Images: Realistic V Unrealistic

Working as a tattoo artist my job it to create images on skin. You can see some of my and my husband's work on our website.

Often clients email me their ideas and pictures they like an I have to find a way to transfer it into tattoo. It is amazing to see my clients happy as they get a new tattoo, or get the old one covered. The images that I create for them are unique and permanent, and that is what makes it special. Customizing human bodies is great fun. 

If you have a tattoo you know how important it is to get it right from the start. It is too easy to get a tattoo that is not well done, distorted and looks like a kid's drawing rather than a piece of art. It is much more difficult to get it fixed later then to do a research and find somebody who can deliver from the first time.

What amazes me greatly is how some people have ideas completely mixed up, so far away from what can be done and how the images in the mind are completely unrealistic. My job is to help to translate an idea into a workable image. Sometimes that means breaking illusions and getting the client to think from scratch. What is imagined does not necessarily reflect what is possible to do or what is right to do. And it is not just young people, that get all mixed up in a head.

For example, a client sends a picture of some back piece tattoo that they like, a large piece on the ribs or a whole sleeve and ask me to do a tattoo just like that on their wrist. This puzzles me, how come there is such obvious difference in size, and they still see it as the same? A girl once brought me a photo of apple blossoms and a bird and asked me to do a tattoo of an apple tree on her wrist with roots coming down the hand, with that bird sitting in the tree... To me that is very strange, as she sees one and imagines another, as if that was the same image. 

Often I get asked to tattoo something on the wrist that would go up side down, as the person wants to see it right way up, without realizing that for everyone else this tattoo would look wrong way up. Let's say it's a cross and I did it, she is happy, but confused, why everyone around are looking at her in a strange way as if she is a satanist. :) 

But the funniest thing for me is when somebody has a very bad and old tattoo and they ask me to do the background for it. I suggest that old tattoo needs to be covered, there is no way that it can be made looking good, but they insist that they like it. That just shows that they do not see it as it is, but as they believe that it is- beautiful. Often it's because friends would nod heads and say how great it looks. Sometimes it is hard to admit that mistake was made and now they are stuck with something far from beautiful, so it is easier to pretend that it's all good, then find a way to sort it. They rather hold on to unrealistic image then open the eyes to what is. 

Here is my favorite website of bad tattoos, I can laugh for hours looking at permanent markings on real bodies that went completely wrong http://tattoofailure.com. I know it is not so funny for them people who's skin has been ruined. But a choice has been made and ink is in the skin. We don't learn from other people's mistakes as quickly as from our own. So having a bad tattoo is often a good lesson. It is better no tattoo then a crap tattoo, that is for sure. 

So images that we have in our mind are often far away from what is realistic and doable. And that is not just about tattoos. What we want and what can be done are sometimes far far away from each other. That is when the suffering comes in. There is nothing wrong with imagination, but when the distance from imagined to realistic is too great, there is tension, depression, broken hopes and it feels not so nice. :(

There is a difference between realistic and unrealistic images. The more you invest in unrealistic image, the more it hurts when it is met by reality. So if you ask me to do a back piece tattoo on a wrist and I say no to that, my answer does not meet your expectation and the image crashes down bringing your mood down as well and you get disappointed. Then you have to spend time getting over it.

What would your life be if you stopped imagining how the future should turn out and simply live in the now, without trying to manage life to fit your imagined outcome? What if you dropped the unrealistic, distorted fantasies and stopped trying to change what is? How do you know that what you want is what you need? I don't know. I can only see one step that I have to do now and one step ahead.  I can no longer imagine future and take it seriously. I don't create images in my mind a see them crash over and over again when they meet with reality, as I used to. That gives a lot of freedom to simply be and enjoy what is. The imagined can be enjoyed too, but I know it's a daydream...

Images

       
One of tricky parts while looking for the mysterious "I" is to recognise what is real and what is imaginary. By real I mean that, which is here, you believe in it or not. Like this table, or computer or your fingers on keyboard pressing the keys. The sensation of breath coming in an out, the tingling feeling in the back, that, which is experienced. 

An image is mind created, it is not real, it can twist and change in a breath and can only be found in imagination. Close your eyes and recreate the room where you are sitting now together with your body in a chair and all that is around it. The image may be vivid, may be blurry, it may have a homely feel to it or be full of judgement about how bad this space is, but it is all just in imagination. When you open your eyes, the space is filled with things and you can go and touch them, feel them and compare to imagined things. 

