Innercall: There Is No Actual I.

Ilona:
Thank you for message. Please introduce yourself here and tell a bit of your story.
Looking forward to our conversation.
Much love.


Innercall:
Hi Ilona,
Thanks for guiding me.

My name is Maxime and I am a 32 years old man. I have started doing meditation about 5 years ago in an attempt to fill an emptiness that I was feeling for a long time. For a long time I longed for more in my life and meditation quickly convinced me that there was more to life than what I used to think. I didn't know what I was looking for, neither am-I now but one thing that increased was the longing for that thing, this urgency to merge with something more, this need that makes you cry while looking at the stars in the sky.
I experienced a kundalini awakening that changed the way I see life, and the perception of the energies inside my body.

It was followed by a period of severe depression that settled down over time. I had a couple of moments where I felt connected, where I could see everything happening to this consciousness without being involved but these didn't stay long. Over time I became very sensitive to any spiritual practise. Just a little of meditation or too much of spiritual reading made me feel depressed. In fact, everything increasing inner silence increases the energy and emotions felt inside and it is like the energy released from the energetic-emotional knots dissolving from the silence get stuck inside my body. Because of that, I decreased my practises of meditation to nearly zero since a couple of months. I came to realise that a part of me fears the dissolving of the self and that all this discomfort and resistance I feel when meditating might be caused by this fear.

I don't want any more to be divided between the desire to know the truth and the fear of finding out. I am willing to face that fear, to experience the unknown and live with the consequence.
Looking forward to our conversation too
Innercall

Ilona: 
Brilliant. Thank you for intro.
Before we can take a next step I invite you to examine your expectations as thoroughly as you can, so we can leave them here till later.

Make a list of what you expect seeing the truth is gonna be like, what it is not gonna be like and what you do not want it to be.

Get it all put of the system and put it on the screen.
:)

Sending love.

Innercall:
My expectations…
What I expect seeing the truth will be like or would like it to be:

-A relief
-The end of my suffering
-The reconciliation of the opposites in me
-The end of complexity, the beginning of simplicity
-Solving all my problems… eh eh
-The answer to my undefined longing.
-Fun, hilarious
-Bring energetic and emotional stability
-A part of me wants to be special or different because of it
-A moment of deep understanding clearly seen… like an Oh my god this is it!!!
-The end of thoughts that always haunt me
-Inner peace

What it is not gonna be like:

-Painful
-Sad
-An extreme experience with fireworks omniscience and omnipotence
Strange, I’ve got difficulties figuring out how it is not going to be…
What I don’t want it to be:
-Something temporary that will leave me
-The loss of will to continue on a spiritual quest. I am quite attached to this idea of having to DO something to see the truth about me and I perceive fear about having to s all this if I finally find the anwser.
-Disappointing
-A joke, not existing
-Being of no relevance to my experience of life.
-The loss of something precious and useful
-The loss of will to act in life

I think this is it...at least for now

Ilona:
That is a nice list!

Couple points:

The shift is very subtle. You may not even notice when it occurs, so if you expect a big aha moment, it may never happen. Sometimes it's only possible to see when shift happened few days later. So no angel choir, no sonic boom, no big insight. Relax about it.

Solving all your problems? Ha, good one. No, seeing truth does not solve problems. It's seeing that problems are all in the mind.

You mention that there is wanting to be special. It's actually the other side- what you get is -ordinary. :)
Loss of something precious and useful- how precious and useful is belief in I? That is the only thing that gets lost- the belief in magical separate entity me.

Other than that, we can leave the expectations for now and move forward.
Tell me precisely what comes up, thoughts, feelings, when you let the mind play with this:

There is no separate self at all in real life, no I, no me, no owner, controller, watcher, manager of life. None as in zero.

Much love.

Innercall:
There is a mixed feeling. On one side there is peace and relief and on the other there is a subtle fear and an interrogation. I can also feel a small contraction in the area of my throat and chest while reading it. There is an excitement, an opening to the unknown, the kind you get when you do something new the first time or visiting a new place on a trip.

If there is no self, no watcher or controller then what? What is seeing? What is thinking? How comes all these perceptions exists? If there is no separated self how comes that there are perceptions that are limited to this body. Doesn't that makes a separate self, constitutes the me?



In a way when I think about there being no separate self, no me, no controller, I end up with an internal question like "then who or what am I ?" and then there is only nothing...a silence...but a silence that smiles in a kind of way.

