Ilona
Hi Nona, what brings you here?
Nona
I want to experience no self.
Outside of my dreams, I mean.
Ilona
ok, what do you imagine it is like, what do you expect?
Nona
I imagine it is effortless, similar to the way I experience myself in my dreams. Flowing effortlessly.
Ilona
it already is. effortless. only one thing is in a way- belief that it is not.
Nona
Yes. I understand that. And I notice that understanding is not the same as living it.
Ilona
yes, exactly. so is there a you living it?
Nona
Yes, it appears so. And I can't be absolutely sure about that.
Ilona
aha, so what it that word 'me' pointing to?
Nona
A set of beliefs, memories, and a desire for some control over what is experienced. I can question the beliefs and memories, but the desire for control seems implacable.
Ilona
no, no, it points to other thoughs about me. check it.
Nona
yes. They are all thoughts about me.
Ilona
right, so what is that 'me', if not just a thought?
Nona
Me is only a belief. And it is a very persistent one. It is my most frequent thought.
Ilona
it's not a belief, it's just a word, that is assumed for an entity.
tell me, where do thoughts come from ?
Nona
I don't know. They just appear.
Ilona
take a good look, as well tell me can you control thoughts at all.
Nona
I can't find where thoughts come from. And I am not in control of them.
Ilona
so would you say that thought me is appearing by itself?
Nona
I don't know where it comes from. It feels "located" in Nona. Yet I've watched Nona stop being a familiar body and become a ship or a car, exactly as identified as the body I feel I currently inhabit.
Ilona
it's simpler than that, really. tell me what is Nona?
Nona
Energy. A collection of electrons.
Ilona
no it's not. it's a character in a story. can you see nona as a main character?
like batman. a fictional story ABOUT nona.
Nona
Yes, I can.
Nona
Yes. It's all story. Apparently "my" story.
Ilona
is there an actor playing a role of Nona?
Nona
No.
Ilona
aha, so how does a character operate? is there anything that controls the story?
Nona
What a great question! I'm looking...
Ilona
i'll give yo a clue, look at nona as a organic computer that responds to environment.
Nona
Are you saying that environment creates the story of nona?
Ilona
environment greatly influences the story, and shapes it, yes, but is there anything that creates it from outside?
like a manager, that chooses what happens in story, that controls events?
Nona
I feel like I almost understand something, but am so dense!
The story of nona appears to be a joint creation between me, my parental units, family, schoolmates... it seems to be added to or impacted by all the other stories around this one.
The only one choosing what happens in the story of nona is Nona.
Ilona
same like batman is choosing what he is gonna do next in the story of batman.
choice is also part of story.
and the story is fictional.
take a look at nona from the point of view from a friend, family member, somebody you never met, a colegue, what can you see?
Nona
I see another story of nona. Nona as a character in my (the friend's) story.
Ilona
is it the same story or just story about the same character?
Nona
All our stories are fictional. That's what stories are.
Ilona
yes.
so if i tell you, there is no you at all, in real life, none as in zero, what comes up right now?
Nona
Neither. My story and your story will be different. Thus the character we call nona will appear different to each of us.
I understand that is True. And I notice I don't then let go of the idea that there is a me.
I "get" it; but I don't Live it.
I ask, then who is typing Nona's part of the conversation?
Is this a conversation Ilona is having with herself?
Ilona
there is no I to get it. that's the fun part.
notice as it is happening and tell me.
Nona
<— feels stupid.
Ilona
look right at the experience as it is. right now. tell me what is happening.
Nona
My story of Ilona is conversing with my story of nona?
Someone is typing. Words are appearing on a screen. That is all.
Ilona
none of that. what do you see right now in front of your eyes? go in deeper into experience.
how does it happen?
Nona
I make it up as I go along.
Ilona
notice- first reading happens. then thought arise as a responce and fingers start to type.
Nona
Nona is experiencing a story of inquiry.
Ilona
let's leave nona for a while and see what is behind the story.
Nona
okay
Ilona
what is here now when you stop thinking about it?
Nona
breath
Ilona
good good.. so look at the breath and see if there is a breather. do you do breathing of breathing or is it happening by itself?
Nona
Breathing happens by itself.
Ilona
see how language is made: i breathe. i sleep, i walk, i eat, is there an I that does all that?
Nona
No. I am breathed; I am slept; I am walked; it happens and I take credit for it.
I incorporate those activities into my story.
Much like in my dream I incorporate noises.
Ilona
ok, how about dropping that i completely: breathing happens, walking happens, taking credit happens..
