange experience! I wobbled to a mat that was set on the grass, Diana got me to lay down and put a blanket over my body, covered my eyes and performed a healing ceremony.

I laid there like a caterpillar in a cocoon being reborn as a butterfly. The gentle sound of bells and Diana singing was keeping me present, the smell of oils and incense was delicious, the mermaid harp was singing in the wind making most beautiful sound.. I still can hear it now while writing this. I stayed in this magical place for a while, there was no rush to get up. It felt like I'm freshly born. No kidding. Amazingly at the time of Janzu session, there was a cosmic event of moon eclipse taking place. Roll all this up together and whoosh, a real sense of magic! Something that it's hard to put in words. I was feeling so blessed to experience this. Diana is amazing, she is a warrior princess, with many tools. I called her and Juan Swiss army spiritual couple, they seemed to be able to pull magic out of their pockets. Literally. :)


Tomorrow I will share about Toad Medicine, Direct Pointing and New tools of technology.

Part 2
Part 3


  1. Ilona, it's the way the form responds. Isn't it beautiful just to respond to its calling. The inner world or environment reaching out n melting into the external one through the no boundaries of skin.
    It's magic.