In a way it feels right and true in a subtle and profound way and at the same time it feels like an unsolved enigma that needs to be solved on the level of the conceptual mind.

Love.

Ilona:
Yes, it feels like an enigma until it doesn't.

I is a thought.

I am points to a feeling. That is this feeling of aliveness, sensations, movement, being.
That feeling has been assumed for a me, that is in charge.

There is control and will, and focus, all these experiences are being experienced, but not by I.
As I is nothing else but a thought.

Where do thoughts come from?


Innercall:
They come from a space in the head. I feel they come from an impulse that is indistinct at first but gets clearer to become an articulated thought. As I look at it, a thought seems to manifest in the head from another thought or in reaction to an experience.


Ilona:
Where in the head? Can you pin point the location?

Can you control thoughts?

Can you choose which thoughts you want to think or stop thinking for 10 minutes?

Is there a thinker?

Answer when ready.

Innercall:


Where in the head? Can you pin point the location?


There is no precise spot in the head; I could say it is mostly in the front part of the head but it is blurry with no clear frontier. Also, when it is thought in words it seems to be located as a subtle impulse in the area of the throat and mouth like the one used to talk but only more subtle. I guess I could say I can’t pinpoint a precise location.

Can you control thoughts?


I have taken a look at it and I just can’t control thoughts that are happening. Even if I try, I can always be surprised by what they happen to be. It seems to me that I can orient thoughts toward a general direction or an aim, like writing this message. But again, this aim or goal is a thought and did I really controlled that thought that set all the other thoughts in motion?... no. I just can’t control any thought, they just happen to be. They look linked together by something tough.

Can you choose which thoughts you want to think or stop thinking for 10 minutes?


Definitely not. Precisely when I look at it, I cannot impose any thought. Even when I want to, when I say ”I choose to think about….” the thought that appears is a complete surprise and once I am thinking something and I try to keep thinking it or thinking something related, I still get a new thought that I didn’t choose. Wow…


Is there a thinker?


When I read this, I hear that thought “is there a thinker?” in my mind and then I get…nothing. I don’t know… there are thoughts and they are perceived. I can’t find a solid, definite thinker... I find there are thoughts, they are perceived but I can’t find what make the thoughts. All the thoughts are different and unpredictable but the perception of thoughts is more constant. I feel like there is no thinker but there is a perceiver and it feels like me.

Ilona:
Good work.

Perceiver? Is there a gap between Perceiver of thoughts, thoughts and thinking, or is it one process that we call thinking?

Test it with a sound. Just s everything for 2 minutes and listen intently to all sounds that are present. Is there a heater of sounds separate from hearing and heard?
Where does hearing happen? Listen to the distant sounds, where is the hearer then?
With closed eyes check if there is a line between here and there. Can it be defined?

Innercall:
Test it with a sound. Just s everything for 2 minutes and listen intently to all sounds that are present. Is there a heater of sounds separate from hearing and heard?

No; hearing and heard are at the same time all by themselves. When attention changes from one sound to the other, very quickly there is the memory of that new sound that plays back in mind and there is a related thought appearing that can be a judgement or recognition. That thought (memory of the sound with a tint of recognition) can be mistaken for a perceiving of the sound but the sound was already heard. So there is a gap but it is between the hearing and the thought that manifests because of it. I just can’t hear without thoughts about the hearing happening. Or rather I could say that there is no conscious hearing without thoughts appearing.


Where does hearing happen?


I can locate the sound. It can be on my left, on my right, near or far. I think I identify the place of hearing with the middle of all the sounds heard but I can’t pinpoint precisely more than that it is related to the ears.
Listen to the distant sounds, where is the hearer then?

I don’t know where the hearer is but a distant sound is recognised as distant and a sound on the left is recognised on the left. The hearing of the sound is analysed in a way that locates the sound relatively to the position of my head. It then seems that the hearer is in the head or in the ears.

With closed eyes check if there is a line between here and there. Can it be defined?


A line can be defined between the sound and the position from which it is heard but not precisely. If the origin of the sound is moving, then I can sense the line between the sound and me changing direction.
Is there a gap between Perceiver of thoughts, thoughts and thinking, or is it one process that we call thinking?

It seems to me that there is no gap and it can be called the process of thinking. A little like mentioned for hearing, gaps do seem to be there but it is a gap between a thought and a new thought that is a judgement or recognition of this first thought that can be taken as a perceiving.


Ilona:
Very good my friend.
So thoughts are coming from nowhere and to no one, there is no Perceiver of sound, what is going on here, what do you see? Is there a doer of actions?

