I Understand It All… But Nothing Has Shifted

There is a moment many sincere seekers reach that feels quietly unsettling.

You understand the language of awakening. You know the teachings. You may have had glimpses, openings, moments where something felt clear or spacious. And yet, when you are honest, nothing has truly settled. There is still confusion. There is still a sense of “me.” And it can start to feel like you’ve failed.

When I hear this, I don’t hear failure.
I hear honesty.

What often happens here is that the old strategy stops working. The strategy of trying to understand your way into peace. Trying to think your way into clarity and to arrive somewhere “after” this moment.

Seeing through the self illusion is not a feeling. It is not peace, certainty, or emotional relief. It is a simple recognition. And after that recognition, life continues. Old patterns, emotions, sensations, and a familiar sense of “me” still arise. That does not mean you didn’t see. It means something else is asking to be met.

Much of the suffering comes not from what is present, but from resisting what is present. From believing that clarity should feel a certain way. From quietly expecting awakening to erase confusion forever.

If you are tired of trying to figure this out, that exhaustion may not be a problem. It may be the doorway.

I wrote a short piece called “I Understand It Intellectually, But Nothing Has Shifted” as a gentle guide for this exact moment. You can read it slowly, return to it, and let it meet you where you are.

You can receive the PDF here:
👉 https://bit.ly/4qVdXPR

Nothing is wrong with you.
And nothing essential is missing.

Direct Pointing Sessions on Video

Starting this Saturday watch recordings of Direct Pointing sessions and follow Jim’s journey of discovery. A new video will be released every Saturday for five weeks. Subscribe to the channel to get notified when a new part comes out. 

Jim came to the Liberation Unleashed forum and was open to share his process with everyone, just like people in Gateless Gatecrashers and Liberation Unleashed books. This is a self-inquiry on video, where I ask questions and Jim has to look and find answers by himself. You can use this video as a guide for you too. When a question is asked, before watching Jim’s reply, first answer it for yourself. 

Hope you enjoy this and if you find it helpful, share with your friends!

Liberation Unleashed Intensive Retreat

Here is an invitation to step into the fire of Truth. This fire will burn all that is untrue, leaving you with a pure sense of being, aliveness, raw openness to what is. 

I have held many meetings since 2012 and I really enjoyed them. Every meeting was unique, with different questions asked, with different people coming. This time I feel to do an intensive three-day retreat. It will take place at the same Friends Meeting House in Worthing. This will be my last offering in the UK. The retreat will start on Friday evening and continue till Sunday night. This retreat is going to be focused on self-realization and clearing all the blockages that may stand in the way of recognition.

Awakening is a two-fold process of recognizing that you are not a what you think you are and realizing that life process does not stop, that there is aliveness, being, an openness that is always here, now, no matter how it seems. This process does not take you away from humanness, but rather brings awakening into everyday ordinary life. Integration of awakening is an ongoing process.

This meeting will be a lot of work and it will require your readiness and willingness to be fearless and open up, to be vulnerable, to be seen, to explore what hasn’t been explored yet. You can expect to release and let go of old patterns that no longer serve. You can expect to learn how to integrate experiences of retreat into your daily life. You will learn how to deal with emotions that are hard to deal with not by reading about it but from your own experience.

I will be guiding those that come to realize the non-separateness, the absence of I that apparently runs the show called “Individual”. I will be using Deep Looking method to undo the knots and release trapped energies, that seem persistent and in a way of peace. The group work is very powerful as we all hold safe and loving space for each other as we dive deeper into unknown. You may expect tears and laughter, release and relief that come with seeing through mind created illusions.

There will be enough time for everyone to ‘sit in a chair’ and meet your deepest issues. We will work together and face all that comes up with loving kindness. Coming together in retreat creates a powerful collective field of presence which ignites and supports each participant's awakening process. Deep surrender becomes possible in an environment of trust and honest desire for that which is true.

I will also bring my Ajna Light machine to the retreat. We will have two group sessions and you will have a chance to have individual sessions with no one disturbing you in a separate room. Ajna Light is very powerful tool for personal exploration of consciousness. It is a remarkable invention by Guy Harriman. You can read more about it here. There is a lovely interview with Guy here where he talks about how the machine was created and what it is for. Please watch the video to get to know a little about it. The Ajna Light experience will give you instant relaxation; it will detox and rejuvenate the mind, as it works directly on the pineal gland. The most common description of the experience is “WOW, I did not expect that!” This Light will heal what is ready to be healed and will boost positivity, joy of life; it will calm the mind of excessive thinking and will give you a sense of harmony and balance.


