Direct Pointing Session at The Wilbury Clinic

I have been invited by my friends from Liberation Unleashed to The Wilbury Clinic to hold a workshop with therapists. It was very interesting to guide people that haven't heard about LU movement, nor were familiar with what this no self stuff is about. It was really nice to meet open minded group, that were curious enough to dive into to the unknown.

At the start there was some fear, but as the session progressed people relaxed more and more. They were keen on looking and examining, the session was long, intense, but it was very enjoyable; it was full of pointers, exercises, looking through different angles. All participants were engaging and it was delightful to be able to share this once again.

My deep appreciation for Vajralila and Sudakini for bringing therapy and Direct Pointing together. These women are doing a great job, helping those in need, to find their way to clarity and out of suffering. Their clinic is beautiful, welcoming and light. The uniqueness of that clinic lies in non dualistic aproach to clients and their needs. It is inspiring how both Vajralila and Sudakini together created space that attracts more therapist, workshops, meetings with teachers. It has been just over a year when I had conversations with both of them and they crashed the gateless gate. Now they guide too...

You can listen to the recording of Direct Pointing session here and please pass it on to a friend that may be interested.

Images

       
One of tricky parts while looking for the mysterious "I" is to recognise what is real and what is imaginary. By real I mean that, which is here, you believe in it or not. Like this table, or computer or your fingers on keyboard pressing the keys. The sensation of breath coming in an out, the tingling feeling in the back, that, which is experienced. 

An image is mind created, it is not real, it can twist and change in a breath and can only be found in imagination. Close your eyes and recreate the room where you are sitting now together with your body in a chair and all that is around it. The image may be vivid, may be blurry, it may have a homely feel to it or be full of judgement about how bad this space is, but it is all just in imagination. When you open your eyes, the space is filled with things and you can go and touch them, feel them and compare to imagined things. 

When you remember something from the past, you see an image in the mind, then thoughts flow and tell a story, what was happening, how it felt, what came out of it. The past is made up of images and so is the future. Imagine yourself in  three years. Immediately mind starts constructing an image of some wants and wishes, hopes that this or that will be different, wining a lottery perhaps, and also fears that it may all go wrong. The feeling that gets triggered by the image is felt and is a real sensation which is arising in the now, regardless if the image is made up. The thought feeling connection is always at work.

Imagine you have a visitor. Someone you really like a lot comes to this room now and sits next to you, gives you a hug. The feeling is pleasant and you want it to last, perhaps mind goes on daydreaming, creating more images that have this pleasant, heart warming effect. 

Body reacts to real and to imaginary. It does not know the difference. If mind is holding a scary image of danger the body will tense up. Other day I was trimming a bush and I saw lots of bugs, that triggered a reaction of jumping off, but all it was a slightly different colouring on the branch, the body reacted as it was real, as strongly as if it was. 

The image of me is not a me. It appears as something real, something that needs to be protected and looked after, something that needs to manage life of me. But as soon as you start looking if there is reality behind that image, it becomes clear, that this 'me' is completely made up. There is no evidence in reality, that me is more then an image. If I asked you to touch that which you call "me", could you? Would you be touching chest or head? How about hearing that me, can you hear it now? 

People go around their lives lost in the mind, the now, that which is, is covered by a thick blanket of mental fog. The imaginary world seems to be more important than what is here, right now. Just notice, how whatever body does, it does regardless what images you are engaged in. There is a whole wold of experiencing right here, unnoticed, unappreciated, only because the images of past or future are taking the whole focus leaving only a tiny bit on what is actually happening . Mindful being is replaced by being in the mind. 

Do you care what others think of you? Do you try to protect the image of you, so your friends would think about you this way and not the other? Does it hurt if someone else's image of you is not what you would like your image to be perceived as? Do you get depressed and suffer over imaginary stuff? There really is no need for that at all. 

The mind itself knows, that images are not reality, but somehow it tricks itself into believing it otherwise and is working so hard and intensely to keep them images safe. As if an image can get hurt of something. 

Try this: close your eyes and see your body dead. Shocking? No? Look at that image from different angles, see it from eyes of another, perhaps your mum. Feel whatever comes up and notice how this image affects the body. Besides the feelings, does it affect anything else? The table, the chair, the screen is still here, nothing goes anywhere, the body is sitting comfortably too. The image is not reality. It can not affect what is. But it has a very big impact on how you feel. And how do you feel if there is no story going on in the head- relaxed, at peace,  joyful... like holiday...

The goal here is not to get rid of images, but to recognise that images and reality are NOT THE SAME. Then images can no longer create tensions in the body and as a result you can live more relaxed life and enjoy it. Then less and less images about past or future show up in the now. You don't need to worry about stuff that may or may not happen. 

When images are seen for what they are- mind created postcards of past or future, not to be taken seriously, mind relaxes. There is nothing that can happen to an image off a me. It is indestructible, same way that Batman can not die, neither can you as both are purely in imagination. :) Can you see that? 

What is here now experienced by senses is also an image created by the mind, but here now the imaginary me is not present. It belongs to the realm of daydream, fairy tales and fantasy world. We can tell stories about me but stories and reality are not to be mixed up if you want to see life as it is. Not as you imagine it to be. 

Imagination is a powerful creative force, love it, respect it, but please, check for yourself, if you live your life lost in a head and are missing what is really going on.  There might be a whole new world waiting to be discovered. One that is right under your nose, so obvious and so overlooked. 

