Harry: Is there a gate? What?? Where did that watermelon go?

My conversation with Harry was going on for a month and a half due to his limited access to internet. These email exchanges may be more difficult to read, but I had to give him as many pointers as i could so he had something to work with for few days. So glad he got it at the end. 35 years of searching has ended  :)

Harry:
Dear Loving One(s),

I would like to connect with a "facilitator" by email, because I don't check my emails every day. So there will be some delays in responding.

I am registered on Liberation Unleashed and I viewed all of the introductory videos. I think this is just what I want and need!
Could you please connect me to one of your facilitators?

Thank you in advance for your help and cooperation.
I bow to the Divine in you.

With love, in the field of Light,
Harry

Ilona:

I bow back to divine in you, Harry. 

We can talk if you like over email. i'm happy to help you through it. i'm checking my email many times a day. You can let me know in advance when you are going to connect to internet, so if i can we can chat over email. Otherwise we can exchange emails when you get access.

And for the start, let me ask you what are you expectations? After 35 years of searching, what is it that you expecting to find? How will you know that you have found it? What is it that you like this to be and what you do not like it to be. 

Just make a list.  

Also, tell me, what is the I that you refer to? What is self? 

Sending love. 

Harry:

Dearest Ilona,

You ask: let me ask you what are you expectations? after 35 years of searching, what is it that you expecting to find?
I practice Transcendental Meditation. I have also read many books by many Awakened people. My expectations: Just Be, permanently without losing the Self/awareness in activity; Awake inside while experiencing objects and "doing things" in activity. While I'm writing these words, the experience--the reality--is here. It doesn't take any effort, it's not the small "me", it's awareness which is writing these words. (But it's not permanent.)

what is it that you expecting to find?

 "I" realize that there is Nothing to "find", only have the simplest form of awareness all the time. To come back to That which is already here (but not obvious, at this moment!). Can you figure that out???? (smile!)

how will you know that you have found it?
When there is inner awareness--or witnessing/observing 24-7 (24 hrs. a day 7 days a week). Also, when there is "inner wakefulness" during deep sleep. And when, during daily activity, silent wakefulness, or awareness, is primary and "thinking" is secondary--and is a permanent reality.
As these words are being written, there are times/moments when I realize presence awareness, and then other times when "I" feel like an individual. (and that's all right, too.) 

what is it that you like this to be and what you do not like it to be?
I would like it to be less of the mind, less thinking, less of the "mild worrying" that is sometimes going on.

As I write these words, I realize that I can stop resisting what is here in this present moment. If there is some thinking or worrying going on, let it be there, don't resist it, let it be, accept it as it is; and Awareness will shine through--or Awareness IS shining through, as these words are being written. Just allow everything to be as it is. (Breathing more deeply and physically relaxing, are helpful.)
...and what you do not like it to be?
resisting, straining mentally, wishing for something better--or different-- in the future.

also, tell me, what is the I that you refer to? what is self? 
The "I" in "my" first email was the small, individual I. "I would like to email with a facilitator..." As thse words are being written, it seems like it's from the Real "I", the big Self that is writing, thoughts are secondary or non-existent, the words just flow. The true Self is the peace and wakefulness within--and also "outside" the body. Intellectually, I know the Self is everywhere, in everything, but that's generally not my experience/reality.

A little more background may be useful for this discussion: I have read a lot, like "Silence of the Heart" by Robert Adams, books and ebooks by John Wheeler, Scott Kiloby, Rupert Spira, and several Indian Masters such as Neem Karoli Baba, Ananda Mayi Ma, Nisargadatta Maharaj, Papaji of Lucknow, some passages from the Veda like the Bhagavad Gita. and so on. "I" feel open, receptive, and generally functioning from the heart.  It's helpful to be rested.

It was a lot of fun--even blissful--writing these words and reflecting on the Reality of this moment!

All praise to the big "You" (residing in Ilona),
All praise to God (in each of us),
Love and Light,

PS
A few words that "I" wrote just a week ago:

Who Am I?  In reality, "I" am.....  I am the silence that follows, even without the word "silence", I am the big Self, inner peace, awareness, all openness.

