The Fear of Relaxing and the Freedom Beneath It

There are moments on this path when everything seems to converge at once. The body tightens, the breath becomes shallow, the emotions rise in waves, and the mind tries desperately to make sense of it all. For many seekers this becomes the breaking point - something is finally ready to be felt.

When Tammy joined me, she was living right inside that intensity. She said, “Some physical stuff has come up really strongly and it’s brought up a lot of emotional stuff… just so much confusion.”
She had been trying to understand every instruction she heard on the spiritual path. “People say ‘allow it’ — but what does that mean? Sit on the couch? I don’t get it.”
Her honesty was the doorway.

As she began to speak more openly, a deeper layer appeared.
“I just want to cry and cry and cry. My heart is breaking open for the whole world.”
The rawness of that moment was the intelligence of life expressing itself.

I invited her to stop running, just for a breath. To feel what was here rather than trying to fix it. She said, “It feels like a huge mess of everything — despair, hopelessness, fear, love, tiredness.”
And yet, when she allowed herself to feel even a fraction of it, something shifted.

The mind panicked: “If I relax, everything will collapse. I won’t take care of my life.”
This is a common fear. But when she actually softened into one breath, nothing collapsed. Life remained exactly where it was. Sounds, colours, sensations - all present, untouched.

What hurts is not the energy itself. What hurts is the resistance to the energy. That's suffering.

When Tammy agreed to feel the resistance — the “I don’t like this, I don’t want this, it’s too much” — the tightness eased. Not because she controlled it, but because she listened. This is what most people miss. Resistance is not the enemy. It is a voice asking to be acknowledged. Something inside is expressing the truth.

She realised something essential:
“The thoughts keep coming up about how it’s not okay… but the energy just feeling itself — that’s painful and unpleasant.”

And look at this: pain is not the problem, unpleasantness is not the problem. The problem is believing that it shouldn’t be here.

When she finally let the energy be as it is, without fixing, without solving, without labelling it as failure, the storm softened. The energy was finaly met.

This is the heart of Deep Looking - recognising that you are the space in which it moves and sitting beside it as it begins to unfold.

Everything in you is already allowed. Everything is already included. That is why it can finally transform.

If you want to explore this more deeply, I created a short guide called Introduction to Deep Looking. It’s a gentle way to meet what’s here and begin unwinding the tension underneath seeking. You can receive it by signing up on my website. Here is the link: https://ilonaciunaite.com/deep-looking-ebook/ If you read it and something moves in you, you are always welcome to write to me and share what opened.

Meeting the Part Inside You That Has Been Waiting

There may be a place inside you that has been calling for a long time. Maybe you feel it as a tightness, a pressure, a pull. Maybe it shows up as restlessness, heaviness, or a quiet ache with no name. This isn’t a story to analyse or a memory to fix. It’s a living energy, here now, wanting your presence in the most innocent way.

Many seekers know this place well. Years of practice, healing, and inquiry may bring clarity, yet this one feeling keeps returning. The mind often interprets that as failure —
Why is this still here?
Why can’t I rest?
What am I missing?
I have done so much inner work and this scream is still not letting me sleep at night.

My friend, nothing is wrong. You’re not behind. You’re not missing anything. This part of you has simply been waiting to be truly met. 

In a recent session, Bo described this inner pull in a way that many can recognise. He said, “I’ve discovered there’s such a… I would call it a scream inside of me. You know, an inner part that is screaming for attention from other people.” That is how it often feels — not like a thought, but like a cry inside the body that has nowhere to go.

For him, resting had become almost impossible. “Either I try to be present with that part that is so screaming for attention from the outside, or do I get taken away in bringing in attention to that part.” That tug-of-war — staying with the feeling or getting pulled into it — is deeply familiar to many seekers. Neither side feels peaceful.

And yet, the moment we turned toward that energy together, everything began to soften. A gentle attention. A willingness to feel without running away. A surrender to the present moment as it is.

At one point, I asked him to invite the feeling closer, to see what it might want. As he looked, something subtle shifted. “There’s some response… the spaciousness is more or something.” This is how the inner world speaks — not in concepts or explanations, but in movement, warmth, expansion.

Later, he said softly, “I could see what the issue was, but I didn’t know what to do.” This is the moment many seekers reach: they understand the pattern, they see the behaviour, but they have no access to the place where healing actually happens. That access opens only when we stop trying to solve and begin to meet what is here.

As the session unfolded, sincerity deepened, and something inside him opened. Toward the end, he whispered, “Oh, I want to cry… said in my heart… really grateful.” This is what happens when a long-ignored part finally receives the attention it needed — not analysis, not fixing, but simple presence. The whole system exhales.

This is the heart of Deep Looking. Just meeting what appears with the same care you would offer a child who has been waiting for someone to notice their tears.

When the energy feels seen, it relaxes.
When it feels welcomed, it softens.
When it feels safe, it stops fighting.

If you feel a part inside you that doesn’t settle — a pressure, a longing, a quiet cry for attention — please know you are safe. You don’t need to fix anything. You don’t need to figure it out. You can meet this with gentleness. The peace you seek isn’t elsewhere. It lives exactly where the discomfort is.

