From Seeking To Seeing

I was a seeker once. I was looking for something. I did not know what that was, but I had heard stories about enlightenment, awakening, constant bliss—I wanted that. I knew that where I was at the time wasn’t it. I had an urge to find out what the holy grail was that would make my life better in every way.

Somebody once asked me straight, “What are you looking for?” And I replied, “Enlightenment.” Did I find that? No, but I am not looking for it anymore. I stopped chasing ideas and found something else instead: peace. Not in a way that everything is quiet and slow, but in a way that there is much less internal narration about what is “not enough.” Everything is just fine. There is no more judgment of good versus bad, no more fight of good versus evil. There is a silence of mind that is much more delightful than fighting what is.

The seeking pattern has stopped running. The drive that was here before, trying to get/achieve/improve something, is now absent. There is openness instead, a spaciousness that allows all happenings to pass without internal friction. If I get annoyed, which I still do, it lasts only a short time and gets resolved quickly.

Seeking is a form of striving energy that wants to get somewhere. This, here and now, is not what it wants. There is something else to get so that the tension will cease. But it does not cease; it only takes small breaks. The “happy tomorrow” does not arrive; it feels like you are trapped in an unwanted time and place, a prison that has no doors. The seeking continues. New books, videos, talks, gurus—they all seem to have something desirable, yet not achievable. How to get off of the seeking merry-go-round?

There is a flip from seeking to seeing, and it is not what the mind thinks. It is not about making something external change so that I will feel more comfortable; it’s internal. The energy that feels intense wants to be felt—fully, openly, purely felt. When we look at what seeking itself is, rather than toward the direction of where our attention is going, seeking can be seen as a mechanism, a pattern, a strong energy. Observing it with conscious awareness, recognizing it, and then feeling the sensation melts it like a sun melts a cube of ice.

So, if you are looking for something, stop for a minute and feel the sensation that is driving the search. This sensation is here, and it does not matter so much why it is here, or who put ideas of “not enough” in the mind. What matters is that this sensation is recognized and fully felt. Seeking for flips to looking at. Once the energy is allowed to be fully present and embraced, the mind becomes relaxed, spacious, soft; it no longer feels the tension.

Try this exercise. Feel the sensation of “not enough.” Feel the sensation of lack. This sensation has a location in the body. Observe it. Allow it. Let it be as it is for a minute or two. Don’t think about what should be different or how much you dislike it; just feel it as it is. Be honest with your own feeling. Be curious about the sensation. Let it enfold you fully, even if it is intense. What is behind it?

Doing this a few times a day may feel like practice. But it’s worth it to remember and engage with this, because the more you become honest with the feelings that are arising—the more you look at what is—the less there is striving for something else. It’s a focus shift from seeking to seeing; all it takes is a conscious look at what is actually happening here and now. The mind can find peace, and that’s the end of the seeking pattern. Then a whole new world opens up—the one that was always here, always present, but was ignored or unnoticed, because of that constant nagging feeling of it not being enough. Thoughts stop running wild; there is more spaciousness felt. There is ease and lightness.

Seeking ends, but exploration continues. And exploration is a different kind of energy—it has a sense of wonder, curiosity, playfulness, and childish innocence. There is no more striving to get out of an unwanted situation, but rather resting in the situation that is neither wanted or unwanted but simply is.

Meeting Divine Eye to Eye

Warning! this article is controversial. Some ideas may trigger resistance, frustration, resentment and other intense emotions. In such a case, you get something to work with within. You do not have to agree with my views or choices, and I'm free to live life as it comes.

There is a kind of taboo in the awakening marketplace about using psychedelic substances. If this is something that you are attracted to, by all means, find some and explore. Of course, Shamanic medicines are not for everyone and I'm not here to say what is right for you. It is right for me, as I am a fearless space captain and I am curious about consciousness itself. I don't stick to any traditions but rather test and ride various ways.

I wrote back in September last year, about my journey to Mexico to find magic. I found magic then and received a message that this was only a beginning. The message was strong and I got back to Mexico as soon as my husband and I could do that to see what happens next.

Here we are in a beautiful Caribbean beach village, enjoying life, meeting people, sharing Ajna Light and having lots of treatments. My favorite is Sand-Sea-Sun treatment that discharges, recharges and washes away all tension. The natural technology of release.

Ever since I came to this place, it feels that I have entered some trip. By trip, I mean that there is a sense of surrender and something taking over. If you've never had a psychedelic experience, the word trip means nothing to you. Days change, but the sense of being taken by life and magic remains. The energy is very strong here. I love how the body feels, the heat and how gently the sun is received. It feels that this place is breathing and waving. If I sit on a sofa and body relaxes I can feel the waves of the ocean passing through. There is music in the ears, playing all the time, one wavy melody. It's so audible that sometimes I have to check that the player is off. The player is off, but the music still remains.

There is a sense of grace and wonder, of being led to people and events. We made friends with a couple of healers here and some magic mushrooms arrived; the trip got even trippier. These ones, called San Juan are the most amazing mushrooms I've ever had. I tasted different kinds back in the UK at the time when I could buy them in funky shops. These mushrooms are called Golden Healers and they were named correctly. The trip was very light, fun, and with eyes closed, I could see golden light, patterns and visions. That was the most beautiful, lighthearted healing experience. It felt that golden light was filling the space within. There was an expanded awareness of spaciousness, a beautiful impermanent state, a moment of melting into light. Then back to normal but somehow different, refreshed.

Our friends introduced us to someone that was organizing a Shamanic healing event and we signed up for it. This was another chance for me to taste Bufo medicine, or as locals call it Sapito.
Basically, the smoking secretion of the Bufo Alvarius toad gives a hit of pure 5-meo-dmt which creates an explosion in the system, which only happens twice in life naturally, when you are born and when you die. This natural substance is in all of us, in plants and animals, it even has a name of the God molecule. If you would like to read more about it, please do your own research, there is plenty of material now on the internet.

So here we are, going into the jungle, meeting with Shamans and going for it. We met a nice group of people, some came from far, some tried before, and a few that this was the first time. The group was multi-national, the ones that spoke English turned out to be various artists. Locals were setting up sweat lodges while we were chatting with people. A woman started singing, I noticed the Shaman coming in with his bag of tools. The energy of the place changed. I could notice little nibble of fear showing up, like- -are you sure? This is it.. am I ready?..

