Tea: Nobody Is Doing Anything In Order For Life To Happen

Tea:

Hi,

Rita Friedman sent me, and I really need your help to see things clearly. I'm only 21 yoa but people tell me I have an old "soul". I study chiropractic in Atlanta, but I am originally from Norway (lived in the US a year now). I've always been "working on myself", but I want to be free from this illusion. I am currently reading your intro book, and I understand a lot of it intellectually and can identify with a lot of the stories. Can you please help me with questions and guide me through this so I can get rid of this "I" identity and be free?

Please.

Thank you,

Ilona:

Hi Tea.

Thank you for email.

Yes I can work with you, but I recommend to read at least half of the Gateless Gatecrashers book before we start. It gives you a good intro in to this inquiry and you can answer some questions for yourself before we start.

Email me when you are ready. 

Kind regards.

Tea:

Hi again,

I did what you asked me. I understand that there is no "self" intellectually. However, I don´t see it clearly. Please help me so I can stop searching and "working on myself" - which apparently is bullshit. I am afraid that it will be hard for you to understand where I am at and what I am trying to explain, based on my lack of vocabulary and experience. But thank you in advance for trying.

If there is no "Tea", does my body and mind have a personality at all? Or is it the soul that comes with it that has my "personality", while my body and mind just act from stimuli, learned behavior patterns and inherent response system (autonomic n.system etc.)? I feel like if I am not real, nothing else about "me" is either. How can I relate to people or influence people if the universe is expressing itself in a certain way predetermined? I am afraid I won´t be able to relate to people/have a "normal" conversation after this, because I am seeing the truth and everybody else is living a lie.

Free will, law of attraction etc. is just rubbish? Everything is just a flow of life being expressed? So if "my" being eat chocolate instead of salad, there is no way I can"choose" which expression to happen later (gaining weight or losing weight)? I am confused. Haha.

You say that emotions, like thoughts, just happens; come and go. What about the feeling I hope to have for my future husband or whatever in the future. How can "I", say for example marry someone and expect (or not expect..) life expression/situations/experiences to create a feeling of love for that being/entity of life for the rest of "my" conscious life here?

I am probably futher back than most of your clients, and I apologize. But I really hope you have the time and energy to help me and I promise I will help a lot of people too.

Ilona:

Hi Tea,

Thank you for email.

We can start working and forget about all questions for now. We focus on one question only- is there a me, I, separate self that life happens to. 

We will start from fresh and all I need from you is write every day. Regardless if I answer or not. If nothing to see check in anyway. This will be your space for your process. This process is your own. You do it for yourself, by yourself. I'm only here to hold focus and as a few questions that you may miss.

While in the process stop reading anything you read and watch any videos about awakening. Stop even going to forum. You need to start thinking for yourself. No second hand descriptions are going to help.

If this is cool with you and you commit to the process we can start. 

First question-

What do you expect that seeing through illusion is going to bring you. What do you want from this

Why are you looking to wake up?

What you do not want to see?

Make a list. As in

1.

2.

3...

Investigate deeply and sincerely. Remember, you do this process for yourself. 

Sending love. 

Tea:

Hi it´s Tea. I have to answer you on this email account because I cannot open my hotmail..

I can agree to do that. Do you also mean the forum for LU?

So.. To answer your question:

1.  I want to see the truth (no religion has been able to give me a fair picture of the world, even though I definitely believe in a higher organizing power)

2. I want to be free

-       From old thought patterns and behavior patterns that don´t serve me. I want to be able to step out of a situation and react to it based on truth

-       Stop taking things personally

3.  I want to love myself and people around me unconditionally and look differently at the world (have empathy for all beings and be able to help people in a different way through chiropractic and showing people a way of living life free and to the fullest (emotionally, physically and spiritually))

4.  want to feel less “bad” feelings; jealousy, stress, frustration, inadequacy etc.

Even though the feelings might not go away, I hope enlightenment will make me become able to separate those feelings in the way that they will not affect my cells negatively (for example give me muscle tension or fatigue, drop in mood etc.). I want to be in a relaxed, free, state, full of vitality and flow. I don´t know if this is true, but these are my ideas of becoming enlightened.

However, I have to tell you. Ever since I started reading the intro book and on the forum, I´ve been in the weirdest mood: I´m starting to become such an observer and actually withdraw myself from people and class and I want to be alone and go to bed early. I feel tired and like life has no meaning if we have no "say" in it.

Ilona:

Hi Tea,

You can read anything on LU or my blog.  And keep reading that book.  It's all connected.  But best to leave all the rest on the side.

1.  I want to see the truth (no religion has been able to give me a fair picture of the world, even though I definitely believe in a higher organizing power)

Good, you want up see the truth. Or do you want to see what you believe to be truth.  That is quite different. 

2. I want to be free

-       From old thought patterns and behavior patterns that don´t serve me. I want to be able to step out of a situation and react to it based on truth

It's not that all conditioning melts away, it's still going to be there, this is a first step in clearing it.  Starting from the core of illusion- belief in a separate entity me.  

-       Stop taking things personally

It will still happen. And seeing does not change personality of the character Tea.

3.  I want to love myself and people around me unconditionally and look differently at the world (have empathy for all beings and be able to help people in a different way through chiropractic and showing people a way of living life free and to the fullest (emotionally, physically and spiritually))

This is heart opening that you speak about.  It may or may not accompany realisation. So don't put this as a goal.

4.  want to feel less “bad” feelings; jealousy, stress, frustration, inadequacy etc.

Nope. These feelings will be coming up till conditioning that triggers them is cleared. 

Even though the feelings might not go away, I hope enlightenment will make me become able to separate those feelings in the way that they will not affect my cells negatively (for example give me muscle tension or fatigue, drop in mood etc.). I want to be in a relaxed, free, state, full of vitality and flow.

This is magical thinking. Realisation does not give you states of relaxation. And everything is seen as flow, including tension and stress. 

There is nothing outside of flow. All is one movement.

I don´t know if this is true, but these are my ideas of becoming enlightened.

Thank you for your honesty and sincerity. This where all expectations need to be left on hold. 

Seeing is never going to be what you imagine. So lets take a fresh look. 

However, I have to tell you. Ever since I started reading the intro book and on the forum, I´ve been in the weirdest mood: I´m starting to become such an observer and actually withdraw myself from people and class and I want to be alone and go to bed early. I feel tired and like life has no meaning if we have no "say" in it.

Hmmm what if we don't?

What would be lost?