Innercall:
A part of me is fighting against this idea. It seems something is lacking in the equation. I feel very uncomfortable as I write this as if I am about to find out something very disappointing.

Ok so thinking is happening and hearing is happening and when I look at it closely, I can’t find to whom it is happening, it just happens, but only when I look very carefully and closely. I can’t attach the thinking or hearing to something specific. Something is missing.

Is there a doer of actions?

When I ask myself this question, a part of me is responding Yes with a sensation in the body around the upper chest and lower throat. When I look at it closely, every action starts from a thought. Right now, I take some time and wait for an action to happen. There are automatic actions that happen that I didn’t decide like clinging my eyes: no control, it just happens. All the voluntary actions start from a thought that is a complete surprise to me on which I had no control so impulse for action just happens. Then there seems to be a control on whether or not I act upon the thought…. Ok, I realised that for the last 15 minutes, nearly every action was done in the same mode as my eyes clinging, it just happened.

There were also actions that came from a thought that I seem to have decided to do. For example, I decide to do an action….nothing… then there is this thought: “touch the glass”… then it will stay and repeat itself… that’s the moment where I get the sense of controlling the action by deciding to touch the glass or not.
So is there a doer of actions? I don’t know. I have difficulties finding it. Most of the time actions seem to happen and I must admit it is quite confusing.

Ilona:
What is that I that is referred to in your posts?
What is looking closely?
Is there a subject in action?

Like I breathe, I walk, I snore, I eat, I think, I do?

What is being noticed? What is already obvious?
What is that I that is referred to in your posts?

Innercall;
It is an unclear sense of centre. That is that which connects all the parts together, that links the body sensations, the hearing, the thinking, the writing. It is the memory of the experiences linked together.
What is looking closely?

I can’t find it. It is just a focus on a specific area of experience (thinking or hearing for example) that is happening because of a thought about it. Like for the thinking and the hearing, there is the process of looking closely or focusing that just happens. There is no difference between looking closely, the looked at experience, and the looker. There is the judgement, feeling, thought process that follows the looking that seems to do the looking, but it is a reaction to the looking that already happened.

Is there a subject in action? Like I breathe, I walk, I snore, I eat, I think, I do?

Action is happening from a specific body. That body is always there and because it is always there, it seems like it is me and it seems it is the subject in action.

When breathing happens, it happens without a subject. The thought of I breath can come after. It is a kind of confirmation or reconstruction of my existence that is done by integrating and connecting the breathing to the whole package of memories and thoughts. It is the same with the other actions.

So there is no subject during an action, it just seems so after.

What is being noticed? What is already obvious?

There is a big intermingled knot of memories, thoughts, emotions and sensations that is always actualised and fed by all the experiences. Each new experience is integrated within that net and this moment of integration is a thought or judgement that confirms the I. That big knot of thoughts and memories is like a super-thought that is both subtle and complex that cannot be seen clearly because it contains too much superimposed information. Still, even if it is noticed, that knot still somehow feels like me. Mostly, the feelings, uncomfortable feelings, located in certain area of the body feel like me.

It is obvious that doing, thinking and hearing are happening by themselves without a subject. It is obvious that something is false in the whole portrait because there is a clash between the absence of subject and the feeling that there is a me.




Ilona:
OK, now look at the knot of memories and thoughts. Is there an actual knot anywhere to be found?

Focus on the feeling that is labelled knot.

Is it an I? A me?

Notice another thing- thoughts pass by not in knots, but in trains. One thought comes after another, but only one thought comes to awareness at a time, if it's speedy and lots - it may get labelled as knot, but examine it deeper and wrote what you find.

And- there is no centre.

There never was a centre. All there is is experience happening now + experience of thinking about it.

If you had to point to a centre, where would your finger point to?

If there was a centre, wouldn't it be clear and obvious?

It's unclear, because mind is trying to recreate something that it imagines and believes as real based on memories.

Check if it's true. Ask the centre to reveal itself, literally. See what happens.

Sending love.


 Innercall:
OK, now look at the knot of memories and thoughts. Is there an actual knot anywhere to be found?

No there isn’t, it is more a kind of feeling.

Focus on the feeling that is labelled knot. Is it an I? A me?

No, it doesn’t feel like a me.

Notice another thing- thoughts pass by not in knots, but in trains. One thought comes after another, but only one thought comes to awareness at a time, if it's speedy and lots - it may get labelled as knot, but examine it deeper and wrote what you find.

