After the retreat I thought to share something with you, dear reader, and my sharing came through as a story.
A Gift
Carol lived on a mountain. She was leading a quiet life, enjoying walks in nature and occasional meetings with wild animals. In the evenings she would sit in her garden under a cherry tree watching sunsets. She would dream of places that she wanted to visit and quietly wish for her life to be different. The cherry tree was in full blossom, the air smelled fresh and promising. Carol was having tea and listening to birds singing.
Suddenly she heard something. She walked back into the house and heard that someone was at the door. That was strange. She did not expect anyone.
Cautiously she went to the door and looked through the eyehole. There was another loud knock.
She did not recognize the figure, so she asked, “Who’s there?”
“You don’t know me, but I brought you a gift.”
“A gift? Nobody ever gives me gifts. I don’t want it. Please go away.”
“Don’t you even want to know what the gift is?”
“Nope. I don’t take gifts from strangers. Leave me alone.”
Carol felt anxious. It was getting late and the sun was starting to set. The man behind the door felt threatening. She asked him again to leave her alone.
Knock knock.
This time the man kicked the door, getting impatient. It was strange that the woman would not even open the door to speak to him. People were normally friendly around here. But Carol’s door stayed shut.
Carol looked through the eyehole, trying to see what gift the man had. She was curious, but fearful.
“You can just leave the gift and walk away!” she shouted. “I am not used to strangers here. Please leave me alone.”
The man did not move. He was here to deliver a gift and was not leaving until it was received. He took a phone out of his pocket and dialed a number.
“Boss, she is not opening the door. What do I do? … Right. You are sending help? … Thanks.”
He sat down on the steps to wait.
Carol watched him through the window, hiding behind the curtain. She was confused. All her life, no one had given her anything. She worked hard for what she wanted. She never received things for free. She never gave gifts either. That concept did not exist in her life. She was self-sufficient and content with her solitary life.
The man was still there.
The sun went down. Carol switched on the lights and paced the room, growing more nervous.
“You are scaring me,” she shouted. “I don’t want gifts. Leave now!”
“Oh Carol, don’t worry. You will like the gift. Just open the door.”
“How do you know my name?”
“I know that this is exactly what you wanted.”
“Now you are really freaking me out! I don’t want gifts. Keep it. Just leave me alone.”
“I can’t,” he said. “I have to give it to you by hand.”
Carol felt panicky. Her heart was racing. Her body was tense. Still, she did not give in. The stubbornness held firm. It never occurred to her that accepting the gift might be an option.
She heard voices approaching. Two more figures appeared.
“Carol, please open the door. We brought gifts.”
“I don’t want any gifts!”
“But we are not leaving without giving them to you.”
“Why are you doing this? I never asked for anything!”
“That’s why they are gifts,” a woman’s voice said softly. “You don’t ask. They come.”
“That sounds insane,” Carol shouted. “How can I trust this isn’t something dangerous?”
“It isn’t,” the man said. “So are you opening the door?”
“No!”
“Then we will stay.”
The three of them sat down on the steps.
Carol watched them and suddenly thought: They are stubborn like me.
That softened something.
For the first time, she noticed how rigid she was. Winning at stubbornness suddenly felt pointless. This situation would only end if she changed something.
She made tea and thought about the people outside in the cold. A strange warmth appeared in her chest.
The night passed.
In the morning, they were still there.
Exhausted, confused, and close to tears, Carol stood up and walked to the door. Her hands shook as she opened it.
“Would you like some coffee?” she heard herself say.
They nodded.
She invited them inside.
They sat quietly at the table, sipping coffee. Carol felt her heart soften. Tears came. She felt something release.
She whispered, “Thank you.”
The man stood up and hugged her. They stayed like that for a while, without words.
Carol laughed. She saw what the gift was — the softening itself.
The visitors smiled, bowed, and left.
Carol stood alone, open in a way she had never known before.
Knock knock.