Is there a separate I?  Sometimes there appears to be an "I" or a "me" that is separate from the outside world, but, in reality, there is only a continuum.

Be aware of the continuum, Self, from inner to outer (an object),

There is No separation…. just allow whatever is there to be there. Just allow, be aware; And go about in activity with ease and comfort.  Freedom is here, now.  No resistance...... just a flow.....

Ilona:

I practice Transcendental Meditation. I have also read many books by many Awakened people. My expectations: Just Be, permanently without losing the Self/awareness in activity;

Hm, this is interesting.  Because you already are in the present all the time. It is not possible to not be in the now. Expectation to just be can be easily dropped when you start noticing, that being (verb) is all there is.  

Losing self/awareness in activity is something that is not wanted? 

Very interesting. Because loosing self in activity IS exactly when it's seen that there is no doer of any action, but doing happening.  

When you work on something you really love, some kind of art, there is loosing self in activity- mind is silent, there is only expression happening. 

Are you sure that these two expectations are really what you want? Because both of them are looking at the opposite direction of awakening.  

Awake inside while experiencing objects and "doing things" in activity.

If your mind is silent and only focused on present activity- you are awake. 

If mind is dreaming about past or future worrying about outcomes- you are not awake- you are dreaming.  

While I'm writing these words, the experience--the reality--is here. It doesn't take any effort, it's not the small "me", it's awareness which is writing these words. (But it's not permanent.) 

Ok, there is no small me, no big me, no higher me, no lower me, no me at all as in zero.  

There is only life happening. 

No me at all in any form or shape in reality.  

How does this feel? 

Write all that comes up- thoughts, feelings, sensations.  

Awareness, what is it?

Does awareness need a me to be aware? How about a cat? 

There is constant awareness, like a space in which awaring is happening. All that arise arise in awareness. It's a silent space aware of movement, be it action, sensation or thought.  

Does awareness change? 

Is awareness doing anything? 

Is awareness you? 

how will you know that you have found it?
When there is inner awareness--or witnessing/observing 24-7 (24 hrs. a day 7 days a week).

Also, when there is "inner wakefulness" during deep sleep.

Seeing the truth that there is nothing behind word me has nothing to do with above. 

And when, during daily activity, silent wakefulness, or awareness, is primary and "thinking" is secondary--and is a permanent reality. 

At this point let's examine where thoughts come from. Is there a thinker of thoughts? 

Can you control them? 

Can you stop thinking for half an hour at will? 

What is relation between thought and awareness of thought? 

If you look at thoughts as a self narrating story that is going on, is the content of thoughts reality or is it a story about reality? 

Taking story for reality is what gives rising to worry. Because story becomes serious. But all stories are fiction. Can you see that? 

If you look Harry as a main character in the story about Harry, is that story solid? Is that story the same in other peoples view? Is there a real Harry? 

  

Just for the purpose of clarity here, let's not use the words like Self is everywhere.  It's like the word God- it has too many misconceptions around it. 

Can we replace this big Self with simpler words- life, reality, this, what is. 

There is no such entity self.  There is nothing residing in the body that is self. There is no chooser, director, manager, doer, thinker self.  No higher self. It's all been learned from reading too many spiritual books.  Now all this knowledge needs to be put aside and you need to take a fresh look. Find out.  

All praise to the big "You" (residing in Ilona),

None such thing or entity, but thank you.  

All praise to God (in each of us), 

This is also not how it is. If you like to rephrase it to- god is expressing as each of us. There is only god. 

There is only life flowing as this.  

Who Am I?  In reality, "I" am.....  I am the silence that follows, even without the word "silence", I am the big Self, inner peace, awareness, all openness.

Sorry, but no.  

I is just a thought. Awareness is. Openness is.  No I in there. At all. 

There is only flow. Nothing outside it. Including all feelings and thought about oneness or separation. 

Harry: 

Dear Ilona,

I enjoyed your interview with Wizard Radio. I listened to the whole thing and found that you (Consciousness) were spontaneous, bright, refreshing, and liberated!