That looks right. Thoughts appear and disappear very quickly. Most of the thoughts don’t have time to become precise and are replaced by others while they are still only very subtle, not articulated thoughts. It is not clear but it seems that a lot of thoughts in the train are “I thoughts” or “me thoughts”, linking the previous thought or the experience to the thought. For example, I just add this itch sensation on a part of my skin, so there is this sensation then it is followed by a thought that is “it itches me”.

If you had to point to a centre, where would your finger point to?

It would point near the heart, just a little on the right side of the middle of the chest.

If there was a centre, wouldn't it be clear and obvious?

I must admit it isn’t clear and obvious.

Check if it's true. Ask the centre to reveal itself, literally. See what happens.

When I ask this question, an energetic sensation build up in the chest, a kind of tension attracts everything inside the body, mostly on the right side, to a spot inside the upper right part of the chest that becomes a little painful. This is accompanied with uncomfortable feelings, a kind of fear and sadness. Then, after a while it causes an uncontrollable shiver or shaking that releases that build-up of energy. This exercise leaves me with a mild feeling of depression and tiredness.

Sending love.
Thank you

Ilona:
Let's go a bit further here.
If you go back to that feeling in the chest, and observe it even closer.

Is it a real centre or is it a sensation in the body, raw feeling + label 'center'.

Look behind that feeling. What is there?

Innercall:
When I look at it, it is a feeling that responds to the label “center”. But that feeling is not precise it moves and changes in intensity.

Behind this sensation is a screaming and afraid sense of self that yells “I exist!!!” , “you’ve got the right to exist!!!” . It really isn’t clear and constant but it is the image that comes to mind when asking what is behind this sensation.

Ilona:
OK, yes, there is s feeling of existing, aliveness, amness, whatever you call it, but is it I? or is I just a label that we use as we learn that with language.

bring that fear up, that screaming 'i have right to exist', what is it that is saying that?

keep looking behind that feeling. is there a feeler?

Innercall:
The feeling of existing is here and can be perceived. ‘I’ looks to be the thought that manifests from this perception. Yes, it is a label. When I think ‘I’, it brings that feeling of existing.

bring that fear up, that screaming 'i have right to exist', what is it that is saying that?

No one is screaming. It is only a thought that happens, like any other thought.

keep looking behind that feeling. is there a feeler?

I can’t find it. There is only the feeling that is mistaken for the feeler but there is no separation. There is the process of feeling but no feeler behind that feeling. There can be thoughts about the feeling tough.

Seeing this reveals a sensation that is larger in the centre of the body from the throat to the lower part of the abdomen. The same way, there is no feeler when I look at it but that realisation has to be checked again and again as that feeling is identified with me again and again. A part of me doesn't believe it.

Ilona:
Good work.

So feeler can not be found, thinker can not be found,

Then what is real? What is happening and what any of THIS has to do with the I thought?

Is there a self in any form or shape in reality?

Innercall:
The process of feeling is real, the process of thinking is real, and the aliveness feeling is real. All experiences happen and are then very quickly labelled with the I thought to become labelled as my experiences. It feels like when a perception (object of sense or thought) appears then appears the I thought associated with the aliveness feeling. From these two succeeding thoughts appears a thought stating that the object is mine or not mine or me or not me. For example I look at the phone on the table, immediately I get this thought “my phone” combined with the feeling of existing. Or there can be a body sensation and it is followed with the thought “I feel that”. All this is not really clear. I feel blind when looking for the I thought.

Is there a self in any form or shape in reality?

I can’t find a definite self, there are many experiences labelled self. Still there is a sense of separation.

The clarity of seeing the non-existence of the doer, feeler and thinker was difficult to maintain while interacting during the day. It can be recalled as a thought becoming a kind of new belief, but really looking needs an effort.

Ilona:
If it can be seen that there is no doer and no thinker, then what is it that is trying?

If everything is effortlessly happening, then what is it that puts effort?

And what is it that is trying to maintain clarity?

Can you look deeper at these questions.

Innercall:

I don’t know what is trying but it seems to be motivated by some kind of fear of failing to see the truth, a need for validation. It is the same impulse and motivation that brings me to my computer to write this and that motivates me to do meditation. It is a raw desire. The consequences of this desire are the actions, some of which are the trying and the effort.