If this touches something in you, I invite you to watch the conversation. Maybe it will help you meet your own inner world with a little more softness today. 

If you want to explore this more deeply, I created a short guide called Introduction to Deep Looking. It’s a gentle way to meet what’s here and begin unwinding the tension that sits underneath seeking. You can receive it by signing up on my website. Here is the link:

https://ilonaciunaite.com/deep-looking-ebook/

If you read it and something moves in you, you are welcome to write to me and share what opened.

Trust Yourself — The Key to Your Spiritual Awakening (A conversation with Luchana Uzunova)

 

Awakening isn’t an escape from life. It’s a shift in perception — a change in how you see yourself and the world. It comes through direct recognition of what you truly are, and what you never were.

In this episode of Awakening Now, I spoke with Luchana Uzunova, a nonduality guide whose work bridges clarity, embodiment, and the living expression of awakening. Our conversation moved through what happens after the self-illusion falls away — when the “me” is no longer at the center of experience, yet life continues, vibrant and ordinary.

Many seekers imagine awakening as an endpoint, a place of permanent bliss. Luchana and I both discovered it’s not the end at all — it’s the beginning of a deeper unfolding. The peace that follows awakening is not a fixed state; it’s a living rhythm. Life keeps inviting us to see more clearly, to meet what was previously hidden, and to let love move through the body in ever-new ways.

We talked about embodiment, about the tender process of allowing emotions and energy to surface after awakening. When the old structure collapses, everything that was suppressed comes to light. Embodiment isn’t about perfection — it’s about honesty. It’s the willingness to stay with what is, without trying to escape into ideas or bypass what still asks to be felt.

A theme that ran through our dialogue was trust. Trusting direct experience. Trusting the intelligence of life. Trusting that what unfolds — even when uncomfortable — is part of the same awakening movement. Luchana spoke beautifully about curiosity as the way forward: not fixing, not knowing, simply staying open to what life reveals next.

As we spoke, it became clear that awakening integrates through the smallest details of daily living — washing dishes, feeding cats, meeting friends, feeling joy, feeling sadness. When the imaginary division between “spiritual life” and “ordinary life” dissolves, what’s left is wholeness. There’s no longer a line between awareness and the world. Everything is included.

If you’ve already glimpsed what you are and wonder what comes next, this conversation is for you. Luchana ends with a message that carries the essence of our exchange:

“If it can happen for one, it can happen for all.”

You can listen to the full conversation here: 

The Biggest Assumptions Of A Seeker

Almost everyone begins with expectations. How this should look, how I will feel, and the fear that something important will be lost. The mind projects outcomes and then warns, “Don’t look, it’s dangerous.” That is a protection pattern. One honest look is enough to start dismantling the old structure.

There is a point where you have to look for yourself. Put ideas and expectations aside and check what is actually here. What is real and what is imagined. The mind may say, “If I see this, I will stop functioning. I will lose my family, my job, my body.” These are stories that block the looking.

Another common snag is the doubt, “It cannot be this simple.” For the mind, simplicity is threatening. It prefers to analyze, predict, and build. But the power is in the simple immediacy of direct experience. If you notice the thought, “Is it really this simple?” that is a good sign. You are looking in the right place. The mind may need time to settle with that.

A big expectation on this path is that awakening must be a grand experience, after which everything changes forever. We hear other people’s stories and wait for fireworks, then dismiss everyday life, washing dishes, walking the dog, as “not it.” Awakening Experiences happen and they come and go. States come and go. Awakening itself is not a state or a special experience. It is the ordinary, living recognition that is here now. That is more liberating than waiting for something else.

Sometimes people say, “I looked, nothing happened.” Notice what “nothing” is. Seeing nothing is still seeing. The mind looks for a “something,” a wow, a concept, a state, and overlooks the obvious. When there is a glimpse and you do not have language for it, trust your own experience. What opens is not small.

So the invitation is simple. Look at what is obvious instead of seeking what is not here. Turn attention to the immediacy of right now. Answers are not in concepts or avoidance. They are in direct experience, as it is, whether blissful or messy. You are here as the space in which everything unfolds. Whatever appears moves through. The space remains.

Trust your experience and the process. The mind may dismiss what matters most because it does not fit a story. Does this resonate? Have you met any of these places? If so, let’s keep looking together.

Navigating the everyday Struggles of a Spiritual Seeker

The spiritual path promises profound transformation, inner peace, and enlightenment. Yet anyone who has walked this road knows it's rarely as smooth as the books make it seem. Today, let's shed light on the struggles that spiritual seekers rarely talk about openly—and more importantly, how to navigate them with grace. 

Number 1. The Comparison Trap: When Other People's Light Dims Your Own

We all have been there: scrolling through social media and seeing someone posting about their "life-changing" meditation retreat while we're struggling to sit still for five minutes? Or read about a teacher who achieved enlightenment at 25 while you're still wrestling with the same anxieties you had years ago? Welcome to the comparison trap—perhaps the most common pitfall on the spiritual journey. 