The shamans came from a different part of Mexico, they get the medicine from the Sonora desert toads. They did not speak English. The first part was a treatment with tobacco ash that is blown into the nose and clears whatever is stuck there. I watched a friend receive it, it did not look bad so I went for it too. It's called Rapè. (not rape) it feels like a shot of intense sensation, then I felt that the whole body became more alive and vibrating with energy, like something was opened up. A nice sensation after. Colors got brighter and it was easy to breathe. They said it cleans the pineal gland.

The sweat lodge followed next. That was an interesting experience. We sat in a very hot tent in the middle of the hot jungle! There were hot stones in the middle of a circle taken from the fire and the Shaman was pouring water over them, creating steam and more heat. He was putting something on the stones that filled the tent with a delightful smell. His woman was leading songs. The whole tent, 15 people, were sweating out toxins and singing along. It was so much sweating that I could not open my eyes, the salt was making them hurt. It was really hot! But it was part of the preparation for the journey ahead.

After the sweat lodge, the jungle heat was just lovely. Next, we all went to the lake to clean ourselves. The beautiful water felt so refreshing and soft. I could stay there for hours, but we all were called to start the ceremony.

Before I get into describing what it was like for me, I just want to say this: If you are called to do this, take it extremely seriously. This is not a joke. This is not a drug to get high. This is the most powerful medicine, it is very strong and integration after receiving it can take some time and be intense. There are a few testimonials that something went wrong. So the most important is to know what you are up for, research your Shamans and have time and environment to integrate. Best is done in a safe environment with someone that has been working with this medicine for years.

So here it was, a pipe in front of me. There was no thought, no fear, just flowing with the moment. I inhaled slowly, a thick brown smoke. At some point, I got that the pipe looks different as if pixels on a screen have mutated. I remember nodding slightly and falling backwards on the ground.

Whoa, there was a sense of direction, with little disturbances, as if I was going through waves of frequency closer and closer to .... God..... there was melting in, ceasing of turbulence... release so gentle that it felt like last hair that was held on to ripped. Then OMG WOoooooooo incredible sense of gold space of love, peace, divinity, oneness. This was IT, so-called Death, so beautiful and spacious. There was only this. There was totality, absolute, consciousness in fully opened glory. The feeling of golden love, love of God, is indescribable.. mmmmmm wooooooo!

Slowly I was coming back into awareness of the body and surroundings. The body felt like every tension had left, mind came back stunned and silent, taken away by what became known. It took a while to come out and be able to stand up.

Interestingly, I had no sense and no memory of the body or mind at all, but while consciousness was 'traveling', the body was making some movements, kriyas and making sound aaaaaaa..

I came back, looked Shamans in the eye and thanked them both. Now, I KNOW. Now, I KNOW.

The spaciousness came back with me into this realm. I can still feel it days after.

Other people had their unique journeys. One girl was crying so much after seeing the vastness of love and beauty she could never imagine. This was deeply touching. One guy was shouting that we humans can do it! And we have to do it! The change is already happening! (he does not remember that) someone else was throwing up and clearing what seemed black stuff to him, out of the system. Others laughed. Everyone that went for that experience came back changed. So did I. I had only one intention and that was to meet the creation. I got what I came for. I saw what I could never imagine.

I remember thinking why something as beautiful as this is feared, why death is perceived with grief? It's strange, at least.

One way I can describe it is that if you are living in a deep ocean, and time to time get to experience the sun in the water and you don't have a clue about the sun above the ocean. Then one day you go up and take a look... then when you get back you perceive the sun in the water differently. The sun in the water would be love that we are able to feel.

It took a few days to get back to normal. Three days rolled into one. We took more magic mushrooms to assist the energies and to finish healing. The expansion ripped through all the cells of being, the spacious feeling was still here. Even in sleep, it no longer feels dark, deep sleep feels like golden light. Mmmm

God is.

Total Peace, Love is.

Knowing this experientially is IT.

I would not call this enlightenment. It's more an experience of illumination. It came as it was called for. It can come in any package. All one needs is a pure intention to meet God. Toad medicine was a one-way ticket for me to meet the divine, eye to eye. It does not mean you need it. It only means this was the way that the experience showed up for me. If there is judgement about this, then you are missing the point, that a wrapper is more more important that the candy.


We meet divine in every moment, no need for toads or mushrooms to participate. The depth of conscious recognition is what determines our sense of connectedness with the whole and perception of reality. We have a personal, intimate relationship with what is, we are what is expressing as us, as all life. I am that which is expressing as me.

The mind can not get it because mind too is a form, an expression of existence as the mind.

When everything calms down to stillness there is an opening to being. When all vibrations and turbulence cease there is pure light and lightness. Delightful.

Love divine is nothing to do with a person, it's what is left where there is no more I, me, no other. Just a field of infinite peace.

A few days after, I still feel the spaciousness that was not here before, it feels like old patterns collapsed, like a huge clearing happened, that affected all areas of my life as an individual. There is wonder and curiosity of what happens next and an openness to whatever comes. 

Peace.

The Path

How do you know what path to take?

There is only one path- your own, which is perfect for you. No one else can take you there, only you.

I meet a lot of seekers through the Liberation Unleashed forum. They all are looking for something. Normally, seeking includes: reading books, following prescriptions, learning new methods, searching for wisdom, looking for answers that someone could provide. That's all good, of course, and it is part of the path. Each path is as unique as we are. There is not one way or one method that would fit all. That is the difficulty for the seeker- which way to go, who to follow, how to reach that perfect state?

There is only one path and it's purely your own. Following someone else is not going to get you to the desired 'happily ever after'. Following good advice can be useful and if taken as an inspiration, it can bring you to different ideas for sure, but nothing taken from outside has the same value such as when you know that you are following your own heart.

The Liberation Unleashed forum is a place where seekers meet 'The Gate'. Everyone that comes to LU are looking for something and it is here that we point where to look so that the seeking can end and the seeing, finding can begin. 'The Gate' is a point of recognition, that the separate self, (as we thought it was) never really was. The seeker was never there, there was only seeking, trying to understand, analyse, interpret and describe something that words can't touch.

Once 'The Gate' is crossed, once the seeing really happens experientially, once it sinks in, the life no longer feels and looks the same. And then we are back on a path. This time, it's not about finding a new method or system, but turning within and undoing all that was built upon the idea of a separate person running the show. It's all about deconstruction, releasing, surrendering, where the old belief system falls away and the new way of seeing emerges and stabilizes. This process takes some months and years, clearing. It's not something that happens instantly like many seekers hope for. There is a lot to examine, investigate, clarify. Some methods learned from teachers, indeed can be fun, useful and helpful, but you can not be a follower anymore. If you are following, that's not freedom. Freedom is finding your own path, that works for you! That may include some tips and suggestions and useful techniques, when they are needed, for a period that they are needed. But, if you are finding yourself in someone else's crowd of followers, you have been hypnotized, which can happen easily, as mind wants something to hold on to, something to feel safe.