So what is trying, what puts the effort? It feels like this is done by me, that there is an I at the origin of that effort. But no, I can’t find specifically what is trying. I only get a sensation of urgency in the body, a strong desire find out. That desire causes effort and the trying to maintain clarity in an attempt to feed the desire. There is wanting but there is no object to that wanting. AAgh!! There is such an internal struggle right now…

Ilona:
Oh yes, the inner struggle is the motivation to resolve this confusion.

The mind is seeking clarity and is looking at what is causing the struggle.

Tell me, can I wake up?

Innercall:
Conceptually no. I can’t be the one that wakes-up and realises that I never existed. Then if it is not I, who’s sleeping that can wake-up?

And I can see there is this feeling of I wanting to wake-up, of I looking for the absence of I and that causes an unsolvable problem in the mind.

Ilona:
good stuff. so look at the mind as a labelling machine. it labels everything that is focused on. look around the room slowly. notice how mind immediately starts telling stories and name things.

when we learn the language mind learns to label actions:

i walk
i talk
i type,
i breathe,
i digest,
i sleep, etc.

if you change these labels to

walking
talking
typing,
breathing... etc, what happens?

is there an actual I that does the actions or is it just a word, that is serving as subject in the label? is there a subject in doing?

watch breathing, is there an i that breathes?
is there an i that wakes up in the morning?
is there an i that goes to sleep?
is there an i in any doing?

what is that i? what is it pointing to? can that i ever wake up? If not, what is waking up?

take a good look and answer when ready..

much love.

Innercall:
You are right, mind labels everything seen or perceived.

if you change these labels to 
walking
talking
typing, 
breathing... etc, what happens?

There is a relaxing. When I change the way of labelling like changing from I see to seeing, very subtly a feeling of tension/separation changes to a sense of lightness/wholeness. Two becomes one in that instant.

is there an actual I that does the actions or is it just a word, that is serving as subject in the label? is there a subject in doing?

No there is no actual I. When an action is performed, there is the label ‘I am doing the action’ that appears in mind. There is no subject in doing. The subject is in between the doings, an added thought to the doing.

watch breathing, is there an i that breathes?


No, there is only the label “I breath” associated to the breathing sensation.


is there an i that wakes up in the morning?

It seems so, there is the label “I live” that is associated with all the memories that comes back when waking up, combined with all the labels made by the mind from all the sensory experiences happening when waking up. Have to take a deeper look at that.

is there an i that goes to sleep?

Getting asleep is a moment when the I disappear and labels s, so it seems there is no I that goes to sleep.

is there an i in any doing?

No, there isn’t but there is the label “I am doing” generated by the mind when actions are happening.


what is that i? what is it pointing to?

That I is a thought. Alone it is a label associated to a sensation in the body, the feeling of existing. That thought is joined with the objects of perceptions in “I do this”, “I see this”. This creates a thought that links the feeling of existing with the object in a subject-object relationship. It creates a irreconcilability between the I thought associated with perception of the aliveness feeling and the perception or action happening. Both of these thoughts are at the same level, they are perceptions, and the mind is trying to impose a relationship between the two.

can that i ever wake up?

No, it is only a concept, a label created by the mind.

If not, what is waking up?

Feeling the same struggle now… All that my mind is yelling is “Nothing!!!”
Another answer coming is “The space where all this happens…”
I feel on the edge of a fog wall, blind and not knowing how to go through.

Ilona:
Hahaha, you are no longer blind.

I can see that you are crossing nicely and what is left is to get your mind register what happened.

How does it feel to be liberated?

Innercall:
Not much really… still I cannot deny such really… still I cannot deny that something changed, something subtle.

There is a kind of fear that it might not be true, that some of what was written here was only coming from ideas I had from past readings… but still, I read back some of the messages we exchanged and I could see and feel how the perceptions I had changed.

Some kind of feeling of achievement is felt and that looks wrong… no one achieved anything but there is still a subtle feeling of pride about it that separates me from the others.

The labelling still happens, I saw someone passing near the window and there was the labelling “I see that person”…. Anxiety is appearing because there is the belief that no separation at all should be perceived.

In fact, nearly everything is the same, I feel some uncomfortable feelings (anxiety that happens sometime) but at the same time there is something else, a subtle lightness. There is also a new perspective with which the life can be experienced. In the past hour or so, during activity, there was spontaneous laughing and also feeling like crying…

I guess this is not the end of it, there is probably integration required.

Much gratitude to you Ilona for guiding me up to that point.

Ilona:
Oh yes, looks that you through. But, let it settle. Relax, take break, just rest from this. We will speak tomorrow.

