Tuesday, 20 September 2011

It Feels Wonderful To See Everything As It Is...

Caroline
Thank you for answering.. Feeling excited like a little girl and a little tired too.. But YES , I want to go all the way through.. Before, I thought I had to get prepared, to know, so that I could succeed at what you would ask me.. Now, I feel that the best is to not know.. So yes, let's go for it.. And I'm willing to be honest..
 Love

Ilona     
Awesome.
So tell as you see now, what is me? What is self? What is I.
Just answer as you see.

Caroline              
'me', 'self', 'I' are thoughts..

 Ilona
What do they point to?

Caroline              
nothing..
Now, it comes too: self, I, me point to nothing as thoughts..

Ilona
Where do thoughts come from?
Can you control them?
Can you stop one in the middle?
Notice how thought I, me, just come and pass like other thoughts.
Can a thought think?

Caroline                              
I can't find where they come from.
No, I can't control them.
No, I can't stop one in the middle.
Yes, yes, yes, 'I', 'me', same as other thoughts..
Oh my.. so much energy through the fingers..
No, a thought can't think..

Ilona
So if I say, that there is no self at all in real life, is it true?
What comes up, check feelings. 

Caroline              
Woke up this morning with intense contraction in the upper chest.. Seemed like self is that.. Then saw that it's just a thought arising about this feeling.. as if the thought is: 'this contraction shoudn't be there..'
When reading you now, I seemed like focused on this sensation, as if yes, there is self and it's located here.. Writing this, there is relief now..
There is no self in real life.. Feelings happen like feeling of contraction in the upper chest.. Thoughts happen too like 'self is the contraction in the upper chest', 'contraction in the upper chest shoudn't be there'... Just thoughts..
I notice sadness now.. Often felt that when focusing on 'no self'... some thoughts arising like 'what am I going to lose'?.. Yes, just thoughts... 'I can't let go of taking myself for these thoughts, contractions'..'What is going to happen?'.. There is labelling about the contraction in the upper chest.. And there is a kind of attachment that it's me..
Let me send you that..

Ilona     
Hi caroline. 
Yes, thoughts feelings just come up and pass.
Notice how well they are connected- thought triggers feeling, feelings gets labeled, again triggers feeling and it's rolling.
But can you look at the feeling itself, notice where it feels, bring it closer and honour it. Say sadness, please come closer. I feel you.  What can you show me?  I respect you and bow to you. 
Then look what is behind sadness. Is there anyone that sadness is happening to or is it just a feeling that came for a visit. 
Let me know what you find. 
Much love.

Caroline                              
Yes Ilona.. :) Heureux Thank you.. Let's carry on..
Thank you so much for what you said about how to address the feeling.. It didn't work straight away... There was contraction, wanting to escape.. The belief in failure was triggered too..  So yes, I noticed how it's rolling like you said..
Then I felt to ask 'sadness' if it likes being sadness.. And it answered no and asked me to liberate it.. From this moment I began to feel profound relaxation.. Felt to say 'I love you' to sadness.. It lost its grip.. It felt like I'm the love the contraction is looking for.. or it could be more accurate to say that love is always here.. Can't find anyone or anything that could be love.. This appeared weird to the mind but I felt to surrender to how the response to the contraction was appearing.. And it was all very subtle.. But couldn't deny the feeling of profound relaxation, warmth, love.. Then, a feeling that appeared stronger than sadness appeared as doubt.. It took more time to lose its grip.. But now it seems that it did.. Other feelings arose again too like failure..
What is behind sadness? - Only thought..
No, sadness happens to no one.. Yes, it just appeared..
Felt to check now what comes if I say: 'There is no self at all in real life..' Yes it's true.. Now there is feeling of joy in the upper chest like wanting to laugh instead of the contraction, sadness, doubt.. I mean feelings still appear but it doesn't happen to someone.. Before it felt like I wanted to get rid of the mind's functioning.. wanted to get rid of labelling, feelings.. Now it seems like it doesn't matter as it doesn't happen to someone.. And in the same time it seems that the contracted parts that are still looking for something are noticed more than before.. And the response as the feeling of the loving presence happens too spontaneously..
So now it seems that stillness is always here somehow whatever arises.. There is nothing to hold on to.. And on the same time even if doubt cannot stay or mean anything, noticing thoughts like 'this cannot be it, this cannot be liberation, it's too simple'.. And the response appears as a subtle laughter, no excitment, nothing special..  I mean I always imagined that I will feel something special.. Like a beautiful story of how 'me', 'I', disappeared.. ~ laughter ~
Seeing that 'I' as reality has never been.. ~ laughter ~ But I was looking for something else than This.. ~ smile ~ What is there now doesn't look like anything I have ever imagined.. There was seeing before that appeared like this but now I see that there was someone in control of the seeing too.. This is incredible.. Feeling like energy is liberated in the shoulders, feeling heat.. Seeing the belief in being Caroline Dacruz as a construct.. nothing real.. omg..  
Let me send you this..You're help is very appreciated.. There can be something hidden I'm not seeing.. ( There is a feeling of tiredness now that may show something too..)
Much love

 Ilona
Wowowow!! I'm delighted for you. 
Yes! This is great.  I love the bit about laughter. Isn't that just ridiculously funny! And you got it rodyt how to deal with feelings. 
I have some questions left for you.
Answer when ready. Rest today, let it settle :)))
Much love!