But it's not that no one is listening to us. It's because what we think we are is not what is actually happening.  There is no you at all. As in zero.

Look:

Does a flower have a meaning?

What does a tree mean?

What is meaning of a cat?

Explore this deeper.

Sending love.

Tea:

I can see that. I´ll let go of all expectations regarding waking up..

What would be lost?

Well, my drive to help people/have a positive influence in this world will be gone because "I" don´t have a say in how things flow. My drive to grow as a human being. I understand what you are saying, that we are all one. But it doesn´t fit into all aspects of reality. I mean, I have a free will to keep going in this process or not? I guess I have a hard time putting all the pieces together and seeing the big picture.

The meaning of life to a flower must be to grow, express life at it´s highest potential (survive every input from the environment) and then make sure that it´s seeds are spread to continue the life circle.

Same with the tree and the cat.

Are you saying that we are like a tree and a flower, just a different expression? Why do we have a higher entity of consciousness and ego/thoughts?

Life doesn´t have to have a meaning, life just is. However, I think one of the basic human needs are to contribute and grow and without that, our "soul" die slowly..

Thank you.

Tea:

Hi again,

I had a talk with Rita and things got a lot clearer.

Everything is happening the way it is supposed to go and it´s not that we don´t have a say in it, it´s just already been decided. All my "choices" are the right ones, because they are just part of my journey. So now I just have to let go of the illusion. Or see it for what it is.

Please help me, Ilona.

Ilona:

No. Nothing has been decided.  All is happening just because, no plan, no reason, no nothing.  All is arising spontaneously co-dependently with everything else. 

Choice happens, labeling it right or wrong happens. There is no you to let go of illusion.  You are the illusion. I is just a word, a label, it is not a manager, chooser and it is not having a journey. 

Write what feelings and thoughts come up as you consider this seriously. 

Sending love,

Tea:

What do you mean by choice happens? But there is no chooser?

Choices are made by my body and mind based on conditioning and experience? Before I recognize it and label it as "my" decision? Is it always like that..? What about the times when "I" go back and forth before I make the decision?

What thoughts do I get? I get frustrated because I can´t see it (and prob b/c my ego i shattered.. haha) But when I sit back in my chair and close my eyes, I see that I am not in control of anything going on in my body. So why would I be in control of my mind.

Ilona:

Hi Tea

How is it going?

There are a lot of questions in your email. How would you answer them all?

Keep digging.

Tea:

Hi. It´s busy. So I am trying to look, but it´s hard. The "I" thought is everywhere and in everything. It´s so well integrated that I don´t know where to start.

Ilona:

The I thought is not going to go away, it is part of language. 

But is it the I that is looking or looking happening? Regardless of how it's labelled. 

Make no mistake, it is not easy to start to use your own mind, but here is what you do, you answer your own questions. By yourself, for yourself.

What do you mean by choice happen? But there is no chooser?

Choices are made by my body and mind based on conditioning and experience? Before I recognize it and label it as "my" decision? Is it always like that..? What about the times when "I" go back and forth before I make the decision?

Answer these one by one. That would be the start. 

Tea:

I´ve been to a seminar this weekend so I haven´t been able to reply. Sorry. However, it´s been good. I was able to step away from a couple of situations and insTead of getting caught up in the story of it or react to it, just be and feel and see. There was just looking happening. Wow. This is freedom.

Tea:

Hi again,

Everything is so smooth :) I am not worrying about the future (even though I didn't have time to study anything this weekend for example), because there is only the present moment and everything is happening as it is supposed to. I am becoming more and more aware of the now, and there really isn't any "me" that is choosing. I can see that now :)

It´s freedom at a different level. I am not trying to fight anything, control anything or understand anything (dwell). Life is just unfolding by the moment, and I (the character Tea) is happy to be a part of it.

Ilona:

Oh great! Nice to hear.

So do you exist?

What is really happening? 

Much love.

Tea:

Yes! What is really happening? Life is happening. The body and mind see, look, feel, breathe and take actions. It is a fine machinery that express life in every moment. I am not in charge of anything, because I don´t exist  Time and others concepts, are just that - concepts or illusions created by the human mind and accepted by the "I" identity. There is no past or future but only here and now. All my sensations are heightened and it feels like life is happening slower, more calm. It´s not always in harmony, but it´s not supposed to be either. It is what it is. Every sensation and feeling my body is receiving and interpreting is done automatically by the body and mind. I don´t have anything to say, because I don´t exist. However, every time I recognize that the I/ego is nourished or shattered, I step back and look at the thoughts and I can see that there is no me and that I don´t have any control because I do not exist. Life is great!!

Ilona:

Sweet. So can you say that seeing through illusion of separate self, I has happened? If so, are you ready for the final questions?

After you answer them I will invite you to join facebook groups where you can meet others and participate in LU community.

  

Tea:

Yes :)

Ilona:

here are the questions. Please answer in full when ready.

1) Is there a 'me', at all, anywhere, in any way, shape or form? Was there ever? how about self, is there anything that is separate from everything else?

2) Explain in detail what the illusion of separate self is, when it starts and how it works.

3) How does it feel to see this? describe in detail.

4) How would you describe it to somebody who has never heard about this illusion but is curious about it.

5) What was the last bit that pushed you over, made you look? was there a specific moment when seeing happened or was it gradual? what exactly happened?

looking forward to your answers. :)) no rush.

much love

Tea:

1) No there is not a “me/I” in any form or shape. There is no “me” living life, but more so life living me. Life expresses itself as the entity “me”, with body, mind and soul/consciousness. The body and mind decide how to relate and act upon the surroundings based on habits, conditions and interpretations of sensory information. The consciousness (directed focus) is what precedes us to think that “we” are in control of our actions, therefore label the thoughts as “I” did that or chose that. There is no separate “self” either. There is no “self” or “me” in any shape, form or quantity.

2) The illusion of a separate self is an illusion that we are being given from our environment, parents and friends from our early childhood. When we are born, we are just experiencing the world, being completely present and just observing and feeling without attaching anything to it. We see the world as a complete whole, which we are a part of. We are not separate from the word because there is no ego attaching stories to the thoughts and actions we take. Later in life, we are taught that we are a separate person (called by a special name, that are supposed to live and behave in a special way) that is held accountable for his/her separate actions and rewarded likewise. There is an ego created in the person that want to take credit for everything that is happening to the surroundings and the body, so that it can be in control of it and feed off of it. The ego makes up a story about everything (past incidents, future illusions that can happen or the present moment) and attaches itself to everything. E.g.: “I lifted my arm”, “I yelled at the neighbor”, “I won the prize”, “I thought about going for a run” etc. The person is now living in the illusion of a separate self from the universe. It is not true. That´s it.

