Sunday, 3 July 2016

Behind the Curtain

You know how some days you have the same conversation with several people? Today there is a definite theme in the messages I'm receiving- and it's all about unwanted feelings. There is a theme of resisting what is. There is wanting to get rid of resistance. Ending resistance is much simpler than it seems. All it takes is looking behind that sensation, what is there?

Here is one of the the chats.

Marin:
Hi Ilona,

Ilona:
Hi :)

Marin:
First of all my English language is not so well, but I can communicate. I was seeking for last 7 years, it was very painful and confusing, but I persist and now whole no self thing is seen more and more clear. After spending years reading tons of books, youtube clips, last push happened when i was reading posts on your blog and LU forum. Today morning I decided that I must contact you, because is grown desire in me to share this message in my country in my language. I live in Croatia and this kind of looking on reality is not known. I can’t find anybody in RL or web who share something like that. As most humans also Croatian people suffer so much and I feel if this message is spread here some steps in reducing of suffering can be made. In my case maybe a few things left to clear up, maybe I have a few expectations ingrained so deep which constantly obscure smooth living. I know that is also just what is but that is how it is now in my case.  So please if you can help me on that, because I feel that I am not honest enough to share this message with my surroundings if I have some doubts left. I think now is the right moment in me to finish first step and start spreading this message. I am 39 years old male, my name is Marin, and at the and, maybe it is not important, but my favorite teacher on nonduality scene is Rick Linchitz, he was keeping my focus on these things for few years. Regards from Istria, Croatia !

Ilona:
Hi Marin! Lovely to connect! Glad to hear that no self thingy is clear now and you wish to share that with others. I had that pull to share too and look what happened!
How can I assist you?

Marin:
Thanks you response to me. It will be very helpful if I can pass through few my doubts with you. Hope so after that I will be ready to share this looking with others with honestly. I see clearly that self can’t be found outside imagination, but subtle seeking is still going on, so please what can be done in my case? I don’t know where to look any more or is just more time needed for cleaning up old habits?

Ilona:
Let's have a look together. What kind of doubt is there?
And what should be different?

Marin:
Here is persistent expectation that something must be different, after seeing this, but on the other side how it can be different, if no self  was the case before and after seeing this. I understand that, but expectations are still here. Expectations are "Things will be better".  I know that is fantasy, unrealistic mind stuff, but can’t clear this up...
One more thing, I was reading about some radical and beautiful awakenings, and maybe that also have some impact to my expectations. I know on intellectual level that that is fantasy, but, but...

Ilona:
Well, this is about not wanting to feel unwanted feelings.
Everyone's process is unique to them and yours is perfect for you.
You know, it's ok to feel what you feel.

Marin:
Yes absolutely it is that. Some resisting still going on, but what to do, it will go on until it doesn’t, it is also reality expressing itself. I think in my case that is last thing for more inspecting...

Ilona:
Allow resistance to be here and go or it. Feel it. Where is it in the body?
It's a protection mechanism. It's trying to protect something. Can you look and tell what needs to be protected?

Marin:
It is most felt in my body, as fear. During my whole life i had lots of health problems and many times life threatening danger was felt. Yes there is nothing separate to be protected, but I feel that is own body protection mechanism ..

Ilona:
The fear is protecting something. Look behind it. What is there?
Don't think, just take a peek.

Marin:
I saw these kind of question many times on LU posts, but these kind of conversation one to one is more direct and I see something is start moving in me, I will take some time for looking because i want to be absolutely honest with me and with you. Hope so, we stay in touch, after I respond to your question. Thanks !

Ilona:
It's not about intellectual analysis. Just simply look, what is behind fear.
Write what comes up.

After a while…

Marin:
Good news from here. After we finished our chat I started to look, after just few seconds everything become clear. I’ve just seen what is and what isn’t - self nowhere to find. Body, thoughts, emotions, room table, carpet-- everything present, but self no. I can’t believe that this is so simple, it is like you ask me where is elephant in my room, or do I have third leg, no need for thinking, it’s obvious that those things are not present here. I don’t know what to say -after 7 years of searching, why so hard to see something so simple. Some fears still going on, also doubts but instantly reality is checked, and they lose their grip. Finally answer to your question is that behind fear is nothing, not only fear I can’t find anything behind anything else. Thoughts spinning like before, but that now looks OK. Little fear is going on that I will lose this clarity, so if you have something to add I will be grateful. Thanks for everything!

Ilona:
Aaaaa! Yes! Excellent. That's it- simple and obvious.
Can nothing loose anything?

Marin:
Yes, you are right, who is here to lose anything ?!  I must ask one more time why, why, why is so hard to see something so obvious, why so many books and teachings and complications. I am now so, don’t know what to say, 7 years to see something so simple ???

Ilona:
It never occurs to look behind the curtain.

Marin:
Thanks one more time for everything, I am sure now that I can share this message with honesty. If one day something doubtful pops up I feel free to contact you again. Thanks, all of you help people with something beautiful.

Ilona:
You are so very welcome! Croatia is ready! :)

:)

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