There is only a short journey to make- from here to here. From thinking to being. From being lost in thoughts about what is not happening to stillness and awareness of what IS. This journey can seem long and twisted, but in essence we are never not here and not now, it's only a matter of focus shift. And of course, calm, peaceful mind can see this instantly, while mind that has a lot going on simply can not find. Thoughts are too intense, too many.

The path is really about finding the way to get that beautiful mind to relax so it can be aware of presence. Don't buy into techniques that want your praise and attention. Don't follow leaders that have something that you do not have. Find your own way that brings that calm and joy of being closer. The sooner you start tuning inside, the sooner you will find what works for you.

All I am saying here is that no one can do it for you, no method can do it for you, no path of someone else will take you home. Finding your own way is freedom. Freedom to be you in all the glorious uniqueness. Just like a flower that does not need to know the way or method to bloom.

Hello, Pressence

"Truth will set you free," we know these words. I've had that as a signature in the LU forum since the beginning. Only recently did I change it to "Truth recognized will set you free". And here is why: Truth can not do anything if it is not consciously recognized and lived. If one is not receptive to it, no words of truth can do anything. You can be bombarded with truth all day long and it will not touch anything in you if there is no openness and no fertile ground for it to land.

So what is this truth that has the power to set you free? It's Presence.

We are aware, we are conscious, we can feel that we know. We can be still and feel that there is this spacious sense of presence. Here now, always available to be noticed, recognized consciously. This presence has a tone, a flavor; it's rich and full of aliveness.

The problem that one may have is how to still the mind to the point of being able to rest in a thoughtless space. There are many ways to practice that, meditation being the main exercise. You can also use technology, or whatever that works for you. The mind filled with fears and anxieties, shame, guilt and regret can not be still. It keeps working on trying to resolve and explain, protect a person. The mind can not relax until it thinks that it is its job to keep everything in control and in a certain way. It can not just sit still if it thinks that it needs to perform tasks and figure a way out of problems. But the only real function of the mind is to be aware! To be aware. The end. Let this sink.

The mind is doing work that is really not its work. Creating and solving problems is tension in itself, especially when problems seem to have no solutions. The tension builds up to the point of collapse or explosion. Neither are joyful experiences. Only calm, peaceful mind can get to stillness. Only when it's no longer pressuring itself into performing tasks that are not of its responsibility can the mind let go and be still.

Stillness is found inside. This is where we go silently, secretly and preciously. This is where the outside world is no longer relevant. Nothing from outside can give us peace. Changing the world outside is not of our power. It's only inside that we can find the home. And it's always here now. It is the Presence.

There are many words to point to the same Presence. Whatever word resonates, be it Self, Love, God, Life, Source, Buddha Mind, Christ Consciousness, Tao, Zen, The Great Spirit, Divine Presence, Consciousness, Aliveness, Being... You can call it whatever you like, even make up a word, as long as you consciously know what it means. I call IT Wooo, as that how it feels when the connection is made. Find your own word that hits the bulls-eye in your experience. Then find that which The Word points to in your experience. Here now, there is a sense of something being within- a sweetness, a silent joy of Being that feels like a flow of blissful lightness through the chest. Hello, Divine Presence. This is where we rest in the silent space of truth of Being. This is what the sages and gurus and wise men and women point to. The sacred place within, that Self-love, that Spiritual Heart that resides underneath all waves of thoughts and emotions.

Hello, Presence.

We rest in that presence and listen to what is there. Simply being open to it, being receptive. Listening rather than talking. Consciously recognizing it for what it is. (again use your own word here)

Bringing focused aware attention to just being, allows the system to re-calibrate, realign, refresh, erase all that no longer serves. Then there is a deep sense of peace and a delicious, calm feeling of completeness.

There is only one Presence. We can all tune into that and make a conscious connection with it. The silence that is felt, even for a few seconds--three to four times a day is the home. We don't need to solve problems and be concerned about the future- this activity won't give you a lasting sense of peace with what is. Take time to just sit in silence, dropping all pressure from the head, releasing all wants, shoulds, desires, desire for power and security, all trying to fix or change what is apparently not working and all expectations about what this experience could be like. Be there just for the sake of being connected.

This is IT. Rest in the silent aware space. What is that? What does it have to tell you? What feeling wants to be felt? Go deeper and deeper. This is where assurance that all is well and completeness can be felt. This is how the worldly problems melt away. Fall in love with the Divine Presence and how it feels. Fall in love with Love itself. That is where the connection with the ..... (use your word) happens. And when it happens, you know! You found the golden center of Being... abide in that and that will set you free.

Inspired by The Infinite Way teaching

Liberation Unleashed Intensive Retreat

Here is an invitation to step into the fire of Truth. This fire will burn all that is untrue, leaving you with a pure sense of being, aliveness, raw openness to what is. 

I have held many meetings since 2012 and I really enjoyed them. Every meeting was unique, with different questions asked, with different people coming. This time I feel to do an intensive three-day retreat. It will take place at the same Friends Meeting House in Worthing. This will be my last offering in the UK. The retreat will start on Friday evening and continue till Sunday night. This retreat is going to be focused on self-realization and clearing all the blockages that may stand in the way of recognition.

Awakening is a two-fold process of recognizing that you are not a what you think you are and realizing that life process does not stop, that there is aliveness, being, an openness that is always here, now, no matter how it seems. This process does not take you away from humanness, but rather brings awakening into everyday ordinary life. Integration of awakening is an ongoing process.

This meeting will be a lot of work and it will require your readiness and willingness to be fearless and open up, to be vulnerable, to be seen, to explore what hasn’t been explored yet. You can expect to release and let go of old patterns that no longer serve. You can expect to learn how to integrate experiences of retreat into your daily life. You will learn how to deal with emotions that are hard to deal with not by reading about it but from your own experience.

I will be guiding those that come to realize the non-separateness, the absence of I that apparently runs the show called “Individual”. I will be using Deep Looking method to undo the knots and release trapped energies, that seem persistent and in a way of peace. The group work is very powerful as we all hold safe and loving space for each other as we dive deeper into unknown. You may expect tears and laughter, release and relief that come with seeing through mind created illusions.