3) When “I” see the illusion for what it is, everything calms down/slows down. If there is a situation going on, I am able to unwind a whole spiral of emotional and behavioral patterns and see that it doesn't really make any sense. It feels liberating and very safe to “continue” life in the present moment. When I see past the illusion, I am not worrying, not dwelling, not making up stories or trying to explain anything. I am just seeing the reality for what it is and it is getting clearer and clearer every day. It feels effortless and like everything is floating at that point in time. Often sensations of joy and excitement or relaxation also occur and thoughts are being observed and feelings are being felt. The thoughts change pattern and I feel connected to life. To what is real in this moment and only the sensations that my body and mind are having.

4) Our ego thinks it is controlling everything that we do, think, feel, and say by creating an illusion that we are separate from everything else (people, the earth, the Creator, etc.) and in control of our “world”. There is no “you”. There is no “separate self” that are making decisions and affecting the future. Because there is only life in this moment, and you as a separate entity is a part of that.

5) The seeing through the illusion happened gradually, and pieces were put together everywhere into a bigger picture (while my ego was getting more and more angry and frustrated). When frustration was happening, I sat down in my office chair and decided to just ask myself questions about the reality and look if it was true or not. A lot of the questions you sent me were helpful. The observation of reality came clear to me slowly but steady. Everything that is happening is happening whether I am “controlling” it or not. The controlling part of it is just the ego wanting to satisfy itself and being in control. I also went to a chiropractic seminar on Network Spinal Analysis (a technique) where we can feel and see “spinal gateways” for different subunits of the body (emotional, structural, etc.) and on the advanced patient demonstration the instructor did, the spinal gateway (access point into the sub-consciousness in the spine) was so far out of the body that there was no longer a clear definition on where it ended or started compared to ours. The instructor said, “Now you start wondering if there is really any clear boundaries between you and me at all...” We are all one! And when seeing through the illusion is happening, I feel abundant and complete. What I am trying to write is that ego- thoughts of jealously, lack and greed is gone, because there is no need for that because lack in “my” consciousness will be a lack in everybody’s consciousness (and vice versa). That is why this work is so important because we can elevate the consciousness of the whole world by seeing through the illusion.

I have no idea if you understood a word about the chiropractic technique sentences I wrote… It was just a contributing thing to actually see that there really aren´t any physical boundaries between us (it´s a well known healing art within chiropractic: Network Spinal Analysis. Check it out if you want to online)

Ilona:

Hi Tea, close, but not through yet. There are some points where you still trying to see what you think it's right, but not seeing what is. 

So let's keep investigating and clear those last beliefs and expectations.

1) No there is not a “me/I” in any form or shape. There is no “me” living life, but more so life living me. Life expresses itself as the entity “me”, with body, mind and soul/consciousness.

So it appears. But is there really a body, mind, entity, soul, consciousness? Is experience happening to a body or body itself is experienced?

Is there anything separate? Are there objects? Look deeper here, without language, without labels, are there objects?

Is body separate from environment?

The body and mind decide how to relate and act upon the surroundings based on habits, conditions and interpretations of sensory information.

This body and mind, what is it that drives them? Is there an entity in the bag of skin that decides anything?

The consciousness (directed focus) is what precedes us to think that “we” are in control of our actions, therefore label the thoughts as “I” did that or chose that. There is no separate “self” either. There is no “self” or “me” in any shape, form or quantity.

What is us that think?

2) Is there an ego that makes up a story?

Does ego exist? Is it real? Has it got power to control?

Investigate deeper.

4) Our ego thinks it is controlling everything that we do, think, feel, and say by creating an illusion that we are separate from everything else (people, the earth, the Creator, etc.) and in control of our “world”. There is no “you”. There is no “separate self” that are making decisions and affecting the future. Because there is only life in this moment, and you as a separate entity is a part of that.

Do you have an ego? Does ego have you?

Is there a separate entity at all? Where is a line that closes an entity?

5) What is ego?

Tea:

Thank you for feedback. Observing the emotions that come up when I read your email. Disappointiment. Frustration. Clarity.

No the entity of a separate body/mind/consciousness is just as separate as a tree from a flower, or a rock for that matter. They look different with a different purpose, but they are just life expressing itself in the present. Same with the body and minds of the human nature.

There is no separate body and mind, there is no separate in any form.

The ego is part of the illusion that the "I" identity make. There is no ego because there is no "me". It´s just a way of expressing the "I" thought that attaches itself to everything in the belief that we are separate from other forms of life expressions.

Life unfolding in the present moment is what seems to "control" the body/mind. E.g.: the heart rate or decisions we make. However, there is nothing else than the present moment, so there is nothing "controlling" anything. It is what it is. E.g.: heart rate in this moment: 62. Heart rate in THIS moment: 62. In this moment: 63 etc.

So there is no decisions made anyway. Because there is no decision-maker. Only the way life is expressed in that moment. Time is just the illusion we see of present moment unfolding.

Thank you, Ilona

Ilona:

There is no separate body and mind, there is no separate in any form.

What is it that makes them appear separate?

When you dream at night, are these objects and people separate or all is one dream material? How is waking life different from a dream?

Are there others?

  

The ego is part of the illusion that the "I" identity make. There is no ego because there is no "me". It´s just a way of expressing the "I" thought that attaches itself to everything in the belief that we are separate from other forms of life expressions.

Life unfolding in the present moment is what seems to "control" the body/mind.mind

Nice.

:)

Tea:

They appear separate because of a thought that point out an apparent physical difference. The thought is just a thought, that is being built on. This is what makes the illusion of a separate self and a separate body and mind. There is no separation, only different expressions.

In dreams, everything is kind of mooshed together. There is no line/separation between anything. I don´t know why we call that a dream, when that is truly how the reality is.. Just unfolding, playing in the moment. Everything being one.

Ilona:

cool, that sounds clearer.

but let's look a little bit more. you say thought makes form appear separate. that is true. but what kind of thought? if you look at how language is constructed and look at subjects and objects place in verbal expression, then look at reality and tell me, are there any objects that are doing action?

please do this exercise, it may help to see where i am pointing to.

http://markedeternal.blogspot.co.uk/2012/05/labels.html

  

Tea:

The thoughts that are labeling things and explaining things makes them seem separate: That is a dog. The dog is barking.