If you feel the call to come to the retreat, please register by sending me an email (markedeternal@gmail.com) to secure your place. You can pay by PayPal or by cash on the door. You may attend any or all of the day sessions. (Although you are highly encouraged to attend as many sessions as you can; there is something beautiful that happens when we give ourselves the time and space to deeply relax into the intimacy of a gathering.)

Program

Friday 20th of January 6pm to 8:30pm Introductory session.

Here we will meet as a group, everyone will be invited to share a little about their journey. We will gently easing into the work.

£15 on the door.

Saturday 21st January 10:30 to 8:30 whole day event.

10:30am Morning session with Ilona
1:00pm Lunch break. Individual Ajna Light sessions

3:00pm Afternoon session

5:00pm Break for snacks and refreshments, light sessions
6:00pm Evening session
8:00 Ajna Light group session

Saturday day alone £50 on the door

Sunday 22nd of January 1:00- 8:00 Whole day event

1:00pm Afternoon session 

3:30pm Break, free time. Individual Ajna Light sessions
5:00pm Evening Session
7:00pm Ajna Light Groups session

Sunday day alone £45 on the door
All three days £100

Every participant can have one individual Light session of 20 min on Saturday-Sunday.

There is a kitchen in the building where we can make tea, use a microwave, fridge, have snacks. You can bring your own lunch if you like. There will be tea provided. There is Tesco, Costa coffee, The Lazy Brunch Kitchen cafe and a really nice Thai restaurant only five minutes away from the venue. There is a quiet beach around 20 min walk. 

If you are coming from far away and need room to stay Airbnb is a perfect option, with the rooms starting from £25 a night. Please be aware that Worthing is deceivably large, so book your place closer to the venue. Friends Meeting House is located at 

34 Mill Road, Worthing, BN11 5DR

The nearest train station is West Worthing.

The room is warm, with comfortable chairs and cushions.

hope to see YOU there!
There are a few more places left, but the retreat is getting booked up pretty fast.

A Journey To Find Magic Part 2

Part 4 THE TOAD MEDICINE

On the second day Juan was performing Sapo ceremony, where bufo toad medicine was used. This was what I came to retreat for: to experience first-hand what this smoking toad is all about.

I was the first to smoke it. As I saw the pipe coming up to my mouth I thought- this is it. There was no fear. There was a sense of curiosity and excitement. As I inhaled the smoke and held it in, I could immediately feel it's effect. The colours changed, everything became more clear and vivid, there was a sense of heart opening and dropping into the arms of Life. We started with smaller doses, to get used to it, to taste it before the real hit. For me it was extremely gentle and soothing. It felt like body is evaporating, everything melted away, there was pure consciousness, presence, and only breath was here. I remember being in a place between life and death. I saw birds flying over the head, like shadows that were leaving me, I saw clear blue sky above and listened to soft sounds of singing bowls and sounds of the ocean. It was surreal. It truly is indescribable and I can't find words that would somehow tell what happened. Something happened. The mind was still. With an occasional thought passing by like those birds. There was simply looking with no commentary, seeing vividness and aliveness present all around. I was everything and nothing. This felt amazing. the gentle sounds of the ocean, the warmth of the sun, all was here. I was feeling serenity and deeper connectedness to all.

Some others have experienced complete obliteration, being shot out into the space, witnessing the place where stars are born, seeing golden light of life itself, brighter that the sun. I stayed here, knowing that this is only a beginning. Nowhere to rush, no need to seek anything, all is perfection in action. As it IS.

There was deep opening to life, surrendering fully, I felt parts of me melting away, and only thing that stayed was breathing, in and out, so simple, so alive. Juan and Diana were holding space beautifully, attending to us, singing, bringing incense to our noses, healing what needed to be healed.

After the fifth time of inhaling the vapour I was left with only word WOW... Wow.. Now looking back I can say that I felt being reconnected to nature, rewired to receive subtle energies and being prepared for whatever happens next.