There will be enough time for everyone to ‘sit in a chair’ and meet your deepest issues. We will work together and face all that comes up with loving kindness. Coming together in retreat creates a powerful collective field of presence which ignites and supports each participant's awakening process. Deep surrender becomes possible in an environment of trust and honest desire for that which is true.

I will also bring my Ajna Light machine to the retreat. We will have two group sessions and you will have a chance to have individual sessions with no one disturbing you in a separate room. Ajna Light is very powerful tool for personal exploration of consciousness. It is a remarkable invention by Guy Harriman. You can read more about it here. There is a lovely interview with Guy here where he talks about how the machine was created and what it is for. Please watch the video to get to know a little about it. The Ajna Light experience will give you instant relaxation; it will detox and rejuvenate the mind, as it works directly on the pineal gland. The most common description of the experience is “WOW, I did not expect that!” This Light will heal what is ready to be healed and will boost positivity, joy of life; it will calm the mind of excessive thinking and will give you a sense of harmony and balance.


If you feel the call to come to the retreat, please register by sending me an email (markedeternal@gmail.com) to secure your place. You can pay by PayPal or by cash on the door. You may attend any or all of the day sessions. (Although you are highly encouraged to attend as many sessions as you can; there is something beautiful that happens when we give ourselves the time and space to deeply relax into the intimacy of a gathering.)

Program

Friday 20th of January 6pm to 8:30pm Introductory session.

Here we will meet as a group, everyone will be invited to share a little about their journey. We will gently easing into the work.

£15 on the door.

Saturday 21st January 10:30 to 8:30 whole day event.

10:30am Morning session with Ilona
1:00pm Lunch break. Individual Ajna Light sessions

3:00pm Afternoon session

5:00pm Break for snacks and refreshments, light sessions
6:00pm Evening session
8:00 Ajna Light group session

Saturday day alone £50 on the door

Sunday 22nd of January 1:00- 8:00 Whole day event

1:00pm Afternoon session 

3:30pm Break, free time. Individual Ajna Light sessions
5:00pm Evening Session
7:00pm Ajna Light Groups session

Sunday day alone £45 on the door
All three days £100

Every participant can have one individual Light session of 20 min on Saturday-Sunday.

There is a kitchen in the building where we can make tea, use a microwave, fridge, have snacks. You can bring your own lunch if you like. There will be tea provided. There is Tesco, Costa coffee, The Lazy Brunch Kitchen cafe and a really nice Thai restaurant only five minutes away from the venue. There is a quiet beach around 20 min walk. 

If you are coming from far away and need room to stay Airbnb is a perfect option, with the rooms starting from £25 a night. Please be aware that Worthing is deceivably large, so book your place closer to the venue. Friends Meeting House is located at 

34 Mill Road, Worthing, BN11 5DR

The nearest train station is West Worthing.

The room is warm, with comfortable chairs and cushions.

hope to see YOU there!
There are a few more places left, but the retreat is getting booked up pretty fast.

There Is Nothing To Be Understood

Dear Ilona

Can you help me and guide me all the way to see the truth?

I wrote down "there is no self in reality at all" and I felt relief and freedom in my heart. But, seconds after, I felt a little bit confused... I felt little bit of resistance.

I see a body, I see fingers tapping, but I'm thinking and writing "I" again...

I'm going for a walk in nature now, and see what happens...

See you...

With love!

Daniela 

Hi Daniela,

Thank you for writing and thank you for wanting to go all the way through.

 

Tell me, what is I?

Is it I that moves the body?

Is it I that feels?

Is it I that thinks thoughts?

Can you find I in real life? Where can you find it? What is it and what is behind?

Just answer these questions honestly and precisely. When you are ready. 

Much love.

Thank you, Ilona.

I went outside for a walk, and observe everything around me with my 5 senses and then, suddenly, a deep breath came along and I felt peace inside. Then I felt a hudge will of screaming and crying, but I was not angry or sad... it was very weird.

Tell me, what is I?

I don´t know what is I. is a label... a word to express a body, a mind, feelings.

Is it I that moves the body?

No it isn't... the body moves and lives without "my commands".

Is it I that feels?

What about feelings... the body feels.

Is it I that thinks thoughts?

The mind thinks thoughts... when I (body) feel bad, I question the thoughts and dont believe in them... and the bad feeling goes away.

Can you find I in real life? Where can you find it? What is it and what is behind?

I only can find "I" in the mind, like a thought... but can´t see the mind.

it seems like "I" is getting in the way of something bigger and great, it seems like "I" is wanting attention.

Can you help me and guide me all the way to see the truth?

...............

I wrote down "there is no self in reality at all" and I felt relief and freedom in my heart. But, seconds after, I felt a little bit confused... I felt little bit of resistance.

I see a body, I see fingers tapping, but I'm thinking and writing "I" again...

I'm going for a walk in nature now, and see what happens...

see you...

I woke up in the middle of the night and this thought pop up: "there is nothing to be understood... just let life be, let life flow and step aside."

Good one, Daniela! There is nothing to understand. Step aside! Great instructions from your brain.

Now is there anything that needs to step aside? is there a you other than a thought?

I tell you- there is not! 

You cannot understand simply because there is no you to understand. There is understanding happening, but it's happening to no one. it is just an experience appearing in this moment.

Look right here: is there a reader somewhere inside that reads these words? is there some understander? is there a you? Or is this just that, reading, understanding happening as a flow of life right now?

What comes up here?

Great answers here, Daniela. You are getting close!

> I only can find "I" in the mind, like a thought... but can´t see the mind.

> it seems like "I" is getting in the way of something bigger and great, it seems like "I" is wanting attention.

Word mind is only a word pointing to thought, thought processes and thinking itself. There is no mind other than that.

I is also a word pointing to imagined being, but there is no being. Only life itself.

I can not get in a way, it's empty.

Conditioning, believing otherwise is getting in a way. Need to clear the thinking and it will all become visible and obvious. 

Can we get back to the feeling? When you really look if it's true, that there is no you at all, only body/mind/brain operating and making decisions by itself, how does that feel? 

Co you sense any discomfort? Fear? Uneasiness? Just look inside at the feelings and report what you find.

Now is there anything that needs to step aside? is there a you other than a thought?

it is only a thought.

    Look right here: is there a reader somewhere inside that reads these words?

    There is only the experience of reading.