........................

1) Is there a you, at all, anywhere, in any way, shape or form?
2) Explain in detail what the self is and how it works.
3) How does it feel to be liberated?
4) how would you describe it to somebody who has never heard about no you.
5) what is real?
...........................     

      
How is your day today, Caroline?

Caroline
Perfect.. ~smile ~ Everything just as it is.. Beautiful sunny day in Paris, in awe with the breeze in my bamboos.. Feeling lazy, still.. :)
Yes let me answer the last questions..
Aah ahaha.. This first question making me laugh again..
It came several time to answer this question in a funny way.. But then the thought came: 'No, answer this in a serious way'..
Can't help.. So here is the answer: - And I say no..no.. no.. nonono.. no..no.. there's no me at all.. aahahaa.. There is no me at all anywhere, in any way, shape or form..
The self is a total construct, belief in a separate entity.. It works with identification with memory, thoughts, sensations.. identification with 'I' thought..
How does it feel to be liberated? - ~ smile ~ This question triggered tension so many times.. It feels wonderful to see everything as it is.. Nothing needs to be different.. It feels like everything is traceless.. It just happens.. fresh.. Thoughts happen, labelling happens and yet it cannot define what is.. Isn't this wonderful?.. Yes, this body-mind mechanism is just amazing.. All these words, labelling, cannot stop.. There is a kind of laziness to answer the questions, first.. and yet, words come, there is joy and I'm amazed by that..
How would you describe it to somebody who has never heard about no you?.. -Everything just happens and it happens to no one.. No one is doing anything.. Doing happens.. Thoughts, sensations happen.. But no one is doing all this.. (not sure I would say that to my grandma but who knows.. ~ smile ~)
What is real ? -This moment as it is.. Seeing, typing, feeling..
Well, that's it.. Don't see anything else to say for now..
Thank you

Ilona
BEAUTIFUL
yes the shift happened for sure. now it's a matter of settling in.
wow.
I am amazed that you did it so quick. Thank you.
could I use our conversation for my blog? im sure it will help other people.
It iwll give you an idea what to expect after.
we also have a group that is like an aftercare. everyone in there has seen though the illusion and it really helps, when stuff comes up to talk to others. i'll add you there. just ajust the settings. stay around for a bit. it really helps.
love you!

Caroline              
Tears arising Ilona... They arised yesterday too with immense gratitude for you.. I can't explain this feeling..
Of course you can use our conversation for your blog..
I am amazed too.. Maybe one can say the path has already been cleared enough.. Needed a little push.. And life beautifully guided me to Elena's blog.. Straight away I felt guided to read Ciaran Healy and read demon theory.. Resistance arose and in the same time I knew he was speaking the truth.. And from then I began to feel something within was feeling seriously in danger.. Then read your blog.. Such deep resistance, fear of dying.. feeling of lack, of lacking of liberation, to 'it doesn't matter at all.. I'm fine..' When I read some folks criticizing RT, Ciaran Healy, you and Elena, I can so relate.. I had the same thoughts, same critics.. But something kept showing me that I was lying to myself in resisting.. And yes, humility seemed to be asked.. But now it is seen as nothing.. I knew I couldn't continue to live in lie anymore.. as subtle as it may appear.. In the same time the resistances were arising, their was such wonder about what I felt was going on with what I felt RT, you, Elena were offering.. It reflects so much all the unknown about what is going on on this planet.. I was skeptical about Ciaran Healy, RT, you, Elena.. You know, it's like we hold on so much to the past, to the old ways.. like pretending to know how liberation should look like.. Anyway, I trust that, like I experienced, resistance has its time but one day or another we cannot not answer the call..
Yes, felt touched by reading the 'falling' part today.. And I am so grateful that you and the other friends are here to support.. I have found this nowhere else.. This is so precious.. And all this without asking for money.. Hmmm.. Heart filled with deep gratitude..
I am already in a group where I wasn't supposed to be.. lol.. But anyway it helped to be in this group before seeing through the illusion.. Seeing that it works and being inspired by others honesty did help for sure.. I saw your post about another group too today.. Wonderful.. Feel inspired to help too.. Even before seeing through the illusion it was there.. But it was obvious that I couldn't help in seeing what I didn't see myself.. I trust life to guide me perfectly here.. Feel the need for things to settle more too..
I love you too my beautiful friend.. How grateful I am for trusting you.. Like you say, things get interesting in 'Falling'.. Let's see what comes..

Ilona
Thank you.
Lots of appreciation here.  Lots of love.
I have been so busy with organising our new playground at LU and it's gonna be grand. When it settles you are welcome to join in to help others.
For now rest, Caroline. Its like being reborn and none of the old makes sense anymore, and new is not settled yet. Just trust in the process and if anything ever arises that you want to talk to me, I'm here for you. 
Much love. 


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