Images from www.fredrikodman.com

LU London Meeting

I'm really pleased to announce that I'm organizing first live meeting.

Saturday, 12th of May 2012, 

12:00- 4:00pm at 

Friends Meeting House in Hampstead, London

120 Heath Street
Hampstead
London NW3 1DR 

Public Transport: Hampstead Tube Station (Northern line, Edgware branch).
Buses 210 or 268 to Whitestone Road.
Parking: Along the roads. Parking spaces are scarce in Hampstead but resident's parking does not apply on Sundays.

map

If you have participated in many satsangs and retreats and still think that there is something missing, here is your chance to see it once and for all- there is no self. With seeing that in your own experience, the search for I drops and you are free to explore what life is really about. By using Direct Pointing Method developed together with other members at Liberation Unleashed, I will help you see by pointing where to look. We won't be talking about it, we are going to question all that is in the way of this simple, yet profound truth.

If you are ready, then come to this meeting and see what all Buddhas are talking about.

Here is an opportunity to meet other friends from Liberation Unleashed. If you have seen through illusion of separate self or not, everyone is invited.

Looking forward to it. :)

There Is Nothing To Be Understood

Dear Ilona

Can you help me and guide me all the way to see the truth?

I wrote down "there is no self in reality at all" and I felt relief and freedom in my heart. But, seconds after, I felt a little bit confused... I felt little bit of resistance.

I see a body, I see fingers tapping, but I'm thinking and writing "I" again...

I'm going for a walk in nature now, and see what happens...

See you...

With love!

Daniela 

Hi Daniela,

Thank you for writing and thank you for wanting to go all the way through.

 

Tell me, what is I?

Is it I that moves the body?

Is it I that feels?

Is it I that thinks thoughts?

Can you find I in real life? Where can you find it? What is it and what is behind?

Just answer these questions honestly and precisely. When you are ready. 

Much love.

Thank you, Ilona.

I went outside for a walk, and observe everything around me with my 5 senses and then, suddenly, a deep breath came along and I felt peace inside. Then I felt a hudge will of screaming and crying, but I was not angry or sad... it was very weird.

Tell me, what is I?

I don´t know what is I. is a label... a word to express a body, a mind, feelings.

Is it I that moves the body?

No it isn't... the body moves and lives without "my commands".

Is it I that feels?

What about feelings... the body feels.

Is it I that thinks thoughts?

The mind thinks thoughts... when I (body) feel bad, I question the thoughts and dont believe in them... and the bad feeling goes away.

Can you find I in real life? Where can you find it? What is it and what is behind?

I only can find "I" in the mind, like a thought... but can´t see the mind.

it seems like "I" is getting in the way of something bigger and great, it seems like "I" is wanting attention.

Can you help me and guide me all the way to see the truth?

...............

I wrote down "there is no self in reality at all" and I felt relief and freedom in my heart. But, seconds after, I felt a little bit confused... I felt little bit of resistance.

I see a body, I see fingers tapping, but I'm thinking and writing "I" again...

I'm going for a walk in nature now, and see what happens...

see you...

I woke up in the middle of the night and this thought pop up: "there is nothing to be understood... just let life be, let life flow and step aside."

Good one, Daniela! There is nothing to understand. Step aside! Great instructions from your brain.

Now is there anything that needs to step aside? is there a you other than a thought?

I tell you- there is not! 

You cannot understand simply because there is no you to understand. There is understanding happening, but it's happening to no one. it is just an experience appearing in this moment.

Look right here: is there a reader somewhere inside that reads these words? is there some understander? is there a you? Or is this just that, reading, understanding happening as a flow of life right now?

What comes up here?

Great answers here, Daniela. You are getting close!

> I only can find "I" in the mind, like a thought... but can´t see the mind.

> it seems like "I" is getting in the way of something bigger and great, it seems like "I" is wanting attention.

Word mind is only a word pointing to thought, thought processes and thinking itself. There is no mind other than that.

I is also a word pointing to imagined being, but there is no being. Only life itself.

I can not get in a way, it's empty.

Conditioning, believing otherwise is getting in a way. Need to clear the thinking and it will all become visible and obvious. 

Can we get back to the feeling? When you really look if it's true, that there is no you at all, only body/mind/brain operating and making decisions by itself, how does that feel? 

Co you sense any discomfort? Fear? Uneasiness? Just look inside at the feelings and report what you find.

Now is there anything that needs to step aside? is there a you other than a thought?

it is only a thought.

    Look right here: is there a reader somewhere inside that reads these words?

    There is only the experience of reading.

    

    Is there some understander? is there a you? Or is this just that, reading, understanding happening as a flow of life right now?

    No. No. Yes.

    What comes up here?

    Presence. Life being.

Need to clear the thinking and it will all become visible and obvious. 

I doesn't exist. The only thing that exists is life expressing itself through a body.

    When you really look if it's true, that there is no you at all, only body/mind/brain operating and making decisions by itself, how does that feel? 

    First I felt doubt and uneasiness. And a little bit of fear too... but then another thought pop up: "Life is wise and intelligent! Trust life"

    (",) And it feels free!!

     Just look inside at the feelings and report what you find.

"Trust Life, trust life..." Wow!!

Now I relax and became feeling warm inside, light (weightless), joy... tears of joy.

is that really so simple Ilona?

it is really that simple!!!

it can't be simpler than that.  

Life just is. 

How does it feel to be liberated? 