    

    Is there some understander? is there a you? Or is this just that, reading, understanding happening as a flow of life right now?

    No. No. Yes.

    What comes up here?

    Presence. Life being.

Need to clear the thinking and it will all become visible and obvious. 

I doesn't exist. The only thing that exists is life expressing itself through a body.

    When you really look if it's true, that there is no you at all, only body/mind/brain operating and making decisions by itself, how does that feel? 

    First I felt doubt and uneasiness. And a little bit of fear too... but then another thought pop up: "Life is wise and intelligent! Trust life"

    (",) And it feels free!!

     Just look inside at the feelings and report what you find.

"Trust Life, trust life..." Wow!!

Now I relax and became feeling warm inside, light (weightless), joy... tears of joy.

is that really so simple Ilona?

it is really that simple!!!

it can't be simpler than that.  

Life just is. 

How does it feel to be liberated? 

:))it is something I want to remember and feel every second.

Have no words to describe it... it feels sweet, just like a child playing happy.

Eternally grateful,

Much Love!

Awesome, Daniela. Just awesome. I'm soo delighted for you.  So much appreciation here :))))

I have a few questions for you and if seeing happened, it will be easy to answer. Let it settle in a bit and write when you are ready :

1. What is self? How does it operate? Has there ever been a self?

2. What is Daniela? Look at the character, describe how that works.

3. What is real?

4.  Is there a you, at all, anywhere, in any way, shape or form?

5. What was it that pushed you over? Can you describe what happened.

Before answering your questions, allow me to write down something that seems relevant:

    When "I" relax - and let life be - 2 powerful thoughts pop up:

    1. "there is nothing to be understood... just let life be, let life flow and step aside."

    2. "Life is wise and intelligent! Trust life"

    

    

    From where did come those 2 thoughts that pop up and made me felt peaceful?

    There must be a wise mind shared by all, and that wise mind is life it self...

     Could the source of life be a peaceful, loving and wise mind shared by all?

Where do thoughts come from?

These thoughts came from exactly same place like every other.

And yes, there is intelligence working here. Look at evolution. Every life form is adapting, evolving, mutating. Human too :) it's not separate from life, it's expression of life. Life is living itself not through us but as us.

How does it look from where you are?

How would you answer this?

Dear Ilona, from here it seems like this:

The source of life is one wise Mind, peaceful, joyful and loving. And the source of life did not create this world.

There is no evolution, no illumination. Life, like is source, is perfect and complete just the way it is.

imagine the Mind being the sun, and the life being the rays of the sun, the sunshine. Life is connected with the Mind and life is also peace, love, and joy.

We are life, we are already complete, sinless and perfect. Life is one with the Mind (life is expressing as our mind and our mind it is not in the brain or is not limited by the body). We have no physical form and we are all connected. The parts have the all and the all have the parts.

But somehow along the way, we play along and forgot who we are... we forgot that we are life (peace, love and joy) connected to the wise Mind. Somehow along the way, we begin believing we are separated minds and feeling guilty of being separated from the wise Mind. And we project that feeling inside in others outside. And what we project we perceive. it seems like a vicious cycle created by a virus in the mind - the thought of separation.

We also believe that thoughts have no power. (But mind creates with thoughts. Thoughts become feelings and actions). We believe that what is perfect can become imperfect. And even worst, we believe that we can control and change life. And finally, we believe the self is real... the limited, imperfect, guilty little self always looking outside for attention to feel value. And we created this virtual world based upon projection of the unconscious feeling of guilt and limitation inside of us. The self does not exist, ok... but as long as many minds BELiEVE in it, it becomes a virtual reality where we believe we are living. I think Henry Ford said that: "if you think you can do a thing or think you can't do a thing, you're right." Our beliefs controls our biology.

Our free will is not about choosing our destination. Our free will is about to choose between listen the thoughts of the wise Mind or the thoughts of the self. The thoughts of the Mind bring us peace and no doubt, makes as feel good and big in our heart, is our intuition, our inspiration. They share and expand love. The wise Mind is in our unconscious mind, just waiting to be heard.

The thoughts of the self creates fear. And this is a virtual world created by the self. The world is virtual because the self is also virtual, it does not exist. Yet, we believe in it. And whatever a mind believe, it becomes! The mind is creative and powerful. We are powerful behind limits and an infinite field of possibilities. And we can do miracles if we let the wise Mind express as us!

Later I will answer your 5 questions...

Hi Daniela,

Please answer the questions. :)

as for your nice letter, life is not just love and peace. it's everything included. Totality of everything. When a wolf is catching a fluffy rabbit to feed her babies it's just life. it is also cruel, dark and painful. if you think that it's all love peace and joy you are only looking at one side, not at a whole picture.

Also, there is no free will....

But please focus first on question, then we can talk more.

Will be looking forward to your answers.

Much love!! 

......................

1. What is self? How does it operate? Has there ever been a self?

Self is a constant thought, imagination. it takes the conciousness away from the present moment where life is expressing. No, there never has been a self, only life and experiences. Self is like a virtual reality.

2. What is Daniela? Look at the character, describe how that works.

Daniela is life expressing as a mind/body. Daniela is life expressing and living experiences like all the millions of possible characters. Daniela is life playing.

3. what is real?

All this world is an illusion. Real is life expressing as everything there is... can´t see life just experience life

4.  is there a you, at all, anywhere, in any way, shape or form?

No there isn´t.

5. What was it, that pushed you over? Can you describe what happened.

When "I" relax - and let life be - 2 powerful thoughts pop up:

1. "there is nothing to be understood... just let life be, let life flow and step aside."

2. "Life is wise and intelligent! Trust life."

thoughts are imagination, they're not real, so nothing real really happened, just life playing around.

 Great! Thank you. 

One thing I want to talk to you about is reality.

You said that this world is an illusion. I say that this world is real. It does not disappear if you stop believing in it. It’s real experience, real feelings, real thoughts, real trees, real body, real character Daniela. It’s all real. What is illusion is the 'self' or I as a separate entity.

Look around and feel the reality of what is. Get in touch with real things, real earth, real everything. No matter what it is made of. it is here now. Life.

We are not, but life is. Can you see life living it's life? Existence of existence?

Can you see? When you look at your hand, what do you see? Atoms, illusion or a real hand that is always here, same hand ageing and changing, but real.

And look at the character a bit deeper, can you see how beautiful Daniela is. it's a real character! Like batman, real fiction. Real illusion.