Huge thanks for the shamans for making this medicine available and for holding space so firmly, skilfully and softly.

I was left with deep sense of wordless wonder..

Everyone around were transformed too. Amazingly the experience only lasts minutes, and when I came out everything was fine, like nothing happened, there was no "hangover" or physical change, all felt so natural, but something changed deeply. This was a reset of old life. There was a sense of freshness and wholeness, which stayed. 

Here is a link to Diana's and Juan's retreats

Part 5 DIRECT POINTING

The day after Sapo (the bufo toad) I started to share my gifts. For the next three days I held group sessions of Direct Pointing and gave one on one sessions of Deep Looking for a few participants. We gathered under a canopy roof, in the fresh air, enjoying the breeze that was soothing us. I started by saying how simple it is to realise that separate self is an illusion, setting the tone of discussion and getting people at ease. There is no need to be afraid of what may happen. In essence nothing happens, only a thought of me, a separate entity that is somehow on its own, separated from everyone and life itself, loses its certainty. One can no longer take the I thought for an entity, it seems rather ridiculous to assume that.

Barnaby read some excerpts from the new Liberation Unleashed book. It was interesting for me to hear it being read, I put so much work into it and so did other people, the final polished version sounded clear and to the point, which I was very happy about. The book is coming out in USA in a couple of days.

On the third day I had Deep Looking sessions in the group. This was the most powerful session as I could witness what this process does to people live. I usually worked one on one over internet, by texting. Sometimes with a couple of people at the same time. I could do whatever I was engaged in- like cleaning, cooking, ironing, walking, or just sitting. So working with a group and seeing how deep this process gets and how strong its effect is, was powerful experience for me too. In a matter of minutes, I could get people to go into the subconscious and bring the patterns, that no longer serve up, then get them released. Then the mind and heart would connect, the mind would drop its assumed position of general manager and get to soften. There would be love expanding and genuine sense of release.

Deep Looking process is just as powerful as shamanic medicines, it works on both conscious and unconscious levels, it makes adjustments in the system that untangles the mess in the head and frees the heart from mind created protective structures. Protection is fine where it's needed, and it is welcome of course, but some structures that mind creates are hurting the heart and that does not serve anything. Deep looking tool gets one to resolve old issues in a very short time for good. Simply by attentively listening what own mind and heart want.

It was a pleasure to be working with such open and receptive group. It was amazing to see how during those days everyone's faces continuously transformed and more joy entered. How there was bigger trust in life and willingness to take the hands off imaginary wheel. By using Direct Pointing, I could zoom into the individual blocks and get them questioned, I was zeroing on most efficient questions to ask so that my friends that came to look could see.

And here I want to thank Liberation Unleashed community for working together, refining this method and making it available for free for everyone that care enough to look. You guys and girls, that work on forum and in person are doing tremendous work, so needed at this time, so efficient and skillful. Thank you, my LU tribe! What we created on Internet has profound effect, I was blessed to see how it works live. Although I hold meetings in my town, this retreat was special, just because everyone was in tune and prepared by other people that worked their magic. This retreat was my first as a participant and facilitator, it was delightful to be part of it and share Direct Pointing. I could share the ultimate gift - being able to look for oneself at what is actually true and real. This is what Direct Pointing gives- a tool of looking. It can be used at anytime, anywhere. And nothing else is needed. It stands on its own and one can look again and again and see how in every situation, the assumed separate entity is only a thought, not an entity. It's great to experience shamanic medicine and it has its place in individual and collective journeys, but to wake up from assumed separateness nothing is required other than answering the ultimate question:

There is no separate self, no I entity, is it true- yes or no?

Anything other than silence is not the right answer. The right answer is when the question drops and no longer makes sense. There may be a laugh, or just a gentle drop of belief. And that's all. Once the no self is recognised there is no going back. The idea of self is seen to be a concept, not a perceiver of life. Life is seen to be living itself. Free to flow. Free to experience all. Whatever shows up.

Part 6 NEW TOOLS OF TECHNOLOGY

There were other power ingredients in the cauldron of Awakening Radiance retreat. I haven't mentioned yet the Ajna light. We were so lucky to have Guy Harriman with us. This man was like no one else I've ever met. He would say that people tell him that he is the weirdest person, but I would not call him weird. I met enough of weird people through my tattoo work to know what weird looks like. Guy was not fitting into this category. In fact, he is not someone that would fit into any category. He is unique and has amazing presence, both mysterious and enlightening at the same time.

