Unfolding Contractions

Last Sunday I held a group Deep Looking event in google hangouts. It was a powerful session where we sat with sensations and invited contractions to come up and gently unfold. Here is something I wanted to share with you after the session:

Sometimes we feel stuck in an uncomfortable feeling and nothing seems to work. Or, it works temporarily until the next treatment, the next attempt to resolve something that keeps coming up again and again. What if I told you there is a hack to that, that is very simple and effective. 

Imagine you fold an origami. It was once a flat paper and now it is a 3D form, it has volume, it's like a container, a new form that holds space in. Contraction is like the origami form, it's folded in and it holds something. What we can do is unfold it and by doing that, it returns to its natural form--which is spacious formlessness.

How does this look in practice?

The contraction/ tension that is felt, is a sensation. That sensation feels like it's intense, unpleasant, unwanted and the repulsion to the sensation is called resistance. (It's actually a protection) Let's rename contraction to protection, there's a lighter feeling already and an invitation to welcome it.

Just look from this angle: Some time ago some hurt happened and there was an unconscious decision to guard yourself from something like that in the future. This is normal human behavior (avoiding the unpleasant and seeking the pleasant). It's like the mind's computer wrote a program that if 'this' happens then it must activate protection. So every time 'this' happens, there is a sensation that arises, the protection is activated and it kicks in automatically and we notice a reaction happening. By focusing on the sensations of protection we have no more access to the sensation that the protection is covering up. We also call this mechanism--fear.

The protection is felt, but what is it about?

Try this exercise:

When feeling protection, ask it- who are you? What are you? What are you protecting?
And just wait. The answer may come up or not. Notice what happens. This way you can look into a feeling of tightness and see what is behind it--what is it that needs or wants protection.

Some other questions you can ask are:

What do you want the most?
What wisdom do you have for me?
Are you helping?
Do you want to relax?

Don't try to fight protections, they are here to help. Only not all old programs are still useful, helpful or necessary. Some programs are very old and no longer needed so they can be seen and let go. When protection comes up, welcome it as it comes up to be reviewed and adjusted. Those that are still needed can stay, but those that are only creating unnecessary tension can drop. It is safe. All it takes is seeing them. By that I mean - really feeling into sensations, giving the sensations 100 percent of your attention, simply allowing them to be fully felt.

This is the unfolding. Forms of protection can dissolve and go back to rest.

Once protection is released, there is a sense of openness, spaciousness, boundlessness, no borders.

You can ask for protections to come up and then watch where they show up in the body and talk to them. Sounds unusual? Try it. Asking direct questions in a friendly way will create an allowing space for those protections to be as they are. This is surrender, letting go, the end of resisting. Try this for yourself.

If you would like to join the next online event on the 4th of February, there are still places available. You can register by email here.


Happy Unfolding!
Much love

Where Is The Sufferer?

As I communicate with many people, I get asked for help to stop suffering... People write messages to me, saying how much they suffer, how unbearable that is and how much they want to make it stop. So I felt to say something about this.

I know how shit that feels. I really do. I felt horrible many times and all I wanted was to die. I used to cry and suffer. It used to be happening periodically and that's how I saw life- bits of sweet happiness in between feeling of not enough.

I wasn't depressed in general, apart for a few months after the process of deconstruction started, but in general life sucked. There was a constant background feeling of not enough, being not good enough, seeking for relief. Some days strong, some days not. Expansion - contraction. I did not like contraction.

Just like breath, it was happening: in and out. Right now, chest is expanding and falling back in even rhythm. Naturally.

Suffering is something that nobody wants. And yet it's here. What to do? How to get rid of it? Who can help? Hello!!

And if you are trapped in a vicious loops of darkness it feels so hopeless and alone. If you are looking for exit sign, here it is.

There is no sufferer.

None. None at all. Same way as there is no Santa. It's imagined.

You think you are suffering and this is the suffering. Yes, thoughts that tell story about suffering is THE Suffering. It's a chain of thoughts about the me that is suffering. But where is that ME??

There is a story about a me that is tortured. Thoughts say that there is.
But let's go down from the head into the body for a bit.

How does suffering appear in the body? It's a contraction. There is a sensation of tightness or emptiness like a hole, whatever description, does not matter. But bringing attention to sensing rather then thinking about it, lets the tension start dissolving. If you keep focus on feeling, just letting it be there, just watching the raw energy without naming it, it starts dissipating. Test it.

And what is behind the tension?