My Dear Ilona, thank you for staying with this with me... it has been interesting letting life flow, letting just things be as they are without the blá blá blá's I. it feels good being in the present moment... and observe all the beliefs that the "I" that doesn't exist believes!!!

You said that this world is an illusion. I say that this world is real. it does not disappear if you stop believing in it. it's real experience, real feelings, real thoughts, real trees, real body, real character Daniela. it's all real. What is illusion is the 'self' or I as a separate entity.

Right. The self or I as a separate entity is an illusion. The world is life expressing as us humans, animals, plants, minerals, water, air, fire, earth... and that's real life.

    Yes, life simply is. Life living as us, experience life.

    Can you see? When you look at your hand, what do you see? Atoms, illusion or a real hand that is always here, same hand ageing and changing, but real.

    Can´t see atoms... can see a real hand.

Thank you!!

I see that you are through :)

Life looks different now for sure.

Thank you!

Do you have any more question, anything I can help you with?

if so- shoot.

if not, may I use this for the blog, I'm sure your words, your process will help many others to see this simple truth. Are you ok with using your name Daniela or do you want me to use something else?

Also, as things come up after seeing, since life does not stop here, but carries on as usual, there might be some times when you need some support. Email me. Anytime. As well there is a group on Facebook called 'enlightened people' find me on fb and I'll invite you there. it's only people who saw through the illusion and it's great help when/ if needed. 

So much love and appreciation here. 

Thank you.  Dear ilona!

Thank you! You can use my name Daniela, yes, that's ok.

Let me make a summary of what I learn:

There is no separated "I". We are all one life... we are all one.

The "secret" is to live in the present moment, observe, allow life to flow, and don't believe in all thoughts.

I have some questions and some practical doubts, if you will to answer me, I'll be glad:

in the last e-maill you said that life "is also cruel, dark and painful." How do you feel with that thought?

When thoughts made you feel bad or when something shakes you really bad, or when you see something that bothers, how do you overcome that situation? Just accepting that life is that?

And do you know:

How mind works? Conscious and unconscious? Where is the mind? We know the brain is in the body, we see him. We know brain is like an antenna that captures thoughts... but where thoughts come from?

And if  "Every life form is adapting, evolving, mutating." how does life evolves? Life is learning? Life is learning as us?

And why do you say "there is no free will...."?

Great love for you

you can answer all your questions no since you saw that there is no self. :) you can look at everything that you know with fresh look and see if what you know is really true. only illusion burns. that which is real stays untouched. try it.

 In the last e-mail you said that life "is also cruel, dark and painful." How do you feel with that thought?

Totality includes everything. It’s not just joy, its pain too. When you look and see, that there is no being behind the I, look at other people, are there other beings behind I? How about the rapist, or pedophile, how about somebody who murders people for pleasure? is there a separate being in there? Hitler? There is darkness, there is light and everything in between, but there is no separate beings.. One life. One confusion in the one mind... don't be afraid to look at darkness.

 

    When thoughts made you feel bad or when something shakes you really bad, or when you see something that bothers, how do you overcome that situation? Just accepting that life is that?

it has been a while since I seen it and layers of beliefs have fallen off... I don't feel bad anymore. when I get shaken by life (very very rarely, almost none) it's just blank inside. no feeling that it's good or bad, just nothing. otherwise anything that seems to go around, does not touch the imaginary I, so nothing bothers. it's a lot to do with intentional clearing of debris. like after tsunami, there is lots of rubble and dead bodies, all takes time to clean up. trusting life, trusting truth, having faith in truth is like a weapon to clear the path to complete ease of living. also it helps when you try to free others. it gives you a chance to look at the illusion and cut it out. by helping others, you help Daniela too. ( sounds bizarre, but true.)

    

    And do you know:

    How mind works? Conscious and unconscious? Where is the mind? We know the brain is in the body, we see him. We know brain is like an antenna that captures thoughts... but where thoughts come from?

    

    And if  "Every life form is adapting, evolving, mutating." how does life evolves? Life is learning? Life is learning as us?

life is alive. everything that is alive evolves. changes. birth life death.. see if you can notice that around.

    

    And why do you say "there is no free will...."?

who is there to choose?

Dear Ilona!
 

I am aware that what i see outside is what is inside: we are all one, no boundaries... I’m not afraid to look at the dark, Ilona. I don't believe that there is darkness. I see it and feel it but i don’t believe it´s real. But I still feel and bother... and when ever darkness come: fear, anger, hate, sadness inside, in me or in others, i let it come, don't think about it, don´t judge it, just let it come, and show it the light.

I'm not afraid... i can make darkness disappear in minutes and turn it in peace. Peace comes along in a few minutes. That´s a little miracle i do when i remember and have faith in the truth. The darkness is just a mistake in the one mind. I do my part to correct it, cleaning it up in "my" mind. I use the light to do that. And if light undo darkness, darkness is an illusion.

For me darkness is just absence of light, it as no source, is an illusion. Just like cold is absence of heat... you bring heat and cold disappears. You bring darkness to light and darkness disappears.

I agree with you, there are no separate beings. I agree with you about the confusion in the one mind...

But I don't agree with you when you say there is no being. For me there is one being. Just one being, one mind. For me, the illusion is the existence of darkness, you see? Whenever i see darkness, i make a little miracle: in a few minutes i use the light and undo darkness in "my" mind, in the one mind. That´s how i help!

But, like you said, I can look at everything that I know with fresh look and see if what I know is really true. 

I will do it...

Trusting life, trusting truth, having faith in truth is like a weapon to clear the path to complete ease of living.

I will trust more in life, yes!! Have to remember that always, thank you!! (",)

it gives you a chance to look at the illusion and cut it out. by helping others, you help Daniela too.

It sounds perfect to me, dear Ilona!!

                                                                                                                                               

You are a natural alchemist! Love you.

Yes, keep transforming darkness :) 

Same here. 

Only, I see the others. The ones that are still separate, confused in the mind, that's why I do what I do, to bring the end to illusion so one being can be free. Even though there is no one here, liberation IS happening. 

Helping others around is helping the one. 

I'd love a massage! You must be giving best massages ;)

Love you too!

Love your work!

I see others too! (",)

When you want to come to Portugal, call me here!

We can meet; I’ll give u a massage!  

I love massages too.. When i do it, one hour seems like 10 minutes to me!