When you remember something from the past, you see an image in the mind, then thoughts flow and tell a story, what was happening, how it felt, what came out of it. The past is made up of images and so is the future. Imagine yourself in  three years. Immediately mind starts constructing an image of some wants and wishes, hopes that this or that will be different, wining a lottery perhaps, and also fears that it may all go wrong. The feeling that gets triggered by the image is felt and is a real sensation which is arising in the now, regardless if the image is made up. The thought feeling connection is always at work.

Imagine you have a visitor. Someone you really like a lot comes to this room now and sits next to you, gives you a hug. The feeling is pleasant and you want it to last, perhaps mind goes on daydreaming, creating more images that have this pleasant, heart warming effect. 

Body reacts to real and to imaginary. It does not know the difference. If mind is holding a scary image of danger the body will tense up. Other day I was trimming a bush and I saw lots of bugs, that triggered a reaction of jumping off, but all it was a slightly different colouring on the branch, the body reacted as it was real, as strongly as if it was. 

The image of me is not a me. It appears as something real, something that needs to be protected and looked after, something that needs to manage life of me. But as soon as you start looking if there is reality behind that image, it becomes clear, that this 'me' is completely made up. There is no evidence in reality, that me is more then an image. If I asked you to touch that which you call "me", could you? Would you be touching chest or head? How about hearing that me, can you hear it now? 

People go around their lives lost in the mind, the now, that which is, is covered by a thick blanket of mental fog. The imaginary world seems to be more important than what is here, right now. Just notice, how whatever body does, it does regardless what images you are engaged in. There is a whole wold of experiencing right here, unnoticed, unappreciated, only because the images of past or future are taking the whole focus leaving only a tiny bit on what is actually happening . Mindful being is replaced by being in the mind. 

Do you care what others think of you? Do you try to protect the image of you, so your friends would think about you this way and not the other? Does it hurt if someone else's image of you is not what you would like your image to be perceived as? Do you get depressed and suffer over imaginary stuff? There really is no need for that at all. 

The mind itself knows, that images are not reality, but somehow it tricks itself into believing it otherwise and is working so hard and intensely to keep them images safe. As if an image can get hurt of something. 

Try this: close your eyes and see your body dead. Shocking? No? Look at that image from different angles, see it from eyes of another, perhaps your mum. Feel whatever comes up and notice how this image affects the body. Besides the feelings, does it affect anything else? The table, the chair, the screen is still here, nothing goes anywhere, the body is sitting comfortably too. The image is not reality. It can not affect what is. But it has a very big impact on how you feel. And how do you feel if there is no story going on in the head- relaxed, at peace,  joyful... like holiday...

The goal here is not to get rid of images, but to recognise that images and reality are NOT THE SAME. Then images can no longer create tensions in the body and as a result you can live more relaxed life and enjoy it. Then less and less images about past or future show up in the now. You don't need to worry about stuff that may or may not happen. 

When images are seen for what they are- mind created postcards of past or future, not to be taken seriously, mind relaxes. There is nothing that can happen to an image off a me. It is indestructible, same way that Batman can not die, neither can you as both are purely in imagination. :) Can you see that? 

What is here now experienced by senses is also an image created by the mind, but here now the imaginary me is not present. It belongs to the realm of daydream, fairy tales and fantasy world. We can tell stories about me but stories and reality are not to be mixed up if you want to see life as it is. Not as you imagine it to be. 

Imagination is a powerful creative force, love it, respect it, but please, check for yourself, if you live your life lost in a head and are missing what is really going on.  There might be a whole new world waiting to be discovered. One that is right under your nose, so obvious and so overlooked. 

Images from www.fredrikodman.com

Justin: Gate Is Imagined, Just Like Imagined Spoon..

Justin 
Aug 1 (4 days ago)

Hi Ilona,
I came across your blog from the Liberation Unleashed website. Many thanks for your compassion to fellow seekers.

I've recently suffered from anxieties and fears due to work stress. My first relief from these symptoms was attending a cupcake decoration class last week - just purely focused on piping cupcakes, no expectations, no stories. I realised that the suffering was all in my 'head'.