All of that is part of the illusion. Yes, you can see past the illusion and the same things can be described: Barking is happening.

Therefore, nobody is doing anything in order for life to happen. No objects, person or entity is doing anything. It is just happening in the now.

What an interesting exercise. That´s how we really should be explaining things, but I guess we have to use the labeling in order to communicate with people... haha

Ilona:

Yes, language is a tool for communicating :) and there is nothing wrong with it, once it seen that division between objects is not how reality is. :)

How is life last few days? Is all clear or are there any doubts? How does it feel to see through illusion and has anything changed?

Sending love.

Tea:

Exactly! It feels so good to see that, but once in a while a feeling of incongruency to use that language too, because a feeling of feeding other people´s ego appear. Do you understand what I mean? Compliments for example.

Wishing everybody could see life for what it is.

The days go by, nothing has changed except my perception of how things work. I don´t feel attachment to situations, people, food, work and achievement in the same way that I used to. Feelings of truth, richness, openness, balance, relaxation and piece appear often. No fear.

Going back to the now/checking in with the truth and seeing through the illusion happens frequently throughout the day and that´s the best part. Being able to stay more connected to the present moment and "feel more"/notice sensations. It is what it is.

Love. it.

Thank you so much!

I know I have more shedding to do, and I really appreciate all guidance I can get.

Everything happens at the appropriate time :)

Thank you,

Tea

Ilona:

Hi Tea,

I see that you crossed the non existing gate with both legs :) i'm so delighted for you. And yes, this is only a beginning.

Can I put our conversation on my blog? It may help someone else who is looking and I could get you into Facebook groups. There is a lot of support between members as everyone has seen the same.

I can use your name or whatever name you prefer.

Much love.

Tea:

That´s fine :) You can use my name too.

Very cool.

Thank you, thank you :)

Deep Looking Session With K

Deep Looking is a technique of release, it works best one on one, but can also be used on your own. Of course, reading this and experiencing it is a completely different thing. If you would like to book a session, please email me. 

I:

Can we start?

K:

Yes. Ready

I:

Great.

Ok, take some deep breaths and ask the mind if its at peace.

K:

No it's not.

I:

Thank it for answer. Ask it if it wants to relax and be at peace.

K:

Yes

I:

Great. Ask the mind what is in the way of peace now.

K:

Heavy depression is in the way.

I:

Mmm, give the mind a hug.

Ask it what should be different.

K:

Just this heavy veil of oppressive weight to be lifted.

I:

Ok, thank the mind. Lets talk to the heavy veil. Ask it if it wants to leave.

K:

No answer

I:

What is the feeling in the body, you can recognise yes by expansion and no by contraction. Ask it again and watch sensations closely.

K:

Contraction

So I guess it's a no

I:

Ok. Thank it for answer.

Ask it if it wants to tell you something.

If it wants you to pay attention to something.

K:

Asked but no answer.

I:

That's ok.

Ask the mind now what is this heaviness protecting.

K:

Nothing

I:

Ask the mind if its ready to release the heaviness.

K:

Yes yes it is

I:

Great. Thank the mind and ask it if its ready to release it now.

K:

Yes

I:

Beautiful. Now take as much time as needed to feel that heaviness out. Do not name the sensations just watch the raw energy moving in the body. Come back when ready.

K:

OK

I:

ill be here.

K:

OK. Thanks

K:

I have been watching but they are still there. Same intensity. I can feel them more strongly around the chest area though.

I:

Thank the feeling for bring here, bow to it. Ask it if it wants to leave.

K:

I've thanked it but to be honest I don't feel like thanking it as its causing so much suffering

So my bowing is not genuine.

I:

Thank it.

It is a gift, which you say no to.

K:

How is it a gift ?

I:

The deep stuff that has surfaced wants to pass, wants to leave the system, can you see that? It's leaving is a gift. But to claim that gift you need to appreciate that it comes up and wants to leave.

Suffering is here because you are not open to receive this gift. It's OK, to feel as you feel.

K:

I'm sorry but I can't thank it from my heart as I cant see that. Its always returned back to trouble me time and time again. I can do it mechanically but not genuinely

I:

It's OK to want it to leave, all you can do is notice resistance. Is there resistance?

K:

Yes

I:

Lets talk to resistance. Thank it for coming up.

You don't need to like it, but thank it as sincerely as you can at the moment.

K:

OK I'll try

Have done

I:

Nice. Ask resistance what it is protecting.

K:

It is protecting me from being hurt.

I:

Of course it is. Lets speak to the heart. Tell the heart how much you appreciate it.

Ask it if its hurt.

K:

Yes

I:

Thank it and give it a hug.

Ask the heart what it wants the most.

K:

Feeling of light joy

I:

Thank it. Ask it what is in the way of feeling that.

K:

Some sort of dark cloud of something that is not clear what that is.

I:

Ask the heart, what is the black cloud covering.

K:

It is covering Itself.

As in its covering the heart.

I:

Ask the heart if the cloud is protection.

K:

Not really

I:

Ask the heart if it's ready to release the cloud.

K:

Yes it is

I:

Ask it if it's ready to release the cloud now.

K:

Yes it is

I:

Nice. Feel that cloud. Zoom right in. Observe it as sensation without naming anything. Keep focus on it while thanking it.

Open up to the cloud.

K:

It's dissipated somewhat. It's not that strong. In fact it's difficult to detect. Feels lighter now.

I:

Good. See if you can focus on whatever remains and let that pass.

K:

Good enough for now. Even this much of a lift is so satisfying. Don't even need more

But I'll keep focussing on the rest if you suggest.

I:

Ask for more to come up. Invite it. Say to it- whatever is ready to leave please leave now. And focus on energy in the body again.

K:

OK

I:

Take your time, no rush, idea is to open for more to come up so it releases itself. Thanking it and honouring helps.

K:

OK so should I continue this as and when I remember to allow it. I've got to sign off now I'm afraid but appreciate this session you did with me. Thank you so much.

I:

You are most welcome. I'm so delighted that it helps

Yes, carry on with that whenever you remember.

K:

So much time and energy you have given me and so many others. How do you mange it?

I:

Welcoming rather then pushing darkness let's it pass.

Have a great evening.

Oh, it's kind of integrated in my life now.

K:

OK Sure. Thanks again. Have a nice one too. With love

I:

Love back.

Next day

I:

How are you today? Has the darkness lifted?

K:

Hi. Not completely but enough to get about work. Somehow today I feel that the darkness I feel is not mine and I could only be the witness of it all.