The subtle lightness, yeah, it's gentle and real. And nothing changes, true. All is as it's always been. :) labelling included.

I'll ask you a few more questions tomorrow. Till then, dear friend.

Much love.

Innercall:
OK I'll relax.
Much love Ilona

Ilona:
how is it going today? are you ready for the final questions?

much love.

Innercall:
I am doing fine and yes, I am ready for the final questions.

Ilona:
Great to hear. So here are the questions.

Please answer in full.
1) Is there a 'me', at all, anywhere, in any way, shape or form? Was there ever?
2) Explain in detail what the illusion of separate self is, when it starts and how it works.
3) How does it feel to see this?
4) How would you describe it to somebody who has never heard about this illusion.
5) What was the last bit that pushed you over, made you look?

Sending lots of love.


Innercall:
1) Is there a 'me', at all, anywhere, in any way, shape or form? Was there ever?

No there isn’t any me at all. There are only thoughts, actions and perceptions happening but there is no subject. All there ever was was things happening… but there never was a real me, only thoughts of me. There is nowhere where it can be found and it can’t be associated with something tangible.


2) Explain in detail what the illusion of separate self is, when it starts and how it works.

Self/me/I is a label created by the mind for the feeling of existing and various other memories and feelings but it is really only a thought, a word. We are used to think in the way we are taught to speak in a subject –object kind of way where the I is linked to the object whether it is an action or a perception. The illusion of separate self is created by the use of the self/I/me thought, that is in itself only a thought for the perceptions of living/memories/feelings, to put it in relation with the objects of perceptions. That creates a sense of separation between the self/me/I concept and the object of perception. That creates a sense that one set of perception labelled “me” is the subject of other perceptions but really these are both perceptions without any subject.

That illusion starts when you learn to speak and think in a subject-object kind of way.

3) How does it feel to see this?

It feels quite simple in fact. There is a subtle sense of lightness. An inner struggle has settled down. There is also a kind of feeling of freedom but it’s strange how that doesn’t change anything really. Everything is still happening, but now there is space for it to happen.

4) How would you describe it to somebody who has never heard about this illusion?

I would ask that person if they feel there is a self that is doing, feeling, thinking. Then I would tell that person that the illusion is that belief of “you” actually doing, feeling, and thinking anything. I would then ask that person to really look at their thoughts and see if they can control any thought. Is there a controller of thought, is there a thinker? If you look carefully you will realise there is nothing, no “you”, controlling or thinking, there is only thinking happening. There is only the habit of thinking that there is a you that is thinking, doing, hearing, etc. Actually everything is happening now out of nothing.

5) What was the last bit that pushed you over, made you look?

Part of the seeing was done, I saw that there was no subject in actions, thoughts and perceptions but there was still a feeling of me. That created a buildup of tension inside, a struggle for the mind to find how that was possible. Looking at the thinking as a labelling of reality and changing from the formulation “I see this” to “seeing this” revealed the relation of the I-thought with every other thought and how that relation was false. Also, I think that out of that struggle came the realisation that there was nothing that could wake-up, the dog sped chasing is tail.

Ilona:
Your answers are clear, my friend.
I'm delighted to welcome you home- to the natural living. :))
I'd like to invite you to unleashed. Are you on Facebook?

Is there any doubt at all?
Love!

Innercall:
I would be lying if I said there wasn’t any doubt. During and after writing the previous message there was the fear that it may all be wrong, that I may lose it. There was some kind of anxiety during the day and that anxiety created thoughts saying that I couldn’t be liberated if I still felt that. So there were alternate states between doubt and relaxing in the knowing of truth. Doubt and anxiety is quite common for that mind and I don’t suppose it should change that quickly. Nevertheless, there is space for all this to happen. There were many occasions of remembering or seeing the absence of self during the day accompanied with laughter or smile. Habits are probably not changed in that a short time.

I am on Facebook and I would be glad to join unleashed. I’ll ask to join just now.

I am grateful to you my friend for opening my eyes. I probably haven’t realised the depth of this gift.
Thank you, Thanks Life!!!


Ilona:
Doubt is a friend, not something unwanted. It is through doubt that doors open and fresh new seeing is possible. So I'd say test everything. Is it true- is the best question to ask in every situation of habitual thought.

There is time for deconstruction of old belief system. My only advice is hold on to
nothing, let whatever is falling off fall..

Lots of love.

Innercall:
Thanks Ilona, I’ll do just that

Love