This week, I started observing the shift after reading writings from Scott Kiloby, "Gateless Gatecrashers" and your website. Life just life-ing, although the "I" thought-form (eg. stories, baggage) can still be noticed. There are occasions of physical discomfort (ie. anxieties) and I'm unclear whether it is due simply to emotions arising from events, or the "self"  hijacking the flow of life.

I would like to request your assistance to enter the gate. Thank you.

Regards.

Ilona:
Hi Justin.

Thank you for email.
Physical discomfort is part of life.  It has nothing to do with self. There is no self. Animals too get sick and feel pain, it does not mean they have a self, same human animal. Body does its own business.

Anxieties and frustration is another thing- years of programming do not necessarily vanish just from seeing that there never was a self. So there might be lots of work needed to stabilise and release old patterns.  And self can not high jack the flow, it does not exist.

Are you clear on that? There is no self as in zero.  What feelings, thoughts arise here?

What do you expect to happen?
Write all hopes and expectations down.


Much love.



Justin:
Aug 2 (3 days ago)

Hi Ilona,
Thanks for your response.

It is currently difficult for me to separate the thought of “self” from feelings of anxiety, the latter seems to trigger thoughts of self. Intellectually, I understand my “self” is like Batman and Santa – it does not exist in reality. Yet, I can act as if the self exists – continuing in such suffering. I believe that something doesn’t have to be true to be useful. I am ready to break out of this belief.

There is no self as in zero. What feelings, thoughts arise here?

Occasionally, I observe that there is no one behind the typing, eating etc, I feel a great sense of relief, lightness, freedom. Things just happen.

Hmmm, in order for “me” to observe that there is no doer, this has to happen after the fact. “I observe” must come later – this labelling/thought is extra. Is this it?


My hopes and expectations are:
-       Anxieties, fears, struggles in life and suffering will be removed.
-       Others will like and approve of me.
-       Provide answers and clarity on my purpose in life and what I should be doing.
-       To be happy.
-       Living in the flow.
Thank you for your instructions.
Regards.
Justin


Ilona:
Hi Justin.


My hopes and expectations are:
-       Anxieties, fears, struggles in life and suffering will be removed.

Not necessarily. At least not right from the start.
There is freedom to experience all spectrum of emotions without judgement that it's wrong to feel what you feel.

-       Others will like and approve of me.
Seeing that there is no self does not change what others feel about you. Does not change character. It is a shift in perception. Just that. All is already whole, already unfolding as it should.

-       Provide answers and clarity on my purpose in life and what I should be doing.

What if there is no purpose, no meaning..?

-       To be happy.

That becomes irrelevant.


-       Living in the flow.


It is always just the flow. There is nothing that lives outside of life.

What else do you think should happen? Make sure you bring ALL expectations to the surface as they are what is in the way of seeing.

What you do not want liberation to be?


Justin:
Hi Ilona,
Here is my reply.

What else do you think should happen? Make sure you bring ALL expectations to the surface as they are what is in the way of seeing. 

I want to achieve whatever I set my mind to achieve.
I want to be happy and satisfied with what I have achieved.
I want to be perfect in what I do, and receive no criticisms from others.
I want to be loved and accepted by everyone.
I want to achieve peace of mind so there’s no more struggle or suffering in my life.
I want to uncover who I really am and live from that truth.
I want to be physically, emotionally and financially secure.

What you do not want liberation to be?
To continue struggling in life and not feeling satisfied.
To continue having that sense of insecurity, and not being accepted.
To continue to feel stuck, confused and depressed.
To continue living in my head.


Regards.
Justin

Ilona:
Thank you for honest answer.
Can you notice that there is a lot of wanting. It is that wanting that has to be put to rest and if you are ready to take a fresh look what it is, we can start looking.

When you say I, what does it refer to?



Justin: 
Thank you for your instructions.

When you say I, what does it refer to? 
I refers to a thought associated with name, abilities, various attributes, past stories, future expectations, desires, aversions and preferences. This thought appears to be constantly moulded by experiences and events of the past.

Ilona:
You are looking at grand illusion.
There is nothing behind word I. Just a bunch of thoughts and images.

Character batman has I when he talks in a movie and also has abilities, attributes and past. But is batman real or imagined? That is the question.

How do you recognise what is real and what is imagined?