I:

Nice, so you don't own the darkness. That's a start. You can open to it and let it through.

K:

OK

I:

It's when you focus on sensations that the energy moves through, release happens.

K:

Hmm. So should that be done as and when I remember? I was taught this as a meditation technique Which I used to do formally in a sitting session. Will that be of any help?

I:

This can be remembered any time that construction shows up. Open and hold space for it and energy moves.

K:

OK Will do

Thanks

I:

Would you let me share our session on my blog, with different name or initial, does not matter, I think it would be of help for some.

K:

Sure

I:

Thank you!

Thinking

I talk to a lot of people about thinking and feel like sharing some ideas with you. Of course all this is subjective.

When we communicate, we share experiences using language and words. Thoughts are units of data, and when you look at thinking process it's expressed in words, as if someone sitting in your head talking. It is generally assumed that this voice comes from a me, it is me that is thinking these thoughts and acting upon them. This me is the centre thought around which my story revolves. That is what the voice says.

People hear that if you can only stop thinking, all would be experienced more deeply and vividly and they would be more aware. I get questions asking how to stop the labelling, the never ending stream of thoughts. People try many things- meditation, will power and generally hating the voice in the head, because it talks so much.

But there is nothing wrong with thinking. 

Thoughts are not a problem. Thinking that thoughts are the problem is the problem. See? This gets locked up in a loop.

Thinking is innocent and great tool in practical sense as well as artistic expression and entertainment. It is part of experience, part of the whole, no need to try to get rid of it. And you couldn't get rid of, try just sit for half an hour without thinking and see how that goes.

Believing in truthfulness of thoughts and taking them seriously is in the way of peace most of the time. Belief is thoughts agreeing with repetitive thoughts, it's a self reinforcing feed back loop that stays in the system until properly examined. What happens when examined properly? See for yourself..

Thoughts are labels, they form descriptions and interpretations of experience and thoughts believed create tensions and resistances, as well as clinging and attachments.

I thought claims doership of thinking and action. But I is just a thought, like any other thought, it is not I that is thinking. Thinking is not what is done by you, it happens. Like rain is not rained, it rains.

Thought does not create experience, it describes it. It wraps experience and colours it. It is a misunderstanding that it is I that thinks and I/ me that makes things happen.

If instead watching clouds passing by you decided that this cloud should not be here and try to direct it's movement it would be pointless waste of energy. I have experienced once or twice moving clouds around in the sky and bringing in sunshine, that is a nice story that I like to tell myself. But is it true?

So rather than fighting thoughts, rather then hating this labelling process that goes on on automatic, thank it.

Seriously, thank the thoughts for coming, literally say, mind, I love you, you have been such great mind, working so much for me. I really appreciate you. You are gorgeous, beautiful, innocent mind!

Instead of going against what is happening, turn the angle 180 degrees and see what happens. I'm not going to tell you, have a look how this works for yourself. One thing for sure- the mind will respond. And you can talk to it as you would to a child. You don't have to believe me here, test if it works for you.

When you notice thoughts that say what should and should not happen, these thoughts are weeds in your thought garden, stop right there, make a mental note, see if the opposite of should is true too. These thoughts create more thoughts about what is wrong, notice them.

When shoulds are cleared, look up for wants. These are noticed mostly in certain areas- security, control and acceptance. The wants are weeds too, but somehow they are more difficult to let go, so with these spend a day or a few, take your time, catch that word WANT every time it is said or thought. Just make a mental note of when it shows up and in what situation. No need to follow those thought, just recognise it happening. And also thank the wants for coming. It is ok to want what you want. You don't have to do anything about it.

I called shoulds and wants weeds as these kind of thoughts have a great expansion potential, if attention is given to them, they grow into more thoughts very quickly and they are connected to 'me' thought. These are the thoughts that are basis for clinging and attachments. These thoughts trigger feelings. Shoulds are connected to expectations and expectations are in the way of plain looking. Wants are connected to feelings of lack and distorts the view.

It's not that these thoughts should not be coming up, they will be coming up until they drop or are inspected. These thoughts can be welcomed as they can show limitations and restrictions that are still in the system. Releasing shoulds and wants opens the mind to seeing what is and being at ease.

So to sum up, instead of trying to get rid of thoughts, welcome them. Instead of holding on to shoulds, let them go, notice wants and honour the mind. 


Clarity comes when description of experienced is not taken for all experience. Thinking is not all experience, there is also perception through senses and feeling. If you give thinking all focus, then the rest of experience is missed. And you live in your head, lost in thoughts, analysing and endlessly trying something MENTAL. It is hard.

Imagine you get a gift, wrapped up in a nice gift paper and all you pay attention to is that wrapper. The gift is ignored, the wrapper is taking whole focus and you are so attached to that piece of paper with the bow, that don't even notice the gift. Then you get another gift and another, and still the wrapper is all you see.

Clear mind is that which does not confuse description with a real experience, words for things, map for territory. The fog, the veil that seems to be in the way of seeing is descriptions, labels taken as the main experience. The silent experiencing through feeling and senses is left in the background, unnoticed, ignored. So life lived is not experienced fully and richly as one is living a story about present moment rather then living the present moment so full and rich in perceptions. And trying to stay in the present moment takes a huge amount of energy. Noticing though is effortless.

The simplest test: just take something from your immediate environment and smell it, whatever is right here right now, inhale the scent. Hold it, feel it, experience it. Smell that thing for 2 minutes, take your time with experiencing, don't pay attention to labels, experience the sensed.

Then for the next 2 minutes, describe it fully with words. And that is the difference between experience and description. But wait, describing experience is also experience.

Experiencing thinking is real. Same like experiencing smelling and other senses. Confusion sets in when attention goes to content of thoughts and away from direct experiencing.

So if you pay attention here and look deeply, thinking is happening, it is about experiences and that in itself is experience. The wrapper is also part of the gift.

Vision, hearing, tasting, touching and smelling are 5 separate channels through which data is coming in, thinking is what makes sense of the data, interprets it and describes what is going on, putting all into a STORY. Useful and practical. Some thoughts triggers feelings which is another channel of perception. The channel of the heart. When mind and heart work in balance there is joy and peace, there is openness and expansion. When heart is closed or hurt, the mind is "in charge", working hard to protect that which needs to be protected with help of loyal friend fear. There is a lot to do for the mind, a lot to keep track of and it gets very busy. Exhausting itself till it shuts down.

Mind thinks that it has to understand and control everything. Because it thinks that it is it's job. It thinks. But is it true? Is mind really in charge of life?

