Unfolding Contractions

Last Sunday I held a group Deep Looking event in google hangouts. It was a powerful session where we sat with sensations and invited contractions to come up and gently unfold. Here is something I wanted to share with you after the session:

Sometimes we feel stuck in an uncomfortable feeling and nothing seems to work. Or, it works temporarily until the next treatment, the next attempt to resolve something that keeps coming up again and again. What if I told you there is a hack to that, that is very simple and effective. 

Imagine you fold an origami. It was once a flat paper and now it is a 3D form, it has volume, it's like a container, a new form that holds space in. Contraction is like the origami form, it's folded in and it holds something. What we can do is unfold it and by doing that, it returns to its natural form--which is spacious formlessness.

How does this look in practice?

The contraction/ tension that is felt, is a sensation. That sensation feels like it's intense, unpleasant, unwanted and the repulsion to the sensation is called resistance. (It's actually a protection) Let's rename contraction to protection, there's a lighter feeling already and an invitation to welcome it.

Just look from this angle: Some time ago some hurt happened and there was an unconscious decision to guard yourself from something like that in the future. This is normal human behavior (avoiding the unpleasant and seeking the pleasant). It's like the mind's computer wrote a program that if 'this' happens then it must activate protection. So every time 'this' happens, there is a sensation that arises, the protection is activated and it kicks in automatically and we notice a reaction happening. By focusing on the sensations of protection we have no more access to the sensation that the protection is covering up. We also call this mechanism--fear.

The protection is felt, but what is it about?

Try this exercise:

When feeling protection, ask it- who are you? What are you? What are you protecting?
And just wait. The answer may come up or not. Notice what happens. This way you can look into a feeling of tightness and see what is behind it--what is it that needs or wants protection.

Some other questions you can ask are:

What do you want the most?
What wisdom do you have for me?
Are you helping?
Do you want to relax?

Don't try to fight protections, they are here to help. Only not all old programs are still useful, helpful or necessary. Some programs are very old and no longer needed so they can be seen and let go. When protection comes up, welcome it as it comes up to be reviewed and adjusted. Those that are still needed can stay, but those that are only creating unnecessary tension can drop. It is safe. All it takes is seeing them. By that I mean - really feeling into sensations, giving the sensations 100 percent of your attention, simply allowing them to be fully felt.

This is the unfolding. Forms of protection can dissolve and go back to rest.

Once protection is released, there is a sense of openness, spaciousness, boundlessness, no borders.

You can ask for protections to come up and then watch where they show up in the body and talk to them. Sounds unusual? Try it. Asking direct questions in a friendly way will create an allowing space for those protections to be as they are. This is surrender, letting go, the end of resisting. Try this for yourself.

If you would like to join the next online event on the 4th of February, there are still places available. You can register by email here.


Happy Unfolding!
Much love

Fear of Losing Control

One of deepest patterns that run in this human software is the pattern of imagined control. And losing control is one of deepest fears that ego has. By ego I mean the assumed I-entity that supposedly owns a piece of life and is in charge of running it, like a general manager of this body-mind thing.

Fear of loosing control stems from assuming that there is a controller. The mind thinks that it is its job to be in charge of what happens. It thinks that by doing this job of micromanaging what happens in the future it is useful and without its work the system would collapse. The idea of loosing control is as scary as the idea of death. But what is that mind is in control of?

In experience, perception is happening with and without belief in a separate entity. Beliefs do not matter, vision, sound, sensations are happening on their own and are not subject to being switched on or off. The imagined control over what is happening is given by default as everybody are trained to believe that. It starts when we are children and test our boundaries. We are trained to behave and trained to train ourselves to behave. We are following norms and established patterns without questioning if that is really helpful. Conformity is accepted, rebelliousness is something that irritates.

We are trained to look at others and express opinions about them. And opinions are valued like something individual and precious. Then we view the world around us through this righteous lens, of right and wrong. And we try to change and help others where they don't fall into our fixated way of how things should be.

This is the pattern that runs deep and is evident in any argument that takes place.

"Loosing control is scary, because what will happen to me if I no longer feel in charge of how my life goes."

But what does that really mean? It means stiffness, tightness, narrow-mindedness, hardness and suffering. Because life does not need us to tell what it is best for us. Life provides us with lessons, it is The Teacher, that comes in the form of whatever people we meet and situations we get into. The egoistic mind focused on being in charge is thinking that it knows best, it is right and all those that are wrong should accept the opinion and the righteousness and conform as they should.

Now this pattern is really not helpful. It is the very tension that we are trying to get rid of. We hold a belief that someone else needs to fix their behaviour for us to be at peace. So if you think that you are awake but keep pointing fingers at others and blaming them for how they make you feel- that's a kindergarten level of relating. Being adult means owning your reactions and seeing them first. Then looking at what is behind those reactions and understanding where they come from.

To be at peace requires surrender. Peace is already here underneath all opinion-stories, underneath the desire to be in charge and in control. It is noticing that we are the flow. Bruce Lee told us- be like water. That says, stop fighting what is, release the idea of a controller, soften, be flexible and nothing will touch you. Let life live as you without resistance.