Have an excellent day,

Extremely grateful and happy to know you,

Daniela

few days later:

Hi Ilonai

I´m going fine, thanks. It seems like i'm learning to live again! The moments of confusion are followed by moments of livid clarity. yes, there was a huge shift and many synchronicities occur. Now 'im home.

It Was Intense for Philip, But He Made It Through.

Philip:
Dear Ilona,

I love reading the conversational posts on your blog, you come accross as very patient and understanding yet don't allow any bullshit to slip by. I'm a fifty five year old man living in Australia and like Bedri I have been inquirying into this for many years and have a great deal of conceptual understanding of the illusion of self. Yet I have not seen it directly. Do you think that possibly some like myself are just simply unable go beyond that point?

Cheers


Ilona:
Thanks for email.
It is possible that the wall of knowing is so thick that simple thing is not visible.

Like in bedri's case, it took a month to make a hole in the concepts to allow the possibility of looking. Once looking starts it is simple, but to get to that point one needs to be ready to look at everything with fresh eyes.

Are you ready? I can help.

Philip:
Thanks for that Ilona,

It would be great if I could get some help.

At times I think so deeply about this my mind seems to seek revenge; it wakes me up at 2am with thoughts of unsolvable puzzles which trigger panic attacks. During the waking hours I have been meditating on the notion that everything is as it should be and could not be any other way, so I should give up any resistence to what is and go along with what ever comes up even the panic thoughts. This does work to a degree but not to shift anything in a lasting way, maybe it is just another theory or technique? Anxiety about what may happen in the future dominates most of my thinking and as you say it seems very thick and strong. The simple seeing seems very illusive.

Ilona:

No, it's not just another theory or technique. This is one time seeing and you done. What is seen, can not be unseen, just the same way as you can never believe that Santa is real.

It's not about fighting resistance, it's about clearing up crap inside that clashes and creates that resistance.
We are not looking here for new belief, but simple truth.

You know, truth will set you free.


What I want you to do is answer me with 100% honesty and only then, when the answer feels right. No rush, but when I point to look, really look.

So now look at the real possibility that there is no you in real life. That all is going by itself without a manager.

Look inside and tell me, what feeling comes up, do you recognise fear, resistance, frustration, what is it?

Describe what you see.

Philip:
Hey Ilona,

When I consider the possibillity that there is no me there is a great fear and saddness that arrises a feeling that I will loose my family and all that I have become. It seems far too unknown, to give into, what if I accept this and go mad. Maybe I don't trust it will deliver. I understand that there is no control really, but that understanding does nothing to reduce the fear of uncertainty.
I really don't know what truth is. Is it true all this exists?


Ilona:
Of course this looks scary and sad. Let it be ok. It's just fear, your family is fine and nothing will change. Everything is already running perfect, no matter what thoughts say about it.

Now look at that fear.
Can you see that this is a mechanism of protection, that this fear is hiding something from being found out? Can you notice how perfectly it does it's job, can you respect and honour that mechanism. ?

Now look at it and just let the fear be, without fighting it, now look behind.

What is behind? What do you see?


Philip:
Yes! Yes! I can see how tenacious the fear is as you say it seems to be protecting something and constantly testing my resolve. The fear is very efficient Yes. At times it is so overwhelming and debilitating but wow reading your email I had a glimpse of the behind and I started laughing out loud, this was in an architects office where I work so strange to have that moment in such a stiff uptight environment. I will write some more tonight.

Ilona:
Great!
Yes, please write more tonight.
Answer this:
What needs to need protected?
Digg more here ;)


Philip:
My life as I know it needs protection, this sense of me in the world, it seems like a delicate balance of good and bad. I can see the absurdity of that because it just causes so much misery when things go more to the bad, but itslike I'm right in it . its seems impossible to see a way out with out everything crashing or me going mad. The glimpses I get are only that and the whole thing rolls back in again. When you said what is behind the fear I felt a very calm sense of peace like a clear sky behind a dark dust cloud and it seemed so obvious I laughed. Yet I feel great frustration at not really seeing this fully, then I ask who or what is frustrated, is I who is frustrated, who is seeing the frustration. I have been to the RT site and I like what they do there but I find I so easily turn things into theories ideas concepts and forumula. Ilona you blow me away, you don't know me for Adam yet you take the time for this. Why? I mean don't get me wrong it is truely wonderful but no one I know would do this not even my therapist or my wife, amazing!

Even the writing of this is being criticised by a voice in my head as being useless at times it really is a battle going on in there. I will write some more later in the day its 8.40am here and freezing.
Cheers


Ilona:
It's a great start we are having here, you busted through fear in no time. Yes, behind fear is nothing, peaceful silent nothing and yet it makes so much fuss in human lives.

We will go through this step by step and at the end it will all become clear.

Trust that. The process has started. Now you just need to notice, that it is happening already. All by itself.

I'll help you with frustration. No one is feeling, seeing or owning it. You can look and go mad and never find it. Just do the same as with fear, look right at frustration, look at the friction of beliefs and burning for the truth. It's there, showing the way forward. Just a feeling that rises up. Feelings come and go like thoughts, notice that and just let them be there.


Now I want you to look at real possibility that there is no manager in life at all.
What comes up?
Thoughts, feelings, just examine everything and look what else is there.


Why I do this? There is no gift greater than man's freedom. I just want to keep delivering it. :) or in over words, this is just happening as part of the flow.

The battle in the head will dissolve once we look at it, for now don't look at content, but what is going on in there:
Thoughts racing, charged with emotions.
All this is effortless. Can you see?


It's midnight here in sunny England.
:)

Philip:
Frustration. There is tension in that I sense I am very close I can smell the freedom yet ........can't even say what it is. All the knowing is done. Is it courage?

Ilona:
Frustration is good at this time, just go with it, let it be there. Notice that it's a feeling+ labeling of the mind.
What do you mean by "all knowing is done"?

Carry on Phillip. What is it.....?

Philip:
It is lightness of being. I have this lightness pervading everything its like the heaviness is lifting from the body. The' knowing' that is done, what I meant is that I don't feel the need at the moment to read anymore Tolle etc Which I have in the past. I have this sense of something falling away and as you say just letting it all happen I'm not in control how could I be, it just appears that way, but that is ok for the character Phil because that is his nature, appearance, just appearing and seeing that appearance. Cool!
Sorry I am unable to write more at the moment will continue

Ilona:
Dear Philip.
How is it going? Are you through?