:))it is something I want to remember and feel every second.

Have no words to describe it... it feels sweet, just like a child playing happy.

Eternally grateful,

Much Love!

Awesome, Daniela. Just awesome. I'm soo delighted for you.  So much appreciation here :))))

I have a few questions for you and if seeing happened, it will be easy to answer. Let it settle in a bit and write when you are ready :

1. What is self? How does it operate? Has there ever been a self?

2. What is Daniela? Look at the character, describe how that works.

3. What is real?

4.  Is there a you, at all, anywhere, in any way, shape or form?

5. What was it that pushed you over? Can you describe what happened.

Before answering your questions, allow me to write down something that seems relevant:

    When "I" relax - and let life be - 2 powerful thoughts pop up:

    1. "there is nothing to be understood... just let life be, let life flow and step aside."

    2. "Life is wise and intelligent! Trust life"

    

    

    From where did come those 2 thoughts that pop up and made me felt peaceful?

    There must be a wise mind shared by all, and that wise mind is life it self...

     Could the source of life be a peaceful, loving and wise mind shared by all?

Where do thoughts come from?

These thoughts came from exactly same place like every other.

And yes, there is intelligence working here. Look at evolution. Every life form is adapting, evolving, mutating. Human too :) it's not separate from life, it's expression of life. Life is living itself not through us but as us.

How does it look from where you are?

How would you answer this?

Dear Ilona, from here it seems like this:

The source of life is one wise Mind, peaceful, joyful and loving. And the source of life did not create this world.

There is no evolution, no illumination. Life, like is source, is perfect and complete just the way it is.

imagine the Mind being the sun, and the life being the rays of the sun, the sunshine. Life is connected with the Mind and life is also peace, love, and joy.

We are life, we are already complete, sinless and perfect. Life is one with the Mind (life is expressing as our mind and our mind it is not in the brain or is not limited by the body). We have no physical form and we are all connected. The parts have the all and the all have the parts.

But somehow along the way, we play along and forgot who we are... we forgot that we are life (peace, love and joy) connected to the wise Mind. Somehow along the way, we begin believing we are separated minds and feeling guilty of being separated from the wise Mind. And we project that feeling inside in others outside. And what we project we perceive. it seems like a vicious cycle created by a virus in the mind - the thought of separation.

We also believe that thoughts have no power. (But mind creates with thoughts. Thoughts become feelings and actions). We believe that what is perfect can become imperfect. And even worst, we believe that we can control and change life. And finally, we believe the self is real... the limited, imperfect, guilty little self always looking outside for attention to feel value. And we created this virtual world based upon projection of the unconscious feeling of guilt and limitation inside of us. The self does not exist, ok... but as long as many minds BELiEVE in it, it becomes a virtual reality where we believe we are living. I think Henry Ford said that: "if you think you can do a thing or think you can't do a thing, you're right." Our beliefs controls our biology.

Our free will is not about choosing our destination. Our free will is about to choose between listen the thoughts of the wise Mind or the thoughts of the self. The thoughts of the Mind bring us peace and no doubt, makes as feel good and big in our heart, is our intuition, our inspiration. They share and expand love. The wise Mind is in our unconscious mind, just waiting to be heard.

The thoughts of the self creates fear. And this is a virtual world created by the self. The world is virtual because the self is also virtual, it does not exist. Yet, we believe in it. And whatever a mind believe, it becomes! The mind is creative and powerful. We are powerful behind limits and an infinite field of possibilities. And we can do miracles if we let the wise Mind express as us!

Later I will answer your 5 questions...

Hi Daniela,

Please answer the questions. :)

as for your nice letter, life is not just love and peace. it's everything included. Totality of everything. When a wolf is catching a fluffy rabbit to feed her babies it's just life. it is also cruel, dark and painful. if you think that it's all love peace and joy you are only looking at one side, not at a whole picture.

Also, there is no free will....

But please focus first on question, then we can talk more.

Will be looking forward to your answers.

Much love!! 

......................

1. What is self? How does it operate? Has there ever been a self?

Self is a constant thought, imagination. it takes the conciousness away from the present moment where life is expressing. No, there never has been a self, only life and experiences. Self is like a virtual reality.

2. What is Daniela? Look at the character, describe how that works.

Daniela is life expressing as a mind/body. Daniela is life expressing and living experiences like all the millions of possible characters. Daniela is life playing.

3. what is real?

All this world is an illusion. Real is life expressing as everything there is... can´t see life just experience life

4.  is there a you, at all, anywhere, in any way, shape or form?

No there isn´t.

5. What was it, that pushed you over? Can you describe what happened.

When "I" relax - and let life be - 2 powerful thoughts pop up:

1. "there is nothing to be understood... just let life be, let life flow and step aside."

2. "Life is wise and intelligent! Trust life."

thoughts are imagination, they're not real, so nothing real really happened, just life playing around.

 Great! Thank you. 

One thing I want to talk to you about is reality.

You said that this world is an illusion. I say that this world is real. It does not disappear if you stop believing in it. It’s real experience, real feelings, real thoughts, real trees, real body, real character Daniela. It’s all real. What is illusion is the 'self' or I as a separate entity.

Look around and feel the reality of what is. Get in touch with real things, real earth, real everything. No matter what it is made of. it is here now. Life.

We are not, but life is. Can you see life living it's life? Existence of existence?

Can you see? When you look at your hand, what do you see? Atoms, illusion or a real hand that is always here, same hand ageing and changing, but real.