We can observe patterns. We can ask questions like - is this helpful pattern, is it useful, does it serve or is it creating tension? Is it ok to let this pattern go? What can be lost?

When we focus attention on what is wrong with others or situations, we miss the gift that life is presenting to us. It only takes a shift of attention from others to our own reactions. Reactions that are happening, including body sensations, emotions and thoughts are what we are here to notice. Then we take attention from what we think is wrong and give it to our own sensations that are triggered by outside. This is the shift from outside to inside and this is where real work is- noticing our own patterns. And when patterns are seen they get to change. With and without belief in a controller.

I use this example often of being on a rollercoaster ride, sitting in the first car and holding on to a wheel. No matter where you turn the wheel, the ride is already set and the car will follow rails. It is safe to take hands off the wheel and enjoy the ride without imagining that you are the driver.
The driver is imagined, there is nothing to loose. The fear of losing something that was never ours is irrational. But there is something to gain when we step out of the role of the general manager and surrender to life. There is a joy of exploration and freedom, there are mystery, magic and synchronicity, there are openness and trusting life.

And only love remains where used to be fear.

Be like water...

Fear Is A Sensation.

Fear informs about itself through an intense sensation. There is this distinct flush, that gets triggered by thought or sound, visual stimulus, smell, taste or touch. The sudden contraction makes itself known as fear. It's not pleasant and may set a chain of reactions. It's felt as a strong NO to whatever is triggering it.

Imagine for a second. You are in a desert. Wide open space. You are walking for hours, in circles. You go up another hill and see a door. It s standing right there, very obvious and it has got a lock on it. No key around. No key in your pockets. Door does not move, does not open, it just stands there. You are stunned and can not move forward. So you sit by the door, and sit some more, thinking, guessing, dreading for what is behind it. It feels like the door is guarding something, something that you need to see. The lock at the same time is having a laugh, it is done it's trick, it makes it appear that there is something behind the door that is protected. There is another way to find out what is behind the door. No need to unlock it, no need to push it open, just take a step to the side and look behind it, behind the door. There is nothing there. It's just nothing there! The desert continues in all ways, the door stands there, but it's not an obstacle.

The fear feels and acts like that lock on the door. It stops one from going further. If it is not safe, it makes itself known by a contracted feeling. It's a signal to step back, warning of danger, real or imagined. That feeling can be so strong that it may paralyze thinking and acting.

I learned about looking behind the fear from watching Pamela Wilson working with people, getting them relaxing from old tensions and fears.

Fear is a sensation. It is not to be feared, but noticed, felt. It is not good or bad, in itself. It is doing it's job, keeping the self image and belief structure safe and intact. And at the center of belief castle there is a special belief- you, a separate entity, perceiver of life, in charge of your own choices. When fear is triggered and set in action, reactions may be unpredictable.

There are many techniques and ways to deal with fear, but let's try something different. Acknowledging it's presence when it shows up, being aware that fear is here -- thank it. Thank it for coming. Just let it be here for a minute. And see that it's ok for it to be here. Bow to it in honor.

Then look behind it. What is there? Is anything showing up? And what is behind that?

Just like that locked door in the desert, you can look from the other side. All you need to do is take a peek, out of curiosity, see what is there behind that door.

This way you don't need to go into feeling, analyse it endlessly, instead look at what is hiding there, behind that sensation.

If fear is too big, there are ways to reduce it. I recommend EFT (emotional freedom technique) or whatever that works for you. Some people experience a lot of fear in this process, some don't at all. There is no rule. If you feel fear, acknowledge it, if not, then don't look for it. There really is nothing to be afraid of. Nothing is going to vanish, disappear, die or get destroyed. It's safe. Questioning core beliefs does not destroy anything real. Only the false falls away. The false that distorts the view, that holds tension, anxiety, suffering. It may feel like a loss, but nothing worth keeping gets lots.

In other words, nothing stops being what it already is. Beliefs that no longer serve, are no longer needed and it's OK to move past that and explore with fresh eyes.

Bypassing fear, making friends with it, using it as a radar to find places that still need cleaning up of old beliefs, is a different way to relate to fear. In this way it can be appreciated. After all is has been doing such great job so far.

So take a peek, look behind it. What is there that feels threatened? You may find one of two things- nothing at all, or something that wants to be seen. Keep looking, what is there.

When mind sees that there is nothing there, the protection mechanism stops protecting that nothing. This may come like a shock, but what is the worst that can happen to nothing?

Fear is a friend, really. It builds protection. It guards form harm. But all those ideas that appear important can not be harmed. The image of me, is mind made. It is not something that can be harmed, disappear, die, or be lost, it's an image, created by mind and protected by fear. As if mind instructed itself to forget to question the self-made image of identity.

Don't fear that sensation. Say yes to it, next time it comes up and see what else you notice about this mechanism, about the nature of sensation and what triggers it. Explore it with curiosity, fearlessly.