Here is one of the the chats.
Marin:
Hi Ilona,
Ilona:
Hi :)
Marin:
First of all my English language is not so well, but I can communicate.
I was seeking for last 7 years, it was very painful and confusing, but I
persist and now whole no self thing is seen more and more clear. After spending
years reading tons of books, youtube clips, last push happened when i was
reading posts on your blog and LU forum. Today morning I decided that I must
contact you, because is grown desire in me to share this message in my country
in my language. I live in Croatia and this kind of looking on reality is not
known. I can’t find anybody in RL or web who share something like that. As most
humans also Croatian people suffer so much and I feel if this message is spread
here some steps in reducing of suffering can be made. In my case maybe a few
things left to clear up, maybe I have a few expectations ingrained so deep
which constantly obscure smooth living. I know that is also just what is but
that is how it is now in my case. So
please if you can help me on that, because I feel that I am not honest enough
to share this message with my surroundings if I have some doubts left. I think
now is the right moment in me to finish first step and start spreading this message.
I am 39 years old male, my name is Marin, and at the and, maybe it is not important,
but my favorite teacher on nonduality scene is Rick Linchitz, he was
keeping my focus on these things for few years. Regards from Istria, Croatia !
Ilona:
Hi Marin! Lovely to connect! Glad to hear that no self
thingy is clear now and you wish to share that with others. I had that pull to
share too and look what happened!
How can I assist you?
Marin:
Thanks you response to me. It will be very helpful if I can
pass through few my doubts with you. Hope so after that I will be ready to
share this looking with others with honestly. I see clearly that self can’t be
found outside imagination, but subtle seeking is still going on, so please what
can be done in my case? I don’t know where to look any more or is just more
time needed for cleaning up old habits?
Ilona:
Let's have a look together. What kind of doubt is there?
And what should be different?
Marin:
Here is persistent expectation that something must be
different, after seeing this, but on the other side how it can be different, if
no self was the case before and after
seeing this. I understand that, but expectations are still here. Expectations
are "Things will be better". I
know that is fantasy, unrealistic mind stuff, but can’t clear this up...
One more thing, I was reading about some radical and
beautiful awakenings, and maybe that also have some impact to my expectations.
I know on intellectual level that that is fantasy, but, but...
Ilona:
Well, this is about not wanting to feel unwanted feelings.
Everyone's process is unique to them and yours is perfect
for you.
You know, it's ok to feel what you feel.
Marin:
Yes absolutely it is that. Some resisting still going on,
but what to do, it will go on until it doesn’t, it is also reality expressing
itself. I think in my case that is last thing for more inspecting...
Ilona:
Allow resistance to be here and go or it. Feel it. Where is
it in the body?
It's a protection mechanism. It's trying to protect
something. Can you look and tell what needs to be protected?
Marin:
It is most felt in my body, as fear. During my whole life i
had lots of health problems and many times life threatening danger was felt.
Yes there is nothing separate to be protected, but I feel that is own body
protection mechanism ..
Ilona:
The fear is protecting something. Look behind it. What is
there?
Don't think, just take a peek.
Marin:
I saw these kind of question many times on LU posts, but
these kind of conversation one to one is more direct and I see something is
start moving in me, I will take some time for looking because i want to be
absolutely honest with me and with you. Hope so, we stay in touch, after I respond
to your question. Thanks !
Ilona:
It's not about intellectual analysis. Just simply look, what
is behind fear.
Write what comes up.
After a while…
Marin:
Good news from here. After we finished our chat I started to
look, after just few seconds everything become clear. I’ve just seen what is
and what isn’t - self nowhere to find. Body, thoughts, emotions, room table,
carpet-- everything present, but self no. I can’t believe that this is so simple,
it is like you ask me where is elephant in my room, or do I have third leg, no
need for thinking, it’s obvious that those things are not present here. I don’t
know what to say -after 7 years of searching, why so hard to see something so
simple. Some fears still going on, also doubts but instantly reality is
checked, and they lose their grip. Finally answer to your question is that
behind fear is nothing, not only fear I can’t find anything behind anything
else. Thoughts spinning like before, but that now looks OK. Little fear is
going on that I will lose this clarity, so if you have something to add I will
be grateful. Thanks for everything!
Ilona:
Aaaaa! Yes! Excellent. That's it- simple and obvious.
Can nothing loose anything?
Marin:
Yes, you are right, who is here to lose anything ?! I must ask one more time why, why, why is so
hard to see something so obvious, why so many books and teachings and
complications. I am now so, don’t know what to say, 7 years to see something so
simple ???
Ilona:
It never occurs to look behind the curtain.
It never occurs to look behind the curtain.
Marin:
Thanks one more time for everything, I am sure now that I
can share this message with honesty. If one day something doubtful pops up I
feel free to contact you again. Thanks, all of you help people with something
beautiful.
Ilona:
:)
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