And look at the character a bit deeper, can you see how beautiful Daniela is. it's a real character! Like batman, real fiction. Real illusion.

My Dear Ilona, thank you for staying with this with me... it has been interesting letting life flow, letting just things be as they are without the blá blá blá's I. it feels good being in the present moment... and observe all the beliefs that the "I" that doesn't exist believes!!!

You said that this world is an illusion. I say that this world is real. it does not disappear if you stop believing in it. it's real experience, real feelings, real thoughts, real trees, real body, real character Daniela. it's all real. What is illusion is the 'self' or I as a separate entity.

Right. The self or I as a separate entity is an illusion. The world is life expressing as us humans, animals, plants, minerals, water, air, fire, earth... and that's real life.

    Yes, life simply is. Life living as us, experience life.

    Can you see? When you look at your hand, what do you see? Atoms, illusion or a real hand that is always here, same hand ageing and changing, but real.

    Can´t see atoms... can see a real hand.

Thank you!!

I see that you are through :)

Life looks different now for sure.

Thank you!

Do you have any more question, anything I can help you with?

if so- shoot.

if not, may I use this for the blog, I'm sure your words, your process will help many others to see this simple truth. Are you ok with using your name Daniela or do you want me to use something else?

Also, as things come up after seeing, since life does not stop here, but carries on as usual, there might be some times when you need some support. Email me. Anytime. As well there is a group on Facebook called 'enlightened people' find me on fb and I'll invite you there. it's only people who saw through the illusion and it's great help when/ if needed. 

So much love and appreciation here. 

Thank you.  Dear ilona!

Thank you! You can use my name Daniela, yes, that's ok.

Let me make a summary of what I learn:

There is no separated "I". We are all one life... we are all one.

The "secret" is to live in the present moment, observe, allow life to flow, and don't believe in all thoughts.

I have some questions and some practical doubts, if you will to answer me, I'll be glad:

in the last e-maill you said that life "is also cruel, dark and painful." How do you feel with that thought?

When thoughts made you feel bad or when something shakes you really bad, or when you see something that bothers, how do you overcome that situation? Just accepting that life is that?

And do you know:

How mind works? Conscious and unconscious? Where is the mind? We know the brain is in the body, we see him. We know brain is like an antenna that captures thoughts... but where thoughts come from?

And if  "Every life form is adapting, evolving, mutating." how does life evolves? Life is learning? Life is learning as us?

And why do you say "there is no free will...."?

Great love for you

you can answer all your questions no since you saw that there is no self. :) you can look at everything that you know with fresh look and see if what you know is really true. only illusion burns. that which is real stays untouched. try it.

 In the last e-mail you said that life "is also cruel, dark and painful." How do you feel with that thought?

Totality includes everything. It’s not just joy, its pain too. When you look and see, that there is no being behind the I, look at other people, are there other beings behind I? How about the rapist, or pedophile, how about somebody who murders people for pleasure? is there a separate being in there? Hitler? There is darkness, there is light and everything in between, but there is no separate beings.. One life. One confusion in the one mind... don't be afraid to look at darkness.

 

    When thoughts made you feel bad or when something shakes you really bad, or when you see something that bothers, how do you overcome that situation? Just accepting that life is that?

it has been a while since I seen it and layers of beliefs have fallen off... I don't feel bad anymore. when I get shaken by life (very very rarely, almost none) it's just blank inside. no feeling that it's good or bad, just nothing. otherwise anything that seems to go around, does not touch the imaginary I, so nothing bothers. it's a lot to do with intentional clearing of debris. like after tsunami, there is lots of rubble and dead bodies, all takes time to clean up. trusting life, trusting truth, having faith in truth is like a weapon to clear the path to complete ease of living. also it helps when you try to free others. it gives you a chance to look at the illusion and cut it out. by helping others, you help Daniela too. ( sounds bizarre, but true.)

    

    And do you know:

    How mind works? Conscious and unconscious? Where is the mind? We know the brain is in the body, we see him. We know brain is like an antenna that captures thoughts... but where thoughts come from?

    

    And if  "Every life form is adapting, evolving, mutating." how does life evolves? Life is learning? Life is learning as us?

life is alive. everything that is alive evolves. changes. birth life death.. see if you can notice that around.

    

    And why do you say "there is no free will...."?

who is there to choose?

Dear Ilona!
 

I am aware that what i see outside is what is inside: we are all one, no boundaries... I’m not afraid to look at the dark, Ilona. I don't believe that there is darkness. I see it and feel it but i don’t believe it´s real. But I still feel and bother... and when ever darkness come: fear, anger, hate, sadness inside, in me or in others, i let it come, don't think about it, don´t judge it, just let it come, and show it the light.

I'm not afraid... i can make darkness disappear in minutes and turn it in peace. Peace comes along in a few minutes. That´s a little miracle i do when i remember and have faith in the truth. The darkness is just a mistake in the one mind. I do my part to correct it, cleaning it up in "my" mind. I use the light to do that. And if light undo darkness, darkness is an illusion.

For me darkness is just absence of light, it as no source, is an illusion. Just like cold is absence of heat... you bring heat and cold disappears. You bring darkness to light and darkness disappears.

I agree with you, there are no separate beings. I agree with you about the confusion in the one mind...