Take a look for yourself:
Is there a feeler? "Yes, there is- its me"- thoughts may say, but without thought, is there a me? is there anything separate in life from life? Is there a me in the body? If so, where is it? Can you touch it? Smell it, taste it? Can you hear it with ears or see with eyes? How do you know that it's here? It seems to be in the head behind eyes, it seems.... But is it there?


See, me is not an entity that lives in the bag of skin, not a soul having human experience, its not a separate avatar that is navigating it's way through life, not the narrator of the story, it's just nothing there! Empty. And it's not bad empty of good empty, it's not an end to a little me, it's just nothing there! Don't believe me, take a look.

The sufferer is not there, but there is a story about suffering, right. And heavy unbearable feelings too, isn't it? What's up with that?- you may ask.

Here is a turn around. On one side there is a suffering me on another side there is acceptance and peace. There is a flip from saying no to saying yes.

The sensations in the body, contraction only gets stronger if its willed to go away. If you want to get rid of it, it feels even worse. The key is to notice resistance. Just notice that there is something that resists something. There is frustration and tension. Locate it in the body. Feel it, let it be ok for 1 minute and 23 seconds. Watch it, make friends with it, feel it fully, openly, just ... feel...


That's it.

Yes, to whatever is here. So be it. It is here already.

Tension, when noticed and allowed to be here starts melting. See that for yourself. Notice when resistance arises and you say yes to it, what happens?

Another thing, if the feelings are so intense, that it's unbearable, learn EFT technique, it's really simple and effective. There are plenty of videos on YouTube showing basics, learn it and then just use it. It really works. (Emotional Freedom Technique).


Yes, suffering is seen as something negative and unwanted. And it's ok. It's ok to want to drop that and feel at peace. It's ok to relax. You do not need to believe what thoughts say, you can direct focus on sensations in the body. Then there is no need to try to stop the voice from talking. It's ok for it to be here too. Just move attension to senses.

When all is welcomed, all is flowing smoothly and sweetly. When resistance shows up, and it will, just like breathing in and out, notice it.

Don't try to change anything, just notice. Rinse and repeat.

The truth is, resistance, frustration is a friend. It may be impossible to even think this now, but if you start noticing it, you will see where it leads. Resistance itself is not meant to be resisted. Otherwise it locks into self-strengthening loops. Some say there is a path of least resistance and when resistance melts, all that is left  is surrender. This is the path of saying yes to whatever feeling/ sensation comes up.

Noticing frustration, watching how the mechanism works and asking questions- what is behind it? What is here that feels threatened? What is here that wants to hold on? What needs to be protected and from what exactly? Listening closely and noticing sensations in the body is the key to releasing stuckness.

When it's seen, that there is nothing here that needs to be protected, the mechanism no longer gets triggered in the same situations. But don't expect a happy ever after, there is nothing permanent. Life is a movement of expansion- contraction. Things happen and they will keep happening. The peace is here when there is no resistance to what already is.

So first step to the end of suffering is saying yes to it. It's ok to feel shit. And it's ok to want to end it.

Second step is to really get curious and interested to see for yourself that sufferer is not there by looking behind feelings and sensations. Sensation comes up, look behind it, is there a feeler?
Can it be found in your experience? Or just in thinking? Is it here now?

Third step would be to investigate what is this word 'me' and where it points to, can that "me" be found? Or is it just a story ABOUT me, like a story about Santa?

And most of all be kind to yourself. The love you seek is your own love to yourself. By saying yes to feelings and sensations a door opens. The habit of thoughts about suffering start loosing its grip.

In short, it's not the suffering that you want to get rid of, but see for yourself, in your experience, that there is nothing there, where you think that me, the sufferer, is.


If you found this helpful, please share with a friend.

Deep Looking Session With K

Deep Looking is a technique of release, it works best one on one, but can also be used on your own. Of course, reading this and experiencing it is a completely different thing. If you would like to book a session, please email me. 

I:

Can we start?

K:

Yes. Ready

I:

Great.

Ok, take some deep breaths and ask the mind if its at peace.

K:

No it's not.

I:

Thank it for answer. Ask it if it wants to relax and be at peace.

K:

Yes

I:

Great. Ask the mind what is in the way of peace now.

K:

Heavy depression is in the way.

I:

Mmm, give the mind a hug.

Ask it what should be different.

K:

Just this heavy veil of oppressive weight to be lifted.

I:

Ok, thank the mind. Lets talk to the heavy veil. Ask it if it wants to leave.

K:

No answer

I:

What is the feeling in the body, you can recognise yes by expansion and no by contraction. Ask it again and watch sensations closely.