(real- that which does not disappear if you stop believing in it.)

Spend some time with this and answer, what is more real, Justin or batman, and how do you know.


:)


Justin: 
Hi Ilona,
Thank you for your instructions. Tears flow, because I know this is a hard one.

But is batman real or imagined?
Batman is imagined. It is a made-up character that cannot be found in real life.

How do you recognise what is real and what is imagined? 
This is difficult for me. That which is imagined requires an extra step of belief to seem believable. This is similar to how we believe the characters and stories in movies to be believable.

what is more real, Justin or batman, and how do you know.
Justin is more real than batman. The extra step of belief is smaller for Justin than batman.

Your questions have raised some worries - that I cannot easily separate real from imagined, and am unaware of my beliefs (in terms of things being real or imagined)!

Regards.
Justin


Ilona:
to Justin
Oh yeah. The bigger the doubt the bigger the awakening- so zen proverb says.

Tell me, what do you know 100% as truth?

Sit with this for a bit and write what comes up.


Justin: 
Hi Ilona,
Thank you for responding. Things have been clearer this morning, and I've been referring to your 6-step process on your website to clarify what I know as 100% true.

Step 1: There is no self at all. No me that lives my life.
Fear arises - loss of control and survival without a self. This fear is a result of the doubting, which I describe below. But I also realise that there's never been a self in the first place. The self is imagined and associated with whatever is happening. Seeing, observing, typing etc. just happens with no doer actually.

Step 2: Strip away all expectations
We did that in my previous email.

Step 3: Get in touch with real
The doubt between real and imagined arises because of the mechanism of striving to be something (real or imagined) other than what is. This is a separate issue, but is interfering with this process.

The imagined spoon is not real. Batman is not real. I open my eyes and cannot find them in real life. I can drop the belief now.
Justin is not real (ie. but this is seen below).

Step 4: I is a thought. Thought does not think.
Observing breathing happening, but notice there is no breather. Then the thought "I breathe" arise. This "I" thought points to nothing - there is no one there. There is only breathing happening. Similarly, the thought "Justin breathes". "Justin" points to nothing - there's no one there. When the thought "Justin" comes up, there's nothing to point it to, although there is another separate process of associating that links "Justin" to memories, past experiences. By itself, "Justin" is imagined.

Step 5: The Gate
The current understanding of this is still superficial, but the realisation is that there is no noun, only verb. It's like converting everything to verbs and processes -  just happening. Even the arising of thoughts and self, just another process of life just happening. This thought process is strong and there is fear of regressing to a former state. There is still a desire to constantly check to see that no one is there.

There is no Gate. Gate is imagined, just like the imagined spoon.

There is a desire to go for a walk after this.


Step 6: How does it feel to be liberated?
If this is liberation, nothing changes on the outside. Nothing changes on the inside except to clearly see there is no one there. There has never been anyone there.

And to think that "I" control "my" life, plus strive to become something that "I" am not, when there's no one there in the first place!! One illusion on top of another!!

Life still happens. Even thinking still happens. Still transitioning between personal and impersonal - this appears to be difficult.
The only major change is to see how doubting of what's real and imagined is the result of striving, but this is a separate thing to be addressed differently.



Thank you for your patience and listening to me rant. I await your instructions.

Regards.
Justin

Ilona: 
oh, wow... how are you feeling? can you describe what happened here? did you really look and saw? or is all still intellectual? the need to keep checking can stay for a while, till it drops too. some time is needed to stabilise and readjust. tell me  more, what are you noticing, forget instructions, rant about what and how you see what is really going on.

looking forward to hear from you!
much love.


Justin:
9:51 AM (11 hours ago)

HI Ilona,
Is this it? I was expecting bliss or some big bang. It was just a subtle shift - no one there. Your instructions to sit with it was useful, as I was going on too fast initially.

I've been looking and already observe that there was no one there the past few days. Yesterday, I did your 6-step process, and starting writing on my notepad. It felt strange to notice no one writing, no one reading.  "Who is writing this? ..." ended up being there. I think slowing down, and noticing no one doing the breathing, then bringing up the thought "I breathe", then noticing that "I" points to nothing. It was more of slowing down and making sure I don't just do it intellectually.