I/Consciousness is enjoying this inquiry and discussion!. I've been desiring this sort of investigation into the Reality for some time. Thank you, Ilona/Consciousness.  It's Consciousness waking up to Itself!
Consciousness, in the name of "Ilona" stated:
There is no small me, no big me, no higher me, no lower me, no me at all as in zero.
There is only life happening.
No me at all in any form or shape in reality.
How does this feel?

Write all that comes up- thoughts, feelings, sensations.  

THIS FEELS WONDERFUL! Laughter, Bliss, more Joy. Completely Open, Free, without boundaries; flowing and light (as in "light weight"). Thank you for "speaking" those words above. It's blissful because Consciousness/Awareness is open. No "me" to think about or worry about, or be concerned about. Just Freedom, and an awareness that is not restricted (to a body or mind). Wow! Thoughts may come up, but, while sitting here, thoughts just come, stay a little while, and go; Consciousness is not overshadowed. Same with sensations that arise, stay for a while, and return from where they came.   

"You" stated:  Hm, this is interesting.  Because you already are in the present all the time. It is not possible to not be in the now. Expectation to just be can be easily dropped when you start noticing, that being (verb) is all there is.
In activities during the day, something in me wants to accomplish certain things. There is some effort, maybe there is concentrating and using the mind to clean up my room, wash some dishes, and so on. You say "it is not possible to not be in the now," but I say that I lose awareness and get caught-up-in what I'm doing and what I'm trying to accomplish. When I/Consciousness remembers that "There is no small me, no big me...." then Freedom and Joy bubble up.              

Very interesting. Because loosing self in activity IS exactly when it's seen that there is no doer of any action, but doing happening.
Yes, perfect! Well said. So,when I/Consciousness is cleaning the room and washing dishes, then it's just happening, it's going on without "my"  "thinking" about it. Just let it happen. Don't put "Harry" in the middle of it. Don't make "Harry" the doer.
Ahh, it feels better already. 

When you work on something you really love, some kind of art, there is loosing self in activity- mind is silent, there is only expression happening.  

Yes, yes. Silent mind, no mind; just activity without "me" the "doer".  The pointer is clear.

"You" stated: 

If your mind is silent and only focused on present activity- you are awake.

True. But it doesn't happen like that all the time; just some of the time. 

If mind is dreaming about past or future worrying about outcomes- you are not awake- you are dreaming....

which is similar to the usual waking state.   So, when "I" am dreaming about the past or worrying,  use inquiry to ask "What is True, what is real?"  and let the dream or worry just drop away on it's own--because it's not real.

[An added comment: I feel this discussion is very helpful and is bringing insights. Consciousness is shining through more clearly.]

Awareness, what is it?
I am awareness, in Reality. Awareness underlies, supports, and gives rise to all apparent forms, thoughts, and feelings. 

Does awareness need a me to be aware?

From your comment, I conclude that awareness is always aware, with or without "me". But that's not usually my experience.

 How about a cat? 

I don't know.

There is constant awareness, like a space in which awareness is happening. All that arise, arise in awareness. It's a silent space aware of movement, be it action, sensation or thought.
Ah, yes.  Whatever arises, arises in awareness. Thoughts may arise in awareness, and then go again. The thought "body" or a sensation in body may arise, stay for a while, and then disappear.

Does awareness change?

No.  But somehow it appears to "get lost" when thoughts come to the fore-front, or when I believe in a "me".

Is awareness doing anything? 

No. It just is.    awareness has the quality of silence and presence.

Is awareness you? Yes! But, again, that's not my usual experience. I can accept that. I am Consciousness, awareness. Feel that Reality. Let go and be awareness. It's coming back to--or realizing--who I am. I am awareness; I am that.

The words above are true, and I can "remind myself" of the reality, but, to be honest, much of the time I still feel that I am a separate person, I am my mind and body. This is the CENTRAL ERROR that I am making. I realize that. Consciousness is reminding "me" to simply be in the reality. Be awake, come back to simplicity; Ask "Who am I?" an allow reality to come to this conscious awareness.

Ilona/Consciousness: Thank you for "waking me up", for bringing me to awareness!