But I don't agree with you when you say there is no being. For me there is one being. Just one being, one mind. For me, the illusion is the existence of darkness, you see? Whenever i see darkness, i make a little miracle: in a few minutes i use the light and undo darkness in "my" mind, in the one mind. That´s how i help!

But, like you said, I can look at everything that I know with fresh look and see if what I know is really true. 

I will do it...

Trusting life, trusting truth, having faith in truth is like a weapon to clear the path to complete ease of living.

I will trust more in life, yes!! Have to remember that always, thank you!! (",)

it gives you a chance to look at the illusion and cut it out. by helping others, you help Daniela too.

It sounds perfect to me, dear Ilona!!

                                                                                                                                               

You are a natural alchemist! Love you.

Yes, keep transforming darkness :) 

Same here. 

Only, I see the others. The ones that are still separate, confused in the mind, that's why I do what I do, to bring the end to illusion so one being can be free. Even though there is no one here, liberation IS happening. 

Helping others around is helping the one. 

I'd love a massage! You must be giving best massages ;)

Love you too!

Love your work!

I see others too! (",)

When you want to come to Portugal, call me here!

We can meet; I’ll give u a massage!  

I love massages too.. When i do it, one hour seems like 10 minutes to me!

Have an excellent day,

Extremely grateful and happy to know you,

Daniela

few days later:

Hi Ilonai

I´m going fine, thanks. It seems like i'm learning to live again! The moments of confusion are followed by moments of livid clarity. yes, there was a huge shift and many synchronicities occur. Now 'im home.

It Was Intense for Philip, But He Made It Through.

Philip:
Dear Ilona,

I love reading the conversational posts on your blog, you come accross as very patient and understanding yet don't allow any bullshit to slip by. I'm a fifty five year old man living in Australia and like Bedri I have been inquirying into this for many years and have a great deal of conceptual understanding of the illusion of self. Yet I have not seen it directly. Do you think that possibly some like myself are just simply unable go beyond that point?

Cheers


Ilona:
Thanks for email.
It is possible that the wall of knowing is so thick that simple thing is not visible.

Like in bedri's case, it took a month to make a hole in the concepts to allow the possibility of looking. Once looking starts it is simple, but to get to that point one needs to be ready to look at everything with fresh eyes.

Are you ready? I can help.

Philip:
Thanks for that Ilona,

It would be great if I could get some help.

At times I think so deeply about this my mind seems to seek revenge; it wakes me up at 2am with thoughts of unsolvable puzzles which trigger panic attacks. During the waking hours I have been meditating on the notion that everything is as it should be and could not be any other way, so I should give up any resistence to what is and go along with what ever comes up even the panic thoughts. This does work to a degree but not to shift anything in a lasting way, maybe it is just another theory or technique? Anxiety about what may happen in the future dominates most of my thinking and as you say it seems very thick and strong. The simple seeing seems very illusive.

Ilona:

No, it's not just another theory or technique. This is one time seeing and you done. What is seen, can not be unseen, just the same way as you can never believe that Santa is real.

It's not about fighting resistance, it's about clearing up crap inside that clashes and creates that resistance.
We are not looking here for new belief, but simple truth.

You know, truth will set you free.


What I want you to do is answer me with 100% honesty and only then, when the answer feels right. No rush, but when I point to look, really look.

So now look at the real possibility that there is no you in real life. That all is going by itself without a manager.

Look inside and tell me, what feeling comes up, do you recognise fear, resistance, frustration, what is it?

Describe what you see.

Philip:
Hey Ilona,

When I consider the possibillity that there is no me there is a great fear and saddness that arrises a feeling that I will loose my family and all that I have become. It seems far too unknown, to give into, what if I accept this and go mad. Maybe I don't trust it will deliver. I understand that there is no control really, but that understanding does nothing to reduce the fear of uncertainty.
I really don't know what truth is. Is it true all this exists?


Ilona:
Of course this looks scary and sad. Let it be ok. It's just fear, your family is fine and nothing will change. Everything is already running perfect, no matter what thoughts say about it.

Now look at that fear.
Can you see that this is a mechanism of protection, that this fear is hiding something from being found out? Can you notice how perfectly it does it's job, can you respect and honour that mechanism. ?

Now look at it and just let the fear be, without fighting it, now look behind.

What is behind? What do you see?


Philip:
Yes! Yes! I can see how tenacious the fear is as you say it seems to be protecting something and constantly testing my resolve. The fear is very efficient Yes. At times it is so overwhelming and debilitating but wow reading your email I had a glimpse of the behind and I started laughing out loud, this was in an architects office where I work so strange to have that moment in such a stiff uptight environment. I will write some more tonight.

Ilona:
Great!
Yes, please write more tonight.
Answer this:
What needs to need protected?
Digg more here ;)


Philip:
My life as I know it needs protection, this sense of me in the world, it seems like a delicate balance of good and bad. I can see the absurdity of that because it just causes so much misery when things go more to the bad, but itslike I'm right in it . its seems impossible to see a way out with out everything crashing or me going mad. The glimpses I get are only that and the whole thing rolls back in again. When you said what is behind the fear I felt a very calm sense of peace like a clear sky behind a dark dust cloud and it seemed so obvious I laughed. Yet I feel great frustration at not really seeing this fully, then I ask who or what is frustrated, is I who is frustrated, who is seeing the frustration. I have been to the RT site and I like what they do there but I find I so easily turn things into theories ideas concepts and forumula. Ilona you blow me away, you don't know me for Adam yet you take the time for this. Why? I mean don't get me wrong it is truely wonderful but no one I know would do this not even my therapist or my wife, amazing!