Things like deciding, observing, choosing, knowing. These are more difficult as I always assume you need an "I" to decide, observe etc. It's all language. Like it states in the video, decisions just get made. This relates to loss of control, loss of self-determination and results in fear. I expect some time is required to adjust for this.

"I" thoughts still arise, but there's another process that reminds myself that there's no "I". I'm not checking that no one's there that much - just go about my life.

Went out for a walk, things seem different. Just seeing - with less labelling, less thoughts. I also felt life energy, and a sense of aliveness. I can tune into this more easily. Maybe this is the flow.

There is an awareness of life being mysterious. This relates to loss of control and self-determination. Problems do not go away. Anxieties remain. Just that there's no one there, and to get on with solving problems, dealing with anxiety sensations. Or just lazing around in bed, refusing to face up to the world this morning.

Regards.
Justin


Ilona:
Beautiful. Yes, no boom, just a drop of belief. Simple and profound.
I have some last questions for you to answer, to make sure, that gate was crossed with both legs :)

1) Is there a 'me', at all, anywhere, in any way, shape or form? Was there ever?

2) Explain in detail what the illusion of separate self is, when it starts and how it works.

3) How does it feel to see this?

4) How would you describe it to somebody who is very interested, but has never heard about this illusion.

5) What was the last bit that pushed you over, made you look?



Please answer when ready in full as honestly as you can.

Sending lots of love to you..


Justin: 
Hi Ilona,
Here are my answers.

1. 'Me' cannot be found anywhere in any way, shape or form. No, it was never there in the first place.

2. The illusion of separate self is the assumption that a 'self' exists, which is the doer of deeds, experiencer of experiences etc. It is difficult to say when it started, but likely to be the result of upbringing from adults when I was a child - that "I" am in control of things like continence and behaviour. I believe it works via the construct of language, where there must be a subject in a sentence. This forms part of our internal thought processes, resulting in "I breathe", "I eat" whereas there's no one there but breathing and eating still happening.

3.  It feels odd to notice that there is no one there, and yet also normal, because it's actually been like this all along. There are less thoughts going in my head, probably because the "I" thought is now redundant. Life goes on as normal, although I can feel a stronger sense of the life force, or aliveness.

4.  This is the process of discovering that there is no instigator behind our activities, and also the nature of how 'self' functions. It requires a sincere look at who or what is the instigator/controller behind all our activities, if any. The result of this looking would show that there is no one behind all our activities. For instance, we can observe that breathing just happens with no one there. The sense of self is a mental labelling process that comes afterwards, attributing an "I" to the activity (ie. I breathe). In reality, that "I" refers to no one.

5. I have some background in meditation, so it was not difficult to just look. I've also read the case studies in "Gateless Gatecrashers". I think it is useful to be calm with no expectations, and slowly look. We have to overcome the belief that there must be a subject involved in every action and just look at what's actually happening. Doing it calmly and slowly provides the gap between observing that there's no one there, and subsequently, the labelling process of "I".


Thank you Ilona! You have a very special role in Life, and I'm indeed fortunate to receive your instructions. Strangely, I'm most grateful for pointing out that I can't tell the difference between real and imagined. Great doubt! It was a great realisation - I, striving to be someone that I'm not, when there's no one there in the first place!

Take care!

Regards.
Justin


Ilona:
That was delightful to read.
:)

Yes, everything is just the same and yet it's different. This is only a beginning, like a new start. There is time for clean up and stabilisation. Soon after all beliefs start falling of in full speed. Like dominoes.

Can I have your permission to post this on my blog as it can help somebody else in turn. Also we have a system at liberation unleashed that once somebody has 'got it' 3 other people confirm that and we invite you to out groups.  There is a whole community now on Facebook. It's very helpful when there is a burning question as all have been through similar stuff. I'd love to meet you there.

If you like, I can change the name for the blog.

Lots of love.

*bows.

This was truly epic.


Justin:
Hi Ilona,
You have my permission to post this on your blog. There is no need to change the name, just not to post my email address.

I haven't got a Facebook account yet, but will set up it soon. I'd be interested in joining liberation unleashed, to see what clean-up and stabilisation actions are required. I'm based in London, so let me know when you next have a meet-up.


Lots of love and a big hug! You've been truly wonderful!
*bow

Regards.
Justin

An Email from Penny

Hi Ilona thank you for getting back to me. I read about some changes on your website - I wondered what that would mean, so a big thank you for sticking with me. I hope this shift will be full of joy.