Ilona:

Great stuff Harry. Thank you for email and the photo :))

Ok, let's start digging. 

Take a good close look here- awareness is. But it's not you.  There is no you at all. 

Consciousness is. But it's not you.  There is no personal consciousness.  

Who am I- implies that there is a who.  There is no who.  

Awareness, what is it?
I am awareness, in Reality. Awareness underlies, supports, and gives rise to all apparent forms, thoughts, and feelings. 

This is a common trap- a belief that you are awareness/ consciousness. Now dig for the truth.

I am awareness - its a thought

I am not awareness- its a thought both are just passing by, equally untrue.

Because there is no I. 

There is aware-ing happening.  

So sit down with closed eyes and watch breath. Say I breathe.  

See if you can find that I that is doing the breathing?

Say breathing is happening.

See if this is truer than I breathe.  

Watch closely and tell me, where do the thoughts come from? Catch the next thought as it appears and see if you can stop it, can you control thoughts, can you choose what thought to think? Do you know what the next thought is going to be? 

Really take a good look. 

Can a thought itself think? 

Please answer in full only what feels 100% true.  

Looking forward to your answers!

Much love to you,

Harry:

Dearest Ilona/Consciousness/Awareness,

"You" can't fool me--you're not a person! Where's the proof of it? Smile, even a little laughter. Consciousness is blissful, no worries, no tight boundaries, except what is.

Great stuff Harry. Thank you for email and the photo :))

Awareness says "You're welcome."
THIS AWARENESS IS ON FACEBOOK, LISTED AS "HARRY". YOU CAN LOOK FOR ME THERE, IF YOU WISH.

Who am I- implies that there is a who.  There is no who.  

GOT IT.  LET THE FLOW CONTINUE....

Ahhh, first there is just letting go and experiencing the happening.  "Being" was just reading your Blog with Jasmine's conversation. The word nature popped up. Nature might be a good word to use--it's not individual, it's just "Happening" here, there, everywhere, with no boundaries. That's what Awareness and Consciousness implies.

See if you can find that I that is doing the breathing?

OK. BREATHING: It's just going on. No doer. Relaxing, spontaneous.

See if this is truer than I breathe.  

Yes, yes.  Drop the "I" in "I breathe". let it come, let it go, it's just happening.

Watch closely and tell me, where do the thoughts come from? Catch the next thought as it appears and see if you can stop it, can you control thoughts, can you choose what thought to think?

No "I" here. No way. Maybe it could be said that thoughts arise in awareness, thoughts arise in the Happening, stay a short time, then go their own way.  The thoughts are not me.

can you choose what thought to think?

Well, Yes. Choose the thought, "Sun" or Moon, and images of Sun and Moon arise. Other thoughts come on there own, with no control. They come from the field-without-boundaries (Consciousness/awareness); they are observed...

 Do you know what the next thought is going to be? 

Who cares?  This being didn't know what the next thought would be, but up came "Have a drink of water." Hand reached for the glass of water and drank.

Can a thought itself think? Well, it created a little laughter, .  OK, truthfully:  No.

Looking forward to your answers!
Feel the Bliss.

Ilona:

Dearest Ilona/Consciousness/Awareness,

No need to call me this way, Ilona is enough.  

:)

I'm working today, doing tattoos, so I won't be able to chat with you. It's ok, I'll read your answers and give you more pointers.  

Ahhh, first there is just letting go and experiencing the happening.  "Being" was just reading your Blog with Jasmine's conversation.

Ok Harry, word being is not a subject. It's a verb. There are no subjects in nature- only happening.  

can you choose what thought to think?
Well, Yes. Choose the thought, "Sun" or Moon, and images of Sun and Moon arise.

Do you? Do you really choose what thought comes up? Test it.  What happens there really? What is it that makes choice- sun? You? How? 

Other thoughts come on there own, with no control. They come from the field-without-boundaries (Consciousness/awareness); they are observed...

 What thoughts are coming with control? 

Do you know what the next thought is going to be? 

Who cares?  This being didn't know what the next thought would be, but up came "Have a drink of water." Hand reached for the glass of water and drank.