Even the writing of this is being criticised by a voice in my head as being useless at times it really is a battle going on in there. I will write some more later in the day its 8.40am here and freezing.
Cheers


Ilona:
It's a great start we are having here, you busted through fear in no time. Yes, behind fear is nothing, peaceful silent nothing and yet it makes so much fuss in human lives.

We will go through this step by step and at the end it will all become clear.

Trust that. The process has started. Now you just need to notice, that it is happening already. All by itself.

I'll help you with frustration. No one is feeling, seeing or owning it. You can look and go mad and never find it. Just do the same as with fear, look right at frustration, look at the friction of beliefs and burning for the truth. It's there, showing the way forward. Just a feeling that rises up. Feelings come and go like thoughts, notice that and just let them be there.


Now I want you to look at real possibility that there is no manager in life at all.
What comes up?
Thoughts, feelings, just examine everything and look what else is there.


Why I do this? There is no gift greater than man's freedom. I just want to keep delivering it. :) or in over words, this is just happening as part of the flow.

The battle in the head will dissolve once we look at it, for now don't look at content, but what is going on in there:
Thoughts racing, charged with emotions.
All this is effortless. Can you see?


It's midnight here in sunny England.
:)

Philip:
Frustration. There is tension in that I sense I am very close I can smell the freedom yet ........can't even say what it is. All the knowing is done. Is it courage?

Ilona:
Frustration is good at this time, just go with it, let it be there. Notice that it's a feeling+ labeling of the mind.
What do you mean by "all knowing is done"?

Carry on Phillip. What is it.....?

Philip:
It is lightness of being. I have this lightness pervading everything its like the heaviness is lifting from the body. The' knowing' that is done, what I meant is that I don't feel the need at the moment to read anymore Tolle etc Which I have in the past. I have this sense of something falling away and as you say just letting it all happen I'm not in control how could I be, it just appears that way, but that is ok for the character Phil because that is his nature, appearance, just appearing and seeing that appearance. Cool!
Sorry I am unable to write more at the moment will continue

Ilona:
Dear Philip.
How is it going? Are you through?


Philip:
Ilona,

Yeah! I can see the possibility yet there is great deception and dishonesty. As much as I want so much to directly see this (do I?) the fear is doing a great job as well as wanting to please you, because you have transcended this, which is more 'me' I know. I could write a paper on this yet there is nothing shifting nothing direct. Mind on Mind on mind tricks. Fuck it! Years of crusty protection how do you break through that?
At times its seems like a great chasm. I want to be honest, yet when I wake up in sweat at 1 in the morning there is nothing to hold on to. Help!

Ilona:
Hi Philip.

Great to see you are back.
I was gonna come looking for you.

You can not see this, as there is no you. There is only seeing happening, seen, seer and the seeing being the same one thing.

Fear is just a mechanism that protects the illusion from being find out. It is doing great job, but if you look behind you see that there is nothing there, nothing needs to be protected.

You don't need to understand everything about the wall in order to demolish it, right, you just hammer it through. By looking at protection itself, how does it work, what does or do?

What do you see here?

No there is nothing to hold on, everything you think you know is useles here.
Because there is no one there that needs to hold on, only thoughts arising : "scary, there's nothing to hold on"

Who is thinking those thoughs? Or maybe they are just passing by as a result of clashing of different beliefs?

Investigate that. Who is thinking? What is behind thinking? What influences thoughts?

Thought does not think, it it true?


Philip:
Hey. Yes something more direct. During a Panic atack at 4am this morning I saw that it was just this dense ball of thought begging to be acknowledged and the beginings of the wall of fear. For the first time I had clarity to see it for what it was just another dense black cloud passing through not belonging to anyone. There is no ownership, ownership brings the burden of maintaining something, I sensed that the control I was so desperate for was not possible or necessary, when I gave it up its like the grip of fear was dimished, and it wasn't mine just fear. Its like the opening I have been looking for, the gate. Beyond that black cloud I could sense the clear sky. Sweet sweet taste. I feel like I can push it more


Ilona:
But who/what is there to push?
Is it not all just happening by itself? The unfoldment, manifestation of life in every moment? Experience + labelling of the mind is also part of everything. All happening without control.
Is it true, that there is no "I" to experience, that I is just a thought that passes by just like that cloud of fear without control? A thought preceding other thought and thought does not think.
Who is sensing, or is it just sense of freedom appearing in awareness?
Now it's soooo close!
............

How is everything looking today?

Philip:
The 'I' is an assumed identity referring to some centre or personal
source, my source. It’s full of me-ness precious me-ness. The organism
has unity but it has no centre the whole centre thing is impossible
where did it come from, how could you think that. It’s all part of a
whole organism all interrelated. There is still this sense of absence,
like a hollow emptiness that is both frightening and beautiful. There
is letting be but letting be by who? Does there need to be a doer, or
is there just doing. Each time the mind needs to refer to an author
and doer the 'I' has come in yet that is also seen. Each seeing
emanates that sense of relief but it’s more than that but I don't have
the word, like I said before all I can say is that it is a sweetness a
sweet sweetness. I can't seem to talk to others about this it always
sounds so clumsy and comes out like an awkward philosophy so I don't.
There is no thinking about or no doing just seeing and the me-ness
makes no sense it seems to need that support. Things as you say look
after themselves the brain drives the car very well, it even designs
the house and the me seems to come in later to want to make sense of
it, really very funny when it is seen. The world is so full of my this
and my that its hilarious.