I'm really happy to have these questions because I sense there has been a huge shift in being. I've read people talking about shedding and I feel that's what's going on. It's like more and more is being revealed as being not real, it's like a constant eyes opening experience!

1. Is there a 'me', at all, anywhere, in any way shape of form? Was there ever?

No, there is no 'me'. This is actually hilarious and a bit of a "mind-f***" during the process but clearly there is no such entity, at all, anywhere, in any shape or form. There was never a me!

There is no separate self/me at all. There is a body, known as Penny, which has senses - sight, hearing, taste, feeling, smell. However, the idea of separateness of "penny" from the experience of living is an illusion, a story. It's like that line in the John Lennon song Beautiful Boy " life is what happens while you're busy making other plans". "Penny" has been acting out various parts or roles in her life, like she had a persona or role of headteacher for a while. In that role she behaved in a certain way and made certain decisions. She did this with her mind which is able to think and reason. In this mind there is a memory. When this mind accesses the memory certain feelings arise - happiness, sadness etc. Thoughts also arise. Other people too have an idea od who "Penny" is - all different!! But while all this role stuff is happening, Penny's body was going right on with living and feeling. This is the immensely powerful thing - there is nothing to look for, it's here already!!

So separate self does not exist. It never existed. What there was was parents telling me how to behave and what to do. Good behaviour - bad behaviour, rewards, punishments, learning how to operate with other people. This created a sense of self. An illusion of separateness, if the "I-ness" of Penny as distinct from other beings. Then school - aspirations, logic, deferred gratification, expectations, achievement, culture, art, artifice. All this serves to create the illusion of a separate self, a "civilised" being who can control what happens. This is not real!

2 explain in detail what the illusion of separate self is, when it starts and how it works.

Initially parents. We love to label! With a very new baby we might talk about temperament, characteristics - "she's happy /contented/fiery" etc etc. But very quickly that becomes a story! My mum, until she died, believed I didn't like strawberries. Maybe I spat a strawberry out when I was two or three. It was probably an expensive strawberry or a special occasion like a birthday party so she labelled me as her daughter who "doesn't like strawberries".  I used to have this profound sense of separateness from my mum because she labelled me so much "you're so clever, so this, so that, blah blah blah but you're really bad at washing up, and you don't like strawberries which are the most delicious fruits in the world so you're very odd really, because I wash up very well and I love strawberries". So you could have alienation from parents or you could have profound egocentricity because they've told you you're so wonderful - or you could have a bit of both!

Whatever you have it's an illusion because in fact there is no separate "you" at all. The whole thing is just a story, first of all in other people's minds and then IN YOUR OWN MIND. Then of course you go to school/uni - more labelling, more stories. More layers of a self being built up. Then you get a job and you are really in a mess. Now you are really acting out big time!  I used to think "this Headteacher person isn't really me" but I failed to see that in fact there was no me!! Husbands can be interesting "This is who you are/this is how I need you to be/I'd like you to be more like this and less like that/ try harder"!!  Your own  children develop their own story and sense of self and it starts all over again!!  My little grandchildren are still pretty real - you can spend hours just being, looking at beetles with little grandchildren - but already the stories are emerging. One already says "I  can only go to sleep if you blah blah blah". Oh dear :-((

3  How does it feel to see this?

Amazing! Things are happening - love is happening, openness is happening. Just contentment with what is, freedom from anxiety, expansion.A feeling of intuition, of being drawn.  A desire to be with some people (but not others!!).

4 How  would you describe it to somebody who has never heard about this illusion?

I  think I would have to take them through logical  steps.  Because any description is going to be so subjective. Perhaps I could say "it's like everything you've believed isn't there anymore, you believed in yourself as a separate person but what is a belief? Can you touch/see/hear a belief?".  So "you" as an entity is an entirely an illusion, a story which has been made up by other people and also by you.So you're free - not because you can be what you want but because there is no separate "you" -  everything is free, freedom is just there!

5 what was the last bit that pushed you over, made you look?

Ironically, you not writing to me!  I got very impatient, then depressed and then I just realised the ridiculousness of me waiting to hear from you. I thought, "I know the answer"!! It is what it is, the answer is there!  And me wanting to hear from you is the last vestige of my "self" wanting someone else to tell me something.  Ha!