 Aha. Where did that thought come from then? 

Are thoughts happening to a being? Is there a control that this being have over thinking process? 

Really take a good look. 

Can a thought itself think?

Well, it created a little laughter, .  OK, truthfully:  No.

Good. So I is a thought.  

Is it any more special than other thoughts? 

Me- what does this thought point to? 

What is Harry? 

Describe what you see, but please no awareness/ consciousness labels here.  Look at Harry as a character in a play- is there an actor that plays role 'Harry'? 

What drives the character?  

Harry:

Hello Ilona,

Yes, the feeling is from "my" side that there is a problem with the language.
Maybe I could just read some of your dialogs in your blogs and (part of) the eBook that you wrote and then continue discussing.
ILONA: HOW CAN "i" EASILY MAKE THE ABOVE STATEMENT WITHOUT THE "I" IN "Maybe I could...."??? I'm having a problem with that.
OK. WHO'S HAVING A PROBLEM WITH IT? IS THERE AN "I" THERE???
I DON'T KNOW HOW TO EXPRESS STATEMENTS.

SOME REST IS HELPFUL FROM "MY" SIDE (IT'S NOT REQUIRED, BUT IT HELPS). GREATER CLARITY WILL BE THE RESULT.

Answers do not arise to the questions that are stated.
I'll look it over again later and then reply.

Love,

Ilona:

These questions are not easy everyday questions and I appreciate that you are not typing just anything. Take your time, investigate deeply. Answer when ready.  

Looking forward to hear from you. 

Much love. 

Harry:

Hello Ilona,

Thank you for your time, my friend! As you know: The teacher always receives more than the student. So nature will be/is taking care of you.

I haven't checked my email in the last several days, so I'll send this email and see what comes.

Well, suppose we work on  some Q's and A's.

The central question is: Is there an "I" here? Is there a Harry? 
Fingers are doing the typing. Thoughts come and go. It's just happening.  Thoughts aren't real; they have no substance, kind-of like a little smoke in the air. When there's something that needs to be done, body does it. "Harry"/I is extraneous, not real, a concept that is no longer useful.

Ilona wrote this, in a previous email:
Ok, there is no small me, no big me, no higher me, no lower me, no me at all as in zero. 

There is only life happening. 

No me at all in any form or shape in reality.  

How does this feel? 

Write all that comes up- thoughts, feelings, sensations.
[ I will answer this again, now, starting fresh:]
This feels great! Simple and free. Body is relaxed, like finding fulfilment after accomplishing something, only nothing was done--just seeing. Just simplicity. This is the feeling that I've been looking for.  "Life is happening", it doesn't take much thought--or any thought, for that matter. Things seem to take care of themselves. Feeling of freedom, letting go. Was there something to hold on to? Whatever it was, it's less now, or non-existent.

Ilona, I'm not trying to make a big deal out of this. I just want this simplicity (mentioned above) to continue.

Again, thank you for your dialogs. This is helpful.

Lots of love,
Harry

Ilona:

Hi Harry. 

It was a pleasure to read your answer. 

I love that you can feel the simplicity.  Yes it's all so simple, that mind ignores it, it likes to complicate and create-solve problems.  It assumes this position as long as there is this belief that there is a separate me that needs to be maintained and protected.  

It looks that you are seeing it. 

I guess it will be some time till you get this email and answer. Write whow it feels at the moment. Is there a self? Was it here ever? 

What this illusion if self does to a human? How does it start and when? 

What is Harry? Where can he be found? 

Sending love.   :))

Harry:

Hello Ilona,

Yes, seeing is happening more and more.
I'm "sending and receiving" emails just twice a week, usually on Tuesday and Friday.

I guess it will be some time till you get this email and answer. Write how it feels at the moment. Is there a self? Was it here ever? There's thoughts. A body is here, but it's not "me".

What this illusion of self does to a human? The illusion of a 'self' limits awareness to a mind that doesn't really exist; and the illusion creates a false separation between the seer and the objects. In reality it's happening.
 How does it start and when? Maybe as a young child--the idea of a separate individual--a self--gets reinforced.