When mind is relaxed, it's great, it's like a joyful puppy, curious, innocent, playful and fun, or silent and peaceful. Only mind is afraid to loose it's job- micromanaging the universe. As if it's really doing that.

It's such a mysterious expression... One may say- twisted..

The misunderstanding that mind is primary and most important channel of perception is here till it's seen, that nothing controls what is. It happens. Life is going on by itself, just because, including thinking. Including thinking about how this me is in charge. There is no thinker and no doer, so there is no one in control.

Be kind to the mind. Let it know you appreciate it. And let it slowly retire from the assumed position of manager of universe. Then it will come back to innocent mind which is creative, curious and joyful. And you won't need to try to shut it up.

Love the mind and be kind to it. Just for one day appreciate it, and say yes to the voice in the head. Kindness is soothing and leads to opening. See if that makes a difference for you. 

If you try this and it helps, share this with a friend..

THIS Is All There Is..

Peter came through a friend. He had no magical expectations, no serious fear, he just went for it and it did not take him long to see, that This is All There IS... as Tony Parsons says...

Ilona:
Hi Peter.
Great, let's start from your expectations. List all what you expect, hope, want this seeing to be, what benefits you expect, what you do not want from this. Write everything out with whole sincerity.

Sending love.

Peter:
First of all i want the truth.
Hope isn't really an issue.
I expect liberation to Bring peace and clarity and More joy and ease.

Ilona:
Hi Peter.

Thanks for answer.

What happens in the body and the mind when you let this thought in:

There is no separate self at all in reality, me is not the manager, not the controller, not observer, not awareness, it's just a thought that points to other thoughts and nothing real. I does not exist as a separate individual entity in charge of life. 

Write all that arises.

Kind regards.

Peter: 
This thought presents no problem or fear. I feel i know this is how it is, at least intellectually. Over the years the mind seems to have gotten used to the idea of no seperate I. All I feel is a longing for this truth to swallow everything up and become total.
Thank you for being here for that.

When reading what you just wrote i feel excitement as if approaching Home after a long time away

Love,

Ilona:
I see you are not a man of many words. Please answer in full, I can not see where you are from one sentence. So please sit with the question and write all that comes up as it comes up.  Take at least half an hour to answer.

Peter: 
Hello again,
I have had to sit with it and look really deeply into it.
There's like an energetic knot in the heart area and fear resides there.
In one way it feels like I see reality and that the I is just a collective term/concept for various phenomena,
much like the word "weather", but this is not fully accepted by the mind I suspect.
This knot is like a cramp of memories seemingly pointing to the I, but on inspection there is just a thought: I.
When feeling this fear thoughts like going insane and taken to mental hospital comes up.
There is also the fear of going into unknown territory.
I also feel tiredness and a bit sad that this seeking never seems to end.
Many years now and still on it.
I want to say to the mind: come on now, give up, it's clear but you have to let go now there is nothing more to see.
It's very stubborn the old bastard!
I get the feeling this knot of energy is the key to breaking through so to speak, it feels like that.
The last holding on is there, a nervous tense energy in the chest.

.......................
Something shifted here, fear resided and mind got quiet

Ilona:
What did you notice about fear? How does the mechanism work?

Interesting about the shift, can you describe in more detail?

Write to me even if I don't answer every day, it's your process. Writing helps mind to focus.

One thing that seems to work wonders is talking to the mind, literally, asking it what is in the way of peace, asking what is it that it wants the most.

If you ask these questions, what answers come up?
Sending love.

Peter:
What comes up:

A Deep feeling and conviction that i'm now crossing a line where there is no turning back.
Mind fears this unknown and wants safety and ultimately fears its own death.
It thinks i Will be helpless without it in control, quite sweet in a way and i feel now love and compassion to it.
It's like a scared child. It's Me when i was small and scared.

The shift yesterday was an energetically felt emptiness and relaxation Into a clearer seeing of the truth that there is no I in direct experience. The I is only a label, a term of convenience in language. Without solid ground of its own.
It's like the word weather, an abstraction.
The word orange or shoe now seem More real and solid.

And so i've asked the mind;
Don't you now see this clearly? This is all and final and you can rest now.
You have deserved your rest after all your struggle.
And somehow i feel a deeper acceptance of this now.
But if the mind has totally accepted this i don't know, probably not yet.
It might try to come back to own it all, like it has done before.

Could it be that after years of truth seeking, the mind has developed extra clever skills in keeping the truth from itself even when it's really quite simple and obvious?

I really am tired of seeking and just want to be done with it. Could you please stay with me in this til the end?
It would mean so much to Me. I have no other real interest than to finally fall Into truth.

And also. The Energy in the heart center that nisargadatta calls the i am feeling. It doesnt really say "I am", i saw that late last night. It "says" only being, aliveness. The rest is only More labeling. Not sure if i am able to get across to you what i see and mean. English is not my first language and anyway in this field words are clumpsy tools.

Ilona:
I hear you loud an clear. Yes, the feeling itself has nothing to do with label. And yes, I'll stay with you till all is clear. After that there is aftercare group and continued support through sharing.

Yes it is possible to fall into traps and people who woke up by themselves years ago, were alone in this have reported that illusion came back. But, now times are different and there are people around who will help anytime advice needed.

Tell the mind, that it will not disappear. There is fear of letting go, because mind itself thinks, it is not needed anymore. Mind is a perfect tool and it will stay as such.
Thank it for all those years of working so diligently for you. Ask it if it knows that it is loved and appreciated.

It is only the belief in control that drops. There never was control. And you are staring right at it.

Write more.
Was there ever a me/ I / self?

Peter: 
I'm getting more talkative here so get ready :)
All of this i used to see from the perspective of a separate person.
Like a frozen concentration of water in the form of an ice cube in the ocean, having the total sense of separation.
Lately this has been shifting and it's like i'm watching from the perspective of the ocean on the ice cube popping up and down.
Both the cube and the ocean are water, the ice cube is not aware of this but the ocean is.
So I feel i used to see from the "me" and sort of gazing back to catch a glimpse of the ultimate. Now see that "me" popping up and down in the ocean of awareness, much like any other phenomena.

I woke up in february last year but with no support to guide me to stabilize and integrate it fully I think.
And as you so clearly say, I also know the mind will not disappear (nor is there any need) it will only resign from its illusory control position.
The feeling now is like free falling. I tried to do this process all by myself before and will not repeat it again now that you are here.