Thank you so much for guiding me, Ilona, thank you from the bottom of my heart. I know you'll let me know if there's still bits of "me" you can discern!

Penny

xxxxxxxxxx

Looking Inside With N.

I have been working with people using this "Deep Looking" technique. It is talking to mind, heart and whatever comes up directly and listening to the answers as they come up. Being kind and showing appreciation to whatever comes up allows a deep release and expansion followed by re-connection of broken links and deep peace. Here is my conversation with N. He was skeptical and open at the same time. It was amazing what came up to the surface. Hope this is can be useful for you in looking inside by yourself.

A lot can be released if you only listen to what your mind and heart is trying to say. 

I:

i'm here is you here..

N:

yes

howdy!

I:

cool. i'm great. you?

N:

I'm feeling good, been watching some SIG retreat stuff. I came across when I first posted on LU.

I:

are you ready to start?

N:

yes

I:

ok, good. what you do is ask questions that i suggest and listen to answers, then write them to me.

ask your mind, literally: mind, are you at peace.

N:

okay, lets do it.

the first question is no.

I:

ok good. thank the mind and ask it if it would like to relax more.

N:

yes and tears.

I:

oh... give the mind a hug and a kiss.

tell it that you appreciate it very much.

N:

that calmed it down, breathing spiked for a brief moment in that sadness.

I:

Ok, ask the mind if it's ready to relax.

N:

there’s tension in the head, faint no.

I:

Ok, thank your mind. Ask it what does it want so it can relax

N:

the mind wants resolution.

throat is tense.

I:

Beautiful. Tell the mind that you are very grateful and that this desire is very welcome.

It's ok, let whatever comes up be welcome.

Ask the mind if it's ready for resolution.

N:

the mind says yes.

I:

Beautiful. Ask it if it's ready now.

N:

it says it doesn't know what to do.

I:

It's ok, tell it it's safe not to know.

Ask it what it wants to resolve.

N:

its asking if its still going to be here after the resolve.

I:

Of course! Tell it that you appreciate it very much and that it's not going anywhere. You love it and want it to keep working for you.

N:

it said okay and an image of a smile happened.

I:

Smile to the mind and give it a kiss.

Tell it now that it's safe to resolve and ask what does it want to resolve.

N:

there’s nothing there.

just fan blowing

I:

Ok, great. Ask it now if it's ready to relax more.

N:

it says yes i would like to.

I:

Beautiful. Ask it of its ready now.

N:

resistance.

its saying, you can't make me.

I:

Great! This is good. Welcome the resistance.

Tell it, thank you for showing up.

Ask the resistance what it is protecting.

N:

its protecting itself.

I:

Thank the resistance for doing such beautiful job.

Say to it how much you appreciate it working for you. Give it a hug.

Ask the resistance what is it protecting itself from.

N:

hate.

hating others.

I:

Oh, say to resistance, sorry, it's a misunderstanding. You are my friend.

N:

it doesn't want to hate others.

and tears welled up

I:

It's ok. Ask the resistance if it would like to love others instead.

N:

it says yes.

I:

Give the resistance a kiss.

Beautiful. Let's talk to the heart now.

N:

okay.

I:

Ask the heart if it can accept the resistance as a friend.

N:

it says yes!

of course.

I:

Gorgeous.

Ok, ask the mind now if it accepts resistance as a friend.

N:

it says yes i love resistance.

and its asking if that’s normal.

haha.

I:

Beautiful. Thank the mind, the heart and the resistance.

Say that yes, it's normal.

Ask the mind if it can see that resistance is love.

N:

yes i can

I:

It is working to protect the innocence.

N:

its only trying to protect.

I:

Yes.

N:

something curious

about my past

I:

Good. What is coming up?

N:

its curious in depression right now, depression isn't coming up

I:

Good stuff. Let's move on. Ask if mind is ready now to relax more.

N:

but more so about the mood swings

okay.

yes

heart moving up.

that was a sensation that was felt

I:

Great! So feel the opening, take a deep breath in and let whatever feeling is here to pass freely. Feel it fully.

Release. And then more. And more.

N:

there is blankness and one tear out of the right eye is happening.