K:

Contraction

So I guess it's a no

I:

Ok. Thank it for answer.

Ask it if it wants to tell you something.

If it wants you to pay attention to something.

K:

Asked but no answer.

I:

That's ok.

Ask the mind now what is this heaviness protecting.

K:

Nothing

I:

Ask the mind if its ready to release the heaviness.

K:

Yes yes it is

I:

Great. Thank the mind and ask it if its ready to release it now.

K:

Yes

I:

Beautiful. Now take as much time as needed to feel that heaviness out. Do not name the sensations just watch the raw energy moving in the body. Come back when ready.

K:

OK

I:

ill be here.

K:

OK. Thanks

K:

I have been watching but they are still there. Same intensity. I can feel them more strongly around the chest area though.

I:

Thank the feeling for bring here, bow to it. Ask it if it wants to leave.

K:

I've thanked it but to be honest I don't feel like thanking it as its causing so much suffering

So my bowing is not genuine.

I:

Thank it.

It is a gift, which you say no to.

K:

How is it a gift ?

I:

The deep stuff that has surfaced wants to pass, wants to leave the system, can you see that? It's leaving is a gift. But to claim that gift you need to appreciate that it comes up and wants to leave.

Suffering is here because you are not open to receive this gift. It's OK, to feel as you feel.

K:

I'm sorry but I can't thank it from my heart as I cant see that. Its always returned back to trouble me time and time again. I can do it mechanically but not genuinely

I:

It's OK to want it to leave, all you can do is notice resistance. Is there resistance?

K:

Yes

I:

Lets talk to resistance. Thank it for coming up.

You don't need to like it, but thank it as sincerely as you can at the moment.

K:

OK I'll try

Have done

I:

Nice. Ask resistance what it is protecting.

K:

It is protecting me from being hurt.

I:

Of course it is. Lets speak to the heart. Tell the heart how much you appreciate it.

Ask it if its hurt.

K:

Yes

I:

Thank it and give it a hug.

Ask the heart what it wants the most.

K:

Feeling of light joy

I:

Thank it. Ask it what is in the way of feeling that.

K:

Some sort of dark cloud of something that is not clear what that is.

I:

Ask the heart, what is the black cloud covering.

K:

It is covering Itself.

As in its covering the heart.

I:

Ask the heart if the cloud is protection.

K:

Not really

I:

Ask the heart if it's ready to release the cloud.

K:

Yes it is

I:

Ask it if it's ready to release the cloud now.

K:

Yes it is

I:

Nice. Feel that cloud. Zoom right in. Observe it as sensation without naming anything. Keep focus on it while thanking it.

Open up to the cloud.

K:

It's dissipated somewhat. It's not that strong. In fact it's difficult to detect. Feels lighter now.

I:

Good. See if you can focus on whatever remains and let that pass.

K:

Good enough for now. Even this much of a lift is so satisfying. Don't even need more

But I'll keep focussing on the rest if you suggest.

I:

Ask for more to come up. Invite it. Say to it- whatever is ready to leave please leave now. And focus on energy in the body again.

K:

OK

I:

Take your time, no rush, idea is to open for more to come up so it releases itself. Thanking it and honouring helps.

K:

OK so should I continue this as and when I remember to allow it. I've got to sign off now I'm afraid but appreciate this session you did with me. Thank you so much.

I:

You are most welcome. I'm so delighted that it helps

Yes, carry on with that whenever you remember.

K:

So much time and energy you have given me and so many others. How do you mange it?

I:

Welcoming rather then pushing darkness let's it pass.

Have a great evening.

Oh, it's kind of integrated in my life now.

K:

OK Sure. Thanks again. Have a nice one too. With love

I:

Love back.

Next day

I:

How are you today? Has the darkness lifted?

K:

Hi. Not completely but enough to get about work. Somehow today I feel that the darkness I feel is not mine and I could only be the witness of it all.

I:

Nice, so you don't own the darkness. That's a start. You can open to it and let it through.

K:

OK

I:

It's when you focus on sensations that the energy moves through, release happens.

K:

Hmm. So should that be done as and when I remember? I was taught this as a meditation technique Which I used to do formally in a sitting session. Will that be of any help?

I:

This can be remembered any time that construction shows up. Open and hold space for it and energy moves.

K:

OK Will do

Thanks

I:

Would you let me share our session on my blog, with different name or initial, does not matter, I think it would be of help for some.

K:

Sure

I:

Thank you!