He came to the retreat from Thailand where he has a non-commercial healing centre. He is an inventor of Ajna light. As he spent many years working in Silicon Valley creating computer chips, I cannot imagine how his mind works and what discoveries were made to make this light machine. In the first day we all had a taster- 10 minutes under the light. In those ten minutes I knew already how powerful and amazing this light was, I knew already that I have to get it and share it with as many people as I can. Why? You have to try it to believe it. If I tell you that I experienced the clearest, most pristine colours dancing in intricate mandalas, all with eyes closed, you may think I am bluffing. But it was real! The inner screen was lit up with incredible light that I have never seen before, nor I could imagine. This Ajna light decalcifies pineal gland which means that the so called third eye is activated and switched on. I have no idea how Guy created his machine, but it surely is the most amazing invention that I have ever had an opportunity to try. You can read more about it on Guy's website. Basically you do not need to go for shamanic medicines, you can just use this light and have the same hallucinogenic experiences without consuming anything. That is quite an invention.  

Later I had a couple of half hour sessions, I could go deeper into experience and just melt into the light. This was another huge WOW!
Guy brought us light and his presence, which was, again, beyond words.

That's not all... The next big thing was the experience of the Magic Carpet, as Kathie was calling this mat, created by Swiss bio engineers. This invention is just as amazing. Lying on the mat I could feel the whole body being activated and receiving vibrations that were healing, soothing, regenerating, energising, relaxing and toning all at the same time. The mat transmits frequencies of earth. If you have heard of Shuman resonance, of frequency of the planet, then it will be easy for you to understand what this mat is capable of. It heals body physically, it releases blocks effortlessly, it recharges cells like we charge our phones. You just lay down on a mat and let the magic carpet take you for a ride.

Combined, the light and the mat is like a turbo charge for the body and mind. When I stood up after half an hour session of both, I felt I was ready for ANYTHING. That was some feeling that I’ve never had. I was feeling so strong, harmonised fully and standing on my own two feet like never before. As if this system for the first time was fully charged, while previously on the best day it was running on half the battery. It is hard to describe as the change is on cellular level, but one thing I can say, this technology is out of this world. It's completely mind blowing. I'm so happy that Guy and Paul with Kathie brought these amazing tools and shared with us.

The way I see it, it's one thing to realise how separate self is an illusion and carry on living as we did. There is nothing wrong with that. Life goes on regardless. But there is another thing to use advanced technology to clear all that debris that was left in the system that manifests as illness in the body and sickness of the mind. Old patterns and severe traumas may linger and need some work. I have met beautiful people that are clear in seeing and are suffering from physical ailments. I have friends whose everyday life is a physical struggle, that requires so much energy to just to get by and do ordinary stuff. I had myself experienced pain recently in my shoulder and arm that was persistent and I had to try many different things to ease the pain. Including taking morphine based painkillers so that I could work and tattoo, without the pills I could not. I tried acupuncture, massages, fascia release, Chinese herbs, all kinds of rubs and ointments.. I know how it feels to be unable to perform physical tasks when pain is too big. With this new technology there is trust that body can heal fully and be at peak performance regardless of age and past traumas. 

The things I read about the Swiss Bionic Solutions gives me hope that everyone can heal. It sounds sci-fi and a bit out there, I agree, but this is no Stargate TV show, it's real and it's available. I will be inviting people to try it for themselves and make their own opinions about it. I have already ordered the Ajna light and the Swiss bionic mat as I know from my own experience how powerful this new technology is. And it's only a beginning!

One thing I can say- it is not for everyone. I'm not trying to say that you need this. I personaly love technology, I always had. I am curious about gadgets and inventions for exploring consciousness. I am not someone that would dedicate lifetime to go into a cave and meditate for hours. I much prefer to get the brain entrained by technology. My meditation practice started from Holosync. It was easy to put phones on and get into deep states in minutes. I could get into same states without listening to the CDs once my brain got used to the frequencies and learned to go in and out of meditative states effortlessly. I had lots of fun with monoaural, binaural, solffegio frequencies, sound healing technologies, so discovering light machine and the mat was most delightful surprise for my tech-geek side. I am so looking forward to see how this new technology journey will unfold, I feel it has a tremendous potential. So yes, there was another WOW to experience light, mat and music rolled into super charging- clearing- energising- mind blowing new age tech-enchilada. The light machine is amazing on its own, so is the mat, but together is something else! A nuclear device with tremendous potential, i'm really excited about that. 