Presence Awareness is shining through more often.
Awareness is a "field" in which:
   ...thoughts come and go,
   ...Happening occurs,
It's a field, which means to me that there are no distinct boundaries.
It seems that everything happens in awareness.
I am not the doer. Action just happens without a controller.

More often now, there is a lively silence, calmness, and peace. Thoughts lose their grip on the [imaginary] mind.

What is Harry? Where can he be found? Harry who?? (just joking). He's fading away. Not all dissolved yet, but he played his role with some pleasures and pains, but now something more profound is coming through. Occasionally Harry still thinks he is the body/mind, but the reality is  becoming more predominant.

I will continue to "see" how this unfolds and blossoms in the coming days, in different activities. 

Sending love.   :))
...And sending much love from here--with gratitude.

Peace--to you and the world,
Harry

Ilona:

Dear Harry, 

Thank you for answer. Sorry for delay, I have been very busy... 

Have you ever left home? 

Is there a you that is coming home?

Where is home? 

Ponder on that.  

Harry:

Mother nature is happy, inside and out.

I'll continue to answer the questions below. The experiences, or Reality, is shining through SOME of the time--during meditation and maybe for, say, 20 minutes each day in activity, but they're not yet all the time.

Is there a gate? Looking around there is freedom. At this moment, there is just openness, no rigid boundaries, no gate, no self, but admittedly, some unintentional "holding on" is also present. What is that? ...will try to See just what that is.

Is there a Harry?  Just a transparent shell, through which everything flows. The "shell" is not real, it's just some faint remains from the past.

Is there you to cross the gate? Just reading these questions and simply "feeling" the answer, melts the remaining heart and mind. The feeling is sooo peaceful, so natural. No resistance. Just a few tears of silence, love, and gratitude for waking up!

Is there a self in any shape or form in reality? It isn't all gone yet, to be honest and frank. But its days are numbered. Was there ever?  (there still appears to be something.)

Sending love to you and the world.  

I wish that there was an "I" to receive it! (Joke.) The love is felt, and it's continuing to ripple through the 6 billion people of the world... and beyond.

Thank you, thank you, THANK YOU, Ilona!!!
With waves of Love and Peace,

Ilona:

Reality is here all the time.  Underneath the thoughts that something should be different. Like that it's got to be here all the time.  It is here all the time already. Right in the now.  

Holding on is also part of what is.  Some identification going on. But if you look closely, is there anything that identifies, or is it just thoughts about holding on passing by effortlessly? 

Is there a Harry?  Just a transparent shell, through which everything flows. The "shell" is not real, it's just some faint remains from the past.

Hmm, yes, there is Harry - a character in the story. The main character of fictional beautiful tale.  The story contains the story of the past and the story about the shell. 

Just reading these questions and simply "feeling" the answer, melts the remaining heart and mind. The feeling is sooo peaceful, so natural. No resistance. Just a few tears of silence, love, and gratitude for waking up! 

Aaaaaaaa! So great to read that. :)

Is there a self in any shape or form in reality? It isn't all gone yet, to be honest and frank. But its days are numbered. Was there ever?  (there still appears to be something.)

How can something that does not exist be gone? Nothing is going anywhere.  

It can only be seen that the self was imagined.  

Check your expectations here, what is it you expect that would go away? Human experience? Sensations, thoughts, feelings? None of that goes or disappears.  Everything already is as 

It should be. What we are to see here is just a drop of belief. 

Do you exist? 

Harry:

Hello Ilona!

The Seeing is clear. THANK YOU, Ilona! Thank you for the gift of Seeing.  It's seeing the Reality, the Truth. And the Truth has set the "me" free!

Is there a gate?  What?? Where did that watermelon go? Where did the gate go? No gate, no watermelon; only openness.  

Is there you to cross the gate? Looking... seeing... just thoughts, no me, no "I". Only contentment, peace and peaceful sensations! No gate. Is this heaven??  :-) 

Is there a self in any shape or form in reality? Was there ever? No and No. -- No separate self. In the past, there was an "imagined" self/Harry, but nothing real--Now, just seeing through the illusion. It was a good magic trick, but now the magic is seen through.

