I haven't been writing much my blog recently as I have been going trough another liberation.
This time it was happening through leaving the place where I worked for 10 years and starting business on my own with my husband. So next week I'll be doing tattoos in a new space, fresh and free from boss. It's a clean start and leaving "angelic hell" is very liberating.
So yeah, I have been busy organising stuff, buying things for studio, still tattooing at the old place etc. And now I'm a proud owner of fire extinguisher, never had one before, haha.
Let's talk about fire. I see that fire is what burns the crap in the system and clears all that is in away.
Can one wake up without fire, that is without desire for truth, conscious enquiry, pure intent or whatever words you would use? Can one wake up just by relaxing or does it have to be the flamy way?
I certainly did not wake up by relaxing, but rather fierceness, intensity and desire for truth as well as hate for bullshit. Just before waking up I saw everything as bullshit. Everywhere I looked I saw how this human thing runs in circles, feeding itself and there is no way out. Until I found the pointer to way out- there is no you, look!
So I looked and there was no one to see anymore, but seeing was happening. Self melted leaving all that was attached to it. As you see, even in the "outside" liberation is happening.
Since then the seeking vanished, and I have nowhere else to go. I'm no-w-here/ now-here.
Suffering? Who's to suffer? Who is there to own pain? Relaxation just happens, awareness is and there is no one to own anything. Rather there is joy in being, appreciation and gratitude overflowing, sometimes can not sleep, too much excitement.
Life is unfolding and it feels that everything is constantly falling into place. Synchronicity, flow and zero fear. Trust in life. Like never before.
Trust was one of the issues I had with life before. How could I trust if I have been hurt. The problem with trust was I.
Until there is ownership of life, there is suffering. When no one owns life, then life is just happening and that's that.
Can you see?
You can relax into what is and keep focus on relaxation but until there is a person there, who is holding the focus, there is no true relaxation. To go through the gateless gate one must leave the person behind. The seeker does not cross, it is dropped by the door.
So unless you aim at the door the relaxation has no effect. I'd say that the path of least resistance is a path of least pain, so aim at the door and let whatever happens be ok.
Want to wake up? Wake up then.
Turn inside, stop listening to whoever you are listening, stop following whatever you are following and find your answers yourself. By yourself. For yourself.
There can not be a teaching for that. You can follow the pointers to find the door but to walk through it you must on your own.
Wake up neo...