Philip:
Ilona,

Yeah! I can see the possibility yet there is great deception and dishonesty. As much as I want so much to directly see this (do I?) the fear is doing a great job as well as wanting to please you, because you have transcended this, which is more 'me' I know. I could write a paper on this yet there is nothing shifting nothing direct. Mind on Mind on mind tricks. Fuck it! Years of crusty protection how do you break through that?
At times its seems like a great chasm. I want to be honest, yet when I wake up in sweat at 1 in the morning there is nothing to hold on to. Help!

Ilona:
Hi Philip.

Great to see you are back.
I was gonna come looking for you.

You can not see this, as there is no you. There is only seeing happening, seen, seer and the seeing being the same one thing.

Fear is just a mechanism that protects the illusion from being find out. It is doing great job, but if you look behind you see that there is nothing there, nothing needs to be protected.

You don't need to understand everything about the wall in order to demolish it, right, you just hammer it through. By looking at protection itself, how does it work, what does or do?

What do you see here?

No there is nothing to hold on, everything you think you know is useles here.
Because there is no one there that needs to hold on, only thoughts arising : "scary, there's nothing to hold on"

Who is thinking those thoughs? Or maybe they are just passing by as a result of clashing of different beliefs?

Investigate that. Who is thinking? What is behind thinking? What influences thoughts?

Thought does not think, it it true?


Philip:
Hey. Yes something more direct. During a Panic atack at 4am this morning I saw that it was just this dense ball of thought begging to be acknowledged and the beginings of the wall of fear. For the first time I had clarity to see it for what it was just another dense black cloud passing through not belonging to anyone. There is no ownership, ownership brings the burden of maintaining something, I sensed that the control I was so desperate for was not possible or necessary, when I gave it up its like the grip of fear was dimished, and it wasn't mine just fear. Its like the opening I have been looking for, the gate. Beyond that black cloud I could sense the clear sky. Sweet sweet taste. I feel like I can push it more


Ilona:
But who/what is there to push?
Is it not all just happening by itself? The unfoldment, manifestation of life in every moment? Experience + labelling of the mind is also part of everything. All happening without control.
Is it true, that there is no "I" to experience, that I is just a thought that passes by just like that cloud of fear without control? A thought preceding other thought and thought does not think.
Who is sensing, or is it just sense of freedom appearing in awareness?
Now it's soooo close!
............

How is everything looking today?

Philip:
The 'I' is an assumed identity referring to some centre or personal
source, my source. It’s full of me-ness precious me-ness. The organism
has unity but it has no centre the whole centre thing is impossible
where did it come from, how could you think that. It’s all part of a
whole organism all interrelated. There is still this sense of absence,
like a hollow emptiness that is both frightening and beautiful. There
is letting be but letting be by who? Does there need to be a doer, or
is there just doing. Each time the mind needs to refer to an author
and doer the 'I' has come in yet that is also seen. Each seeing
emanates that sense of relief but it’s more than that but I don't have
the word, like I said before all I can say is that it is a sweetness a
sweet sweetness. I can't seem to talk to others about this it always
sounds so clumsy and comes out like an awkward philosophy so I don't.
There is no thinking about or no doing just seeing and the me-ness
makes no sense it seems to need that support. Things as you say look
after themselves the brain drives the car very well, it even designs
the house and the me seems to come in later to want to make sense of
it, really very funny when it is seen. The world is so full of my this
and my that its hilarious.

Ilona:
I had to read what you wrote 3 times to get what you are saying. Yes it is difficult to express in words. But I see you are starting to see!! :)

Remember movie matrix, when neo gets out and he looks around and says- my eyes hurt, and the answer comes- you have never used them before...

So is with thinking and putting sentences together. When you look at life with fresh eyes, and have to find your own words to describe what you see.

Sweetness. I like this word.

Me-ness, define that, please. Can you look a bit more here, what is that?

And what is Philip?


Philip:
Thank you for being so patient. The me-ness is the concern for the
fictious 'I'. Its like say taking offence at being insulted when
someone judges or cricitises you, say reacts to what you said as being
'stupid'. The character Philip has learnt to defend the me-ness. But
what is the me-ness but just this construct of the story of the person
Philip. Yet the person the me-ness seems to have this mind of its own,
it reacts and come up with offence no matter what. that is the
frustration. I can see all this but it still goes on. Is this just the
process of dismantling or am I missing something.

Thank you so much Ilona.

Ilona:
If I get it right, your word me-ness is the glue that holds illusion together.

How is that glue these days, still strong and sticky or is it getting looser?

Philip:
Yeah! Nice, the glue is brittle and falling away as we speak like old
resin. When I see this it reminds me of when I was a child a very
familar sense and an.... 'of course' moment, its like as if I had been
lost in this wilderness for 50 years and just managed emerge from the
darkness but its like something I knew all along its very familar. The
character Philip still seems a bit lost and bewildered having to be in
the world.

Ilona:
It's ok, Philip is fine. Just that a huge chunks of belief has been knocked out, he needs a bit of time to rebalance.
Conditioning will keep falling off for a while, depending on how many stored beliefs are in the system.
To help this process you can look at the most precious beliefs closest to the heart. Just examine what is there, identify and release.

So what is real?
Is there a self in any shape or form in reality?

Please give me the answers. :)

Philip:
Hey Ilona,

Life is profoundly empty and meaningless and what a relief. Ultimately there is nothing in the ' this', it’s like the present is paper thin but really nothing it has no dimension.The brain fleshes it out to give the whole thing dimension and to make sense of it in terms of this separate me. The brain has learnt so much about being in the world and still conducts process with that knowledge but hey the difference is it’s not doing it for anyone it’s just doing it. There
is no need for someone to control things and make decisions in fact that would not be possible there is no control life is in free fall.
Its just that somehow somewhere along the line something has assumed ownership of intent and outcome, as you say its all on auto matic. The strictures of this assumption are so obvious and profoundly different its like being anally retentive your whole life, the sphincter muscle holding it all in, try to control the uncontrollable for all those years and for what? Limitation... Fresh and new my tinnitus stop for the first time this morning in twenty years just silence, sweet....
Belief... Philip believes in goodness and integrity in the love of his
family and doing his best. All ok but just tasks mapped out within a
limited perspective.

Its so utterly obvious the world seems mad inside this totally unecessary limitation. I was reminded of that song by Delamitri
'swimming with your boots on driving, with the brakes on'

Thank you Sweet Ilona in the emptiness you helped me see.

Ilona:
You are most welcome, Philip.
I'm so glad you looked and saw it. Thank you so much.
And welcome to the living free.

With love.
Ilona


............