I try to see what the state of the mind is now. I really want it to fully accept what has been seen and to understand that it will not disappear but only to give up the tiresome striving for control and responsibility that was never even there to begin with.
The mind does it to gain love it seems. It's really quite touching.
It has come out of love but doesn't see it so it wants to create it.

I am and have always been this ocean, the ocean of everything. In this ocean arises suddenly a wave.
By conditioning and misidentification it has learned and accepted itself as separate: a me-wave among others.

This ocean can never see this wave as separate but as an arising in it, as an expression of its aliveness.
It doesn't see the wave as a mistake and there can only be confusion from the perspective of the wave.
The confusion is the ocean expressing itself as confusion.

Today has been a wild ride between turmoil and peace.
And a thought comes: shouldn't this feel happier? One time this thought brought wild laughter.
next time it gripped around itself in fear.

This is not done yet.
I'm trying to decide whether the understanding is still intellectual or if I'm still have some expectancies that I haven't turned around yet.

To your question:
"Was there ever a me/I/myself?"

On one hand all there ever has been are the waves arising and subsiding in the timeless ocean.
Bodies, thoughts, sensations all pointing back to this source, emanating from the aliveness of the void.

On the other hand the question itself is in itself illusory and constructed out of the same fairytale material.
Was....There......Ever............A..................Me/I/self?
All concepts of space and time. Coming straight out of the illusion of the me entity.

But taking the words as pointers within the illusion the short answer is no.

To be continued, I'm sure......

Ilona:
Oh yes, you are getting closer.

The metaphor of the wave and ocean is not what you see now. There is ocean, there is wave, it is you that does not exist. Can that be seen?

"This was something I read on the forum today: "1. The ocean analogy that I have picked up from many other teachings and that was not explained properly, was seen as false. I used to believe that I am a wave in the ocean looking for myself and that one day I will realize I am the ocean, I will find the Self. You made it clear, that realization is NOT realizing that you are something, like the ocean; realization is to see that there is NO you (no Self) in any way or form."

Hope this quote is helpful.


So, do you exist?
Keep writing.

Peter: 
There is seeing, and body, senses and so on but no I, no separate person other than as the collective label called "Me" as a convenience of language.
There is existance but no I exist.

Ilona:
Yes, how does it feel to see this? How does the body react?

:)

Peter: 
It feels quite ordinary, it's too subtle and doubts come saying this can't be it.

Ok, back to basics. This seems to be going around in circles.
This whole process yet another time. When will it be over?
Sometimes i think I will end up in a mental hospital sucking my fingers thinking I'm jesus or something.
Hope they have good coffee there. :)
Fear and clawing madness. And other times this immense clarity and simplicity.
It feels like this is it, that THIS is seen, but somehow the mind keeps asking for more, expecting some more.
Why? This is all that's ever been. Right here. I see it then i don't see it and then i see that both the seeing and the not seeing are both seen.
Like chinese boxes to infinity.

So back to basics:
all there is is experiencing. In this direct experiencing the world is seen. And a body, and sensations, thoughts, all come and go like waves. Nowhere can an I be seen or in any way experienced directly. It's just not there nor has it ever been. It's literally just a word. It makes much more sense believing in santa at least he's funny and gives gifts.

So now I'm starting to feel schizophrenic, talking to myself all the time. "What is it that you want more?, If you still believe in the I show me this I??? I pose these questions to the mind. Questions arising in the mind to be answered by the mind. How peculiar.....

It should feel different is all I can come up with right now. I still don't feel like going to work, I'm still wanting things to be different and so on. And these things "should" not be there if a clear seeing of the truth has occured.

Last time, last year when awakening struck there was a felt energetic shift, like the whole universe took a deep breath and the whole concept of Peter was seen by emptiness, like from behind/beyond. Not like that now.

Shit I'm sounding confused hahaha, but if you help people like me I'm sure you're used to it.

There's a thing in your app that got my attention, I just remembered it and had to look it up again:

"The wish for a final "done" is - surprise, surprise - a story of the final carrot to be reached,
a reason for the fictional I to try to get "somewhere".
Everything is constantly changing, moving and interacting. There is no "done" in the real world.
If you want to be at home, be at home in the flow."

That's it, that's where I'm stuck. The final carrot. What to do with that?

But in a way there must be some kind of "done".
How else are you able to lable people with green, blue and red in your forum?
Some are more done than others clearly....

This mind, Oh boy..... :)

Love,
Peter

Ilona:
That colour change does not mean done, just that the line was crossed and that is only a beginning. Done is when the body goes to feed the worms. Until then there is living.

So yes, done is just another carrot. There is no where to land once falling starts. The best I can describe it after is 'falling'- belief structure falls, all shit that does not serve anymore falls off, all that which is true falls into place. There is no end to that, just after a while one gets used to it. Maybe..

Ok, so is there a me/ self, in any form or shape in reality? Was there ever?

Peter: 
No

Ilona:
Ok, describe what you see in full.

Peter: 
It has been an intense few days here.
What I see is this:

Here is seeing, awareness.
In it the body appears and thoughts and sensations.
They just appear, noone is doing it.
As a thought in this the "I" appears. It seems to be pointing to something but on closer inspection
it's just a label, a pointer to something within language itself, within thought itself.

The I-label is used as a covenience in language 
like the red dot in google maps, to show location for practical purposes.
Noone is really walking around with a red dot attached to the t-shirt.
Likewise there is no real solid I attached to any body at all.

This I is seen through when it suddenly dawns in the mind that in no way can this I be shown, smelled, touched, tasted, smelled or heard.
In direct experience there is simply nothing there. All that can be found is the thought "I" and this can't be pointed to directly, ever.

Then deep buried patterns seems to be turned loose in the body and float freely.
Energies of anxiety comes up, they can now express freely because before they were always met by the resistance coming from the apparent I.

So what is seen is that EVERYTHING are concepts with the I as the first concept and the rest sort of born out of it.
Here and there, inner outer, everything is concepts.
So for instance it's equally possible to say the world is out there (from the perspective of the body)
as to say it's in here (in awareness).

I have seen this before so there is no big shock, and in a way it's all very ordinary, it has always been like this. Nothing new is really here and everyone is in a way seeing it all the time, they are it all the time.
Even the deepest confusion IS THIS. Now.

So it's just like a piece of unnecessary software has now been removed and the programme continues  to run. But now without the illusion of control or the false idea that there has ever been an I that needs protection.