Nona
okay.
"I" is another piece of language.
Ilona
is there a doer? notice as you type the message, notice that all is happening simultaneously and effortlessly.
Nona
Yes, I see that.
Ilona
is there an i that sees that?
Nona
Understanding happens. And yet there is a persistent sense that understanding is located in a self.
Ilona
that is not a sense, just a thought about it.
self is just a word.
Nona
It's all just words. All the parts of my stories are words.
Ilona
take a look. focus on I am feeling, that open alive receptive be-ing. see if it's personal. see if it needs to be labeled to feel real.
Nona
I name my experiences.
No. It's not personal. And the labels are only to have a way to communicate about it. Which may not be necessary either.
Ilona
observe the mind as laballing machine. look around the room and notice things, see how thoughts label everything automaticaly.
Nona
Yes.
Ilona
is there anything that does not happen on automatic?
Nona
No.
Ilona
do you exist?
Nona
only as a character in a story.
Ilona
ok, but do you exist in reality? story is fiction.
Nona
And yet this character has a sense of self. Labels about a self.
Ilona
let's see, does batman exist? does unicorn exist? does tooth fairy exist?
Nona
No. Those are also fictions.
if Nona does not exist in reality, where are these experiences she's telling herself?
Ilona
lets fo back to the sense of self. take a look what is it. is it self or aliveness + label.
Nona
aliveness + label
Ilona
now look at experience. is there an experiencer?
Nona
no
and the story of nona is a story of experiences, neatly labelled.
Ilona
check it, look at experience now really close. what is behind experience?
Nona
thought
Ilona
no, not though. thought comes later. take a look again.
Nona
sensation
Ilona
behid sensation, is there anything that sensatioon is happening to?
Nona
something believes it is having sensation. and that's a thought. Nona doesn't seem to be getting this.
Ilona
what is that something?
Nona
I don't know.
Ilona
take a look.
Nona
aliveness?
Ilona
let this settle today. we can talk more tomorrow. focus on experience, on now, notice how thoughts are also part of experience.
Nona
Thank you.
Ilona
you are welcome.
........................................................next day.....................................................
Nona
Great belly-laughs!! It has constructed an elaborate story of a guide at a gate in order to explain no-self to the character nona. As if nona existed. Direct experience of feet on tile floor; direct experience of hands in water; reports (thoughts) about washing dishes. No nona needed.
How amazing to go from a belief that nona is a character in a story to observing the story being built While it LOOKs. Hilarious! The story gets a chapter about a search for a nona, complete with explanations and reports concerning its makeup and status. The story has nona running around looking for no-self and not finding it. Hahahahaha!!
Elena
welcome home, honey :)
Nona
Still laughing!!!
Elena
hahahahahaha. Laughing with you! ha ha ha! This is really hilarious to search all life to find this, yes :)
Let me give you something more to laugh here, since you are in this laughing mode: http://completehumanity.blogspot.com/2011/07/ive-been-meditating-my-ass-off-for-25.html
Complete Humanity: I've been meditating my ass off for 25 years. For THIS?!? It's gotta be a joke!.
completehumanity.blogspot.com
All of this life is for the sake of seeking self.... but there is no self..out...
while Ilona sleeping...:)
Nona
The Simplicity of it. Yes. Hahahahaha!!!!!
Ilona said LOOK; not THINK. D'oh! Hahahahaha! LOOKing is amazing. No nona in LOOKing.
Elena
Yey, honey. Much love ♥
Nona
Ilona, THANK you so much!!!!
Ilona
You are very welcome! Live free, love.
how is life feeling today ?
Nona
Fantastic! Nothing has changed; everything appears different.
Still Laughing!!!!!!!! :-D
Ilona
It's a cosmic joke! :)))
Nona
can't believe it's only day two! I noticed the physical sensations of anger coming up today; but there was no self for it to catch on to and the feelings disappeared. Not at all bizness as usual for this one!!
Jeff
Hi Nona, congrats on discovering the grand illusion. Happy looking! ;-)
Lisa
Yay, Nona!
Nona
Day three. Awaiting developments. Noticing effortlessness where 'i' used to snag on thoughts and emotions as they arose. Thoughts and feelings still arise; no assistance or interference from nona is needed. Not feeling disconnected; on the contrary, feeling quite connected. Now what?
Lisa
Still laughing?
Nona
Oh yes!!!! It's still so hilarious!!! Looking and Laughing here!!!
Lisa Hamilton Well big fat happy YAY!! to that!!
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