The Reality Check: Everyone's path unfolds differently. That person posting about their breakthrough may have been struggling silently for years before that moment. You don’t know how they live or how they feel. And it does not matter! Your journey isn't behind schedule; it's uniquely yours. 

The Practice: When comparison arises, pause and notice. I am comparing something incomparable. And it’s all in my mind: the image of me, the image of the other, and it’s the same mind that creates these images and then compares them. A lot of drama, but it’s all just thoughts and images. See that and let it be. It is not something to fight with, as you would give it more power, but rater notice it as it is and it dissolves. 

Number 2. Spiritual Bypassing: When Enlightenment Becomes Avoidance 

"I don't get angry anymore—I've transcended that emotion." "Everything happens for a reason, so I don't need to grieve this loss." "I'm sending love and light instead of setting boundaries." “There is no one here”, so I don’t need to look at my life, beliefs and old programs. Sound familiar? This is spiritual bypassing—using spiritual concepts to avoid dealing with human emotions and real-world challenges.

The Reality Check: True spirituality doesn't mean floating above human experience; it means diving deeper into it with awareness and compassion. Your anger, sadness, and frustration aren't obstacles to overcome, they're part of being human and all is allowed. 

The Practice: Next time you catch yourself spiritually bypassing, try this: "I notice I'm having a human experience right now, and that's perfectly okay." Feel the emotion fully, then ask what it's trying to tell you. Sometimes the most spiritual thing you can do is cry, set a boundary, or ask for help. 

Number 3. The Perfect Practice Myth: When More Becomes the Enemy of Enough 

Many seekers believe they need an elaborate morning routine, hours of meditation, or expensive retreats to make "real" progress. This perfectionist mindset often leads to all-or-nothing thinking: either you're doing it "right" or you're failing and there is something wrong with you. 

The Reality Check: The most profound transformations often come from simple, consistent practices. Sometimes it’s enough to take a deep breath, stop and listen. What is here right now? 

The Practice: Choose one simple practice you can do daily, even on your worst days. It might be three conscious breaths upon waking, expressing gratitude before meals, or taking a mindful walk. Consistency creates transformation, not complexity. 

Number 4. Information Overload: When Learning Becomes Another Form of Avoiding 

In our information-rich age, it's easy to become a spiritual consumer rather than a spiritual practitioner. We read endless books, attend workshops, and collect teachings like trophies, but somehow still feel empty. 

The Reality Check: Knowledge without practice is just spiritual entertainment. One teaching deeply integrated is worth more than a hundred concepts intellectually understood. 

The Practice: Can you live one day without reading or watching YouTube videos? Without guided meditations, energy transmissions, healings by other people and tune in into your own deeper wisdom? It’s already here waiting to be acknowledged. 

Number 5. The Ego's Spiritual Identity: When Seeking Becomes Another Way to Be Special

Sometimes our spiritual journey becomes another way for the ego to feel superior. We develop a "spiritual identity" that looks down on those who aren't as "evolved" or "awakened." We use spiritual language to justify judgment or create separation. And it may seem that being right is above being free. But is it? 

The Reality Check: True spiritual maturity often looks remarkably ordinary. The most awakened people you meet might never mention their practice. They're simply present, kind, and genuinely interested in others. They don’t brag, don’t call themselves awakened or enlightened, rather their presence speaks for itself and has a flavor of freedom and simplicity. 

The Practice: Notice when you feel spiritually superior or different from others. In those moments, remember that everyone is doing their best with their current level of awareness. The person who annoys you most might be your greatest teacher in disguise. See if you can thank them for a lesson and see what that lesson is for you in the moment. 

Number 6. Impatience with Results: When Transformation Feels Too Slow

We live in an instant-gratification culture, and unfortunately, we often bring this expectation to our spiritual practice. When we don't feel dramatically different after months of meditation or years of seeking, doubt creeps in. “I must be doing something wrong, because after all this time I should be feeling differently”. 

The Reality Check: Spiritual growth is more like tending a garden than flipping a switch. Most transformation happens so gradually that we don't notice it until we look back and realize how much we've changed. And you can see the change while looking back- some old ways have fallen away, same old situations feel different and you respond in a lighter way. 

The Practice: Keep a simple journal noting small shifts in your daily experience. Perhaps you didn't react as strongly to criticism, felt more comfortable in silence, or found compassion for someone who usually irritates you. These seemingly minor changes are actually profound victories. 

Moving Forward with Compassion 

The spiritual path isn't about becoming perfect; it's about becoming more fully human. Every struggle you face, every doubt that arises, every moment you feel like giving up -these aren't signs you're failing. They're simply part of the journey. 

What we call blocks are invitations in disguise. What feels like a trap is an emotion that is waiting to be felt. Remember, the very fact that you're aware of these struggles means you're already more conscious than most. Be patient with yourself. Be kind to your human experience. And trust that every step forward, no matter how small, is moving you toward the peace and wisdom you seek. The path isn't always easy, but it's always worth it. 

Write to me, I want to hear from you.

 Answer these questions: 

 Have you ever tried self-inquiry, if not, why not? 

 When it comes to awakening, what is your biggest struggle right now? 

 What is your biggest question that you would like me to address around awakening?