That is also what it feels like right now. getting out of the driver seat, relaxation and the awe that some deep patterns and stiff ideas can now come up to be released. Thoughts still come of course (why wouldn't they), but they come and don't really stick.

I could go on and on I think, but it's a crisp wind outside and I want to meet it.

Thank you so far, you've been a great help. This is just the beginning and last time this happened I thought it was an ending.
I will go on with your help.
So grateful, thank you so much.

Everything just settled down here and got all quite and this radical change brought the Most gorgeous sweet ordinariness. What a joke and now i understand what the gateless gate means, there never was a gate and noone to pass through it. Everything is as before but now seen in the absense of Me.

Ilona:
Oh Peter, this sounds very interesting. Yes, everything is as before and now is somehow different. Write more about it.
What happened exactly, can you describe a moment when it became clear?

:)

Peter: 
I see there is no I and has never been. It's amazingly obvious, natural and wonderfully freeing.
How could this not be seen? Is a question that somtimes come up.
Everything is rising and falling in experience, it's all just what is.
There is only this.
It's really beyond words, a very elegant simplicity, a roaring silence.
It's still absolutely possible to momentarily identify as the I,
but only momentarily and only as a function, a play character, like the red flag in google maps showing location in time and space.

Thank you so far Ilona, my heart is full.

Ilona:
Wonderful..

Can you describe what happened that made this seeing arise? Was it a moment or process, how did it came to be realised that there never was an I? What was the last push?


Lots of love to you.

Peter: 
I had 2 full days of very tiring and intense inquiry and looking and at the end I walked in the woods saying over and over:
What would this all be like if I am not here?

Then the mind sort of saw that it won't die from this, it's just the illusion of I that dies.
The mind saw that it would still be around to figure out the right way to find places, figure out what to buy for a certain recipe
and other practical things like that.

Another pointer I walked around with was Tony Parsons standard phrase: THIS is all there is.
And I paired that with a deep looking from my own direct experience to burn away the illusion.

Then everything shifted, energetically.

Empty. Clear. Limitless.
Emaho!


Just out of curiosity:
Does everthing i write go to the board of liberated folks on LU to sort out if i pass the gate, or how does it work?

.......................
Hey, how's it going?
I can understand if you're busy but just checking if my email work ok.
Thank you

Ilona:
Yes your email works.
Sorry for delay. I was busy, yes.

I don't publish anything without your agreement. All conversation is private.

Once one passes the gate, then we have other guides confirming as subtle things can be noticed by more eyes then two. Once confirmed by yourself and guides you are invited to join LU aftercare groups for continuing support.

How does that sound to you?


Would you say that line was crossed? Was there ever a self, I, me?

Peter: 
Yes sounds fine to me.
The line is crossed, no me self here at all.

Ilona:
Exellent. in that case here are the final questions. Please answer in full when ready.

Peter: 
I already answered most if not all of those questions in our earlier correspondence, haven't I?

Ilona:
Yes you did, but there are a few that you haven't. So just give your best shot.

 

Peter:
I'm at it right now. It's a good set up you have and i think it's good to get people to formulate these things for clarity.
Will get back to you shortly. :)

1) Is there a 'me', at all, anywhere, in any way, shape or form? Was there ever? how about self, is there anything that is separate from everything else?
There is not and never has been.

2) Explain in detail what the illusion of separate self is, when it starts and how it works.
It's an illusion that comes shortly after birth, an affirmation from the surroundings of being someone seperate. Before then all there is is conceptless energy in motion, a pure and natural experiencing of body, thoughts and sensations. This is then reinforced over and over by the rest of the world as being YOU experiencing something else and separation is born. This will go on until the apparent person starts to really look from direct experience and the illusion may be seen through. The illusion is an early programming, very difficult to see through simply because everyone and everything in the world constantly affirms this separation of being. It could very well be called the biggest conspiracy in the history of humanity but that too will be a concept.

How does it feel to see this? describe in detail.
Wonderfully liberating and at the same time extraordinarily ordinary and natural. It's like a falling off of a piece of totally unnecessary software that slows down and irritates the system and when it's gone everything works in a freer and clearer way. It is now clearly seen that this was always the case and that everyone is looking right at "it" all the time. It feels like living in free fall, in directly experiencing everything but without the personal, separate perceiver. There is a tight knot of energy releasing continously. The marvel of the ordinary and the constant wonder that THIS is all there IS and I was looking straight at it all the time yet could not see it. It's like a cosmic joke and that's probably why when the gateless gate has been passed through it's often accompanied by wild laughter.
There is noone here to be the target anymore. Pain, sadness, everything can still arise but noone is here to take it personally anymore.

4) How would you describe it to somebody who has never heard about this illusion but is curious about it.
All the pain of being human and feeling like a victim in life comes from the sense that you are a separate person. That you are this person is something that almost everyone alive takes for granted. Since it's taken for granted very few people starts to really check if it's true. Those who start to dig deep into this and to really, REALLY decide to look for themselves finds something out:
The person, the "me" that I think I am is not there and never has been. It's a figment of the imagination, a concept and it simply does not exist. To truly see this from your own direct experience is called liberation and it's available to every human being all the time, all it takes is the courage to look honestly and (preferably) someone who has already taken the steps to help with the guiding towards this seeing of the truth.

What was the last bit that pushed you over, made you look? was there a specific moment when seeing happened or was it gradual? what exactly happened?
I had 2 full days of very tiring and intense inquiry and looking and at the end I walked in the woods saying over and over:
What would this all be like if I am not here?
Then the mind saw and understood that it won't die from this, it's just the illusion of I that dies.
The mind realised that it would still be around to figure out the right way to find places, figure out what to buy for a certain recipe and other practical things like that.
Another pointer I walked around with was Tony Parsons standard phrase: THIS is all there is.
And I paired that with a deep looking from my own direct experience to burn away the illusion.
Then everything shifted, energetically:
Empty. Clear. Limitless. All there is and ever been.......................................................................................................................................

Ilona:
Beautiful. That was a pleasure to read.
Thank you.

Is it ok with you to put this on my blog, so it may help someone else too and I can get you in the aftercare groups. I can use any name you want. Many choose this option :)

And how is it going today? Is there any doubt?

Sending lots of love.

Peter:
Blog is fine.
You can use the nick name i registered on the LU forum thé other day: roaringsilence
I look forward to after Care group.
No doubts here.

My gratitude knows no limits.
Thank you so much Ilona.
Love eternally!

You can use Peter also whatever you like is fine. So what now? I look forward to seeing More of what's going on in LU, looks very exciting.