I:

Nice. Let it all out. Feel it. Feel it fully

N:

i don't know if i can feel it fully is what its saying.

I:

No need for words. Focus on sensation in the body.

N:

small prickling on the scalp

I:

Thank the mind. Hive it a huge hug.

And a smile.

N:

mm!

I:

Cool, ask the heart to show how much it loves the mind.

N:

expansion is happening.

I:

Awesome.

Thank the heart and ask it if it's ready to expand even more.

N:

no.

no. no. no.

I:

Ask it what is in the way.

N:

hurt, abandonment.

I:

Of course! Thank it for bringing this up and give it a warm long hug.

N:

and then i get the image of me when i was younger.

tears at the image.

I:

Tell the mind that it's safe to feel.

Ask the feeling from the past to come closer.

N:

its showing me as a little child, I was at yosemite and I was in a convenient store. My parents couldn't be found. I thought they left me

so I started crying.

tears welling up again.

I hated that feeling, being disconnected

I:

Oh... Say how much you are sorry about that.

Give it a kiss like you would to that small child

Tell the heart that you love it very much.

N:

a smile.

it says it loves me back.

I:

Beautiful. Ask the heart if it's ready to release this hurt.

N:

yes.

it wants to.

I:

Is it ready now?

N:

yes.

I:

Great. Feel it open and take deep breath. Let the feeling come up and feel it. See it pass.

Release all, then more and then even more.

Feel the feeling fully. Don't interrupt. All it wants is to leave.

N:

i got the image of a flower blooming.

and safe

I:

Beautiful. Thank you heart. Bow to it with honour.

Ask the mind if it's ready to relax more.

N:

its saying yes.

I:

Gorgeous. Thank the mind, give it a smile and ask if it's ready to go down to the heart.

N:

it says it wants to but no.

I:

Ok, that's fine, tell it that. Ask it if it knows that it's home is at the heart.

N:

it said it didn't know that.

no one told it that.

I:

Ask it to check if it's true.

N:

it's not sure, it doesn't know how to go about checking, it just always assumed it had its job to do and the heart had its job to do.

I:

Yes, of course. Tell it that it can do its job perfectly while feeling at one with the heart.

N:

it says it makes sense though, because some of the best decisions have been made when it and the heart work together.

I:

Yes! Tell it it's great observation. And thank it.

Ask the heart if it accepts the mind fully and loves it with no limits.

Unconditionally.

N:

the image of the flower is still blooming

no feeling of resistance

I:

Beautiful. Now ask the mind if it made a decision, would it like to feel at home.

N:

it absolutely wants to feel at home with the heart.

it wants the marriage.

it says its actually longed for it.

I:

Beautiful!! Give both the heart and the mind a kiss

Ask the mind and the heart if they are both ready.

N:

they both say yes.

I:

Awesome!

Ask if they are ready now.

N:

yes and i got a quick glimpse of holding hands.

I:

Great. Now switch of the computer, just sit quietly , breath, and feel it joining, keep sending hugs and appreciation to both and just feel it for like 20 min. Let it happen.

N:

i told them they make a good couple.

kk

I:

I'll be here when you come back. Feel whatever comes openly with love.

See you in a bit!

N:

okie thanks be back!

N:

the first feeling that comes to mind is a very still calmness.

I:

Beautiful.

This was very moving for me too, I had tears too and deep appreciation for you showing me this.

I:

Thank you.

How you feeling, enough work or there is something else that came up.

N:

thank you Ilona, i bow to you. I needed that I I see now that just because you know that everything is self abiding, that there can still be feelings of separation at the same time

hmm. at the time there was a small movement but I welcomed it and it passed.

I don't even remember what it was anymore.

I:

Nice. Now you know what to do when mind or heart feels alone. Show them love and remind of each other.

Be very kind to both. They are here for you. All is one feeling of love.

N:

oh that's what it was, in my experience of 20 minutes, I had the image of a little child coming back to its parents

and being loved by both.

thank you!

I:

big smile!

Great work.

N:

I have so much gratitude and appreciation for your work, and thank you.

I:

Can we share this in unleashed? I think it can be very helpful for someone else.

N:

yes, I give you my permission to do so.

I:

Oh, could I put it on my blog? I can use just N if you like.

N:

of course, do whatever feels right.

I:

Thank you!