I can say "Thank you, Ilona" but there is no Ilona there, so maybe these communications came from the great intelligence which is in Ilona. In any case, I surrender to thee and to the Truth. 

Sending love to you and the world.
Sending love back to you and the world, again and again.

I think you are "marked" to be "eternal".
God Bless You, Ilona.  (Even if there are different meanings of God).
...And this is just the beginning!!

Much Love,
Harry.

Ilona:

I'm delighted to hear that there is new found freedom and new seeing of life. This is great and it's only a beginning. :)

Here are some final questions that i'll ask you to answer in full and as you see. we ask those questions everyone, to make sure that everything is clear. 

1) Is there a 'me', at all, anywhere, in any way, shape or form? Was there ever?
2) Explain in detail what the illusion of separate self is, when it starts and how it works.
3) How does it feel to see this?
4) How would you describe it to somebody who has never heard about this illusion.
5) What was the last bit that pushed you over, made you look? 

lots of love to you. 

have a great day..

Harry:

Hello Ilona

Here are some final questions that i'll ask you to answer in full and as you see. we ask those questions everyone, to make sure that everything is clear. 

1) Is there a 'me', at all, anywhere, in any way, shape or form?  No. Was there ever? No, just "thoughts" of a "me"; and thoughts aren't real--they're just some activity in awareness that has no real significance. So the thoughts drop away! "; But it was a powerful illusion, for a while.  Now there is seeing. "I once was blind, but now..."   Now, there is no "I" and only Seeing!! 

2) Explain in detail what the illusion of separate self is, when it starts and how it works. 'We' assume it started at an early age, shortly after birth, or when our parents told us (in a number of ways) that we are 'individuals' , 'you' are a person with a mind', etc. And 'i' or 'we' believe it, because everyone else went along with it also . The imaginary mind was overwhelming, seemingly in control.  But it is FALSE.

 3) How does it feel to see this?  Ahhh, it truly liberating. It's all just happening. It's not being done by a "me." Things get done easily or more easily than before. Problems aren't "my problems", they're just "situations to deal with", just something in Nature, something that's there, that needs some attention. But mostly, it's smooth flowing.  Instead of seeing things just in front of a face, now it's like seeing things from a broad vision, or with a wide-angle lens -- it's just clear, simple, and open. The "effort" has fallen away. There's no mind, no "friction". 
4) How would you describe it to somebody who has never heard about this illusion. It's Simplicity, 'Happening' without the mind, Relaxing and peaceful. There is activity, and it just is, as it is. There's not the (imaginary) mind analyzing, evaluating, judging. There never was an individual "me", a small "I", there never was an individual doing it or taking responsibility for actions; it was going on auHarryatically. Everything is going on without a self. 

It's like untying some tight shoes and stepping out, or loosening a tight belt. There's a feeling of freedom, relaxed, and, in this case, a letting go of the boundaries of the mind. The "letting go" seemed to happen by itself once looking and seeing was done with Ilona's questions.  It's a simple thing, it only appears difficult to the apparent mind. I said, "There's a feeling of freedom", but it's more accurate to say that it is freedom, not being limited in narrow thinking-- or any thinking. 

Things get done more smoothly and easily. 

5) What was the last bit that pushed you over, made you look? Ilona's questions and then continued lookingand seeing what is the reality.

Just asking the same questions and looking/seeing, many times during the day (and night?). You just have to look--look at your experience.  Ask the question and look--what is the Reality? Where is the "I" (if it exists)? Contemplate it, see it for yourself,--with a guide, or maybe a good "technique".

Someday, I'd like to help compose a list of maybe additional questions and "things to do" to help bring about this realization in other people. Something was going on inside this body/awareness that brought about the shift, but it cannot be put into words, at this time. It's abstract or beyond words.

Surrendering to the ultimate reality here and now,
Lots of love to Ilona for the beginning of living, awakening, knowing... and feeling comfortable with "not knowing"!

This has been Great beyond words, Ilona.  Thank you with all my heart!
Harry

Ilona:
Yes Harry, it has been great.  I truly enjoyed working with you.