Tomorrow I will tell about Ayahuasca ceremony and visit to a pyramid, stay tuned...


Part 3

Part 1

Liberation Unleashed Book

I am looking forward to the 1st of October, as that is when my book Liberation Unleashed is coming out. 

Writing this book was a whole journey, that started before I even knew it. It took a few years to gather the material, to shape and to polish it. I am really excited, that only in a few months it will be in the shops, on the shelves ready to be picked up by readers. I am exited not because I think it is great to be a published writer, but because this book has a real potential to make a huge change people's lives.

I put everything that I could say to a seeker, that worked, that pushed, that pointed to seeing that undivided wholeness of what we are. This book is packed with questions, practical and simple exercises, that can be used and tried out by anyone. It contains a few Direct Pointing guiding conversations that I had, where confusion was cleared and clarity was found. It also has a few articles from my blog and Seven Steps to seeing through the illusion of a separate self. All my work, crystallized, synthesized and put in order. My hope is that this work will reach out further, to more people and it will be the last book that is needed to read, in order to awaken from a dream of separateness.

These pointers and method truly work, as it is seen repeatedly on  Liberation Unleashed forum. Every day we have new member coming in and guides offering to help. There are six thousand members now, which is not a joke! It is incredible to see many guides, working there with seekers that come from all kinds of paths looking for peace, truth, clarity; taking them by hand out of the head into the experience, pointing where to look again and again, till all doubts are cleared.

I am so incredibly grateful for everyone involved in whichever way they can to support LU movement. It is amazing for me to hear about LU meetings happening here and there, people coming together in person, sharing, exploring and investigating together. It is great to hear about more and more people finding LU through friends, family, teachers, books of other authors, YouTube videos and the App. And soon this book, I hope, will make it so much easier for those that are ready to look, actually recognize the simple truth, that I, the separate self, is not what it appears to be. And that opens up a whole new view, a whole new way of life, with more space, trust and openness to what is happening... to what IS.

I noticed on Amazon, that there is a good deal of 21% off the price if you pre-order. I think it's worth it, if you consider buying it. It's a bit longer to wait for it to be released outside America, but it's coming! It will be out on December 29th.

Please share this post with anyone that might be interested, help to spread the news. And while waiting, if there is burning desire for truth, please register on the forum and start that journey through the gateless gate.

with love,
Ilona

LU Meeting up North

I was invited to do a meeting up North. One of LU guides, Sarah, messaged me on Facebook and asked if I would come up. Thanks to her and her husband David for hospitality.

Everything went smoothly and meeting happened. It was great to meet LU people face to face, hear them talk and share experiences. As we had a few people that haven't been through forum process, it was great to talk about what it's all about.

Here is the recording of the meeting.  Click on the link to get to the podcast. Enjoy!

Direct Pointing Session at The Wilbury Clinic

I have been invited by my friends from Liberation Unleashed to The Wilbury Clinic to hold a workshop with therapists. It was very interesting to guide people that haven't heard about LU movement, nor were familiar with what this no self stuff is about. It was really nice to meet open minded group, that were curious enough to dive into to the unknown.

At the start there was some fear, but as the session progressed people relaxed more and more. They were keen on looking and examining, the session was long, intense, but it was very enjoyable; it was full of pointers, exercises, looking through different angles. All participants were engaging and it was delightful to be able to share this once again.

My deep appreciation for Vajralila and Sudakini for bringing therapy and Direct Pointing together. These women are doing a great job, helping those in need, to find their way to clarity and out of suffering. Their clinic is beautiful, welcoming and light. The uniqueness of that clinic lies in non dualistic aproach to clients and their needs. It is inspiring how both Vajralila and Sudakini together created space that attracts more therapist, workshops, meetings with teachers. It has been just over a year when I had conversations with both of them and they crashed the gateless gate. Now they guide too...

You can listen to the recording of Direct Pointing session here and please pass it on to a friend that may be interested.