Ilona:
I had to read what you wrote 3 times to get what you are saying. Yes it is difficult to express in words. But I see you are starting to see!! :)

Remember movie matrix, when neo gets out and he looks around and says- my eyes hurt, and the answer comes- you have never used them before...

So is with thinking and putting sentences together. When you look at life with fresh eyes, and have to find your own words to describe what you see.

Sweetness. I like this word.

Me-ness, define that, please. Can you look a bit more here, what is that?

And what is Philip?


Philip:
Thank you for being so patient. The me-ness is the concern for the
fictious 'I'. Its like say taking offence at being insulted when
someone judges or cricitises you, say reacts to what you said as being
'stupid'. The character Philip has learnt to defend the me-ness. But
what is the me-ness but just this construct of the story of the person
Philip. Yet the person the me-ness seems to have this mind of its own,
it reacts and come up with offence no matter what. that is the
frustration. I can see all this but it still goes on. Is this just the
process of dismantling or am I missing something.

Thank you so much Ilona.

Ilona:
If I get it right, your word me-ness is the glue that holds illusion together.

How is that glue these days, still strong and sticky or is it getting looser?

Philip:
Yeah! Nice, the glue is brittle and falling away as we speak like old
resin. When I see this it reminds me of when I was a child a very
familar sense and an.... 'of course' moment, its like as if I had been
lost in this wilderness for 50 years and just managed emerge from the
darkness but its like something I knew all along its very familar. The
character Philip still seems a bit lost and bewildered having to be in
the world.

Ilona:
It's ok, Philip is fine. Just that a huge chunks of belief has been knocked out, he needs a bit of time to rebalance.
Conditioning will keep falling off for a while, depending on how many stored beliefs are in the system.
To help this process you can look at the most precious beliefs closest to the heart. Just examine what is there, identify and release.

So what is real?
Is there a self in any shape or form in reality?

Please give me the answers. :)

Philip:
Hey Ilona,

Life is profoundly empty and meaningless and what a relief. Ultimately there is nothing in the ' this', it’s like the present is paper thin but really nothing it has no dimension.The brain fleshes it out to give the whole thing dimension and to make sense of it in terms of this separate me. The brain has learnt so much about being in the world and still conducts process with that knowledge but hey the difference is it’s not doing it for anyone it’s just doing it. There
is no need for someone to control things and make decisions in fact that would not be possible there is no control life is in free fall.
Its just that somehow somewhere along the line something has assumed ownership of intent and outcome, as you say its all on auto matic. The strictures of this assumption are so obvious and profoundly different its like being anally retentive your whole life, the sphincter muscle holding it all in, try to control the uncontrollable for all those years and for what? Limitation... Fresh and new my tinnitus stop for the first time this morning in twenty years just silence, sweet....
Belief... Philip believes in goodness and integrity in the love of his
family and doing his best. All ok but just tasks mapped out within a
limited perspective.

Its so utterly obvious the world seems mad inside this totally unecessary limitation. I was reminded of that song by Delamitri
'swimming with your boots on driving, with the brakes on'

Thank you Sweet Ilona in the emptiness you helped me see.

Ilona:
You are most welcome, Philip.
I'm so glad you looked and saw it. Thank you so much.
And welcome to the living free.

With love.
Ilona


............

So Obvious, So Overlooked

H:
Have been reading your blog and your posts on the No-Facebook page (and elsewhere) - hence this friend request.

I:
Lovely to meet you H.

H:
And you I'm intrigued by the work you're doing, and look forward to learning more.

I:
Great, read some conversations on my blog, it is covered now from many angles, and it's not about learning, rather looking for yourself to find out what is really going on.
Please let me know if you need a helping hand. Always ready to help

Much love.

H:
Appreciate that very much - and i think i've read all of them Something's shifting a bit - just off to do a bit more 'looking' - but there's something in what i've read in those conversations that has touched off something. Thanks again!

I:
I know, that's how it works, by reading them you check stuff inside and shifts starts. It is happening right now.
Do you see?

H:
it's a bit of a shock, to be honest ... this is very weird. Needing to just sit with this - feeling totally 'spaced out' - can't think of a better way to put it.

I:
Relax, all good, all is great actually, just notice the obvious. Life is going on by itself, without a driver. Fun ride!
Write what you see when you're ready. x

H:
Okay - seeing a mess of ideas and concepts and complete rubbish floating around - seeing this 'me' and 'I' are just labels that don't mean anything. Thoughts just floating around and not 'catching'. Like being in a surrealist painting. Very detached ... feeling the 'me' sense like a ghost in the head.

I:
Ok, just focus here a bit: what does thought I point to?

H:
Coming up a total blank. There is nothing there. It doesn't seem to exist except as a kind of idea ... funny, just came back on FB - good timing
The thought 'I' seems designed to point to a separate entity - outside of body/mind/spirit whatever - outside of biology/physiology - but that seems impossible.

I:
Of course it seems as this is what we have been led to belief all our life. But is it true? That is the question, which I'd like to to examine further.
Does life need a manager? Does cat needs a manager? Do trees need managers? What about human?

H:
No - noticing that the grass grows, the weeds, the sun appears, the rain - the cats and dogs are cats and dogs without any instruction leaflet on how to be a dog or a cat ... yes, seeing that (there are four dogs in the room right now - all quite comfortable. That's seen - but who's seeing it?

I:
No body is seeing it. It is all just happening.
By itself.
Life is.

Separate self isn't.

H:
Yes ... seems so impossible and yet, that's what's happening. It's utterly impersonal. All these years and years of failing to see this basic mistaken assumption. And all those 'teachers' who don't spell this out upfront!

I:
Yes, this is so simple, that no one can see!
Tell me, how you see now what is H?

H:
H is a label - a name given to a nonexistent individual character. H is a fiction, not even the same bodily composition from day to day. H is an idea only. There's a body, a brain - an organism - that's been labelled with a name.

I:
You are seeing it! Yes!
What is real?

H:
What's being experienced right now is hearing a dog snoring, seeing this screen, seeing these letters appearing - the body breathing, fingers moving, life just being this - this whole picture - right now. All these things seem real in the sense that they can be seen and touched and heard.

I:
Beautiful. Beautiful.

Can you tell me now, is there a separate self at all? Was it ever?

H:
No separate self at all - just an idea - like Einstein said - an illusion, but a remarkably persistent one! So obvious, so overlooked, so accepted and bought into - it's like a mirage - always receding because it isn't real

I:
Obvious, isn't it!

I love it how easily you popped. can I blog this? Please. It may help people to see.

H:
Yes - if it can be helpful, then of course. Maybe just use the initial 'H' rather than the name? If that's okay.
And Ilona - thank you It has been a long time coming.

I:
Thank you, H! Much appreciation. enjoy the ride!
Welcome to living free!!!
<3

H:
<3

Basics On How To Look

I have just setup a new page right at the top, it says, "Start here".

There are soo many people waking up right this moment. I hope this article will shed some light on how to look, but if you need help, just email me.

Illusion is fragile, one look and... pop...





...........

Inside

Let's turn inside.

There is nothing to know, nothing to do in order to wake up. Searching for next bit of knowledge is pointless. Same like holding on to a model that is promising to set you free.

Isn't that just crazy, that everyone is looking for something, but very few are looking in the right place- inside. Even though everyone heard many times that this is the exact place to look. Of course, inside is difficult to look as it's like a labirynth of the mind.

All world is gone crazy. People prefer to sleep and dream about waking up rather than wake up from separation. Most are prepared to give power to models, systems, frames, work, just anything, so they don't have to think.

Thinking is difficult. Yes, when, you are living in the illusion of self, because the unawakened seeing it's the "self" that thinks, not mind processing thoughts so the more one glues self to a model, the less there is chance or desire to think. "Why think, when this fits perfect for me, I like the view and I accept it."

Illusion of self is reinforced trough attachment to an idea and identity created is stabilised around the model.

How to turn around and look inwards?

Watch the mind: it is always searching for questions and answers. Never ending string "what's next". Mind asks a question and is looking for an answer.

One question that can set the turning up is: "what is going on? Right now?", but rather than trying to answer, just look: awareness is.. all aware.. Within it sensations are.. happening.. now.. Feeling that?..< This is what is going on.

The rest is in imagination. Whatever the images mind is creating as answers to questions all are just in imagination. Whatever view is forming in the mind is real only in imagination. Be it saving the planet, manifesting, killing lie or whatever.

So in a story there is this imaginary person, who imagines her own life and everything in it. In reality there is life happening and mind interprets it through the lenses of ideas.

Like this:
The master lens is "self"  lens. "The separate entity that lives in the head and feeds on energy".  Or so it feels. But there is no entity, just imagination playing tricks. Maya, as it's called.

Imagine you are hypnotised. How would you know if you weren't? You wouldn't. Everything would seem normal. Like in a dream, rarely it happens that one wakes up in a dream.

So living a life as a separate self, as you, that owns it- is also just like a dream. You do not question that, because it does not seem odd, it's taken for granted, like in a state of hypnosis.

The whole world lives in a hypnotised state except for those who got out. And it's "self" that seems to be there when there is nothing. And that "self" is very convincing. It feels natural and undetachable, until it's examined.

Inspect the landscape of the mind: is there any idea that you feel attached to?- that is the glue that holds the illusion. The idea that holds attention is something that "self" is identified with. It feels like strong opinion, position. This is the trap- release the glue, by looking inside and seeing that this is happening- the holding on to an idea. Before it's too late.

Once the idea takes the dominant position in the stream of thoughts, the tension starts building. In the mind and in the body. Unless you see this happening at the start- you are in for a ride. The ride ends up in death or disillusionment, which is waking up. By consciously examining attachments to ideas one can resolve the mess before it culminates to explosion. See, you do not need knowledge, only intent to resolve what still needs to be resolved and clean up inside.

So now look inside, find that frame of mind that the imaginary self is holding on and examine it. Whatever precious model of reality there is- it's not reality. It's making you miss reality. Take that out. Discard, like snake sheds the skin. It's one less illusion clouding thinking, one less fogy lens.

Clarity speaks when mind is clear. No more questions. No more trying to fight what is or control, no more beliefs, just being.

Life is happening, being is happening, imagination is happening and being free from bonding to ideas is a peaceful place to be. Then mind can play with ideas and be free from attachments. It can explore life trough different lenses and be flexible, fluid. It can see from different points of view without becoming trapped by them.

That is freedom. When there is no self to hold on, there is no point that needs to be defended. One can relax into being and enjoy the ride.  :)

So look inside. You know, it's the only step to freedom.


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